Everything I Do: a Robin Hood romance (Rosa Fitzwalter Book 1)

by M. C. Frank

  He lifted his gaze and looked Julian straight in the eye.

  “Do you think we… do you think she can overcome this?”

  Julian averted his eyes and swallowed hard. “I can’t think of that right now,” he said quietly.

  The next moment Robin was leaping up from his spot on the floor, his brow furrowed in concern. “She’s fainted again,” he said and clenched his hand by his side so that he wouldn’t run to her and crush her to his chest.

  Julian eased her back on the pillows. “She breathes easy,” he replied. “The healers will ascertain what damage has been done.”

  “But… but she was fine, she even said…” Robin sputtered, white with fear.

  “Chief,” Julian said for the hundredth time. “Go.”

  “How do I leave her?” Robin burst out, his voice wrenched from his throat in torture. “You know why I came back? I wanted to tell her… and now…How do I get on my horse? How do I even climb down the stairs? How…”

  His voice was beginning to sound a bit hysterical by now.

  Julian tore his eyes away from his sister’s pale face and looked at him squarely.

  “Put one foot in front of the other,” he said.

  Robin did just that.

  But at the threshold he paused once more, for one final look at her.

  “Do me a favor,” he told Julian.

  “He won’t live to see the night,” Julian replied immediately, for there was no need for his chief to order him to find her attacker.

  Robin Hood had been in time, the healer confirmed. She redressed the wound and brought them a poultice to fight the fever with. She instructed Julian and the maids to have her up and walking as soon as the fever abated, which was in two days. The wound was rather shallow and the infection hadn’t set in so Rosa got up out of her bed for a few moments every day to walk in the gardens with her brother and Sir Gavin.

  She was silent and thoughtful, and they both knew she needed time to forget.

  Robin felt trapped inside the green forest, mad with fear and anger and unable to ride out to see her. He spent his days roaming the forest energetically, sparring with his men and relieving obese abbots of stolen goods, but the humor was gone from his eyes, and his fierceness whenever he held the sword scared even his friends.

  Sir Gavin rode often to his camp to tell him news of Rosa, but after five days had passed and still the man who’d attacked her hadn’t been found, Robin threatened to come and kill him himself.

  “I cannot remain sane for much longer, you know,” he said. “I’m here and do nothing while she suffers…”

  “She asked of me, personally, as well as her brother,” Sir Gavin explained, “not to kill the man, even if we found him. ‘I won’t have you become like them’, those were her exact words.”

  “He’ll be long gone, if he has a lick of brains,” Robin pursed his lips in distaste, hating to even think of the man. “I’ll ride with you in the morn.”

  Sir Gavin winced.

  “Perhaps next week,” he replied.

  “I give you one more day,” Robin said determinedly, “and then I’ll be there, whether she wants me or not. You’ve one day to… to prepare her.”

  “Is it possible, good Robin,” Sir Gavin mocked the way Robin’s men addressed him, setting his teeth on edge, “that you suspect me of being untruthful when I’ve traveled all this distance to bring you news of your lady love?”

  Robin shook his head and let out a frustrated sigh. No, he didn’t doubt Sir Gavin’s sincerity. The man had proven himself to be his ally in word and in deed, and he knew he had gained a powerful friend in him, for which he was grateful.

  Suddenly he laughed a dry, wild laugh, cursing himself for thinking he had been ready to wed her before. Now she wouldn’t even see him. She was too fragile still, Sir Gavin had said. Robin knew what that meant.

  He had let her down.

  Again.

  And she wouldn’t trust any of them enough to say step foot in his forest again.

  Rosa’s reasons for refusing to see him were, of course, quite different than what his guilt-ridden conscience taught him to fear. She didn’t know, however, that her hesitation was putting Robin in even graver danger than he already was.

  She didn’t know that she had only one more day until he exposed himself to everyone in the castle. Truth be told, she preferred not to think of him altogether, not until her nightmares of the man grabbing her subsided a little.

