The Seventh Voyage of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 7)
Page 3
“Yes, Ma’am, but that’s only because we have now sailed into the the Northern Hemisphere. That there is Andromeder, um, I mean, Andromeda.”
“Very nice, Mr. Temperance, and that little cluster over there, do they have some ancient relevancy, eh hem?”
“Yes Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt Ma’am, those shiny diamonds in the sky are the fishies, Pisces.”
“Delightful, sir, can you identify any more?”
“Yes, Ma’am. Over yonder are the twins, Gemini.”
“Am I mistaken Mr. Temperance, or does that one tiny little star have a pink aura about it, eh hem?”
“Hunh, it is kind of pinkish, ain’t it? I don’t recall ever noticing that one before, Miss Plumtartt.”
“Good Heavens, sir, if I am not mistaken, the colourful dot of light is mobile. Moreover, it now appears to be circling the ship, dropping into a closer trajectory and orbit of this vessel.”
“Why, it’s a little bubble of pink luminance, Miss Plumtartt! I think it’s headed right for you and me!”
“Indeed Mr. Temperance, our softly glowing, ephemeral sphere, as it reveals itself to be, drops slowly down before us to hover a few feet off the deck of our ship. At this distance, it now shares its diminutive dimension with us, for now we can see that it is but a mere twenty inches in diameter.”
“There’s something inside that floating, pink, soap bubble Ma’am! In fact, I think it is a somebody! No it’s two somebodies! There’s two little gals in there! They can’t be but about a foot tall. They sure are happy and energetic! The little Asian girls inside are very spirited dancers! Wearing plain, red, shapeless skirts of a minimum hemline length, these short smocks are covered over with golden paisley designs that convey a sense of frolicsome paramecium or tadpoles in a crowded pond. Their shoulder length black hair is partially restrained from their glee filled faces by bright blue headbands.”
“How extraordinary, Mr. Temperance. A lively, alternating of tapped toes is markedly more pronounced in their knee-high, white bootwear. The synchronized movement has yet to abate an iota. Frenetic, sideways bobs of their cheerful heads is in perfect time and harmony of one another’s identical sister.”
“They sure are in tune with one another all right! Now they are waving their arms up and down right in front of themselves, first with the right arm and then the left. Somehow, they are able to engage their hips to move at the same time as their arm movement. Do they seem to be doing a funny imitation of a monkey?”
“Perhaps, Mr. Temperance. Ah, now they corkscrew their arms straight out from the shoulder in an effort to simulate the action of propelling oneself through water. Exaggerated hip, head, and toe taps accompany this mimicry. Joyfully giving us a wink, and with uncanny synchronization, they turn their heads in taking a breath of air in the imaginary, watery medium.”
“That’s pretty neat! Lookey there, Miss Plumtartt, now, they are pretending to duck down under the pretend water as they pinch their noses closed and with an entrancing, feminine fluidity, holding their knees together, they sashay all the way down to their boot heels and continue the mermaiden motion all the way back up to the imaginary water’s surface. I think that their flouncy and flirtatious gyrations are subduing just a tad. Maybe this is a good time to break the ice.”
“Howdy there, Ladies. My name is Ichabod Temperance and this here is Miss Persephone Plumtartt. May we be of some sort of assistance?”
“Nah, nuh, nah, nuh, nah, nuh.”
“Hey! Hey! Hey!”
“Nah, nuh, nah, nuh, nah, nuh.”
“Hey! Hey! Hey!”
“There’s trouble afoot,”
“Someones been naughty.”
“The Fairy Dust sought you out,”
“Ichs-a-body!”
“Eh hem, indeed, ladies. Just what sort of naughtiness and troubles were you wanting to get Mr. Temperance embroiled in, eh hem?”
“Buh-dahba, boom!”
“Buh-dahba, bing!”
“Buh-dahba, zing, zang, zow!”
“You’re in this too, Persephone,”
“Watch out, now!”
“Who are you girls?”
“Hey! Hey!”
“Ho! Ho!”
“We have spirit”
“and it has to show!”
“Yeah, yeah!”
“Oh, no!”
“Our first name is,”
“IndiGoGo!”
