by Candy Crum
“That is a mistake no mother should ever make, but one that I’ve certainly learned from. I’m so sorry, Bri.”
“We will make mistakes and we will hurt you. You will make mistakes and you will hurt us. Family means having the capacity to understand that and move on from it. Don’t dwell on it. And most importantly, support us. I don’t mean financially. We don’t need your money. I don’t want you to try to buy our love. Support us and offer help when we need it. Come over and cook with me for once. Help me with Charlee. Just love us. Matt, too. He is a part of my family, too.”
Ellen knelt down and hugged Bri. “I promise.” She pulled away, wearing a smile that was almost too big. “How about some good news?”
“What good news?” Bri asked.
“The nurse told me on the way in that Charlee is stable enough for mommy to hold her.”
Bri’s stomach nearly leapt in her throat. She looked back to her beautiful daughter. The plastic walls between them made her seem like she was miles away. “Are you serious?”
“Because of your recent surgery you have to be supervised. She said that you’re not out of the woods for seizures and other things. But you can still hold her as long as we are here with you,” Ellen said.
Bri looked to Matt who seemed just as excited as she was. Ellen left and quickly returned with the nurse. Everyone was silent, just watching her every move as she readied Charlee to officially meet her parents for the first time. Bri shifted around in her seat, making sure she was as comfortable as possible. She knew once that baby was in her arms she wouldn’t move. She wondered if she would even breathe.
The nurse’s movements were slow and fluid as she turned and leaned down. Bri positioned her arms in the cradling position, trying to keep her heart from jumping out of her chest. She couldn’t believe how nervous she was.
Once Charlee’s full weight was in her arms, the nurse freed herself. She stood watch for a few moments to make sure things would be alright before preparing to leave.
“Call me if you need anything at all. Until she’s cleared by the doctor, you guys need to stay with her while she’s holding the baby. Bri, if you notice any twitching in your face, any dizziness, or any muscle spasms anywhere in your body, immediately let one of them know to get Charlee from you and call me. Okay?”
“Yes, thank you,” Bri said.
She looked down at her daughter, amazed at how tiny and beautiful she was. Charlee opened her eyes and Bri saw the bright blue orbs that struggled to see the one holding her. “Hi baby,” Bri said. “I’ve waited so long to have you in my arms, though not as long as I should have waited. I’m sorry you came so soon. But we’re going to take good care of you and make sure you come home safe.”
Bri kissed her daughter’s forehead, inhaling deeply the scent of her little girl. She smelled clean. Bri had never realized how much she loved the smell of baby lotion until that moment. She wanted to buy large quantities of it and even use it on herself. Charlee was now her everything. Life had finally had a true purpose for her now, instead of simply existing to make others look good, now she existed solely for another.
After a while, the nurse came in to check on the family. She checked over the baby’s vitals and, seeing that she was okay, she allowed the lactation consultant to talk to Bri. Matt stepped away as Sharron, the consultant, taught Bri all about the importance of breast feeding, especially with a preemie. She also taught her the mechanics and helped Bri get started.
It took mother and child more than a few tries, as Charlee was still too young to have the suckling reflex. Soon, they decided to try again the following day. “It will take time,” Sharron said. “Some babies take longer than others. Some start sooner. It all just depends. We just have to remember that your baby is much younger than most. She is still about a month and a half early. So it might take a week or two for her to fully get it, but this is one of the things on her checklist.”
“Her checklist?” Bri asked.
“Yes. She has to be able to keep her own temperature without having to be warmed by an incubator, she has to be able to eat on her own and be able to do full feeds, and she has to be able to breathe on her own. As long as she is staying warm, eating, gaining weight, and able to breathe, you’ll be able to take her home.”
Charlee was already able to breathe on her own. She was still given oxygen, but she was able to breathe on her own. She just needed to work on making that stronger. Feeding was clearly a problem, so gaining weight by herself would be as well.
“Is she able to hold her own temperature? Or do you know?” Bri asked.