  So Julian and Sir Gavin watched helplessly as the final day that Robin had given them drew to a close and prayed that at least he would have the sense to wait until nighttime to ride out.

  Robin, of course, proved them wrong.

  Julian had only just escorted Rosa to the dining hall and they were sitting down to break their fast, when the front doors of the Hall burst open and a tall, slender silhouette appeared in their narrow opening against the morning sunshine.

  “My lady Rosa,” Robin’s voice echoed in the halls, “I wish to speak with you.”

  Sir Gavin leapt to his feet, as his few remaining guests began flooding in the hall from the staircase, curious to see the stranger who had upset the castle with his cries.

  Julian ran to Robin.

  “Discretion, man,” he whispered through clenched teeth.

  But already Rosa was walking towards the door.

  “I am here,” she said simply, and although she was a bit pale, her face looked calm and collected. She reached Robin and preceded him outside, without allowing him to take her arm.

  She walked on, hoping he was following her to the gardens, away from curious eyes.

  “Who was that savage man?” she heard the shrill voice of a lady ask in the background, and then the distance drowned out Sir Gavin’s rushed apologies.

  Rosa heard quick footsteps behind her and in a minute Robin was standing before her.

  It had been so long since she had seen him in the sunlight and now he just stood there, his hair wild and long, his eyes shining like black stars, his lips pressed together as though to keep in the words; his long and graceful body was dressed all in dark, muddied peasant’s clothes, so unlike his usual forest-green garb. He took her breath away.

  Robin took her elbow to steady her, with a sigh, and there was a bitterness and a hardness in his gaze that disturbed her. Without taking his eyes off her face, he led her to a stone bench to sit down and catch her breath.

  Then he simply stood next to her, silent, his head bent, and waited.

  Rosa tried to calm her breathing, wondering how she would even begin talking to him, while the minutes passed idly by. No one seemed to have followed them, and they were still in utter silence, disturbed only by a few chirping birds.

  Rosa thought suddenly that he must have ridden all through the black night to reach the castle so early in the morning.

  A muscle jumped in Robin’s jaw, but still he waited silently. Rosa knew what he was waiting for. There was no point now to berate him for his folly in coming to find her in broad daylight.

  “I cannot tell you what you wish to hear,” she said at last. “I wish I were braver,” she added softly.

  At that he lifted his midnight eyes to hers.

  “I can’t imagine how you could be,” he said simply.

  She made as if to get up and leave, but he was sitting next to her in a second, staying her with a hand on her shoulder.

  “What is this?” he asked abruptly. “You turn away from me?”

  She couldn’t face him, but his hand was like steel on her shoulder and wouldn’t let her move. He got up, stood in front of her.

  “Talk to me,” he pleaded more gently, his voice coming from a suddenly dry throat. “I’m listening.”

  She swallowed with difficulty.

  “How can you even look at me?” she whispered.

  “What- look at you?” he stumbled in surprise, falling to his knees in front of her. “Look at me, this is me you’re talking to, your Robin.”

 
; “I can’t,” she said. “Please don’t make me.”

  “I’ll die before I make you do something against your will!” He almost shouted it with vehemence.

  “Please,” she sighed, heartbroken at the sound of tears in his voice. “Please, do not be distressed on my account.”

  Then he heard a soft sinking sound and he rushed to his feet just in time to catch her as she fell, crouching on the ground, crying as though her heart was breaking; crying all the tears she had kept inside.

  “Shhh,” he whispered tenderly, “hush my girl, I am not worth your tears.” He stroked her back as it was racked by sobs. “We’ll get through this as we got through everything else. You’ll see. My brave little warrior.”

  She tried to speak, but her breath was spent with crying and her words came out in gasps. As soon as he understood what she was saying, however, Robin felt his heart break in a million pieces. How much more horrible it would feel to die? he wondered absent-mindedly.

