by Ravenna Tate
She’d imagined being with Addison plenty of times, before the rape. But afterward, she didn’t think about sex at all. Not without the memories, that is. Not without the fear, and the pain, and the anger. Any fantasies about Addison were pushed aside each time. He surfaced in her dreams, but the next morning she would chide herself for being ridiculous. A man like him would only want one thing from her.
Well, now he’d had it. She shook her head. No! He hadn’t used her. She wanted to believe his words. He wanted her in his life and this hadn’t only been about sex. But what if she was wrong? What if those were only lines he’d fed her? How in the hell would she know the difference? She had friends who had a string of past relationships and didn’t always know the difference. What hope of discernment did someone like her have?
Nadine’s head hurt, and she knew she needed to try to get some sleep, or she’d be useless in the morning. She didn’t want to slow the others down. Her father was out there somewhere, and they had to find him.
She took a quick shower and then curled up on her side, trying to clear her mind so she could drift off to sleep again. Addison’s face and his deep, sexy voice filled her head, but she couldn’t do anything about that. It’s not like she would ever forget what they had shared.
****
Nadine woke and couldn’t remember where she was at first, but then it all came back to her. She heard sounds in the hallway, so dressed as quickly as possible, grateful she’d thought to take a shower the night before. She packed just as quickly, and when she emerged she smelled food and coffee.
Addison and the others, with the exception of George, were in the common room and kitchen, eating and drinking. She poured herself a cup of coffee and made a plate, then took it with her to an empty seat in the corner of the common room.
Gina and Suzanne exchanged a curious glance, and Nadine wished she’d stayed in her apartment. Addison had told her they all knew what had happened, and she imagined right now they were wondering if she’d spent the night in his room. What the hell had she done? These people had come up here to look for her father, and instead she’d given them a nice juicy story to gossip and speculate about.
Lee sauntered toward her, and she almost rolled her eyes. She did not need this right now. Out of the corner of her eye she watched Addison make his way toward her from the opposite direction. He and Lee eyed each other, and again she wondered how well Addison knew this man. He must have chosen him for a reason, but right now they looked like high school rivals on the playing field. If her focus hadn’t been on finding her dad, she’d ask Addison exactly what was the story with Lee. Should she be afraid of the man? That would be good to know.
Lee gave Addison a look of disgust, but he turned around and went back to where he’d been. Addison continued walking until he reached her. “Did you sleep well?”
“Not really.” She kept her voice low. No point in inviting more gossip. “You?”
“Not as much as I would have liked.”
“I’m sorry if I’ve overslept.”
“You didn’t. I would have woken you in a few moments if you hadn’t come out.”
“Is George still sleeping?”
Addison snorted. “He’s been up for hours. He’s already out there, plotting out the day’s journey.”
“By himself?”
“George is used to being outdoors by himself. He’ll be back before we leave.”
Nadine wanted to talk about last night, but everyone was watching them now. The conversation in the room had died down. This wasn’t what she wanted. She should never have made love to him. He’d given her an out, telling her they could wait until they were back underground, and she should have taken it.
These were his employees, and the Storm Troopers he’d known for years. They needed to respect him and follow his leadership, not wonder who he was sleeping with. Any hope she’d had of these people believing she’d come up here merely to help find her father vanished. They’d never swallow that story now.
She finished eating, drained her coffee cup, and rose, brushing past Addison without a word. She’d have to discuss this with him, but that conversation would have wait. They had a job to do.
****
The temperature was warmer than the day before, but the cloud cover was thicker and Nadine kept glancing up at the sky. Gina was frustrated because the satellites weren’t working today, so each time she looked up, so did Nadine.
Addison started hanging back from the group as they went into cave after cave, so she did as well. Maybe he wanted to talk as much as she did? They both went into a cave that the others didn’t, and Addison placed his lantern on the floor. “What’s going on with you today?”
“What do you mean?”
“You won’t even look at me.”
She glanced toward the cave opening.
“Don’t worry about them. They won’t leave us behind.”
His voice was hard, and she wanted to die inside. “Did you see the looks I was getting this morning?”
“I saw Lee eyeing you, and I intend to speak with him as soon as possible, but I didn’t notice anything else out of the ordinary.”
“Well I did.” She told him about the glance that passed between Gina and Suzanne, and how she was sure they were all wondering if she’d spent the night with him.
“Nadine, this isn’t high school. These people don’t give a shit who I sleep with or don’t.”
She blinked back tears. “Okay, but I don’t want to cause any trouble.”
“You’re not causing trouble. For heaven’s sake…” He pulled her into arms, which only served to make it more difficult not to cry. “I don’t give a crap what they assume about me, okay? I’m not up here to please them. I pay them. Well, I pay some of them. But the Storm Troopers have known me for a long time. I don’t care whether they judge me, as long as we get the job done we came up here to do.”
“I’m sorry. I don’t know how to deal with this.”
He pulled away to look into her eyes. “How to deal with what we did, or how to deal with the fact that I’m not giving up on you?”
