WILLY. Absolutely.
DISSON. Now, the first thing you need is a secretary. We’ll get on to it at once.
WILLY. Can I suggest someone? I know she’s very keen and, I’d say, very competent.
DISSON. Who?
WILLY. My sister.
Pause.
DISSON. Your sister? You mean my wife?
WILLY. She told me she’d love to do it.
DISSON. She hasn’t told me.
WILLY. She’s shy.
DISSON. But she doesn’t need to work. Why should she want to work?
WILLY. To be closer to you.
Willy’s office.
WILLY and DIANA at their desks, both examining folders intently.
Silence.
Disson’s office.
DISSON and WENDY at their desks. WENDY typing on an electric typewriter. DISSON looking out of the window. disson turns from the window, glances at the door leading to willy’s office. The intercom buzzes on WENDY’S desk. She switches through. WENDY. Mr Disson does not want to be disturbed until 3.30.
DISSON glances again at WILLY’S door.
Silence.
Disson’s house. Sitting-room. Early evening.
DIANA and THE TWINS are sitting about, reading.
DIANA. Do you miss your mother?
JOHN. We didn’t know her very well. We were very young when she died.
DIANA. Your father has looked after you and brought you up very well.
JOHN. Oh, thank you. He’ll be pleased to hear that.
DIANA. I’ve told him.
JOHN. What did he say?
DIANA. He was pleased I thought so. You mean a great deal to him.
JOHN. Children seem to mean a great deal to their parents, I’ve noticed. Though I’ve often wondered what ‘a great deal’ means.
TOM. I’ve often wondered what ‘mean’ means.
DIANA. Aren’t you proud of your father’s achievements?
JOHN. We are. I should say we are.
Pause.
DIANA. And now that your father has married again … has the change in your life affected you very much?
JOHN. What change?
DIANA. Living with me.
JOHN. Ah. Well, I think there definitely is an adjustment to be made. Wouldn’t you say that, Tom?
DIANA. Of course there is. But would you say it’s an easy adjustment to make, or difficult?
JOHN. Well, it really all depends on how good you are at making adjustments. We’re very good at making adjustments, aren’t we, Tom?
The front door slams. DIANA and THE TWINS look down at their books. DISSON comes in. They all look up, smile.
DISSON. Hullo.
They all smile genially at him.
DISSON looks quickly from one to the other.
Disson’s office. Morning.
Sun shining in the window. DISSON at his desk. WENDY at the cabinet. He watches her. She turns.
WENDY. Isn’t it a beautiful day, Mr Disson?
DISSON. Close the curtains.
WENDY closes the curtains.
Got your pad?
WENDY. Yes, sir.
DISSON. Sit down.
WENDY sits in a chair by the corner of his desk.
Warwick and Sons. We duly acknowledge receipt of your letter of the twenty-first inst. There should be no difficulty in meeting your requirements. What’s the matter?
WENDY. Sir?
DISSON. You’re wriggling.
WENDY. I’m sorry, sir.
DISSON. Is it the chair?
WENDY. Mmn … it might be.
DISSON. Too hard, I expect. A little hard for you.
Pause.
Is that it?
WENDY. A little.
DISSON. Sit on the desk.
WENDY. The desk?
DISSON. Yes, on the leather.
Slight pause.
It’ll be softer … for you.
WENDY. Well, that’ll be nice.
Pause. WENDY eventually uncrosses her legs and stands. She looks at the desk.
I think it’s a little high … to get up on.
DISSON. Of course it isn’t.
WENDY (looking at the desk). Hmmmn-mmmn …
DISSON. Go on, get up. You couldn’t call that high.
WENDY places her back to the desk and slowly attempts to raise herself up on to it.
She stops.
WENDY. I think I’ll have to put my feet on the chair, really, to hoist myself up.
DISSON. You can hoist yourself up without using your feet.
WENDY (dubiously). Well …
DISSON. Look, get up or stay down. Make up your mind. One thing or the other. I want to get on with my letter to Birmingham.
WENDY. I was just wondering if you’d mind if I put my high-heeled shoes on your chair … to help me get up.
Pause.
DISSON. I don’t mind
WENDY. But I’m worried in case my heels might chip the wood. They’re rather sharp, these heels.
DISSON. Are they?
Pause.
Well, try it, anyway. You won’t chip the wood.
WENDY puts her feet on the chair and hoists herself up on to the desk.
He watches.
WENDY settles herself on the desk and picks up her pen and pad. She reads from the pad.
WENDY. There should be no difficulty in meeting your requirements.
Disson’s house. Games room. Day.
DISSON and WILLY are playing ping-pong. THE TWINS watch. A long rally. DISSON backhand flips to win the point.
JOHN. Good shot, Dad.
TOM. Thirteen-eighteen.
WILLY. Your backhand’s in form, Robert.
JOHN. Attack his forehand.
WILLY serves. A rally. WILLY attacks DISSON’S forehand. DISSON moves over to his right and then flips backhand to win the point. THE TWINS applaud.
TOM. Thirteen-nineteen.
WILLY. Backhand flip on the forehand, eh?
