I don’t even know what to say as I stare at her in awe. I certainly don’t know how to argue. It can’t be real, she can’t be real, but here she is, staring into my eyes, daring me to contradict her.
“You warned me you were hard. I knew what I was getting,” she teases gently, and I can’t help but smile.
“Yeah, I did, didn’t I.”
She nods and leans against my shoulder.
“Ok, fine,” I say finally. “But how do we explain this to the others?”
“Explain what? That I want to go along to support my friend Casey in his time of loss?”
I grin, and meet her gaze. “True.”
She returns it and pulls me in for another kiss, this one more persistent. “You do understand that we will have to tell Callie and Casey, though, right? There’s no way I’m going two days without touching you,” she explains lightly.
I smile against her lips. “They’ll keep our secret,” I assure her, letting my desire match her own. I love her irritated groan as the fire starts to consume us again.
“Ugh, what is wrong with me? It’s like some Pavlovian response. I see you and immediately want your clothes off,” she mutters between kisses. “Do you have any idea how annoying that is?”
I laugh as she tugs at my shirt in frustration. “I have an idea, yeah.”
“Isn’t it supposed to be the other way around, though?” she whines.
“Ha! Don’t worry. You’re always naked in my head,” I assure her with a grin, pulling her against me. She smacks me before we attack each other again. This time she seems desperate to explore every inch of me as she rakes my body like she didn’t just own it for the last couple hours. I love every second of it, love how her touch soothes and burns at the same time, how she stirs my fire and consumes it.
“You probably have arrangements to make, don’t you,” she breathes, showing no mercy for my plight.
“I do,” I manage, my blood searing, my breath coming in gasps as she moves over me. Her mouth. Her skin. Her smile.
“You should go do that.” She clearly loves torturing me.
“I should.”
When her hand slips past the waist of my jeans, I’m pretty sure my veins are about to explode from the pounding. Her eyes ignite at my reaction, and she only intensifies her unfair raid on my will.
“It seems like you might be ready for another quick round of practice before, though?” she teases, and I flip her over, kissing her hard as I lock her against the sheets.
I pull back and study her beautiful face in amusement. “And it seems like you don’t understand how hard it is to get a flight to Houston.”
∞∞∞
We have to take what we can get in terms of flights, but with Kenneth and Tess’ logistics star power behind us, we manage to find four tickets out early Tuesday morning.
There’s an outpouring of support and sympathy for Casey and no one questions his leave of absence, or the three of us going with him. Especially, since our fortunate schedule break means we should make it back in plenty of time for Friday’s show. Of course, none of them have a clue about the actual complexity of this trip.
I don’t know how Wes takes the news about Holland’s involvement in our drama, but I can’t imagine it went well. She hasn’t said a word about it though, and I’m not interested in discussing him any more than we have to at the moment. We haven’t told Callie and Casey about our budding relationship either, although it’s getting harder and harder to hide our attraction the more time we spend together. Our assigned seats are scattered all over the plane, but we manage to manipulate our way into the same row after we board. I dare anyone to say no to Callie Roland and Holland Drake when they turn on the charm.
It’s a small plane with only five rows across. Callie wanted to look out the window, Casey knew he’d be buried in his laptop, and I’m across the aisle with Holland on my other side. An elderly lady has our window seat, but we can’t tell if she belongs with anyone else. She’s said nine words since takeoff: “Let me know if the air bothers you, honey.”
Casey is on his computer the second the flight attendant won’t kill him for it, and I can feel Holland’s amusement beside me. He has his studio headphones on, eyes locked on the screen, so I have no problem returning her grin.
“Is he ever not working?” she whispers.
I shrug. “Probably, but not that I’ve seen.”
“Penchant for Red, right?”
“Yeah. Their debut went platinum a few months after it released. He’s already working on new stuff.”
Her eyes widen as she leans forward to give him another look. “Really, wow. Not bad for a side project.”
I smirk. “Yeah, right. I’m pretty sure we’re his side project at this point.”
“Hey, man. Can you listen to this for me?” Casey interrupts, smacking my arm to get my attention. I take the headphones he’s shoving in my face and slide them on, giving him a nod when I’m ready.
My jaw nearly hits the tray table as he starts the track, and I stare back at him in disbelief. He’s grinning at my expression, and I shake my head before turning again so I can focus on the music. When the song finishes, I pull the headphones down and face him in awe.
“Case, that’s phenomenal. What is that?”
He’s so excited that I find myself hoping he’s buckled into his seat. “I know, right? I just got this sweet new bass module. With that filter and chorus echo, I just about shit my pants. And then the killer drop after the bridge? What do you think?”
“I think it’s amazing. And when did you learn to sing like that?” I laugh, handing his headphones back.
He only shrugs with a shy smile and throws them back on. Callie is giving me her fake-irritated look, but I can tell she’s as proud of him as I am.