Sharron shook her head. “I’m sorry, I don’t know on that. My guess would be not really. She’s very premature, though she is far healthier than most preemies that come through here, especially given what she’s gone through. Some of the babies in the NICU were born at further gestation than Charlee and are doing far worse. You definitely have a little fighter there.”
Bri’s lips turned up in a knowing smile. “So I’ve heard. I’m so proud of her already.”
“I’ll be back tomorrow and we will try again. For right now, I’m going to order a breast pump for you so that we can start feeding her some mommy milk instead of that formula. Formula is good, of course, but you can give her so much better. And the more you pump or feed her, the more you’ll produce. So later, when she really gets hungry, you’ll have more to spare. Does that sound good for you?”
“Yes, thank you for your help. I definitely want this to work. I want her breastfed. Hopefully tomorrow will be better!” Bri was optimistic. She believed Charlee could do anything. She was as strong and defiant as she was beautiful.
“I’m sure it will be,” Sharron said warmly before leaving.
Bri held the baby just a while longer before remembering that Matt still hadn’t held her either. Her mother had kissed her and told her bye a half hour or so before and she’d forgotten about it. Charlee was her world during the time she held her. Matt had been so patient and hadn’t said a word, knowing how important it was for her. “Would you like to take a turn, Daddy?” she asked.
Matt’s face lit up and he pulled a rocking chair over. “Yes, I would.”
He was careful taking Charlee from Bri. It was a process he remembered well, but it somehow felt so different with his own child. She was even smaller in his large arms than she was in her mother’s. He nearly swallowed her in that soft cradle of his. He wondered what it felt like to be cradled and held so safely and be so secured in another’s arms like that.
Sitting and relaxing against the back of the rocking chair, Matt used his feet to gently push them forward and back again. It was so sweet to Bri as she watched him talk and sooth the baby. Soon, she began shifting around a lot in his arms. She was remarkably strong for being so small and underdeveloped. Within moments they heard the test of just how strong her lungs were. Though it wasn’t as loud as a full term baby’s cry may have been, it was certainly loud enough to get his attention.
“What’s wrong with her?” Bri asked, more than a little frantic.
“Relax, babe. There might not be anything wrong. She might just need something. I’ll call the nurse.”
Within moments the nurse returned. She checked Charlee over and saw nothing physically wrong with her. “It seems she’s just a little hungry. You weren’t able to feed her by breast, so she’s probably just a little upset. Sharron ordered you a pump. Would you like for me to get that for you now? You can pump and then I can tube feed her like we usually do. Or would you rather me just give her formula and you can pump when you get back to your room?”
“The formula might be best. She seems so upset. I don’t want her hurting herself.”
The nurse laughed. “Honey, babies cry. Your baby will cry. I’m sure you know that, but preemies are no different. Her oxygen is good and that’s what we would worry most about. It’s not hurting her. I’ll tell you what we can try. You can try pumping from one breast and give feeding her another go with t
he other. It might not work, but it might calm her while she waits.”
It made Bri nervous. She didn’t want her baby crying and getting hurt. It was the only concern she had, but she knew that the milk she had right at that moment, colostrum, was the most important for her. It had the most antibodies in it and would help her the most. Finally, she nodded. I’ll try it.
Once again the nurse helped place little Charlee in her arms. Matt turned as they positioned Charlee just right on her breast. Another nurse brought the pump in and showed Bri how to hook everything up and begin. The lactation consultant had assured her that breast feeding wouldn’t be painful, and that pumping shouldn’t be either if done right, but it still hurt. It wasn’t exactly “painful”, though it was certainly uncomfortable. It would just take some getting used to.
“Will you be alright?” the nurse asked.
“Yes, thank you. I’ve got my assistant over there,” Bri said with a laugh.
The nurse smiled and leaned down. “I don’t know. He seems a little skittish about it.”
“Hey,” Matt said. “I’m not skittish, just respectful.”