WILLY serves.
From DISSON’S point of view see two balls bounce and leap past both ears.
TWINS. Shot!
TOM. Fourteen-nineteen.
DISSON puts down his bat and walks slowly to WILLY.
DISSON. You served two balls, old chap.
WILLY. Two balls?
DISSON. You sent me two balls.
WILLY. No, no. Only one.
DISSON. Two.
Pause.
JOHN. One, Dad.
DISSON. What?
TOM. One.
Pause.
WILLY walks to DISSON’S end, bends.
WILLY. Look.
WILLY picks up one ball.
One ball. Catch!
He throws the ball. DISSON gropes, loses sight of the ball. It bounces under the table. He crouches, leans under the table for it. Gets it, withdraws, looks up. WILLY and THE TWINS look down at him.
Disley’s surgery.
Room darkened.
A torch shining in DISSON’S eyes. First the left eye, then the right eye. Torch out. Light on.
DISLEY. There’s nothing wrong with your eyes, old boy.
DISSON. Nothing?
DISLEY. They’re in first-rate condition. Truly.
DISSON. That’s funny.
DISLEY. I’d go as far as to say your sight was perfect.
DISSON. Huh.
DISLEY. Check the bottom line.
DISLEY switches off the light, puts on the light on the letter board.
What is it?
DISSON. EXJLNVCGTY.
DISLEY. Perfect.
Board light off. Room light on.
DISSON. Yes, I know … I know that …
DISLEY. Well, what are you worried about?
DISSON. It’s not that …
DISLEY. Colour? Do you confuse colours? Look at me. What colour am I?
DISSON. Colourless.
DISLEY (laughs, stops). Very funny. What distinguishing marks can you see about me?
DISSON. Tw
o.
DISLEY. What?
DISSON. You have one grey strip in your hair, quite faint.
DISLEY. Good. What’s the other?
DISSON. You have a brown stain on your left cheek.
DISLEY. A brown stain? Can you see that? (He looks in the mirror.) I didn’t know it was so evident.
DISSON. Of course it’s evident. It stains your face.
DISLEY. Don’t … go on about it, old boy. I didn’t realize it was so evident. No one’s ever noticed it before.
DISSON. Not even your wife?
DISLEY. Yes, she has. Anyway, I’d say your eyes are sharp enough. What colour are those lampshades?
DISSON. They’re dark blue drums. Each has a golden rim. The carpet is Indian.
DISLEY. That’s not a colour.
DISSON. It’s white. Over there, by that cabinet, I can see a deep black burn.
DISLEY. A burn? Where? Do you mean that shadow?
DISSON. That’s not a shadow. It’s a burn.
DISLEY (looking). So it is. How the hell did that happen?
DISSON. Listen … I never said I couldn’t see. You don’t understand. Most of the time … my eyesight is excellent. It always has been. But … it’s become unreliable. It’s become … erratic. Sometimes, quite suddenly, very occasionally, something happens … something … goes wrong … with my eyes.
Pause.
DISLEY. I can find no evidence that your sight is in any way deficient.
DISSON. You don’t understand.
A knock at the door. LOIS appears.
LOIS. I’m just going out. Wanted to say hullo to you before I go.
DISSON. Hullo, Lois.
He kisses her cheek.
LOIS. You’ve been in here for ages. Don’t tell me you need glasses?
DISLEY. His eyes are perfect.
LOIS. They look it.
DISSON. What a lovely dress you’re wearing.
LOIS. Do you like it? Really?
DISSON. Of course I like it.
LOIS. You must see if the birds are still there.
She lifts the blind.
Yes, they are. They’re all at the bird bath.
They all look into the garden.
Look at them. They’re so happy. They love my bath. They do, really. They love it. They make me so happy, my birds. And they seem to know, instinctively, that I adore them. They do, really.
Disson’s house. Bedroom. Night.
DISSON alone, in front of a mirror.
He is tying his tie. He ties it. The front end hangs only half-way down his chest.
He unties it, ties it again. The front end, this time, is even shorter.
He unties it, holds the tie and looks at it.
He then ties the tie again. This time the two ends are of equal length.
He breathes deeply, relaxes, goes out of the room.
Disson’s house. Dining room. Night.
DIANA, WILLY, DISSON at dinner.
DIANA. I’d say she was a real find.
WILLY. Oh, she’s of inestimable value to the firm, wouldn’t you say, Robert?
DISSON. Oh yes.
DIANA. I mean for someone who’s not … actually … part of us … I mean, an outsider … to give such devotion and willingness to the job, as she does … well, it’s remarkable. We were very lucky to find her.
DISSON. I found her, actually.
WILLY. You found me, too, old boy.
DIANA (laughing). And me.
Pause.
She’s of course so completely trustworthy, and so very persuasive, on the telephone. I’ve heard her … when the door’s been open … once or twice.
WILLY. Oh, splendid girl, all round.
DISSON. She’s not so bloody marvellous.
Pause. They look at him.
She’s all right, she’s all right But she’s not so bloody marvellous.
