To Live Again

by Melody Dawn

  We walk out and she high fives me because she is so happy that the instructor likes our work.

  I grin at her and say, “I think you can do better than that, princess.”

  She winks at me and says, “Maybe I can or maybe I can’t. What’s it worth to you?”

  So, I tell her I will go to Chipotle and let Carlos flirt with me if I get a hug. That really cracks her up and what do you know, she’s in my arms.

  I’m in heaven until I hear a screeching voice. “Back up off my man, bitch!”

  Chloe freezes in my arms and I feel ice run through my veins. I know exactly who that voice belongs to and I don’t want to have to explain this to Chloe. I know I have to face this so I tighten my hold on Chloe, but I turn us toward Alyssa’s voice. She looks like she is going to have a Linda Blair moment and spit pea soup while her head spins around on her neck.

  I shut my eyes in frustration because I’m watching a train wreck and I don’t know how to stop it.

  “Alyssa, stop now. I’m not yours and don’t call Chloe a bitch.” I try to keep calm, but it comes out as a growl.

  Alyssa looks surprised, but she doesn’t give in. Instead she gets right up in Chloe’s face and says, “That’s my boyfriend. Let go of him.”

  I feel Chloe trying to get away, but I’m not letting her go.

  Right now, I have two females that look ready to skin me alive and then wrestle each other to the ground. I know what Alyssa is going to say next so I interrupt her before she can. I take Chloe’s face in my hands and cradle it all while looking into her eyes. I see hurt there and I know it’s not good.

  “Chloe, Alyssa is not my girlfriend. We were, uh we were, friends with some benefits.”

  This enrages Alyssa and she yells, “Some benefits? You have fucked me every weekend since last semester including this past one, which was less than a week ago!”

  Shit, this is not good. I didn’t even remember it was that recent. Meeting Chloe blindsided me completely and I haven’t thought of anyone else since. Even so, I should have ended it with Alyssa first; now I look like a first rate douchebag.

  I try to tell Chloe that I’m sorry and she looks right in my eyes and says, “I think you need to apologize to her. I’m going to go. I will see you next class.” With that, she walks away and I feel sick to my stomach.

  I guess I must have zoned out because I don’t realize that Alyssa is running her hand up and down my arm. I snap out of it and step away from her. With hatred in my voice, I tell her if she touches me or comes near me again, I am going to file a restraining order against her.

  This finally gets her attention and she practically spits at me with these final words, “Your bitch is going down and you WILL be mine again.”

  Finally, she stomps off and I feel somewhat relieved, but deep down, I know it’s not over…not by a long shot. Realizing there is nothing I can do right now, I text Connor the details of the shit show I just encountered and make my way to my next class.

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chloe

  Leaving Jayson with Alyssa makes both my heart and stomach feel sick, but I had to get away from both of them. I have a temper and if I stayed, it would have made an appearance. I can’t believe he has been sleeping with our neighbor AKA the campus skank. When I heard her screechy voice, I wanted to hurl. She knows how much I can’t stand her and now that I know she has been intimate with Jayson; the hate has increased in a major way. I mean, did it have to be her? I know he hasn’t been a monk, but what in the world did he want with her? For one, she is a huge slut and dumb as a bag of bricks. Actually, I do know what he sees in her or saw; please let it be saw. I’m not blind; I can see she has a great body, but that is all she has going for her.

  For the first time in my college career, I skip class. I find my way to the student union, grab a coffee, and sit there staring at nothing. It just really hurts that he has been flirting with me, kissing me, sleeping in my bed and she was never mentioned. Logically, I know he doesn’t owe me anything because we are not dating exclusively or even dating at all. But, I trust him or maybe I trusted him; I don’t know anymore. I decide to call Madison and see what she says. I know she will be on my side and probably tell me to kick him to the curb. Now why does that thought make my chest hurt?

  I dial her number and she picks up on the 2nd ring. “Hey woman, what’s up? Why aren’t you in class?”

