He made his way to the mess, desperate for a cup of coffee. He hadn’t slept well on the flight, unable to stop the sweet scent of Kat’s perfume from hitting his nose or admiring the way her lashes fanned over her cream-colored skin.
Kat was already in the hall, looking fresh and scrubbed. She’d pulled her hair into a ponytail. He stopped. Not even the olive drab T-shirt ballooning around her could hide how beautiful she was. The campaign manager in him wanted to ask if she could borrow makeup from a female soldier. Although there wouldn’t be any media, he knew people would take photos and put them up on Facebook, Instagram and Twitter. But he didn’t have the heart to tell her to change. Her beauty was in her simplicity, and he liked it.
“Are you ready for your big speech?”
The mess was set up like a cafeteria with metal tables and long benches. A small stage made of wooden crates had been erected at one end. She nodded. “I’m going to speak from the heart.”
He needed something stronger than coffee, maybe a Xanax—or a blow on the head—so he could pass out and not have to witness the disaster that was coming. “Kat, this is not the time.”
“I can be respectful of the soldiers without compromising my ideals.”
“How long before you have enough material for your book?”
“Let’s see how this trip goes.” She grinned. A genuine smile that lit up her face. “Are you tired of me?”
He nodded. “You are a pain! I have several new gray hairs, thanks to you.”
She pretended to study the top of his head. “I count at least ten.”
“Why do you do this to me?”
“I’m not torturing you on purpose, although that is a side benefit. I’m open to changing my opinions, but you haven’t given me anything that compels me to do that. Your pretty face alone is not enough.”
He pinched the bridge of his nose. He was too tired to argue with Kat, and it wasn’t worth it. She would say what she wanted and he’d have to deal with the consequences.
The mess hall was filling up. “Have you eaten?”
She shook her head. “I’ll wait to get a tray until after I speak.”
“You’re a professor—you talk all the time.”
“About subjects I’m comfortable with. Motivational speeches aren’t my thing.”
The base commander stopped by their table and chatted with them for several minutes about the training exercises earlier in the day. When the mess was full, he stood on the wooden crates and whistled. The entire hall went silent. He introduced Kat simply as the senator’s daughter. She stepped on the crates, looking tiny in the big hall with her baggy clothes. Perfunctory applause greeted her. Alex started the video recording on his BlackBerry.
She stood frozen for several moments and he stood, ready to go to her side if needed. Her eyes locked on his and he nodded. Beginning tentatively, she introduced herself as a college professor and the recently-discovered secret daughter of the senator, which elicited chuckles from the crowd. “You may have seen the news coverage that I’m not the most well-behaved daughter of a prominent politician.”
Alex sighed. He’d left his tablet in his room and now regretted not having another device to start damage control. He could already see several soldiers pointing phones at Kat.
“The senator’s chief of staff and campaign manager, Alex Santiago, is back there and is probably having a coronary right now.” She pointed to him and all eyes turned to stare in amusement. He gave a wave, grateful that his skin color hid most of the raging red in his face.
“But here’s the thing—each and every one of you is here so that our media can take a bad picture of me and blast it on TV, so I can stand up and openly oppose a powerful US senator. You’re here so my students feel safe coming to college every day and are available for learning. They don’t worry about their families at home, and they don’t know what a missile careening toward your building sounds like. You make it possible for me to enjoy the freedoms that many in the world don’t...”
He watched as she held the attention of the soldiers, doing better than the talking points. She gave a heartfelt speech and sincere thanks. When she was done, she got a standing ovation.
He looked up as the base commander slapped him on the back. “Hey, thanks for that. I gotta admit, there was some moaning among the rank and file when I told them we’d be having this during dinner. The guys aren’t into stump speeches from blowhards, but this—” he nodded toward Kat “—was genuine.”
She stepped off the crates, nearly toppling the makeshift stage. Several soldiers rushed to her rescue and she rewarded them with a stunning smile. On her way back, she stopped at several tables to shake hands. They were enamored with her, especially the young men. He could see the attraction and admiration in their eyes. It took every bit of self-control he had left to stay glued to his seat, resisting the urge to stand up and drag her back to his table. He didn’t have any claims on her.
She returned with a big smile on her face. “I think it went well.”
“If you do say so yourself.”
“What’s the verdict from the office?”
He thumbed his BlackBerry. Her speech was getting mixed reviews; some of the campaign staff worried that by joking about opposing her father, she was creating negativity. There were some nasty comments about her appearance. He scrolled to find something positive and came up empty. She hadn’t been that bad, had she?
“Job well done, Kat.”
She beamed. “I know you and I disagree on a lot of things, but at least we can agree on the fact that the troops deserve our appreciation.”
One of the soldiers stopped by with a tray of food for her, flirting shamelessly. She turned him down kindly.
