The Seventh Voyage of Temperance (The Adventures of Ichabod Temperance Book 7)

by Ichabod Temperance

  “Hey! What about me? I want to help! Are you guys just gonna leave me here all by myself?”

  “There is no room on our boat, honourable super-monster, Gumibara-San.”

  “Now hang on a second, Mr. Trevorgawa-San. Gumibara has just as much right to see this adventure through as the rest of us. There ain’t no denying he is a sure ’nough super-powered super-monster. We need his help! Besides, it’s gonna take you close to an hour to get the steam up on this wonder-boat of yours. I got a little idea. If we were to build a Gumibara-sized raft, do you think that you, TiTaupKamaro, could pull it?”

  “GRONK!!! Of course I can pull it! The resistance would probably slow me down enough that Jubei’s little boat could maybe keep up.”

  “Hai! Then let us quickly fashion a raft by lashing these uprooted palm trees together, that we may convey Gumibara as a part of our determined company! We must stop ZodGila!”

  ---

  “Okay, TiTaupKamaro, I think we are ready. Come get in position.”

  “Ha, ha! Far out! This harness you have quickly fashioned, Ichabod, will work perfectly! I never thought I’d be towing a trailer!”

  “Climb aboard, Gumibara, we are ready!”

  “It takes a super-monster to stop a super-monster! Just you wait, ZodGila, we’ll fix your little green wagon! All right, TiTaupKamaro, I am on the raft and ready! This rope handle at the front will allow me to ride standing up! With one hand I shall hold onto the rope for balance as you speed through the ocean waves, and with the other, I will gesture wildly and heroically!”

  “Hey, Mr. Trevorgawa-San sir! We better hurry or we are going to get left behind! We have got this boat’s furnace up to a fearfully roiling inferno! Her boiler is set to burst! I am amazed at the size of such a powerful, though compact, engine on this relatively small boat! I am also amazed in that I can see no means of propulsion in which to vent all this pent-up steam energy. I don’t see a propeller behind nor paddles to the sides. There is a lot of machinery hidden beneath the highly stylized boat’s hull, but I fail to fathom their meaning.”

  “This boat is a special agent special. Because it is the prototype, it is the only one of its kind. It is an ‘aqua/aero’, or, ‘water-arrow’ or ’flying water bullet’. I made a strategic, unauthorized, acquisition for the self-appointed Rhianico exfiltration.”

  “I see. In other words, you stole it, eh hem?”

  “Hai.”

  “Hi! So, uh, how does this thing go?”

  “Like this!” ~fuh-uh-uh-whoom!~ “There is a tunnel constructed through the center of the boat’s hull. A turbine is built into this channel. Water enters through a wide inlet at the front, and then passes through the spinning blades of the pinwheel within. Water is thrust rearward by the powerful propeller. A directional funnel at the stern gives us our steerage.”

  “Wow, this works really well! What an incredibly powerful boat this is! With your engagement of that throttle lever, we jumped from a standstill to flying along at a tremendous clip in just a few short seconds!”

  “Yes, Ichsa-bod, now as we approach the critical speed necessary, I can engage this ship’s primary method of high speed ocean cruising.”

  “You mean it can go even faster? Holy flying ships! This boat is growing legs! Four appendages are deploying from our boat’s hull! These extensions end in flattened, snow toboggan feet. As the legs press the feet onto the surface of the water, they slide on the surface. This is acting to push the hull of the boat up out of the water and into the air! What was before a water propeller in the middle of our ships hull, is, now that we are airborne, a wind turbine, hurling us along at a breakneck pace, just a few feet above the water’s flashing surface!”

  “Do you still feel that you can keep up, TiTaupKamaro?”

  “Of course I can! Though admittedly, that boat is a pretty sweet ride and a prime mover.”

  “Wah-hoo! I am an ocean surfing super-monster! This is great! Go faster, TiTaupKamaro! Look, Persephone, I’m surfing/skiing with only one hand! Hey, I can stand on one foot and hold the rope with the toes of my other foot! Do you see me, Persephone? Hey, Persephone, are you watching?”

  “I say, yes, I do see, Gumibara. You are truly a daredevil water-skiing super-monster candy bear, sir. I am duly impressed, now please be careful, Gumibara!”

  “Hey Mr. Trevorgawa sir, how long until we meet up with your military contacts?”

