When they returned to base, Luke invited her to have dinner, the intent clear in his eyes.
“How can you ever open your heart after what you’ve been through?” she asked.
He gave her a wide smile. “Precisely because of where I am, Kat. Every day I’m breathing, my life is a gift and I don’t waste a second. So what do you say?”
She smiled and shook her head. “I’d just break your heart. I’m unavailable.”
“Does it have something to do with that bad-tempered guy who’s walking over here like he’s going to kill me then take you away, caveman style?”
Kat turned to see Alex thundering toward them and couldn’t help laughing. She nodded. “Don’t tell him—it’ll just make his big head grow even bigger.”
* * *
ALEX HAD BEEN sitting in the operations center all day, monitoring the field communications to make sure that Kat was safe. What a waste of a day. He had a million emails to go through, reports to read, not to mention meetings he could’ve scheduled with field commanders in Iraq. Instead, he’d spent the day obsessing about whether Kat was going to get blown up. And now she was standing there flirting with GI Joe, laughing it up like they were on a date.
“What did you think you were doing?” he bellowed as soon as he was within hearing range.
“Educating myself,” Kat said in that maddeningly sweet tone she used when she was being condescending.
“Have you not learned anything from yesterday? Do you not understand how dangerous this country is?”
“I was perfectly safe with—”
“And you, Lieutenant. Did you consider what a lucrative target this woman could be? She’s a prominent senator’s daughter. She—”
“With all due respect, sir, the threat was extremely low, she was well protected and I had permission from the base commander.”
Alex and Luke were the same height, and he fumed at the obvious amusement in Luke’s eyes.
“Luke, I’ll handle him. I’m sure you have better things to do.” Kat touched the lieutenant’s arm in the same way she sometimes touched his arm, and Alex’s chest exploded.
“Thank you for taking me today. Is it okay if I come find you if I have more questions?” Luke was staring at her like she was a decadent chocolate cake and Alex made his hands into fists to keep from striking the man. Breathe, Alex. His reaction was totally overblown; the soldier had done nothing wrong. Knowing that intellectually didn’t stop the surge of anger in his chest.
“I do hope we get to see each other again,” he said unabashedly. Alex took a step closer, but Luke walked away.
Alex turned to Kat, ready to give her the lecture he’d been practicing all afternoon. Before he could get a word out, she stepped forward and threw her arms around him. He was so stunned that she was pulling back by the time he managed to snake an arm around her waist.
“Do you know how worried I was with you out there?” he whispered into her hair. She felt warm and soft in his arms, and he wanted to feel every inch of her.
“Without you?”
“Yes, without me. I’m here to protect you.”
“You can do better than a whole unit of army men?”
“They don’t...”
“What?”
“They don’t work for your father—they’re not as well motivated as I am.” He released her and she stared at him. He reached back and gently dislodged her arms from his neck.
“Don’t do it again, Kat.”
He turned away, but she grabbed his hand. “Doesn’t it all seem petty to you, Alex?”
He stopped and swiveled back to her. “Doesn’t what?”
“People die here, they lose their limbs, loved ones leave them one way or another, and we go about our lives eating fine foods, thinking about how the universe has done us wrong. We’re both attracted to each other. Why aren’t we together? Why are we standing around fighting when any second, our lives could be obliterated? So what if I can never be your first lady? Is it really that important?”
No, it’s really not. He gazed into her eyes, which were as inviting as the warm Caribbean Sea. Every cell in his body screamed kiss her but he recognized the fire raging inside him. He was too close to the precipice, and once he fell off, he’d never recover.
* * *
ALEX TURNED AND stepped away from her, and Kat’s heart sank to her toes. She’d never done anything like this in her life; never stood in front of a man and offered up her heart on a plate, never begged for affection. Perhaps she shouldn’t have now. She dropped her gaze to fight the tears welling in her eyes. Alex was not worth crying over. Reza’s pain was worth crying over. Watching starving children devour MREs like they were the best food they’d ever tasted was worth crying over. A stubborn man was not worth her tears. And yet, to her horror, a whimper escaped her lips. She put a hand to her mouth.
Alex let out a guttural moan and suddenly he closed the distance between them. He embraced her and she looked up in surprise to see his mouth come crashing down on hers. Lifting herself onto her tiptoes, she circled her arms around his neck, wanting to hold him close, to feel his strength. His lips were hot on hers and she met his hunger with her own. Moving her hand to his heart, she felt its beat and connected it with her own. He moaned again, and she knew in that instant that he felt it, too, the magnetic force that pulled them together no matter how hard they tried to tear away. For the first time in her life, she felt a man’s love inside her soul. She wanted Alex more than she’d needed anything in her life. It felt good to finally let go of the shackles she’d placed around herself, to open her heart to someone. He plundered her mouth and she pressed against him, eager to savor every moment. She whimpered when he broke the kiss. He let go and stepped back. “Kat, I can’t.” His eyes fell to her lips and she touched them instinctively, knowing they were swollen and raw.