“Spinning around,”
“and around we twirl!”
“I’m an indie,”
“She’s an indie,”
“IndiGoGo Girl!”
“Well, Miss IndiGoGo Girls, Ma’ams, what seems to be the trouble?”
“A terrible man,”
“His experiments are unmentionable!”
“He destroys all he can,”
“His habits are abominable!”
“Twisting Nature in his hands,”
“His actions are unspeakable.”
“Despair surrounds all his lands,”
“His refuge is unsinkable!”
“Receiving your help would be grand,”
“The alternative is unthinkable!”
“Where is all this taking place?”
“With towering volcanos”
“and bordered by black sand,”
You are hereby invited to,”
“Monstrous Island!”
“I’ve never heard of ’Monstrous Island’, Misses IndiGoGo Girls Ma’ams. How do we get there?”
“Hey, it’s all good,”
“Yeah, it’s all right.”
“Everything is groovy,”
“Just hang on tight.”
“We’re going on a journey,”
“We’re going on a flight.”
“We’ll ride along the wind,”
“Through the velvety night.”
“Miss Plumtartt! The pink sphere is glowing more brightly!”
“Indeed, Mr. Temperance, I believe that I detect a distinct swelling in the bubble’s size as well.”
“Yikes! This bubble has quickly grown in size and now encompasses you and me in it, along with the IndiGoGo Girls. Hey, they are not tiny anymore! Now they are full sized young ladies.”
“It may be a matter of perspective, Mr. Temperance. Our present manner of transport has left the deck of our ship and is swiftly soaring into the night sky.”
“I can see Professer Fuzziwitz running out on deck and looking after us in disbelief as we sail off into the air.”
“Sorry, Professor,”
“But you were such a bore.”
“The kids are with us,”
“We’re splitting, out the door.”
Adventure is awaiting,”
“We just can’t ignore.”
“Persephone and Icky,”
“Monstrous Island will explore!”
Chapter Three:
Icky and the Sugar Buzz
. . . s n o r e . . .
. . . slumber . . . slumber . .
. . . s n o r e . . .
. . . slumber . . . slumber . .
I do not want to wake up...
A sickly sweet sugar buzz rebounds about my expansive head, sapping my energy, but I refuse to allow myself the luxury of an extended hibernation.
No, I must rouse this great body of mine! Sit up, I command my slowly waking limbs. Come, my chubby legs, pull up beneath my butt and bear this bare bear into an upright position. No, that doesn’t seem to be working. Spread out wide, my jumbo legs and I will put my expansive belly to work! Ill rock back and forth a couple of times and with a mighty grunt I use my substantial momentum to heave myself forward! Rise, you glorious creature! I am as brilliant as I am large, in the manner in which I used my immense weight to my advantage! Higher, and higher my commanding presence looms, for I am the biggest and strongest occupant of this island!
“RRRRAWR!!!”
Ah, the tremendous weight of my glorious body is such a comfort! I am sure that I must
weigh a massive fifty tons! None may oppose me! I am the ’Inescapable One’! No ill-begotten, pseudo-super-monster, nor madman scientist with ’Evil Eye’ attachment, can resist me!
That deluded fool, Doctor Atwell Lionelstein, may have inadvertently created the superior being when he created me, but his other attempts at super-monster development are disgusting! Someday, I will put an end to that mans indecent meddling with the Laws of Nature, but until such time, I find that I am distracted by a scent in the air; that of something tangy and sweet. I smell fruit! My orchards! I must go and check on my orchards!
This entire island quakes at the thudding footfalls of my gigantic feet. Let that be a warning! Stay away from this end of Monstrous Island!
“RRRRAWR!!!”
My orchards, how beautiful and bountiful you are! Acre after carefully planted acre, my squared fields of fruit trees stretch across my valley in a neatly arrayed checkerboard of delightful colours.
“Hello, yellow! My Pineapple trees, look at how tall you have grown! Why some of you are thirty feet tall! Almost up to my waist! You poor trees are sagging under your burden of heavy pineapples! The same is true for my scrumptious banananananas! I shall harvest your wonderful crops and savour your succulent flavours!”