  I tell her of the campus skank’s accusations and how Jayson “forgot” to tell me of her existence. I mean, who does that? Rather than getting the talk on how I need to forget him, she is quiet. I wonder if the call has dropped and then she asks the question I hate most.

  “Have you told him of your past?”

  “No, I haven’t,” I snap.

  She sighs and says, “Then I don’t know why you are so angry with him, Chloe. So, he had sex with her regularly…at least he wasn’t screwing everything in sight; this is college and that does happen. What little I know of Jayson, he probably hugged you and gave the best apology ever.”

  I don’t know what to say to that because I didn’t stick around to find out.

  When I don’t answer, she asks, “Well, what did he say?”

  Not wanting to answer, I mumble, “I don’t know. He apologized and I told him he needed to apologize to Alyssa, and then I left.”

  I can almost see her rolling her eyes. “That’s really mature, Chloe! You are hiding a big ass secret from him and you’re mad that he had sex with someone before he met you. You know I love you, but you are wrong this time. Jayson is not a bad guy and he is obviously head over heels for you. But since you are you, you are going to push him away and feel sorry for yourself. I’m not going to support you while you do it. I need to go; I will talk to you later. I love you.”

  The phone call ends, and for the second time today, I feel like I’ve been run over by a truck. I know she is right. I shouldn’t be mad at him for not telling me about his “friend” but since I’m a jealous female, I don’t want to admit it. As I sit there contemplating what to do, I see Jayson coming towards me. My stupid heart leaps in my chest until I see that it isn’t Jayson; it’s Connor, and he looks pissed. Great! I don’t want to deal with him right now.

  Before I can tell him to go away, he sits down facing me and asks, “Hey little bit, what’s up?”

  I roll my eyes at him and he stares at me, obviously waiting for an answer. “Since you are here, you know exactly what is up.”

  Hearing my pissed off tone, he raises an eyebrow at me and says, “Why don’t you tell me? And if you keep up the attitude, I’m going to tell Jayson to spank your little ass. If you were mine, I would have done it already.”

  I’m so flabbergasted that I don’t know what to say. Oh wait, yes I do! Jabbing him in the chest, I say, “Well, Connor Reece, if either of you ever lays a finger on me like that, prepare to lose an appendage that I know is important to the both of you.” Of course, he does the opposite of what I think and laughs; I should have known!

  Suddenly looking serious, he says, “Chloe, I have a few things to say and then I’ll go. First, I like you a lot." My eyes widened and he grins. “Don’t flatter yourself little bit, I meant I like you like a sister.” Lord, I feel stupid. “Second, I think you are good for my brother, and third, you hurt him today and I don’t fucking like that at all.”

  Connor’s green eyes seem to get darker by the minute, but all I can focus on is that I hurt Jayson. I don’t like it either, but I can’t stop thinking of him and Alyssa together. She is just so awful and I want to slap her anytime I get in range of hearing that screechy voice!

  I open my mouth to defend myself and he raises an eyebrow like he is daring me to speak. I close my mouth and open it again since I have to have the last word. Now both eyebrows are raised and he starts rubbing his palms together and just smiles smugly at me. I can’t think of anything clever to say to his ridiculous gesture so I just raise my eyebrows right back and flip him off.

  As I turn to l
eave, I hear the big jackass laughing at me again and I really want to stomp my foot and tell him off, but the thought makes my butt tingle so I keep walking. Just as I am about to open the door, I am wrapped up in a big bear hug. Connor whispers in my ear “Give him a chance, little bit, he won’t hurt you.”

  I turn and hug him back and then with a wink, he is gone. Ok, so maybe I kind of like the big jerk, but just a little. Let’s not get carried away or anything. I decide to go home because let’s face it; I’m not going to be worth anything in class. During my walk to my car, I start to plan in my head how I’m going to let Jayson know I’m not mad at him and that I want to pursue whatever is going on between us.