“He never shuts off, does he,” I observe with a grin, and she rolls her eyes.
“Never,” she mouths.
I feel a sudden pressure on my leg, and glance down at Holland’s hand. I instinctively cast a look across the aisle, but the others aren’t paying attention to us anymore.
“Living on the edge, huh?” I tease.
“Time for you to meet my wild streak,” she returns, matching my grin, and it’s everything I can do not to kiss her right then. I know she wants the same thing when her fingers tighten on my thigh, the pressure intensifying as she moves higher. My heart starts to pound.
“I mean, they have a bathroom,” I offer with a mischievous look, and she rolls her eyes.
“I can’t get you to make love to me in a four-star hotel room, but you’ll take me in an airplane port-a-john?”
“Oh, whatever,” I return, grabbing her hand from my leg and giving it a playful squeeze. She chuckles, drawing the attention of the lady to our left.
“You two make a sweet couple. How long have you been married?” the lady asks, eyeing my ring.
My stomach drops, but Holland doesn’t catch on and only laughs.
“Oh, we’re not married,” she corrects, glancing at me when I instinctively pull my hand out of sight.
“It’s complicated,” I mutter.
“I see,” the woman replies with clear disapproval, and Holland seems startled, then embarrassed as she finally clues in.
“Oh, no, we’re not having an affair or anything,” she explains quickly. “He was married, but his wife…” She stops, the woman looks away, and I choke a little. Now, we’re all miserable.
“Oh, well, it’s certainly none of my business,” the woman continues with a stiff smile. She turns back to her window, and I can feel Holland’s eyes on me. I give her a weak smile of my own to try to reassure her, but my body suddenly goes cold at a whole new thought. I glance at Callie and Casey to make sure they’re not paying attention before leaning toward Holland.
“As awkward as that was, she brings up a good point,” I say quietly. “Where we’re going, Houston…it’s just better if none of this comes up, ok? We’re going to be surrounded by Casey and
Elena’s family and friends. There will be enough drama without me showing up with a new girlfriend. They already despise me.” I sigh, hating everything about this conversation. “It’s not even for my sake. It’ll be much better for you, for all of us, if you’re just Casey’s friend Holland while we’re there.”
She searches my eyes, and I’m relieved when she nods. “Of course. I totally understand. Casey’s buddy Holland. Got it.” She pauses as her serious expression turns into a grin. “But girlfriend, huh?”
“What?”
“You said girlfriend.”
I return her grin and give her a look. “Please. You know what I meant.”
“Actually, I don’t know if I do. Did you mean girlfriend?”
“Um, really? Because I’m pretty sure you just want to know if that would entitle you to my J45.”
She huffs and sits back. “Dammit.” Then, gives me another smile. “Would it?”
I laugh and shake my head in amusement.
∞∞∞
We have a two-hour layover in Chicago and grab coffees and snacks while we’re waiting. I know what Holland’s thinking as the four of us sit around the small table, nursing our cups, because the thought is plaguing my head too. I just have no clue how to broach the subject with my two best friends whose minds are rightfully elsewhere. Besides, blurting awkward announcements is Holland’s area of expertise, not mine.
“How you doing with all of this, Case?” I ask, breaking the initial silence. He shrugs and glances up at me.
“Fine, I guess. Trying to sort it all out in my head.”
I nod. “It’s a lot to deal with.”
He sighs. “Yeah. It is. Distract me,” he directs to Callie who rolls her eyes with a smile at his teasing.
“Uh huh. What’ll it be, your majesty? A song? A dance?”
He shrugs. “How about both?”
“Right. Like I’m going to sing for Luke Craven, Casey Barrett, and Holland Drake.”
“You have a nice voice! It’s very sweet,” Casey says, and she only grunts.
“Whatever.”
“Have you heard her sing?” he asks me, and I cross my arms.
“Actually, no. Really, Callie? Another secret you’ve kept from me?”
“Ugh, he’s lying! I don’t sing.”
“You sing in the shower all the time,” Casey argues.
Her eyes widen in disbelief as she turns a death stare on him. “How about we not talk about my shower habits in front of our friends?”
“What?” he returns defensively. “Who doesn’t sing in the shower? It’s not like I’m talking about shaving your legs or something.”
“Casey!” she cries, smacking him.
“What? What did I do?”
Holland and I exchange an amused look as they argue, and she takes the opportunity to motion toward them with her eyes. I return the look with a shrug, still not convinced it’s a good idea to say anything, even though this is probably the best opportunity we’ll have on this trip.
I’m still hesitant about it all, and my stomach drops when I turn back to Callie and Casey to find them staring at us. They must have caught our silent exchange, and I’m afraid I actually cringe.
“What was that?” Callie asks, leaning forward with an obvious glint in her eyes.