“There’s no shortage of handsome young men here willing to fall at your feet.”
“I’m thirty-five,” she said. “They all seem a little young for me.”
“My guess is many of them are close to that age. You should accept one of their offers to take you out.”
“I’m not really interested,” she said.
“Why don’t you date?”
Her brows furrowed in annoyance. “I date,” she said defensively. “I’m just focusing on my career right now.” She forked some mashed potatoes into her mouth then scrunched her nose.
“They make the powdered kind since fresh fruits and vegetables are in short supply,” he told her.
She tentatively speared the steak, and Alex shook his head. “I wouldn’t. Try the peas and bread—they’re the most palatable.”
“They eat this every day?”
Alex nodded. “When they can get a warm meal. A lot of times they’re in the field eating MREs—meals ready to eat. Those are nasty. After a few days here, you’ll give anything for something fresh.”
She pushed her plate away. He wondered whether she’d dated anyone since Colin. Was she still hung up on that jerk?
“When was the last time you went out with someone?”
She snapped her eyes to him. “A few months ago.”
“What happened?”
“We could barely keep the conversation going through appetizers.”
He suppressed a smile. “I can’t imagine you not being able to talk through dinner. All you have to do is disagree with everything the other person is saying.”
She rolled her eyes at him. “When was the last time you were in a relationship?”
“Relationship, not dating?”
“If we’re going to talk about personal things, I don’t want to know about meaningless dates.”
Relationships were hard for him. Dates were much easier, like the one he’d just gone on with Mellie. They’d had a good time; she was a good conversationalist and they’d gotten through dinner effortlessly. The only problem was that by the end of the night,
the thought of a lifetime of such dinners, filled with inane chatter, had him sick with dread.
“Crista was the last person I dated for more than a few weeks.” Saying it out loud was so much worse.
“Why did you break it off with her?”
“She broke it off with me.”
“So she says,” said Kat.
“We weren’t right for each other.”
“How so?”
“When were you last in a relationship?” It was time to turn the questions back to her.
She paused. “I get it—tit for tat. I was engaged to Colin, the guy from that story three years ago. We broke up after...all that.”
Alex leaned forward. “He took advantage of you.”
She nodded.
“What attracted you to him in the first place?”
“He understood why I needed to take care of my mother. For all his faults, Colin was really sweet to my mom. Until things got bad, he was good to me, too.”
Alex couldn’t see any scenario where Colin had been good to her. “How so?”
“Until he stole my research and analysis, he didn’t want anything from me. He accepted me as I am.”
And I expect too much of you.
“In an odd way, I understand why he stole my analysis. He always felt so inferior to his siblings and wanted nothing more than to impress his father, to show that he was worthy of being part of his family. I guess I can empathize with that. What I can’t forgive is that night when he hit me. I never saw it coming. The fear that caused... It’s made it hard for me to trust. To let anyone—any man—get close to me.”
Alex reminded himself to breathe deeply. The slight tremble in Kat’s voice made him want to launch from his seat and hunt Colin down, make him fall at her feet and apologize until she saw him as nothing more than the coward that he was. Except, if he did that, how was he any different?
Colin had lost control. He’d let his anger at the situation override him, something Alex was all too familiar with. He wouldn’t be another Colin in Kat’s life.
She leaned forward. “Your turn. Tell me more about your relationship with Crista.”
“I don’t have much more to tell. Crista wanted marriage and I knew I’d never get there.”
“Why not?”
“Because I’m not that different from Colin. I want to make my mother proud. I want to be a man who wins.”
Kat opened her mouth then snapped it closed. She sighed. “I’m tired. Do you mind if I head to bed?”
He nodded, feeling a gnawing pain in his stomach. Could he be a better man? Not with Kat, he couldn’t. She pressed all his buttons, and while he wasn’t an angry teenager anymore, he needed to work hard to keep his temper in check. Kat didn’t need a man like him. He walked Kat to her room.
“Thank you for trying to save my life today.” His soul stirred as she looked up at him with luminous eyes, her fire and idealism shining through. He wanted nothing more than to cup her face and kiss her hard, to lose control for just a minute. Was she worth giving up everything he’d worked for?
He stepped back. “Things didn’t work with Crista because I want a woman who can stand by my side, be my first lady. She’s too smart and independent for that.”
“Are you kidding me? In this day and age you think women need to take a backseat to their politician husbands? Look at Hillary Clinton and Michelle Obama. I think it should be a requirement that spouses of elected officials contribute to the public good.”
Was Kat ever going to let up on him?
“Listen, I didn’t mean a politician’s wife can’t be smart and pursue her own goals. But she does have to follow party politics. You don’t see Hillary Clinton or Michelle Obama siding with the Republicans, do you?”
“You want a woman who can stick to the party line,” Kat whispered.
