by Ravenna Tate
The group was heading back, and came across a group of caves that was off by itself. Gina had managed to link to a satellite about an hour earlier, and said there was nothing on radar, so they decided to search the caves and then head back. That would knock fifteen more off the list, and Merrill was thrilled with that kind of progress for one day.
Nadine and Addison thought they’d chosen a shallow cave to search, but then Addison spotted a tiny crevice near the back wall that opened into a series of sloping tunnels. “We need to go back. We’ll have Merrill and George earmark this cave for tomorrow. If we try to search all of it now we’ll lose the light well before we finish.”
They were close to the opening outside when Addison stopped. “Why is it so dark already?” Nadine froze. They looked at each other for a moment, and then Addison told her to go back inside the crevice and wait.
“Not a chance,” she said. “You go out there, so do I. I’m not going to end up in this cave alone.” Her voice shook, but she didn’t care. She was afraid, and he needed to know that.
They both peeked outside and spotted the other two teams doing the same thing from just inside the caves they’d been searching. “Stay inside,” called George, his voice nearly carried away by the wind. “Bad one coming. Very bad. We might be here all night.”
“It came up in like two seconds,” called Gina, waving her laptop in the air.
Nadine had thought she understood what her dad was up against, but as Addison waved to the others to let them know they had heard and understood, she realized she was only just beginning to learn what the Storm Troopers faced every single day.
Chapter Fourteen
After Addison waved to George and Gina to indicate he’d heard them, he and Nadine glanced toward the east. “That must be what the other Storm Troopers were hiding from,” he said. One of the odd things the fucked up weather program had done was obliterate the normal directional flow of storms so they could literally spring up from any direction now. This one was coming fast and furious, and judging by the smell in the air, it contained a boatload of rain.
“What if it floods the caves?” asked Nadine. She barely heard her own voice over the wind.
Addison didn’t answer, and that frightened her more than anything. As the wind strengthened even further, he took her hand and they slipped into the crevice. He found a tunnel that sloped upward so that was where they headed.
She could still hear noise from outside, and that was just as unnerving as thinking about this space filling up with water. Was that what had happened to her dad? Had he sought shelter from a storm inside one of these caves and drowned?
Nadine let out a muffled cry, which earned her an arm around her shoulder as they finally stopped. Addison placed the lantern on the floor in front of them. “We have plenty of provisions. We’ll be fine here until it passes.”
She wasn’t thinking about a lack of provisions. She couldn’t get out of her head the image of her father hiding in a cave while it filled up with water. As the sounds from outside grew louder still, Nadine snuggled against Addison’s warm body and tried to simply keep breathing.
“Do you want to tell me another story about your dad?” he asked.
“Not right now.”
“It would be better than listening to the storm.”
“I only want to sit here and wait for it to pass.”
He pulled her closer and was silent for a few moments, but she knew he was right. They could hear everything out there, and it sounded terrible.
“The sun will be down by the time it passes,” he said, “and none of us feel safe traveling in the dark. We might be stuck here, like George said.”
She shifted her weight to face him, every high and low she’d experienced since Saturday coalescing into this one moment. His eyes blazed with lust and an emotion she couldn’t quite pinpoint. Even in this dim light she was able to discern the passion in them. This man would not ever hurt her or let her down.
She remembered him from as far back as her memories went, although he’d only been fourteen the year she’d been born. But once he graduated from high school and went on to college, he became a frequent visitor in their home. In a way, he had always been there for her. The things he’d said to her in the past few days told her he intended to be there for her in the future as well, but in a very different way.
Did they even have a future, or would they die tonight in this cave? The storm still sounded strong, but now those noises faded into the background as Nadine continued to gaze into Addison’s eyes. In three short days, she’d gone from hiding away between her job and home, wrapped in a cocoon she’d spun, to participating in a rescue mission alongside men and women she’d admired all her life. She owed that to this man.
Not only had he allowed her to come to the surface with him and these teams, but he’d shown her what sex was really like. What it was meant to be, with a man who cared about her and whom she cared about in return. They would find her father, and she’d return to her life underground, but so would Addison. What would happen then?
Was this a heat of the moment thing or had he meant what he said? Did he want her in his life? Was it possible that Nadine Jarvis could have a normal relationship? The kind of relationship she’d once let herself believe was possible?
“Tell me what you’re thinking,” he said. “I’m watching emotions pass across your face with lightning speed.”
“That’s because you’re a mind reader.”
He smiled slightly and shook his head. “No. Not even close. You’re simply very transparent.”
“I’ve been told that.”
“Please talk to me, Nadine. Let me help you make sense of this.”
The desperation in his voice almost brought tears to her eyes. She had let him in, then pushed him away because she’d been worried what others might think. To hell with that. It should be obvious based on the interactions in the group that no one judged either of them. She had nothing to worry about. The only one preventing this from going further was her.