What? “I thought after last night…”
He grinned, and her heart fluttered. “You thought what? That just because you needed time to yourself to think things through I wasn’t going to speak to you again?”
“Something like that.”
He gave her a quick kiss, and even though it was swift, it left her breathless. “Well, you’re wrong, sweetheart. I want you more than ever now. What I need to know is if you still want me.”
“Yes. Of course.” She gathered her thoughts. Time to stop jerking this poor guy around. “Addison, I do want you. I’ve fantasized about you for years, too. After I was raped, I couldn’t deal with any of those feelings. Not only about you, but about anyone. I don’t know how you did what you did to me … how you helped me past all that, but you did. I want to be with you, too.”
“Thank you, Nadine. Please stop worrying what the others think about us. All we need to focus on is what we think of us. Can you do that for me?”
“Yes. Yes, I can.” Her heart soared. “I’m sorry I’ve been so off and on with you.”
“Don’t be sorry. Just please trust that I mean what I say to you.”
“I do trust you. I know you mean it.”
He brushed finger along her lips. “That’s all I wanted to hear.” He bent his head and kissed her again, slowly this time. She moaned in the back of her throat as every spine-tingling, delicious memory from last night came rushing back.
She wrapped her arms around his shoulders, and just as he slipped his tongue into her mouth, he pulled back when excited voices reached their ears. He grabbed the lantern, and she followed him outside where Lee and Alesia pointed toward a cave.
“In there,” she said. “Equipment. We’ve found equipment.”
Chapter Thirteen
Nadine thought her heart would burst. She flattened her body against the rock wall and watched th
e others descend on the digital camera and tiny recorder like vultures. How were they even sure they belonged to her father?
“Look here,” said Gina, moving through the pictures on the camera. “He caught the tornado as it was moving toward him.”
Nadine made a small sound before she could pull it back. They all stopped talking and stared at her, making her wish once again she’d stayed underground where she belonged.
“Let’s see what’s on the recorder,” said Merrill, his voice gentle. “He might have been talking into it the way he does.”
She didn’t even know that about him, but they all did. What else didn’t she know? She realized these people had spent more time with her dad in the past seven years than she had.
Addison came and stood next to her, reaching down to squeeze her hand. “It’s all right.”
“How do you know that stuff belongs to him?”
“Barcodes.”
“What?”
“Each piece of equipment belonging to a Storm Trooper has a barcode on it. It identifies who it belongs to. The codes on both pieces are your father’s.”
She put a hand to her mouth as her father’s voice bounced off the walls of the cave.
“I ran like a fucking freight train. That was a big one … EF3 or 4 I’m betting. It’s moved off, but I caught some great pics. I still have to find my other things. Fucking wind took them away. Once I find them, I’m off in search of my team.”
There was nothing else on the recorder after that. They all stared at one another, and then Gina glanced toward Nadine. “It proves he was here, in these caves. And he probably didn’t go far. He wouldn’t leave these behind.”
“Then why did he? Why did he leave them here to begin with?”
No one answered her, but it wasn’t necessary they did. She saw the same conclusions on each of their faces. Something had drawn him outside, and he hadn’t come back for the camera or recorder because he hadn’t been able to.
“We need to let the others know he likely isn’t east of the city,” said Lee.
Addison nodded. “I agree.” He pulled out a walkie-talkie, glancing at Nadine. “Sometimes these work for short distances, but I need to go outside to use it.”
She nodded, then dropped her gaze to the floor. She didn’t want to look at anyone right now.
“Let’s go search the caves near here,” said George, “then spread out.”
The others filed out except for Merrill. Nadine looked him in the eyes, wishing they’d never found this stuff. “He’s not dead.”
“How do you know that?”
“Because I know your dad. He outran a big tornado. When you can, look at the pictures. If he can escape that, he is not dead.”
“Then where is he? It’s been almost a week.”
“My best guess? He’s hurt and holed up somewhere until he heals because he knows he can’t travel at his best with an injury. His batteries are dead so he can’t use his laptop, or walkie. He’s close. He wouldn’t have gone far and left this behind.”
“How did he get separated from the others to the point they couldn’t find him, then?”
“We don’t know yet. He’ll tell us when we find him.”
She wanted desperately to believe him, but something about all this made no sense. “Where is the nearest shelter?”
Merrill scrunched up his face, thinking. “About a mile east of here.”
“Your email said the others with him got to a shelter, but he did not. How did he end up on this side of the city, so far away from everyone?”
Merrill grinned. “Did you hear what the recorder said? He outran the tornado.”
“Your email said it wasn’t a large tornado.”
“Then maybe another came up, and that’s the one he outran.”
“For a mile?”
“Nadine, your father is in better shape for a man his age than all of us put together. Yes, for a mile. I believe he could have done that.”
“Why would he go back outside and not take his equipment?”
“I don’t know.” He put his arm around her shoulder. “Come on. Let’s go find out.”