  “It will not be long, Ichsa-bod. In fact, I think we are entering the operating zone of my home fleet. Here, you take the controls of the aqua/aero. I will move to the bow and send out my special super secret agent coded semaphore lamp signals.”

  “Hai, I see an answering response! I have informed them of our imminent arrival. We will soon have an audience with the admiral!”

  ---

  “I say, Mr. Trevorgawa, the hundreds of sailors crowding the rails of this impressive battleship are enthusiastically happy about seeing you return, eh?”

  “Hooray!” “Jubei!” “Hooray!”

  “Hai, let us hurry up this gangplank of the Royal Japanese Navy’s flagship, the Jamdmito, and meet with the admiral!”

  “Welcome aboard, Super Secret Agent Jubei Trevorgawa-San, and your companions!”

  “Domo arigato, marine, but I need to speak with the admiral immediately! This is urgent!”

  “Here he comes now, Jubei!”

  “Harumph, harumph, where is he? Jubei? Jubei? Jubei! Harumph, I mean, Super Secret Agent Trevorgawa, I am most pleased to see you safely returned. I see that you have successfully carried out your unauthorized mission. Congratulations on your naughty disobedience paying off. Give me a report!”

  “Hai, Admiral Misosouwa, I regret to report that I only enjoyed partial success in my unauthorized mission. I have rescued the sweet, innocent, beautiful, Rhianico, and apprehended the international criminals, Doctor Atwell Lionelstein and Laurie Petier; however, the fiendish scientist was able to ignite one, last detonation of his ‘Excoriation Process’. This has had dire results.”

  “What sort of dire results, Jubei? Oops! I mean, Super Secret Agent Trevorgawa!”

  “The sicko, cyclopean scientist has unleashed a super-monster that cannot be controlled. These two super-monsters that you see in the water behind me are our friends. They are pledged to do all they can to help defeat the threat that is coming to destroy the World.”

  “Hmm, a super-monster that is capable of destroying the World, eh? What form is this creature?”

  “He is a reptile, admiral Misosouwa. An enormous super-monster, hundreds of feet tall. This leviathan-sized lizard is in a livid rage. He has shown a desire to literally stamp out anything that indicates civilization. He is on a course for the Japanese home islands. There is no doubt that the super-monster wants to kick and stomp and tail sweep our cities into oblivion! When he is through with us, he will then continue his rampage on a circumnavigational tour.”

  “Harumph! No Jubei, His Majesty’s Royal Navy shall conquer this super-monster! Though your description is fearsome, our navy’s might is indomitable! Besides this mighty battleship you ride on, there are scores of modern naval ships, equipped with the latest in gimmicky weapons standing by to be arrayed against any threat!”

  “Hai, Admiral Misosouwa! It will take every resource we can throw at the super-monster, but we must stay the beast!”

  “Harumph, we have the greatest navy on the planet at our disposal! Mighty battleships, as this one, that are armed with the biggest guns ever built! These gigantic cannon can cast their explosive ordinance over a mile with pin-point accuracy! We have feisty frigates featuring fearsome ray casters that can incinerate their targets! Part of this armada is made up a a new specialty ship. It is flat and level along its upper deck, so we have nick-named them ‘table-tops’. These are our air-craft bearers! We are able to bring our balloon, dirigible and zeppelin forces with us! These too, have incredible weapons and of course, the famed ‘Men of the Air’ corps.”

  “Hai, Admiral,
this is an unbeatable array of military might!”

  “Do not worry, Jubei, nothing can stand before an onslaught of such violence and destruction!”

  Chapter Fourteen:

  ZodGila vs. the Royal Japanese Navy

  Clear, cold, blue, ocean water pours over my hide, cleansing me from the filth of artificial contaminants.

  The buoyant medium supports my weight, but the frigid temperatures do nothing to chill the fires of rage that burn within me!

  It is easy enough to find my next target to destroy. The stench of the un-natural calls to me from all around, but a conglomeration of that which does not belong beckons me most strongly from this direction.

  I hear something. I hear something that does not occur naturally. It is a steady, hurried beat. This thrum of noise does not happen in nature! It is the sound of the un-natural! The nasty little contaminators have devices to move across the ocean. I can hear the sounds of their artificial motivators. Now I smell their polluting oils that leak into my oceans.