“Matt…” Bri started. Though she was serious, she still held humor to her words. “They’re boobs. Not a big deal. Especially since they are boobs that are feeding our daughter. It’s not like I’m bouncing around topless at a carwash. You don’t have to act so scared. Otherwise I’m going to have to ask the nice nurse to stay, and I’m sure she has other babies to take care of. Babies unfortunately not as healthy as ours.”
Matt sighed. “Yes, ma’am.” The nurse smiled and shook her head again before leaving. “Sorry, babe. I just don’t want you to feel like I’m invading your privacy.”
“This isn’t private. I’m not ashamed. It’s personal, yes. But not private. You are her daddy. You’ll probably be seeing me doing this often. Don’t act ashamed of it, I’m not. Besides, it’s you. I’ve always been comfortable around you. You’re mine and I love you.”
Matt stood and closed the distance between them. “I love you, too,” he said before kissing her gently on the forehead. He leaned down and kissed Charlee as well.
Over the next two weeks, Charlee spent every day improving. Bri had some sleep apnea problems, so they decided to keep her longer. Matt had his surgery and had begun physical therapy, force by Bri of course. The therapist said that he was hopeful Matt would have at least ninety percent usage of it by the time they finished.
By day seven, Charlee had finally begun feeding on her own. Bri pumped every two hours and had milk ready for the nurses whenever needed, but since Charlee had started feeding on her own, she no longer had to.
The hospital arranged for her to take the pump home with her so she could continue to have extra. They recommended allowing Matt to do one feeding by bottle so Bri could get four hours of continuous sleep at night. By day fourteen, Bri’s problems had all resolved and baby Charlee had been taken off of oxygen and had passed all of her tests. It was a day for triumph.
More than that, Jason Metcalf made a stop by Bri’s room to let her know that all of the evidence between her and Molly was enough to scare even Michael Rhodes’ lawyer. The lawyer told Mike that he was looking at two attempted murder charges for Bri and Molly and charges for the baby as well. So, Mike decided to plead guilty and take a plea deal. He was going to spend a very long time in prison and for that, Bri was grateful. She imagined that Molly was as well.
The following day they were going to get to go home. Shaelyn, Derek, and Jacqueline were all ecstatic. They couldn’t wait to have them back home. When they arrived, they took two vehicles. One was driven by Jacqueline and Derek. They put all of Matt’s, Bri’s, and Charlee’s belongings that they’d acquired at the hospital in her vehicle and Shaelyn drove the family home.
The entire way there Shaelyn was quiet, but jumpy. She would have random fits of large smiles before reining herself in and trying to return to a more serious expression. “Uh, what’s your deal?” Bri finally asked, giggling.
“What are you talking about?” she countered.
“You. You’re acting like a weirdo.”
She shrugged. “Can’t I just be happy that my babies are all coming home?”
Matt’s eyes narrowed. “Mmhmm. Bri’s right. You’re acting like a weirdo. Woman, I don’t trust you.”
Shaelyn laughed. “Didn’t your momma teach you it’s not nice to talk to a woman like that?”
“No, she taught me not to talk to a lady that way.” Matt was clearly proud of his comeback.
Shaelyn’s eyes narrowed before the corner of her mouth turned up. “Well, I don’t fit in the ladylike category. So touché, sweet child of mine. How ya holding up back there, Bri?”
Bri looked into the rearview mirror to see Shaelyn’s eyes looking back at her. “I’m good. Charlee’s good. I’m so excited to get her home. My parents didn’t happen to get us a crib did they? Mom said they were planning to get us something, but I have no idea what.”
“Actually, they got you a nice little bassinet. So don’t worry about where she’s sleeping. She will be just fine.”
Bri relaxed. That was one of the worries that she had. She had no idea where Charlee would sleep when they got home. She couldn’t stand the thought of her baby not having a bed to feel welcomed in.
When they got home, everyone hurried to help Bri with Charlee. Matt took the baby and Shaelyn took Bri’s arm to help her. Derek and Jacqueline grabbed their things and toted them inside, sitting them inside the foyer.