Oh, but now I must be careful, for the lemon and the lime trees are very short in comparison. I do not want to step on and crush your tangy goodness! Oh, I could just squeeze your tarty fruit flesh for every last drop of sour power! How do you two do it? You are exactly the same size and shape! The only difference is your bright yellow skin Mr Lemon, and your dark, green husk, Mr Lime! Except of course for your fantastic flavours that differ in a subtle, yet distinctive manner.
I am almost afraid to look. My happiness, or eternal sorrow depends on the state of this next beloved tree. Are you there? Will you care to share with this bear your delicious bounty?
Yes! Triumph is mine! The bright, glorious, red gleam of cherries in the sunshine gladdens my sugary soul. The cherry trees are loaded with ripe berries! The heady fragrance of your wild cherry scent intoxicates me! Oh, cherry, you are my most favourite flavour of all time. Almost as much as I love orange, tangerine, and coa-coa-coaconuts! I grow dizzy with delirious desire for your rich, sweet yumminess.
Hello, what’s this? There’s a rumbly in my tumbly. A trembling, quiver has begun, deep down in my slightly extended and rounded, yet, precocious, belly. I cannot control it! Is it trying to tell me something? Yes, of course! My super-monster senses are alerting me that strangers have dared to trespass on this island! My end of the island! Inconceivable! I shall destroy these intrepid, though foolish, trespassers with my inescapable impunity!
“RRRRAWR!!!”
---
“Bippity Ping!”
Bippity Pong!”
“Bippity Pop, Bop, Pah.”
“You have traveled fast,”
You have traveled far.”
“Monstrous Island”
“Is where you are.”
“It’s time for us to split.”
“You must not be beaten!”
“But most of all, please,”
“Don’t get eaten!”
“Sayonara, Ichsibod and Persephone!”
“Wait please, Misses IndiGoGo Girls Ma’ams! We don’t know what we are getting ourselves into! We don’t know what it is that we are supposed to accomplish! Come back! We ain’t even got no provisions!”
“Oh dear, it would appear, Mr. Temperance, that our hosts have abandoned us on the narrow, bare, black-sanded beach of this most forbidding of islands. Huge boulders, blackened with eternal wet spray tower above us, blocking off any view of this uninviting place. Many active volcanoes belch their unhappiness to a rainy sky above our heads. Dark and frightening jungles cling to the steep, black cliffs of the disconcerting landscape. This, sir, is not my idea of a Pacific Paradise.”
“Ner mine, neither, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am.”
“What is that you have found there, Mr. Temperance? It is the size and shape as one might envision some ancient Mediterranean Bronze Age officer carrying. It suits you very well, Mr. Temperance. Dare I say, even heroic? The way you stand there, posed as some ancient Spartan warrior, with your shield upon your arm is a thrilling picture. As to the strange shield you have found, I describe it as almost spadelike, that is, pointy at the bottom, smooth along the circular sides until changing to three wavy ripples across the top. Approximately a yard across, it features a slightly rounded, concave shape tapering toward a central spine. I say, it does appear rather organic; wouldn’t you agree, Mr. Temperance, eh hem?”
“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am, I believe this to be a scale, torn from some kind of gigantic sea monster.”
“Ah, yes, of course, Mr. Temperance, I see now that what you possess is, obviously, a loosened scale. Some titanic creature must have lost it while in combat with some other colossal beast, yes? There is no need to point out the many and varied footprint and slithering trail of a wide variety of creature that has passed over this locale. I see evidence of the huge creatures having waged battle on each other, if I am not mistaken, in the scarred landscape.”
“Yes, Ma’am, that’s what I was just thinking. Um, Miss Plumtartt? Can I ask you something?”
“Why of course, Mr. Temperance, ask me anything you wish; I have no secrets from you, sir.”
“Thanks, Ma’am, that’s nice, but I was gonna ask, do you hear, something? Somewhere beyond the intermittent volcanic eruption, there is now a different sound. Maybe I don’t really hear it as much as feel it. Can you sense a steady vibration in the ground?”
“Why, yes, now that you mention it, there is just a slight tremour that runs through the island. Yes, I hear it more distinctly now that you mention it. It has the quality of something familiar...”