****
Addison wished he knew what to say to Nadine as they started searching the caves near the one where they’d found Dixon’s camera and recorder. George and Merrill had done a quick schematic of the area, and they split up in teams as they searched in a widening circle. Most of the caves weren’t deep, but some were.
George went with Lee and Alesia, Gina and Suzanne went with Merrill, and that left Addison and Nadine. They agreed not to search any of the deep caves since there were only two of them.
She looked utterly defeated, and while he could understand why, he didn’t believe they’d find her father dead. There were thousands of caves within a half mile radius. Searching them all would take time. The other Storm Troopers were now on their way to this side of the city, so soon they’d have extra help.
They had searched twenty-four caves total by the time they stopped to eat. Lunch was cold sandwiches and fruit, and they ate inside one of the larger caves since the wind had begun to pick up after they decided to take a break.
Addison sat next to Nadine, watching her face carefully as they listened to a violent thunderstorm outside. He searched his mind, desperate for a way to help her through this. At one point, he and Merrill exchanged a long glance, and Addison swore the man read his mind because the next thing out of his mouth was a request for Nadine to share with them her favorite memory of her dad from her childhood.
It was so good to see her smile. “That’s easy.” She shifted her weight so her body language wasn’t as closed, her eyes brighter now. “I was ten, and there was this boy next door named Marion. He got made fun of a lot because that’s traditionally a female name. This one day the neighborhood bully kids were picking on him. He was over at my house, and we were trying to build a dog house for a stray his mother had let him take in.”
“I miss having pets,” said Gina, her voice wistful.
“Me, too,” said Nadine. “We had cats growing up, and I always wish I had one now. So Marion and I were trying to build this house and doing a decent job, but then the little hoodlums came over and started kicking it apart and torturing Marion with name-calling. My father heard them and came out of the house. It was Saturday morning and he was home, but was on call all day and he didn’t like to be disturbed when he was on call because it usually meant he’d be at work a long time once he went in.”
“Did they wake him from a nap?” asked George.
“Yeah, I think they did. So he came outside and glared at them. Everyone was afraid of him, including those brats, but one of them thought he’d act all smart-mouthed and told my dad he had no right to tell them what to do.”
“Oh boy,” said Alesia. “Big mistake.”
“He stood up even taller and said, ‘I haven’t told you to do anything yet. Instead I’m going to give you some advice. The next time you get the urge to come over here and harass my daughter and her friend, ask yourself one question.’ The kids all had these looks on their faces like here it comes. Just another adult going to try to guilt us into leaving Marion alone.”
“Oh I wish I’d been there,” said Suzanne. “Just to see the look on your dad’s face.”
“What was the question?” asked Lee.
“He said, ‘Ask yourself how many times you’d enjoy having someone hold your hand down on the stove top with the burner on high.’ One of the kids looked confused, so he asked him if he’d ever accidentally burned his hand. The kid said oil had splattered once when he was cooking chicken, and my dad asked him if it had hurt.”
“Oh, I bet I know where this is going,” said Merrill.
“The kid said yeah, it had hurt, so my father asked him how he thought it would feel if someone had dipped his entire hand in the oil and held it there. The kid kind of blanched, and then all of them did. Then my dad said, ‘Every time you make fun of Marion for the good name his paren
ts gave him, or come over here and kick apart something my daughter has built, that’s how it feels in their soul. Like someone has burned them, and is holding that body part down to keep burning them. So ask yourself how many times a day you could handle that. If the answer is less than one, think twice about kicking her work or making fun of Marion’s name from now on.’”
She shifted her weight again. “Then he gave them that look. You all know the one I mean. It’s the one that says you’re about to be nailed.” The group chuckled. “And he said, ‘As many times as you do or say something to someone that burns their soul with pain that way, karma will pay you back a hundredfold.’ He glanced around and then asked, ‘Who knows what that means?’ The kid with the smart mouth pipes up. ‘It means you get back what you do to others a hundred times over?’ My dad said, ‘Exactly,’ then asked them to think about that for a few days.”
“Did they leave?” asked Addison.
“They did. One of them waited until they were down the driveway and turned around to call me and Marion babies, but they didn’t bother us again.”
“He has a way of putting things in perspective,” said George. “He really makes you think.”
Nadine nodded, the smile still on her face. It was then Addison realized the storm had stopped, so they gathered up the remnants of their meal and made their way back outside again.
****
Nadine felt better during the afternoon. She was touched that one of them had asked about her childhood, and in telling the story it reminded her of her father’s strength. Not only his physical strength, but the conviction of his character and his wisdom. It also made her realize that Addison and the others were right. He wasn’t dead.
If he was, they would have found his body by now out in the open. He was in one of these caves, probably hurt and unable to leave. They would find him. She felt certain of it.
It was nearing late afternoon and they had searched a total of sixty-one caves for that day. Merrill declared the day a huge success, and told them the other Storm Troopers were in a shelter waiting out a large storm, but would join them in the bunker that night and then help them search in the morning. “We’ll get even more done tomorrow with the extra help.”
