by Laura Pavlov
I scrubbed a hand down my face. “It’s not.”
“I’m so tired of being in the dark. Trust me enough to tell me. I told you my deepest secret. Hell, only you and my best friends know about Piper. I haven’t even talked to my brothers yet. I obviously trust you enough to tell you. Why can’t you do the same?”
I studied her for a long moment. Things had gotten heavy and what I was about to tell her was going to hurt. But the intensity in her gaze made it clear she wasn’t budging on this. I scooped her up, lifting her above my head as she burst out in laughter. “Say the words, Maura Benson. If I tell you about your father, you’ll come to dinner with me.”
Her head tipped back in a fit of giggles before she looked back down at me. “I will have dinner with you after you tell me this big secret.”
“Fine. Come sit back down.” I set her on her feet before dropping down to sit.
She smiled and hurried over to sit beside me. “I feel honored. I know you aren’t big on sharing. Spill.”
“You know my baby sister was sick, right?”
“Yes. I mean, I don’t know much about her, but I know she passed away when she was young from cancer. I was pretty young at the time, so I don’t remember much.”
“She had leukemia. Acute lymphocytic leukemia to be exact,” I said, and she reached for my hand and squeezed it.
“I’m so sorry, Crew.”
“Yeah. It’s a brutal disease, and she just couldn’t catch a break. Every time she took two steps forward, she’d take three steps back. Her body was weak, and we just kept trying everything. Anything.” I picked at some grass with my free hand. I hated talking about it. Reliving it. Thinking about the way my parents suffered. The way Belle fought so hard and lost her battle at such a young age.
Maura pushed up on her knees to face me. She placed a hand on each side of my face. “I can’t imagine how hard that was on all of you.”
I nodded. “The end was brutal. My brothers were too young, they stayed here with my grandparents. But Belle always wanted me right there with her at the hospital. Knox was her twin, and they were close, but she depended on me, you know?”
“Well, I think you were born dependable, Crew Carlisle.” She smiled, and some of that sadness melted away. Something about Maura Benson made me feel settled. “Belle obviously recognized it at a young age.”
“She was clearly a smart girl,” I said, trying desperately to make light of the conversation. Talking about Belle, talking about Arthur Benson, it brought up memories I didn’t want to revisit.
“Tell me what happened.”
I blew out a breath. “My brothers were with my grandparents, and my parents and I were at the hospital in Dallas. Belle took a turn for the worse, but that had happened many times before, so we prepared for another round of treatment. That’s the thing about cancer. You’re just always in fight mode. At least we were.”
“She was so young to have to go through all of that.”
“Yep. Life’s not always fair.” I paused and studied her. Looking into those honey brown eyes that were full of trust. Trust for a guy that hadn’t always been nice to her. A guy who openly hated her father. A guy who hired her at his company and then kissed her senseless twenty minutes ago.
I’d lost my fucking mind.
She deserved the truth.
“It’s not. So where does my father come in?” she asked, and she didn’t hide the fear from her voice.
“Your father was always trying to pick a fight with mine. For as long as I could remember. Bogus lawsuits, town hall meetings where he’d twist the truth—he hates my father for dating my mother. Did you know that your dad and my mom were high school sweethearts?”
“What? I didn’t know that.” She shrugged as if this was a silly thing to be fighting over. She didn’t know the half of it.
“Yeah. Our grandfathers fought over money and how they wanted to grow as a company, so the hatred ran deep before you or I entered the world. But then my dad dating your father’s ex-girlfriend sent your father over the edge. Your dad was older than my mom and apparently, they had a pretty bad breakup. According to my mom, your dad cheated on her. My mom went off to college and started dating my dad and your father hated my father for it.”
“Sounds about right.” She shrugged and rolled her eyes. “My dad clearly has a track record of being dishonest.”
“Yep. So, he was always trying to find something to argue with my dad about. He started this lawsuit over one square foot of land. Right here, actually.” I pointed to the fence line. “Both families have more land than we know what to do with, and your dad picked a fight over one square foot of dirt.”
“That does sound like him. I think he enjoys the fight most of the time. He thrives on it.”
“Well, he dragged my father to court a number of times, but the last time was that night when Belle wasn’t doing well. My dad tried to reschedule the court date and your father’s attorney wouldn’t have it. My father called to say that your family could have the piece of land, he didn’t care. But your dad refused to take his word for it. So my dad took the helicopter home late that night to be at court first thing in the morning. He told me to stay with Mom and Belle. Not to leave their side. And I didn’t.” My voice broke at the end, and I hated how weak I sounded. All these years later and I could still see Belle lying lifeless in that hospital bed.
Tears were streaming down Maura’s face. “She passed while he was gone?”
“Yes. She took a turn for the worse late into the night. Mom thought it would pass because this wasn’t our first rodeo with Belle being put through hell. Everything happened so fast. She spiked a fever and was unresponsive. She passed that morning while my father sat in a courtroom and begged the courts to allow him to get back to Dallas. He signed over this stupid fucking piece of dirt and rushed back to Dallas. But it was too late. She was gone.”