  ~huh~“Blechlk-cough-cough!”

  Cresting the surface I am overwhelmed with a gagging reflex! The disgusting, toxic fumes of coal assault my lungs! They are near! Those that create that which is un-natural are in the waters, nearby!

  Slowing my tail, I reach with my toe/talons for the ocean floor. There it is. Now I can stand and survey the ocean and see what filthy little abominations these ants have wrought.

  Standing fully erect, high above the ocean’s surface, I can see for great distances. There, I see little specks on the horizon. Undoubtedly, these are things that do not occur in nature. These are things that should not be!

  What’s this? I see little bursts of flames from the distant specks. Many little dots of fire pop from many little specks.

  “Arr!”

  Ow, what was that?

  “Arr!”

  Ow, I am being stung! Little bursts of flames mark the points of pain! Ow! Ow! Ow!

  I am under attack! These are nasty little un-natural bites from the defilers! How dare they attack me! I only thought I was mad before. Now I am consumed with a rage unknowable! I feel the bellows of my lungs increasing their work load. My heart pounds with the propulsion of vengeance’s venom through my veins. I cannot restrain the the call I am impelled to release! I must proclaim my dominance in this world!

  “Eee-Aye-rRoark!!!”

  My deafening roar shakes air, sky, land and water. The concussive energy from the thunderous blast causes circles of waves to race out from my position. The angry outburst of my indignant lungs spread giant ripples in a sudden tsunami!

  Hah! Several of the little creatures’ constructs have been upset by the waves. Only a few of the devices are still able to spit their stings at me, but they are insufficient in potency and do not slow me. I stride forward through the ocean to dispense my punishments.

  “Rarr!”

  What is this? I am still under attack? Tubular objects moving in the air are attacking me with their stingers! Now they are disgorging swarms of insects against me! They are as an artificial hive of moths, in their regulated appearance from the floating tubes.

  “Rarr!”

  Augh! Get away from me, you annoying little pests! The floating hives, hordes of moths, flutter about me in a cloud of annoyance. Oh, now I see! They are actually ants, with artificial wings! You horrid little things! I will swat you out of the air!

  “Rarr!”

  Ow, you horrible little creatures! Those little spears you fling at me are painful!

  ~PER-KIZZZSSK!!!~

  “Rarr-ar-ar-ar-ar-ar!”

  Ow! You little monsters! Your little embedded harpoons simultaneously delivered a blast of imitation lightning! That hurt! Here’s what I think of your petty attempt to emulate nature herself!

  “Eee-Aye-rRoark!!!”

  Hah! You didn’t like the blast of my roar, did you? It has knocked all of you out of the sky! Even the floating hives are now torn and tumbling out of the air.

  Where was I? Oh, yes, the destruction of these horrible constructions of the nasty little ants. I can lift one of the atrocities out of the water and smash the others! Kicking the trash cans out of the water proves to be an effective form of ant obliteration. This attempt to stay me from slaking my thirst for revenge on the un-natural ones has ended in failure! This is the best the disgusting little insects can do. I shall make it to shore, and there is nothing to stop me from destroying them all.

  “Eee-Aye-rRoark!!!”

  Chapter Fifteen:

  Icky and the Complete Disaster

  ~glub, glub~ “I say.” ~glub, glub~ “My word!” ~glub~ “Mr. Temperance! ~glub~ I am in need of some assistance, sir!” ~glub, glub~

  ~glub~ “Yes.” ~glub~ “Ma’am.” ~glub~ “Miss.” ~glub~ “Plumtartt.” ~glub~ “Ma’am.” ~glub~ “I knew right away when ZodGila smashed our ship into little bits, with that other ship, that a little rescue operation was in the works.”

  “How very astute of you, Mr. Temperance. As to my present misfortunes, they include being lost at sea, after having the mightiest flotilla on Earth snatched from beneath my feet, leaving me struggling in the Pacific water. I believe the common denotation for the swimming stroke that I am attempting is referred to as, ‘The Canine Crawl’, eh, hem?”

  “Yes, Ma’am, Miss Plumtartt Ma’am, but back in the States, we like to call it the ‘Dog Paddle’. At least your bustle is acting as a buoyant life preserver, and is keeping you afloat. It’s too bad that it is holding up the wrong end.”

  “Quite so, Mr. Temperance, hence my requiring assistance, eh hem?”