“Alex, let yourself be with me,” she said softly.
He shook his head. “I can’t control myself around you, and it scares the hell out of me.”
“Alex, it’s okay. I’m not scared of you.”
He shook his head. “That’s not the man I want to be. I’m sorry.” He walked away and she was left standing there wondering what had just happened.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
THERE WAS NO room in his head to think about Kat. The general had arrived and Alex needed to bring his A game to their meeting. He’d talked to the senator earlier in the morning and learned that the EAGLE managers had set up a meeting with him while Alex was in Iraq. If he didn’t get the general’s endorsement, Senator Roberts would not continue the fight; he was starting to grow weary of the number of favors they’d promised for the bill. Roberts might not see it, but Alex knew the law would be the senator’s legacy—and his own. It would change the face of the war.
General Bouchard was a surprisingly small man, several inches shy of six feet. Yet his presence was no less commanding than the title implied. He greeted them efficiently and got right to the point.
“I’m not supporting the bill.”
“Can you share your concerns?” Alex kept his voice calm; he expected this to be a long, drawn-out conversation.
The general laid out his concerns, which were arguments Alex had anticipated. Bouchard had a long list of items he needed for the troops in addition to the new IED technology. Alex was prepared for them and dealt with each one in turn.
“Dr. Driscoll, why don’t you tell me why you lectured against this bill?”
Kat sat up straight and Alex met her gaze for the first time since yesterday. He silently pleaded with her.
“General, my concerns regarding the bill are largely academic. This is my first trip to Iraq, and I think my inexperience in the field should be taken into account when considering those lectures.”
Alex stared at her. W
as this the fake Kat he’d seen back at headquarters after the dinner with her father? Or was she just being gracious? He hadn’t talked to her since the kiss. That soul-shattering kiss that had nearly made him lose his mind. In that moment with Kat, all he could think about was how much he wanted to make her his. Nothing else had mattered. He’d felt like a man who’d been roaming the desert for days and had been presented with a lake full of fresh water.
Things he’d never considered before had flown through his mind. Will Mom like her? He’d never introduced a woman to his mother. What if I took one of those jobs the lobbying firms are always offering me? For an insane second, he had entertained the thought of having a different life. All because of her. It had taken every ounce of self-control he had to break the kiss and walk away; even more not to turn back when he heard her whimper. He couldn’t be with a woman who affected him like that. If that kiss was any indication of the kind of passion Kat held inside her, he knew without a doubt that he’d never be able to control himself with her. There was only one true nonnegotiable for him, and that was how he would treat a woman.
The general cleared his throat, forcing Alex to refocus his thoughts. “Son, I need some time to think about this. Let’s meet again tomorrow morning. I’ll even let you keep the clothes as a souvenir.”
Alex smiled politely at the attempted humor. As they left, he felt Kat beside him. Their arms touched as they exited the general’s office and wordlessly made their way to the mess hall. They each poured themselves a cup of coffee and sat down.
“Thank you,” he began.
“What for?”
“Supporting me in there.”
“I was toeing the party line.” Her lips twitched, and he smiled.
“Good job.”
“Thanks, boss.” This time there was no mistaking the sarcasm.
“About yesterday...”
She raised a single eyebrow, and for the first time in his life, he squirmed in his seat. The words of a former governor came to him. Sit still, boy. Someone who can’t sit still is either about to lie or screw you. Glue yourself to your seat. Somehow, he couldn’t tamp down the restlessness. This was what Kat did to him; he’d been right to walk away.
“I’m sorry I let things get too far. We work together. You’re the senator’s daughter. I shouldn’t have...”
“Excuse me, Alex.”
He realized he’d been staring over her shoulder to avoid looking straight into her electric-blue eyes. Now she pinned him with her gaze and he was unable to turn away.
“I know exactly why you stopped.”
He waited.
“I’m not the trophy you want on your arm, so you’re afraid of getting involved with me. If it ends badly and I go crazy on you, it could really jeopardize your relationship with the senator.”
When she put it that way, he sounded like a jerk. He opened his mouth to correct her, but he couldn’t find the words. What was he supposed to say to her? I’m afraid of losing control around you and I want a woman who doesn’t drive me crazy? Her assessment, as harsh as it sounded, wasn’t incorrect. He did want a woman who could support him; a future first lady who understood the need to sacrifice and compromise. Most important, someone with whom he could keep complete control over himself.
Apparently, Kat had no shortage of words. “You need to get your head out of your you-know-what. Look at where we are.” She waved around her. “These soldiers might not come back from patrol alive this evening. You said yourself we could’ve been in danger yesterday. What if we get killed on the way back to the airport? What if I had gotten hurt in the village?”
He regulated his breathing. He’d already lived through that nightmare yesterday as he’d paced the control room for hours like a caged animal. He never wanted to feel that desperation again.
“Life’s unpredictable,” she continued. “Can’t we try to enjoy what we have?”
He shook his head. “I can’t be irresponsible like that.”