Shaelyn turned to Bri. “Would you mind if I took Charlee up to the room? I’ll stay with her until you both make it up. I just want you to settle for a few minutes before you have to rush off to parent-duty.”
Bri looked to Matt. “It will be fine, I think,” Matt said. “She’s right. We should settle in a minute. Would you like something to drink?”
“Sure. Thanks Shaelyn. Sorry. I feel overly protective. That is probably ridiculous since I know how awesome of a mom you are.”
“Baby girl, I’d be disappointed in you if you weren’t that way.” Shaelyn winked and reached for the baby carrier.
Matt ushered Bri into the kitchen to get her a cold soda before holding her tight. “Welcome home, babe. I’m so glad we’re all finally here together. It seems like it’s been so long.”
“It does seem that way. Really, it was. Not nearly as long as a lot of those babies though. I feel so bad for them all.”
“You just have to trust that they will be okay. We got lucky. Let’s not focus on that, alright? Right now, we just need to focus on being home and being a family.”
She wrapped her arms around him and tugged gently, giving him the hint to lean down. She kissed him, feeling the happiness and sense of family wash over her again.
“Come on, I want to go see Charlee. I want to see the basinet.”
She grabbed his hand and lead him up the stairs to Matt’s bedroom, the one they had lightly talked about sharing now. When they walked in, they couldn’t believe their eyes. They saw an incredibly expensive white and pink basinet sitting next to the bed. Charlee Maree was embroidered along the edge. The bed was completely different. Matt had a simple full size bed before, nothing elaborate. Now, he had a large queen size bed with storage drawers on the bottom.
The head and foot boards were black stained wood with silver leaves inside the cutouts. There were three tall drawers on each side of the bed and a matching bench at the foot with The Carters stenciled on it in silver. Around the room Bri saw that they now had a matching dresser, chest, and end tables. On the chest was a brand new forty inch flat screen TV.
Bri walked over to the bed and opened the drawers. The drawers on the side with the basinet were completely organized and full of clothes, burping clothes, towels, diapers, wipes, bottled water, formula, bottles, and other supplies to make it easy for them to care for Charlee in their room. The drawers on the other side had relaxation things. Candles, bath salts, thick fuzzy socks, slippers, satin robe
s, lotions and other items that would help them relax in their down time.
She couldn’t believe it. She stood, her movements slow as her emotions overwhelmed her. “I don’t believe this,” she said. “My parents did this?”
“They bought it. My parents put it all together,” Matt said. “I knew about it, but I wasn’t allowed to see it or know anything other than they were taking care of everything and not to worry. I’m just as shocked as you are.”
“I can’t believe they actually got something that we would like instead of something fancy and gaudy like they would have in their own room. I’m not shocked that they bought it and left the manual labor up to your parents, though.” She wasn’t angry. She was happy that they’d done something so nice for her and had obviously been thoughtful while doing it. “Where’s Charlee? Why isn’t she laying in here in her basinet?”
“Not sure. Let’s go find Mom. I’d like to thank them anyway.”
Bri saw something cross his face as he turned, but she didn’t dwell on it. She followed him out of the room and down the hall. The office door was open and they heard voices from inside. Matt was the first to walk in.
“Holy shit,” he said, standing in the door.
Bri hurried to meet him. She peeked around his shoulder, her jaw dropping as she did.
“Surprise!” every called together.
The office was no longer an office. It was a nursery. The once wine colored walls were now white with pink and black circles of varying sizes spread around. A large white sleigh crib was nestled between the two windows in the room that was decorated with white and pink curtains. The floor was now hardwood. All around the room was new furniture. Two glider rockers, the new crib, a changing table, a dresser, a closet full of name brand bulk diaper and wipe boxes and clothes, an iPod and iPod deck loaded with classical and children’s music.
There were toys all over and an area made specifically for tummy and strengthening time. There was a handmade rocking horse and a bookshelf with baby books and activity books that would later help her learn shapes, colors, numbers, and the alphabet. Tears began freely falling down Bri’s cheeks. Matt had actually known about the nursery but had no idea it would be anything to this magnitude.