  “You don’t want me to disrobe you, do you Miss Plumtartt! I sure wouldn’t want to do anything inappropriate, Ma’am!”

  “Mr. Temperance, for Heaven’s sake! Would you rather see me drown?” ~sigh~ “Very well, my bashful beau, please help to hold me afloat while I disengage from the wretched thing.”

  “I don’t know, Miss Plumtartt, on more than one occasion, your bustle has saved your...”

  “Yes! Thank you, Mr. Temperance, I have now untied the clothing bundle.”

  “Ooh! I got an idea! Let’s open the bustle and use the material to trap a bubble of air. We can tie a couple of knots underneath to hold it like a balloon with the air caught inside!”

  “Splendid idea, Mr. Temperance. I shall assist you.”

  “Thanks, Miss Plumtartt. I think that’ll do her. I hope you don’t mind that we are both so close to one another, as we desperately cling to this makeshift buoy.”

  “Why, I assure you, Mr. Temperance, I do not consider our proximity an uncomfortable distance in the least. I only hate that it took this catastrophic disaster to bring it about, eh hem? Indeed, I may go so far that you may have the liberty of briskly rubbing my back to help warm me if you don’t mind, sir.”

  “Oh no, I don’t mind at all! Is this helping?”

  “Oh yes, that’s just the thing, sir. You may now let your efforts subside to a more calmed pace. Ah, yes, that’s it precisely, sir.”

  “Are you warming up any, Miss Plumtartt?”

  “Why, yes, you could say that, my mid-ocean masseur. In fact, I think that the thing I require at this time, to help spread some of that delightful warmth down to my toes, would be a tender kiss, Mr. Temperance. Merely as a warming device and a meager celebration of our having momentarily survived the super-monster wrought naval disaster.”

  “Well, it you think it’ll help, Miss Plumtartt...”

  “Mmmmm....”

  “Ichsa-bod, where are you?”

  “Hey, Jubei, he’s over here, smooching with his girl!”

  “Hah, hah, hah!”

  “I’m trying to keep her warm, y’all! You would think that being shipwrecked in the middle of the ocean might give a person some privacy, but this here patch of ocean is as swarming with flotation device clad Japanese sailors as fur on a groundhog.”

  “Hai, I am heartened that these modern ships are well equipped with many diverse life pr
eserving methods so to minimize the scope of this tragedy. I, Jubei Trevorgawa, have first saved my own sweet love, Rhianico, then I rescued my own sweet other love, the aqua/aero. I made contact with Naval Command, alerting them to our plight and had them dispatch ships to gather the shipwrecked crews. Since then I have searched among the thousands of floating sailors until I have found Ichsa-bod Temperansa-San, hai!”

  “Hi! Thanks, Mr. Trevorgawa sir! I sure do appreciate you saving Miss Plumtartt and me!”

  “There may still be something to the IndiGoGo Girls’ premonition about you, Ichsa-bod. I think it best if we keep you handy.”

  “If you please, Jubei, over there, it’s Admiral Misosouwa!”

  ~glub~ “Harumph, thank you for pulling me out of the water. Now, let’s get ahead of this ‘ZodGila’, and mobilize our land forces!”

  “Eh hem, I say, Admiral, let’s not be hasty in putting more lives at risk, yes?”

  “Harumph, something must be done. Not to worry, Persephone, many of our advancements in modern weaponry are concerned with building them to propel themselves into battle autonomously. We can now send the units into battle without human accompaniment. These clockwork cannon, mounted on dual-tracked platforms will remove our valued, living, soldiers from harm’s way.”

  “Well, that sounds fine and dandy, y’all, but I don’t think it’s gonna slow this ol’ boy ZodGila down worth a gerbil’s bite.”

  “If you please, what else can we do, Ichsa-bod?”

  “As a matter of fact, Miss Rhianico Ma’am, I got an ideer.”

  ---

  “Harumph, do you really think this scheme will work, Temperansa-San?”

  “I sure hope so, Admiral Misosouwa, because I believe I see the behemoth now, out there far at sea. I recommend opening fire on him as soon as he comes into range of your guns, sir.”

  “Harumph, hai, our coastal batteries are capable of hitting their targets, even while still they are still far out at sea. Fire on that monster!”

  “Hai! Attention all batteries! Open fire on ZodGila!”