Maura covered her face. “Oh my god.”
I pushed to my feet. Needing space. Needing air. Even though I was surrounded by both, I couldn’t breathe. I kicked at the dirt between our fence line. That selfish piece of shit robbed my father of his last moments with his daughter.
And my mother did not have her husband beside her at the darkest moment of her life. She had a twelve-year-old kid who did his best to hold her together and not fall apart himself.
Watching someone slip away right before your eyes… well, it’s unexplainable. It’s something I can never erase from my mind. It’s both a gift and a curse. I was there until Belle took her last breath. I held her hand and I told her how much we loved her. But I watched her leave this planet, and that’s not the way I wanted to remember her.
Maura came up behind me and wrapped her arms around my middle, resting her face against my back. “I’m so sorry. You were so brave to be there with your mother. I would do anything to get that time back for your dad. There is no excuse for my father’s behavior. He truly is a monster.”
I nodded.
This wasn’t news to me.
I’d known it all along.
Chapter Eleven
Maura
Crew pulled me around so that my face was resting against his chest and we stood there hugging for the longest time. Never in my life would I have guessed that Crew Carlisle would be someone I could open up to. And he could do the same with me. But here we were, clinging to one another like our lives depended on it. I was still trying to process it all.
He’d been there when his sister passed away. He’d held his mother. Stepped in for his father. He hadn’t even been a teenager at the time. And he’d carried all of that on his shoulders. All of that because my father was a selfish asshole. A man who didn’t have an empathetic bone in his body.
And still my dad had been unkind to the Carlisles all these years later.
My head was reeling when he pulled back. “Come on. Let�
��s ride for a while before we head to the house to eat.”
He helped me to my horse, and he climbed on his. We took off through the fields of his property, and I trailed behind him as we both started to ride at full speed. The wind whistled past me, but I didn’t feel the chill. I was numb from all I’d learned today, and the bite in the air didn’t bother me. My hair whipped all around and I just stayed right behind Crew. He stopped at the edge of the lake, and I moved beside him as I sat atop Jasmine.
“This is my favorite place to come and think. Catch my breath.” He reached over and took my hand. “I’m sorry about your dad. I’m sorry for kissing you. I’m sorry for being an ass when you first came to work at the agency.”
I chuckled. “I’m not sorry about any of it.”
“Why’s that?” he asked. His green eyes darkened as the last bit of sun shined down just before tucking behind the horizon. Shades of oranges and yellows sat just above the water looking more like a painting than a sunset.
“Because it brought me here. With you.”
“You know what happened can never happen again, right?”
“Because I’m a Benson and you’re a Carlisle?” I asked, and I hated the way my voice sounded like a wounded bird, which was exactly how I felt. Because the truth was, I’d been dying to kiss Crew for weeks. And it had been the best kiss of my life. And I wanted it to happen again.
“Because our families will never be friends. Because you work for me and that’s rule number one of my grandfather’s. He trusted me with his company. But most importantly, because I’m not good enough for you, Maura. That’s the real truth. A piece of me broke that day that we lost Belle. I don’t know that I’m capable of caring for someone the way you deserve to be cared for. So, I think it’s best we quit before we get carried away.”
I nodded, but a lump formed in my throat. I’d ended relationships with my high school boyfriend and my college boyfriends that had stung less than this. Why did this hurt so bad? We were nothing. We’d kissed one time. Yet it felt like everything. Like everything that had been missing from my life for so long.
“You still going to take me to dinner with your family, or are you sending me packing now?” I didn’t want him to know I was disappointed. The last thing I needed was pity.
“Yeah. We’re friends, right?”
“I suppose so. But I don’t think you’ll be coming to my house for dinner any time soon.”
He let go of my hand. “It’s getting dark. Let’s head back.”
I followed him through the beautiful fields that surrounded the Carlisle farmhouse. I’d never been inside their large home, but I’d seen it enough on the outside to wonder what it was like on the inside. What they were like.
He paused outside the barn and hopped down, moving to help me to my feet. “Your hands are freezing. This coat isn’t warm enough.”
“I’m fine.” He rubbed his hands over mine, our gazes locking once again.
“You’re more than fine, Maura Benson. Come on. My family is going to have a field day with this.”
“Are they going to be mean to me?” I whisper-shouted as he kept my hand in his and tugged me along.
“No. I’m the mean one in the group.” He laughed and looked over his shoulder and winked. My stomach did all sorts of little flips. Nothing made sense. My world was falling apart, yet I was behaving like a schoolgirl with a crush.
“You’re holding my hand, Carlisle. How’s that going to look?”
“I don’t give a shit. Friends can hold hands.” He continued walking at a fast pace and I was practically jogging to keep up.
“Crew? Is that you?” a woman’s voice called out.
“Yep,” he said, and I tugged my hand away. He looked over his shoulder and rolled his eyes. “You ready for the shit show?”
“I was born ready,” I whispered.
He laughed and his youngest brother, Knox came to a halt when he rounded the corner and saw us standing there. He was a grade younger than me in school and we’d never been overly friendly, but we’d always been polite.