  After a tiny bout of road rage on the 610 loop, I finally make it home. I run into our apartment and straight to my bedroom closet. I put on my Spotify “In love” playlist and start throwing clothes on the bed. I am a woman on a mission; I have got to find the perfect outfit that says I like you a lot, looks a little slutty, but is ladylike at the same time. Another one of my granny’s sayings was that “A man wants a lady in public, but a whore in the bedroom.” Hmmm, maybe granny was onto something and I should remember her advice a little more often.

  Still not able to make a decision, I decide to soak in a bubble bath and think about what I want to say to Jayson. Because I’ve had a yucky day, I light candles in the bathroom, turn on my music, throw in bath salts and bubbles, and prepare to step in to heaven. Of course, the doorbell rings and Maddie isn’t here. I almost don’t answer the door, but who knows if it might be an emergency.

  Throwing on my short black silk robe, I open the door and my eyes just about fall out of my head. Jayson is standing there leaning against the door frame and he is holding fire and ice roses; my favorite. He looks so freaking gorgeous that I know my lady parts are going to launch a full scale revolt if I don’t forgive him!

  My lady parts don’t have to worry; I have already forgiven him. Do I wish he had told me about Alyssa…of course! But, as Madison had pointed out, I wasn’t being a fountain of information about myself either. Also, the more I think about his friends with benefits arrangement with Alyssa, the less upset I become. Most of it had to do with the fact that I am a virgin with no experience so any type of sexual relationship seems crucial to me.

  My mother told me all the time during her hate-filled speeches towards my cheating father…men fuck, women make love. Usually, any of my mother’s lectures went in one ear and out the other, especially the ones about men. But, maybe she’s right and Alyssa didn’t mean anything to him. It’s still hard for me to fathom sharing your body that way and it just being casual. The biggest thing about this whole problem with Jayson is Alyssa herself. We hate each other with a capital H and now that hate just tripled exponentially…hey, look at me with my big college words.

  It suddenly occurs to me that all of this is racing through my mind as I stand here before Jayson mostly naked. We’re both looking at each other like the last drop of fresh water in the desert. I have two choices: one, I can let him in and we can talk this out and see where things go and two, I let him go. As I look at him, I know exactly what choice I am going to make.

  Without saying a word, I take the flowers from him and stand aside so he can step into my apartment.

  I'm nervous so the only thing I can come up with is, “Let me put these in some water. Thank you, they are so beautiful; Fire and Ice are my favorite kind of roses.”

  I can’t seem to stop babbling and it’s making me anxious because it seems he is at a loss for words. He just nods while standing there watching me arrange the flowers in a crystal vase. Using the time to stall, I desperately try to think of what to say concerning our little incident today. Do I apologize for overreacting? Do I let him apologize?

  All of a sudden I realize that maybe words are not the way to go. So I set the flowers aside and turn and face Jayson. I can tell he thinks the worst is coming so I walk quickly towards him. When I get right up to him, I look up into the face that my daydreams and fantasies are obsessed with. I reach up and wrap my arms around his neck and pull his face down towards me for a kiss. He looks so surprised that I almost laugh, but all I can think of right now is I want that mouth on mine.

  Chapter Sixteen

  Jayson

  I get a call on my cell phone from Connor saying that he just saw Chloe and talked to her in the student union. He says she was sitting there looking like she was going to cry so he gave her a lecture where he threatened for him or me to “spank her little ass.” He says that immediately snapped her out of her stupor and she threatened to cut off important appendages should that ever happen. He says he also told her that I wouldn’t hurt her and to give me a chance.

  Right now, I take back everything I have said about my “big” brother. Connor tries to hide it, but he has a heart and when it comes to the two of us, we always take care of the other one. Not to mention, he got Madison in on the action and she told Chloe that she was acting immature and that people in college have casual sex…and then she hung up on her. I’m hoping that their approach is the way to go. Madison knows Chloe the best and she says you have to get in her face about stuff or she will just sit and obsess.

  All I know is I want my princess back and I am going to do whatever it takes to get her…if that’s groveling, I will do it gladly. Madison informs me that she is giving me the benefit of the doubt, especially in reference to my selection skills in sexual partners. She also says that if I think Chloe is going to be in the same category as Alyssa, she is going to donate my body to the College of Medicine and I’ll still be alive. I do not want to piss off Madison and I am afraid for Connor if he gets involved with her. If they get into a fight, he better sleep on lockdown! No, I’m kidding; well, somewhat anyway.