  “My lips cannot remember your kisses anymore,” was what she said. “All they can remember is that…”

  She didn’t continue, but it was just as well, for Robin couldn’t bear it anymore. He reached for her, gasping in silent, dry sobs himself as well, and pulled her into his arms. She resisted at first, but he was stronger and insistent and finally she let him hold her.

  Then, with a deep sigh like that of a man deprived of air for hours, his lips found hers.

  He felt her faltering in his arms, but he held her more firmly, and even before she realized what was happening, she was kissing him back, through her tears.

  He pressed his lips against hers, teasing and caressing her, and then his mouth was on her neck, on her shoulder, on her palm, then again, with more passion than before he took her lips until he couldn’t tell which was his own breath and which was hers. They collapsed against each other and he held her until she could breathe again.

  “There,” he panted, as soon as he could speak. “Was that sufficient? You will remember this from now on?” He laughed softly against her cheek. She smelled of clean air and sunshine.

  She didn’t answer him at once, only rested her head against his throat and tried to regain her breath.

  “Please” he begged, after a moment of delicious silence, bending his head low so that his pleading eyes could see directly into hers. He shut them briefly. “How else can I ask you, how can I beg you to tell me… did you recognize the man who attacked you at all?”

  She winced at his words.

  “Forgive me,” he murmured, but she was already pushing him away and getting up.

  He was on his knees in front of her.

  “I can’t stand it,” he said, in a whisper.

  “Is that what you came for only?” she asked, exasperated. “Is revenge the only reason you…?”

  “No!” he shouted, leaping to his feet, “No! You can’t think that, you know my heart.”

  “Then why can’t you leave it alone?” she was out of breath, shouting as well, all the desperation that had driven them apart half a year ago coming to the surface again. “We may never be able to find, and kill the man who attacked me. But I’m safe now, isn’t that all that matters?”

  “I cannot,” he began, trying to calm his own voice, “please, I cannot stop thinking about how I found you… what if he’s he in the castle right now? I am out of my mind with worry. This… inaction is driving me demented.”

  “I truly don’t know who he is,” she replied. “I suppose now I will have to leave this place…”

  “You can stay with the man I had planned originally, I’ll arrange it…”

  “No,” she interrupted him simply. “I’m sorry my sweet friend, but I couldn’t be dependent on your care anymore. I will find a new life with my brother, if he wants to.”

  Robin looked at her, astonished, and for a second he couldn’t speak.

  “You are speaking madness,” he whispered, getting up on shaking legs. “What are you saying? You… you can’t! I won’t let you, I’ll…” his breath was coming short and he felt dizzy. No, he couldn’t be losing her, not like this. Not after she had forgiven him about everything.

  “You cannot always have your way, Robin,” she sighed, looking at him, kindness shining in her green eyes. “You cannot always push for what you want…”

  “You are asking of me the impossible,” he said, through clenched teeth, reaching for her hands. “Please, my sweet girl, you’ve forgiven my folly, I know; don’t let my stubbornness separate us.”

  She pushed him away resolutely. A look had entered her eyes, a look of pure determination that scared him, for he knew it well.

  “At least for one thing, I thought I was sure,” she said, her cheeks flushing in anger. “I have made my decision and although Sir Gavin and my brother are not bound to respect it, I thought you would.”

  She stopped for breath, and Robin, shocked, tried to say:

  “Rosa, please don’t speak like this…” but she went on, her voice breaking.

  “I have nothing more to say to you. I thank you for your great generosity, my good master, and for saving my life… so many times, although of late it certainly has seemed a terrible waste of your time and efforts.”

  At this he paled visibly and reached out a hand to steady himself.

  “What are you saying?” he whispered, horrified. “Rosa, what is this despair I hear in your voice? Do you indeed think your life a waste?”

  She made as if to leave, but he took her arm and stopped her.

  “Answer me,” he commanded.

  For once, however, she did not bend to his will.

  “Let go of my arm,” she said.

  He had no choice but to obey her and stand back, watching in utter helplessness as she walked back to the kitchens.