She laughed mirthlessly. “I don’t think you have an irresponsible bone in your body. I bet when you were growing up, you were in charge of the cash at the lemonade stand.”
“When I was a child, I stole food from those boxes people put out to collect donations so my mother and I could have dinner.” He never discussed his childhood, but he needed Kat to know that he wasn’t a good guy. His DNA was flawed; she deserved someone better.
She reached out and touched his arm. “I get it, Alex. I’ve been taking care of my mother since I was six years old. When she couldn’t hold down a job, I filled out the WIC application to get food stamps. It was never enough, though, so I lied about how old I was so I could get a job. We all do things to survive—it doesn’t define us.”
Her hand felt comforting and he wanted nothing more than to pull her in his arms and take care of her like she’d never been taken care of before. He wanted to give her everything she’d never gotten in her life. But he couldn’t, and it would serve him well to remember that. He withdrew his hand.
“That’s our problem. We’re too alike, too independent, too headstrong.”
She shook her head. “Fine, be this way. I’m not going to argue with you. I see Lieutenant Luke—I’m going to ask if I can go on another patrol.” She stood and he was up in a flash, grabbing her arm.
“Alex!”
He released her and swore under his breath. There was a clear pink mark where he’d gripped her way too hard. This was exactly why he couldn’t be with her.
“You don’t get to tell me what I can or cannot do.”
She was right. He watched her walk over to Sergeant Hotshot and his blood boiled as he said something that made her laugh. She followed Luke out, shooting Alex a withering look as she passed him.
It was just as well. He needed to get the general more data and make some calls to the Pentagon. There was no time to babysit Kat.
He clenched his fists. “Lieutenant.” Luke turned to him, a clear challenge in his eyes. “I’ll join you in whatever patrol you’re doing.” What was he saying? He couldn’t whittle away the day following her around like a puppy dog.
“I’m sorry, but I can’t take another person. There’s no room in the Jeep.” Luke gave him a disarming smile, but Alex could plainly see the smugness in his eyes. He looked at Kat, whose face tilt told him his protests were just firming her resolve to torture him further.
“You two have fun, then,” he said easily. He would not go to the command room today. Kat was on her own.
CHAPTER TWELVE
KAT COULDN’T BELIEVE how brazen she’d been with Alex. The trip home from Iraq had been uneventful aside from the fact that she never did get her luggage. The security company sent some clothes to wear on the flight. Alex needed to stay an extra day but insisted on sending her back early due to “security concerns.” She had no doubt he was avoiding her because he’d felt the nuclear connection when they kissed. Things had changed between them. A new charge electrified every encounter, and he couldn’t take the heat.
She wasn’t going to worry about it. For her, the trip had awakened a desire to do more with her life, to get out of the rut she’d let herself get used to. Being in Iraq, seeing the devastation, feeling the pain and suffering of everyday people ignited her. That kiss, the one that lit her very soul on fire, had blasted the cobwebs off her heart.
The taxi had just dropped her off at home, and a breeze was cooling the hot evening air. It was still light out even though it was almost dinnertime. She stared at her house, purse in hand.
How could she be content lecturing on things she’d read about in books, being the good daughter and going to bed wondering if there was more to life? There was. There were people who lived their lives even in the most austere environments, fighting against the odds. She’d always seen her glass half empty instead of considering it hal
f full. The very fact that she was healthy and had food and shelter left her better than many people in the world for whom each of those things was a daily struggle. She wasn’t going to let the excuse of her mother’s illness dictate her life.
“Hi, Rex,” she yelled to the neighbor’s yippy dog who’d started barking as soon as she crossed the street and stepped onto her driveway.
She frowned, noting the blue car parked there. It didn’t belong to her aunt, and it wasn’t time for the nurses, either.
Her pulse kicked. Did her mother have a visitor? And where was her aunt? The door opened just as she stepped onto the porch.
“Crista!”
“Welcome home.” She gave Kat a hug.
“What’re you doing here?”
“A pipe burst in your aunt’s house and she had to go, so I came to check on your mom.”
“Is she—”
“She’s okay. She’s taking a nap in the bedroom.”
Kat went to her mother’s room and gingerly opened the door. Her mother was sleeping, the rise and fall of her chest steady. She looked good; her cheeks actually had some color to them.
Closing the door softly, she returned to the living room, where Crista was closing her laptop. “When did Aunt Luce leave?”
“Day before yesterday.”
Kat took a sharp breath. “Why didn’t you call me?”
“Because there was no point in worrying you. Nathan and I have been taking turns visiting your mom when the nurses aren’t here. She’s been great. We didn’t want to worry you.”
And there it was, reality crashing down on her. She couldn’t rely on others to take care of her mom.
“Thank you, Crista. I appreciate you and Nathan doing this, but...”
Crista crossed the room and placed her hands on Kat’s shoulders. “You’re not used to someone else helping you, I get that, but stop with just the thank-you. We do this for each other, all of us. You had enough going on in Iraq, and you didn’t need to spend twenty-four hours in transit worrying about your mom. She’s okay. She really is.”
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