“Running feet, Ma’am?”
“Yes, Mr. Temperance! By Jove, that’s it! These steady, pounding, island quaking vibrations do put me in the mind of a set of immensely heavy, running feet! I say, Mr. Temperance, why do you ask?”
“Well, Ma’am, it’s just that they seem to be getting closer. I also hear an accompanying uproar of the jungle being thrown aside at this giant’s approach. I’m thinking that maybe we should run really fast to escape this open beach, and to seek shelter in that scary black jungle because it sounds and feels like something really big is headed right for us in a great big hurry.”
“I see, perhaps you are correct sir. Hear, hear, let us make all possible haste in an effort to evade and elude this troubling, tundra-trembling, titanic threat.”
“Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt!”
“I say, we have just made the cover of the jungle as our pursuer crashes the beach behind us. Did you happen to get a glimpse of the creature, Mr. Temperance?”
“No Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am, and I hope I never do!”
“Of course, sir, quite right. I do so wholeheartedly agree with your wishes, though, regrettably, I sense the behemoth that pursues us so diligently draws ever nearer.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“RRRRAWR!!!”
“I say, if the uproar of the jungle being thrown aside willy-nilly as the brute is chasing us is any indicator, then I should say that we shall expect to get a very close inspection of our Monstrous Island host at any moment, Mr. Temperance.”
“Yes, Ma’am.”
“Tell me, are you armed, Mr. Temperance?”
“No, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt, Ma’am. We left on this little jaunt so unexpectedly, that I did not get a chance to pack. I got a little pouch of small tools, but they aren’t real dangerous. I got a jack-knife, but it ain’t real good for sticking nobody. The blade would just fold back and cut the back of my finger. Actually, it would probably just give it a really nasty pinch. You know, that might be a real handy invention though. A locking mechanism to hold your knife open so it doesn’t fold back on you. Another handy little addition to the common pocket knife might be to put a button on the bl
ade’s side so that it can be opened with one ha...”
“RRRRAWR!!! Fools! Who dares to trespass Monstrous Island? Hah! Just a pair of puny humans? Fools, I shall devour you! RRRRAWR!!!”
“My word, Mr. Temperance, I disbelieve what my eyes are telling me! The creature that pursues us is incredible! Eighty feet tall and of enormous heft, the creature produces its own softly glowing light! Its translucent body is constantly changing in colours from red, to orange, to yellow, to green, and back to red again.”
“I ain’t never seen nothing like it, Miss Plumtartt. It kind of reminds me of a giant, angry, stained-glass pudding Koala.”
“RRRRAWR!!! Gaze upon my terrible form and tremble, puny, and insignificant human. Before you stands Monstrous Island’s greatest monster! I am the ’Inescapable One’!”
“I, . . . am, . . . Gumibara!”
“RRRRAWR!!!”
“Hey, seeing how this giant, jellied bear is walking on two legs, I betcha I could take out one of his legs and drop him to the ground! Holding my sea-monster scale by the edge, I’m gonna stand sideways to Gumibara. Drawing the shield shaped scale back across my body, I torgue all my leg, hip, and shoulder energy into flinging the spinning missile at my colourful foe with all the mustard I can muster. Unh!”
“Good show, Mr. Temperance! Your counter-Olympic discus throw has spun with unerring accuracy to bury deeply into Gumibara’s shin! He shall certainly topple without the use of that leg.”
“RRRRAWR!!! You Fools! Gumibara has no shins! Not only am I the ’Inescapable One’, but I am also, the ’Boneless One’! Ha, ha! RRRRAWR!!!”
“I can see why you are known as the ‘Boneless One’, but why are you called the ’Inescapable One’?”
“RRRRAWR!!! Because of this incredible super-power, you ridiculous Fool! Ha, ha! RRRRAWR!!!”
“Aw, heck; in hindsight, that was probably a silly question to ask.”
“Oh, drat, Mr. Temperance! Gumibara has snatched us both up in his enormous paws; however, instead of actually grabbing us, per se’, he has merely absorbed us into his paws until only our heads extrude from each gooey, glowing, mitt.”