“Addison, I have been attracted to you since … I really don’t know how long I’ve felt an attraction to you. Probably before I should have felt it, but I’ve known you my entire life. It was difficult not to be attracted to you.”
“Thank you for telling me that.”
“I’m still attracted to you. That never left me, even after the rape. My feelings for you are stronger now that we’ve made love, but I don’t know how to have a normal relationship. I’m not even sure what that is, but I want to try. I want to try with you. You’re the only person who has been able to bring me this far. You’ve the only person I’ve let into my life far enough to allow the possibility of this happening. You’re the only man I can imagine trying this with.”
The look of gratitude on his face melted his heart. “Oh Nadine, I meant what I said. I’m not going to hurt you. I want the same thing from you. I want you in my life, not only for this mission, but once we’re back underground.”
“Even if that means one day I need to back off, or if I realize I can’t do this after all?”
“Yes. Even if it comes to that. I told you that. I wasn’t lying when I said it.”
“I’m sorry. I must sound ridiculous to you. Like I can’t make up my mind, or haven’t remembered anything you and I have already said to each other.”
He stroked her hair, which sent shivers down her back. “Not at all. You sound like a woman who has been through a traumatic experience, is finally starting to come out the other side, and who isn’t sure she’s worthy of anyone’s time or attention.”
Nadine drew in a sharp breath. How had he done that? How had he plucked the core of her feelings out of her heart like that? “That’s it exactly,” she whispered.
“Tell me what you want to do from this point on. You know how I feel. Now I need to know what you want from me.”
Nadine heard the storm still raging outside, but the voices inside her head were louder. They told her to s
top hiding and start living, and to begin by letting this man into her life all the way. She kissed him, and at first he almost hesitated, as if afraid to believe this was real, but then he pulled her onto his lap and shoved his tongue inside her mouth.
Nadine moaned loudly in the back of her throat, wrapping her arms around his shoulders and moving so she straddled him rather than sitting sideways. She pushed her body against his, and the guttural sounds he made as his tongue worked its magic over hers reassured her that she’d made the right choice.
Addison released her mouth and planted soft kisses on her neck, then reached down to unzip her jacket. It was suddenly way too warm in the cave.
“I want you,” she whispered. “Only you. I don’t want to hide any longer. I don’t want to be afraid.”
He gazed into her eyes with so much emotion her heart nearly burst.
“I believe everything you said to me. Now it’s time for me to prove that to you.”She removed her jacket and shirt, pulling it over her head before she lost her nerve. Addison’s jaw went slack. To know such a normal gesture could reduce this man—who had done and seen so much of the world—to nothing more than a horny male made her feel seductive and alive.
She unhooked her bra and removed it, then unzipped his jacket. He moved her off him gently, then shed his clothing faster than she’d ever imagined anyone could undress. She giggled as she removed the rest of hers. This was the first time she’d ever been naked inside a cave. It was the first time she’d been naked outdoors, but no one would see them. She could barely see Addison in the low light.
He fished a second lantern out of his backpack and lit it. Nadine wanted to ask how he carried so much weight around because the lanterns were heavy, but he pulled her into his arms and she no longer cared how he did it. She was lost in a sea of sensations that were both familiar yet new. She felt uninhibited here, away from everyone, knowing they weren’t merely down the hall. No one would hear this. No one would see Addison wander into the kitchen, barely dressed.
“Fuck!” He took several steps away from her and slammed one fist into the opposite palm. “Shit!”
“What’s wrong?”
“I don’t have any condoms with me. No lube, either.”
Her elation deflated as if it had been a balloon that someone let the air out of. “Okay. Right. Yeah. We need a condom at least.”
He stared at her with an expression she couldn’t fathom. “Well, not really.”
“Excuse me?”
“I mean we don’t actually need it. I mean if you get pregnant, I wouldn’t freak out or anything.”
“Why on earth not?”
“Because I wouldn’t.”
Was he out of his fucking mind? She couldn’t even speak. All she could do was stare at him.
“Unless of course there’s a reason you’re opposed to having children with me one day.”
Nadine’s mouth opened, but nothing came out at first. It took her several seconds before she could form a coherent sentence. “I can’t honestly say I’ve ever thought about it. Not because of you, specifically.”
That was entirely true, but how could she put her silly fantasies into words right now without sounding like a lovesick teen?
“I’ve thought about it,” he said. “I mean settling down and getting married … having a family. I want what my friends have.”
“With me?”
“Yes.”
Holy shit. “How on earth can you know something like that already?”
The corners of his mouth turned up. “You already asked me that.”
“I know.” That was true. She had asked him the same question, just yesterday.
“My answer hasn’t changed since yesterday.”
Long moments passed before he spoke again. Long moments during which Nadine tried to picture being married to this man and having his children. It was everything she’d ever wanted, but what if she wasn’t ready? What if she was too fucked up to ever have that kind of a life?
“Did you not mean what you just told me, Nadine? That you were ready to do this? That you believe everything I said?”