  Actually, I’m very happy Madison is in my corner and her tips like the Fire and Ice roses I just spent $200 on are extremely helpful. It suddenly occurs to me that I have known Chloe a few days and look at my train of thought. I am so thankful my mom and dad are off on vacation. My mom can always tell when I’m upset or if I’ve got something important on my mind. When she hears about and meets Chloe, she will have us married or at least engaged and planning the wedding.

  I make it to Chloe’s apartment and while I’m waiting on her to answer the door, I cringe when I realize how close she and Alyssa live to each other. How did I not notice this the other night when we came over for dinner?

  As the door opens and Chloe is standing there in a short black robe, all thoughts of Alyssa are bleached from my brain. I stand there like an idiot and just stare at her. I think my brain cells have left my body because I can’t get my mouth to work. I guess she feels sorry for me because she thanks me for the flowers and says they are her favorite. I stand there in her kitchen while she arranges them in a crystal vase all without saying a word, just nodding my head at what she is saying.

  I’m starting to get a really bad vibe about this. She doesn’t seem receptive at all. Suddenly, she walks towards me and I have a feeling I’m about to get my walking papers. I guess it’s good I’m not a betting man because what she does next almost knocks me over. She walks up to me and puts her arms around my neck and pulls my head down to kiss her.

  I’m completely in shock, but not enough to ruin it. I know she thinks we are about to head into heavy making out, but I just press my lips against hers. We stand there like that for a bit until I pick her up and carry her into the living room. There is going to be some kissing, but first we need to talk. I want to get all the nastiness of Alyssa out of the way and any other surprises that either of us might have. As far as I am concerned, and unless she tells me differently, Chloe Isabella Schaeffer just became mine and I won’t be giving her up for anything or anyone.

  With Chloe’s legs wrapped around my waist, I walk into her living room and sit on the couch. As we sit down, she tells me that Madison won’t be home until later tonight or not at all. Evidently once a week, Madison goes and spends either the evening
or the night with her grandmother over in The Heights. I’m thankful to Maddie right now because that means there will be no interruptions. Or should I say, there won’t be any unannounced arrivals spoiling things between me and Chloe.

  Sitting down with her on the couch, I plan to keep things PG or at least PG-13 until I realize not only is she straddling me, but she is kissing and sucking on my neck. It feels like my dick is going to burst through my jeans and I’m sure she can tell because she is grinding down on it while kissing me. I don’t want to stop her, but something doesn’t feel right.

  “What’s going on in that mind of yours, princess?”

  She just looks at me and asks, “Isn’t this what you want? I’m sure this is the kind of thing you did with Alyssa.”

  And that just deflated my dick, because I see now what she is doing. I don’t want her to be a caricature of Alyssa; I want her to be the Chloe that has got me all crazy and thinking of things like rings and kids way before we have even decided to officially date.

  I don’t want her to think I am rejecting her so I pull her to me and hold her against my chest. Holding her tightly in my arms, I tell her that I don’t want or need another Alyssa. I also apologize for not telling her and for not calling Alyssa to end whatever the hell we had going on.

  She stops me there and says “You don’t have to apologize…we aren’t official…we aren’t really anything but study partners.”

  I have to say that feels like a knife going through my heart, but instead of getting upset, I pull her face out of my chest and tell her that she is way more than a study partner. I figure this is either sink or swim time so I just tell her how I feel.

  “We’ve only known each other a little while, but from the first time I looked at your beautiful face, I knew you were mine. When I shook your hand and felt sparks, I knew you were mine.” At this point, she is tearing up, but I keep going. “And when you fixed supper for me and my brother, then later slept in my arms all night, you definitely became mine. If this is too fast for you, I’m willing to wait, but while you’re figuring it out, you’re still mine. So princess, are you mine or not?”