  CHAPTER 15

  THE DOGS

  She had barely entered the hall when Julian ran to her, his hair disheveled, his eyes wild.

  “Come, quick,” he told her curtly.

  She looked up into his face in question, and he saw the whiteness of her cheeks and the sadness of her red-rimmed eyes. “Are you all right?” he asked her in a different tone. “Maybe… maybe you shouldn’t come after all.” And then, looking behind her, his expression hardened. “And you definitely shouldn’t come. Why, of all the stupid notions…”

  “What’s happened?” Robin’s baritone boomed behind her, and she steeled herself, feeling his presence powerful, filling the space.

  “You said I had to come quick,” Rosa reminded Julian anxiously, the color suddenly draining from her face at a thought.

  He looked at her and she understood.

  “No. Oh no,” she whispered. “What have I done?”

  Suddenly she swayed on her feet and Julian reached out an arm just in time to catch her.

  “Easy,” he said. “There is no more rush. What’s done is done. He is asking for you, though.”

  “Is he wounded?” she asked, anxiously. “Is Sir Gavin wounded?”

  “Will one of you tell me what on earth you are talking about?” Robin asked, at the end of his tether, as they started walking towards the stairs.

  Julian turned to look at him, his eyes hooded with sorrow.

  “Sir Gavin found the man,” he said simply. “Turn out he didn’t have a lick of brains, and he came back to try to… finish what he’d began…”

  “Spare us the details,” Robin interrupted, looking himself as though he was about to swoon.

  “Anyway, Sir Gavin fought with him. The man was one of Nottingham’s elite spies, turns out. He… confessed everything, he was rather proud of his evil deeds. He was killed in the duel. And Sir Gavin lies mortally wounded.”

  “I killed him,” Sir Gavin said, as soon as Rosa knelt next to his bed and took his white hand in hers.

  She was shaking, but had a firm grip on her emotions.

  Robin stood behind her, watching her hold back her terror, biting his lip out of desperation that he couldn’t help her
.

  “Dry eyes,” Sir Gavin said, speaking with a catch in his voice. “That’s my girl,” he added with satisfaction.

  “I didn’t want to ruin your life, to… to cause your death” Rosa said, in a voice that was barely trembling. “I didn’t mean to repay your kindness to me with pain.”

  Sir Gavin tried to raise himself up on one elbow, but his strength was going. Still, he smiled. Rosa had never seen his face look so calm, his eyes so at peace. All the bitterness was gone. The joy in his countenance was breathtaking.

  “You think you could ruin my life?” he asked her tenderly. “No. I was dead before I found you. Did you not see it when you first met me? I was dead before you.”

  “I did see,” she said quietly.

  “Well, it’s true. And now I have finally done something good with my life.” He leaned back. “How foolish, how futile to have thought revenge was the answer to all the unjustice that was done to me. You…” he took Rosa’s hand gently in his, “you taught me there is greater power in sacrifice than there is in anything else in the world.”

  Rosa fought the urge to cry and gripped his hand like a lifeline.

  “Robin,” Sir Gavin said in a second, “it’s just as well you won’t have to kill me. Or you, Julian.”

  “What?” Robin asked in a strangled voice. “Don’t say things like that, my friend.”

  “And I know, as I leave it, that my country lies in good, honorable hands,” he went on with a glance at Robin. “Who would have thought it, our future depending on a band of outlaws, and what’s more I entrust them with my most precious…” a weak cough shook him and Rosa bent close to him to wipe the splatter of blood on his lips.

  He reached for her, then thought better of it. He turned his head away and his lips trembled at some sudden emotion.

  “This is a good way to die,” he said in a second, smiling his rare smile.

  “It’s my fault,” Rosa whispered, her eyes blank and horrified.

  Robin placed a strong arm around her waist. “No!” he whispered back to her, furiously.

  She turned to look at him and his heart broke. Her eyes were luminous with unshed tears, her lips trembling.