“No, I mean, yes. I meant what I said. I do believe you. I want this, and I want it with you.”
“But not marriage and children. That’s not what you want. You only want sex.”
She laughed, but not because she found what he’d asked humorous. It was more a release of emotions that she couldn’t even process. “I didn’t say that.”
Addison’s grin sent a shiver down her spine. “I know you didn’t, but you’re still not getting away that easily.”
“Is this your idea of a marriage proposal then?”
“If that’s what you need to have unprotected sex with me, and so you’ll realize how serious I am, then so be it.” He got down on one knee, and she laughed again. “Stop laughing, please.”
“I’m not laughing at you.”
“I realize that, but I’m already shaking with fear here.”
Nadine’s smile faded. He was afraid of her? Why? This gorgeous, perfect man could have any woman he wanted.
He glanced around, then picked up a twig. Twisting it into a circle, he held it out. “Nadine, will you marry me? I’ll get you a real ring once we’re underground again.”
“Stop teasing me,” she whispered.
His smile faded now, and he took her hand “I am not teasing you, love.”
“Love. Yeah. That word. You called me that yesterday, too. I always thought people got married because they were in love, not because they wanted to have sex without a condom.”
“That’s why you think I’m doing this?”
His voice held a note of defeat that sent physical pain through her. She didn’t want to hurt him, but she was confused. “Only because you said as much.”
“You’re right. I did. But that wasn’t what I meant. Nadine, I do love you. I’ve always loved you. I’ve known you my entire life. Do you remember when I asked you out?”
“Yes. I had graduated from high school not two weeks earlier. I thought my dad was going to kill you.”
“And he had every right to be pissed off. You were eighteen and I was thirty-two. But what neither of you ever knew was something I already did. I just couldn’t admit it to myself. Not until yesterday. Not until I finally held you in my arms, and kissed you, and made love to you. Even back then I knew you were the woman I wanted to spend my life with. I’ve been an ass, Nadine. For years I’ve been careless and stupid. But I’m not that man anymore. I’ve always wanted you. I do love you. I love you even more now that I’ve had you. Do you really think I will forget this, or that it will fade away? Not a chance, sweetheart. You’re mine. I will do anything to have you in my life forever.”
Nadine didn’t bother wiping the tears off her face. She couldn’t move. She couldn’t even think. Everything he’d just said reverberated in her brain, but she couldn’t make sense of it. Did she love him, too? In one way she always had, but was it the same love she needed to feel in order to spend her life with him? How on earth would she know? And what if she was wrong? What if she fucked up his life?
“What’s your answer?”
“I don’t know, Addison. I don’t even understand how I feel about yesterday, let alone whether I love you in that way. I mean, I do love you, but I don’t know what it means. I don’t know how to feel normal. I don’t want to ruin your life.”
He stood and pulled her into his arms. “You can’t ruin my life. It’s not possible. And you’re more normal than you understand, love. You just don’t know it yet.”
“I’m sorry.”
He pulled away and cupped her face. “Don’t be. You’re honest, and I’d have expected nothing less.”
Nadine realized they were both still naked, and he was still hard. And to her astonishment, she was still quite aroused. He had an effect on her that no one else did. No one else ever would. She knew that without any doubt.
She opened his right hand. The twig was still there.
Her heart raced. If she said “yes” there was no going back. It would be utterly unfair to do that to him. Was she ready for something so monumental? Then again, they could simply have unprotected sex, but did throwing caution to the wind and doing something irresponsible, all for the sake of passion, make it right?
“What are you thinking, sweetheart?”
“I’m trying to make a decision.”
“About marriage, or about sex?”
She shook her head. “You are a mind reader, you know. I don’t care how much you deny it. About both.”
“Don’t make any decisions about either. Not right now. Just crawl into my sleeping bag with me and lie down for a while.”
“For real?”
“For real. I shocked you. I know I did. I’m like that.”
She chuckled. “Yeah. I’m beginning to see that.”
“That doesn’t mean I wasn’t sincere about wanting to marry you.” He pulled his sleeping bag out of the backpack, unzipped it all the way, and spread it out on the dirt floor. She saw him slip the ring into his backpack, and that simple gesture touched her heart more than anything he’d just said.
He meant this. He really loved her enough to spend his life with her. This was real. She had no reason to fear it. Her feelings for him were just as strong. If they hadn’t been, she wouldn’t have been able to give her body to him yesterday. She wouldn’t have been able to trust him that way.
She’d spent so much time trying to understand what a normal relationship was that she had ignored the one staring her in the face all her adult life. He was here. This man was the normal relationship she’d been craving. And he had just asked her to marry him. She didn’t need another sign, or anymore time, or an analysis of her feelings. They were already there. They always had been.
“Yes.”
He glanced up, then held her gaze while she knelt next to him
“I’ve spent all this time not realizing I had the object of my fantasies right in front of me. I don’t want to keep doing this to you. Vacillating like this.”