DIANA. Well, perhaps not quite as accomplished as I am, no. Do you think I’m a good private secretary, Willy?
WILLY. First rate.
Pause. They eat and drink.
DISSON. I don’t think it’s a good idea for you to work.
DIANA. Me? Why not? I love it.
DISSON. I never see you. If you were at home I could take the occasional afternoon off … to see you. As it is I never see you. In day-time.
DIANA. You mean I’m so near and yet so far?
Pause.
DISSON. Yes.
DIANA. Would you prefer me to be your secretary?
DISSON. No, no, of course not. That wouldn’t work at all.
Pause.
WILLY. But we do all meet at lunch-time. We meet in the evening.
DISSON looks at him.
DIANA. But I like working. You wouldn’t want me to work for someone eke, would you, somewhere else?
DISSON. I certainly wouldn’t. You know what Wendy told me, don’t you?
DIANA. What?
DISSON. She told me her last employer was always touching her.
WILLY. No?
DISSON. Always. Touching her.
DIANA. Her body, you mean?
DISSON. What else?
Pause.
DIANA. Well, if we’re to take it that that’s general practice, I think it’s safer to stay in the family, don’t you? Mind you, they might not want to touch me in the way they wanted to touch her.
Pause.
But, Robert, you must understand that I not only want to be your wife, but also your employee. I’m not embarrassing you, am I, Willy?
WILLY. No, of course you’re not.
DIANA. Because by being your employee I can help to further your interests, our interests. That’s what I want to do. And so does Willy, don’t you?
Disson’s office. Morning.
DISSON alone. He stands in the centre of the room. He looks at the door, walks over to WENDY’S desk. He looks down at her desk-chair. He touches it. Slowly, he sits in it. He sits still.
The door opens. WENDY comes in. He stands.
DISSON. You’re late.
WENDY. You were sitting in my chair, Mr Disson.
DISSON. I said you’re late.
WENDY. I’m not at all.
WENDY walks to her desk.
DISSON makes way for her. He moves across the room.
I’m hurt.
DISSON. Why?
WENDY. I’ve put on my new dress.
He turns, looks at her.
DISSON. When did you put it on?
WENDY. This morning.
Pause.
DISSON. Where?
WENDY. In my flat.
DISSON. Which room?
WENDY. In the hall, actually. I have a long mirror in the hall.
He stands looking at her.
Do you like it?
DISSON. Yes. Very nice.
Disson’s house. Workroom.
DISSON. Hold it firmly. You’re not holding it firmly.
TOM holds a length of wood on the table. DISSON chips at its base.
Use pressure. Grip it.
JOHN. A clamp would be better.
DISSON. A clamp? I want you boys to learn how to concentrate your physical energies, to do something useful.
JOHN. What’s it going to be, Dad?
DISSON. You’ll find out.
DISSON chips. He straightens.
Give me the saw.
JOHN. Me?
DISSON. The saw! Give me it! (To TOM.) What are you doing?
TOM. I’m holding this piece of wood.
DISSON. Well, stop it. I’ve finished chipping. Look at the point now.
JOHN. If you put some lead in there you could make a pencil out of it.
DISSON. They think you’re very witty at your school, do they?
JOHN. Well, some do and some don’t, actually, Dad.
DISSON. You. Take the saw.
TOM. Me?
DISSON. I want you to saw it off … from here.
DISSON makes a line with his finger on the wood.
TOM.
But I can’t saw.
JOHN. What about our homework, Dad? We’ve got to write an essay about the Middle Ages.
DISSON. Never mind the Middle Ages.
JOHN. Never mind the Middle Ages?
TOM. Can’t you demonstrate how to do it, Dad? Then we could watch.
DISSON. Oh, give me it.
DISSON takes the saw and points to a mark on the wood.
Now … from here.
TOM (pointing). You said from here.
DISSON. No, no, from here.
JOHN (pointing to the other end). I could have sworn you said from there.
Pause.
DISSON. Go to your room.
Pause.
Get out.
JOHN goes out. DISSON looks at TOM.
Do you want to learn anything?
TOM. Yes.
DISSON. Where did I say I was going to saw it?
He stares at the wood. TOM holds it still.
Hold it still. Hold it. Don’t let it move.
DISSON saws. The saw is very near TOM’S fingers. TOM looks down tensely. DISSON saws through.
TOM. You nearly cut my fingers off.
DISSON. No, I didn’t … I didn’t …
He glares suddenly at TOM.
You didn’t hold the wood still!
Disson’s office.
The curtains are drawn.
DISSON. Come here. Put your chiffon round my eyes. My eyes hurt.
WENDY ties a chiffon scarf round his eyes.
I want you to make a call to Newcastle, to Mr Martin. We’re still waiting for delivery of goods on Invoice No. 634729. What is the cause for delay?
WENDY picks up the telephone, dials, waits.
WENDY. Could I have Newcastle 77254, please. Thank you.
She waits. He touches her body.
Yes, I’m holding.
He touches her. She moves under his touch.
Hullo, Mr Martin, please. Mr Disson’s office.
Harold Pinter Plays 3 Page 8