“Mad dog Benson. This is interesting.” He crossed his arms over his chest and wriggled his brows, which made me laugh.
“Hey. Nice to see you.” I bit down on my bottom lip because the nerves were kicking in.
“Maura’s joining us for dinner. Stop staring at her like that and stop calling her that ridiculous name. You’re making her uncomfortable.”
“Am I making you uncomfortable, Mad dog?” He looked at me and smiled so wide it made me laugh. “That’s your new handle around here.”
“I like it. And no. You aren’t making me uncomfortable.”
“Did you hear that, C-dawg?”
“I heard. But you’re making me uncomfortable, so stop it now.” Crew placed his hand on my lower back and led me into the kitchen where his parents, his other two brothers who I’d met a couple of times, and two girls that looked familiar all stood sipping wine and chatting. There were three dogs in the kitchen. A small, a medium, and a large. They just lay together by the back door. The room grew completely quiet when we walked in.
“Maura. Hello. It’s so nice to see you, sweetheart. Will you be joining us for dinner?” Delilah Carlisle had always been kind and she was staying true to that right now.
“Oh, thank you, yes, if that’s okay?”
“Please. The woman cooks for a small army. She’s always hoping people will stop by,” Blade said. “How you doing, Maura? This is Jenna, you probably know one another from high school.”
“Hi. Yes. Nice to see you.” They had been a few grades ahead of me, but I recognized them.
Dax nodded at me and the girl beside him smiled. “Hey, I haven’t seen you in a long time.”
“Hi. It’s Blaire, right?” I remembered her because she was friends with Coco’s older sister, Whitney. Willow Springs was small, but high school kids tended to hang out with kids their own age. And the rift between my family and the Carlisles was widely known for as long as I could remember. But no one was treating me like I shouldn’t be here. It would be a very different story if Crew stepped inside my home.
“Yes. You’re friends with Whit’s little sister, right?”
“Yes, Coco is one of my best friends,” I said awkwardly as my gaze locked with Crew’s father’s. He had the same green eyes as his son, and his lips turned up in the corners letting me know he was fine with me being here.
“Nice to see you, young lady. Let’s get to the table. I’m starving,” Davis Carlisle said as he walked toward the dining room.
A few people grabbed platters and Crew looked down at me and whispered. “You’re doing fine. Relax. They’re all harmless.”
He guided me to the oversized farm table and pulled out a chair for me to sit beside him. It was such a different feel than mealtime at my house. Alice did all the cooking, and she had an assistant, Danielle, who helped her serve as well as assisting her around the house. Classical music always played in the background and our meals were very formal. There was very little conversation, and we certainly weren’t passing around platters of chicken, potatoes, salad, and rolls. It smelled delicious and my stomach rumbled. I realized I hadn’t eaten since I’d had a piece of toast this morning, and it felt like weeks had passed since I’d come home.
Everyone talked at the same time and laughter and chatter filled the space around us. Crew’s hand found mine beneath the table and he gently squeezed it before returning it to his own lap. I didn’t know why he was being so nice to me. This whole day was a blur. We’d shared so much. We’d kissed. He’d touched me.
I could feel my cheeks heat as I remembered the way he’d made me feel. No boy had ever made me feel like that before. But he’d been clear that it could never happen again.
“So, are we not going to talk about the elephant in the room?” Knox asked over a mouthful of ma
shed potatoes. “There’s a Benson at the table.”
He fell back in laughter and his mother shook her head, his father and brothers chuckled, and Crew rolled his eyes. Blaire and Jenna gave me an apologetic smile as if they didn’t know what to say.
“Don’t be an asshole,” Crew hissed.
“Hey, I don’t have a problem with Maura. I just know how you feel about her father,” Knox said as he studied his oldest brother.
Wow. They didn’t mince words. My family didn’t talk like this. Hell, I’d had to schedule a meeting to discuss the fact that my father had a love child he hadn’t told me about. Clearly, our family dynamic was very different from the Carlisles’.
“I’m sorry about what my father did.” I looked between Crew’s parents. I didn’t really want to discuss it in front of a table full of people, but here we were. I couldn’t not say it after knowing what happened. “I just found out today about what he did to your family, or I would have spoken to you sooner. There are no words that will ever be enough to express how badly I feel. I truly am so sorry.”
Crew’s mother was on her feet moving toward me and my stomach dipped. She bent down beside me, and I turned in my chair to face her. She reached for my hand, and her eyes were wet with emotion. “You have nothing to apologize for, sweetheart. What happened has nothing to do with you. You are always welcome at our table and in our home.”
“There you go. Mad dog Benson, you may have just ended the Willow Springs family rift. Damn, girl. Can you hook me up with Coco, by any chance?” Knox asked and the room erupted in laughter. He sure had a way with words.
“She’s not your personal dating app, asshole. Get your own dates,” Crew barked at his brother. “Can we please go back to eating dinner? We need to head back to the city tonight.”
“So, what is this? A work thing?” Blade asked, motioning his hand between me and his brother.