He nodded. That was the whole point of accepting a date with Mellie. She was supposed to be getting his mind off Kat. Mellie was the kind of woman who could help him achieve his goals. So why hadn’t he called her? And why was he standing here wondering whether he wanted something different? He turned and left before he did something he’d regret.
CHAPTER TEN
THE GENERAL HAD been delayed by a day, so Kat was left to find something to do. First Lieutenant Luke Williams was leading his platoon on a routine patrol and offered to take Kat with him. She was waiting for Alex in the mess hall.
“Ma’am, we’re getting ready to leave. If you want to come with us, we need to find you a vest and helmet.”
Nodding, she followed him out. She wasn’t going to miss out on this opportunity by waiting for Alex’s permission. “Please call me Kat—‘ma’am’ seems so formal.”
The man grinned, and for the first time Kat noticed how attractive he was. He must’ve been the “hottie” she’d heard some of the female soldiers discussing last night.
A few minutes later, she was outfitted with a bulletproof vest and helmet. Their luggage hadn’t been recovered, so she was still in the same clothes she’d been given the night before.
Luke explained that they were going to a nearby village. There hadn’t been any insurgent activity there, so their patrols were mostly to reassure the villagers and to remind informants to contact the base if they saw suspicious activity. “You’ll be safe,” Luke assured her. “Else I’d never have gotten permission from the base commander to take you.”
She was put in the front seat of a Jeep, pressed between Luke and another man. She knew they were blanketing her in case the vehicle was hit with bullets.
There was no road to the village, so they followed a dirt path, Kat holding on to a bar overhead to keep from falling all over the men on either side of her.
They chatted about the war and she resisted the urge to pull out her phone and tape their conversation for her research. They openly discussed what it was like on the ground, how the insurgents came back the second troops withdrew, causing them to lose hard-fought territory yet again.
The weariness was obvious in the men’s voices, as was their patriotism. While they were on an “easy” patrol today, yesterday they’d been canvassing for IEDs, aware that any second could mean death. The army corporal next to her had two kids back home and talked about how his wife planned to leave him because their marriage hadn’t withstood his multiple deployments.
They arrived at the village and several children ran up to the Jeep. Luke went to the back and pulled out chocolate bars and MREs, handing them to the kids. “We’re not technically supposed to do this, but it garners a lot of goodwill. They welcome us here and warn us if anything’s about to go down because they want the chocolates.”
Kat made a mental note to send Luke some boxes when she got home and to tell Crista to put candy on the packing list.
Luke introduced her to the villagers. She talked at length to a young paraplegic man, Reza, who spoke English fluently. He had gone to live with relatives in Pakistan so he could study English and get a good job to support his family. His goal had been to get his family out of the small village, which had no electricity or running water, and into better housing. Mere months after successfully moving his family to Baghdad, he was in the wrong place at the wrong time when a bomb went off. He lost the use of his legs and was fired from his job. With no income to support their life in the city, the family had to move back to the village so they could take care of him. The villagers often went days without food. His younger sister had died from hunger. The man cried openly and Kat matched his tears.
“How do you deal with this every day?” she asked Luke when they were done.
“By being here, Kat. If we left, there’d be a lot more men like him. That’s why we’re here.”
“Do you have a girlfriend at home?”
He shook his head. “I get to go home for a few
weeks at a time. I meet someone and we barely go out on a couple of dates before it’s time to deploy again. Last tour, I fell in love with an Iraqi woman.”
Kat closed her eyes, letting out a fresh stream of tears. She knew what was coming before he said it.
“She died in an attack.”
At the end of the day, as they drove back to the base in silence, she felt an overwhelming sense of guilt. Her life back home was meaningless. She had the opportunity to influence young minds and she spewed academic nonsense at them that had no significance in the real world. In all the lectures she’d done on defense policy, not once had she talked about the impact to soldiers’ personal lives, never had she discussed people like Reza and how their lives had been shattered by decisions made in Washington. She had already started writing her book, critical of the IED bill and of the military’s presence in Iraq generally. She’d even used the example of Captain Atao’s children in Guam, whose lives could be saved several times over by the money being spent on the IED bill alone. But as heart-wrenching as it was not to save the lives of those babies in Guam, how could they leave people like Reza in Iraq with no hope? If only there were a magic wand she could wave to make the world a better place, one where there was enough money to feed people and save babies.
Her heart was gripped in a vise. What had Alex accused her of? Not feeling. Maybe that was what she’d been doing all these years. Keeping herself behind a lecturer’s podium so she could analyze things from afar. Maybe that was what Colin had offered her, a chance to experience the life she wanted without becoming emotionally involved. But that wasn’t what it would be with Alex. Even being near him pushed her to emotional extremes. It was what scared her most about him. There would be no protecting her heart if things didn’t work out.
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