“What was what?” I ask.
“That!” she cries, motioning between Holland and me. “You just had a moment.”
“A moment?” I scoff. “What are you talking about?”
She leans back and crosses her arms, glaring at us. “Come on. We’re not stupid. Something is going on between you two.”
“Why? Because we exchanged a look?”
“Um, no, because you’ve been exchanging lots of looks.”
“We’ve become close,” Holland explains, and I cast her a quick glance. I don’t know if it was the right thing to say, but it’s way better than whatever was about to come out of my mouth.
“Close? How close?” Callie asks, clearly getting excited.
I take a deep breath as the two women exchange knowing grins, and Callie claps in excitement when Holland shrugs.
“I knew it! I knew it! Didn’t I call that?” she cries, shaking Casey’s arm.
Casey rolls his eyes. “She did.”
“We’re just…I don’t know. Just getting close for now. That’s all,” Holland continues, and I’m struck again by her profound accuracy. I wouldn’t have known how to begin to explain what we are, what’s happening between us, but “getting close” certainly applies.
I glance at Casey and try to read his expression. While Callie obviously supports our nascent relationship, I don’t know if Casey is ready to understand. I wouldn’t blame him for being hesitant, but I’m also glad it’s out. I don’t want to keep things from him either. Not anymore.
“This is just between the four of us. We’re not talking about it yet. There’s nothing to really say at this point anyway,” I explain, and can see Casey visibly relax.
He lets out his breath. “Ok, good. Because you know my dad’s funeral is probably the worst possible place to make that announcement.”
I roll my eyes. “Uh, yeah. I get that, Case.”
He shrugs and gives me a sheepish smile. “Ok, just making sure.” He quiets and studies us for a moment. His face changes, and I hold my breath for the verdict. “It’s good, though. Really good. I’m glad you’re ‘getting close,’” he says finally, focusing back on me. I return his smile, warmed, and yes, relieved, by his approval.
He pauses to give us a hard stare. “I just hope you kids are being safe,” he jokes, then flinches when Callie smacks him again.
Holland and I laugh. “We’re good. Thanks.”
∞∞∞
Casey’s brother Nate had offered to pick us up at the airport and drive us to the hotel, but Casey didn’t want to be reliant on others, having no idea how the coming drama would unfold. It’s a smart move, and I’m also relieved we’re renting a car and making our own accommodations. It’s a little awkward as Holland and I check into our separate rooms, but even though Casey and Callie know we’re “getting close,” we’re not exactly at the point of sharing a room yet either. At least we’re on the same floor, which seems like a fortunate compromise. Casey waits until we all have our keys before issuing instructions.
“Alright, let’s get settled in and cleaned up. I already let Molly and Nate know we’re here so I’m sure they’re going to want to meet up tonight. You guys good?”
We nod. “Got it. Let us know the plan,” I say. Casey and Callie are both looking at us with hidden smiles, and I actually start to feel shy about the whole thing.
“Ok. Well, um…have fun until then, I guess. But not too much. It might not be long. Not sure how much time you need to ‘get close,’” Casey teases.
I roll my eyes. “Shut up,” I spit back, and he grins. “We shouldn’t have said anything.”
“No! You absolutely should have!” Callie cries. “Thank you, Luke. It means a lot that you did. I’ll keep him in line. Promise.” She gives us an apologetic look as she shoves Casey in the direction of the elevators. “What is wrong with you?” she snaps as they move away.
I cast a concerned glance at Holland after they leave, but she only seems amused by the whole thing.
“What about you?” she says, moving toward the elevators as well.
“What about me?” I ask, following her.
“I don’t know. Everyone’s concerned about Casey, but what about you? You’ve been pretty quiet since we boarded the flight from Chicago. Well, more so than usual,” she adds with a smile. I return a weak one of my own.
“I know. Sorry. A lot on my mind.”
“Um, yeah, I know. That was my polite way of saying spill it.”
I laugh and follow her onto the elevator.
“I can’t believe you’re still willing to go on elevators with me after Myrtle Beach.”
She casts me an amused glance as she punches our floor
number. “It’s not without reservation, I’ll be honest.”
“Well, I promise to never again act like a dick to you in an elevator.”
She smirks. “You better not, although I’m not sure I like your qualification.”
I grin and shrug as the door opens again and we move into the hallway.
“What’s your room?” I ask, and she glances down at her welcome brochure.
“307.”
I nod. “Ok. I’m 310.”
We start walking in silence and come to an awkward stop before her door.
“Will you stay and talk for a bit?” Holland asks, glancing up at me with a look I can’t ignore.
“Are you sure that’s a good idea? Casey said we might not have a lot of time,” I argue, and she rolls her eyes.
“We can go into a hotel room without having sex,” she returns.
I grin. “I don’t know. You’re the one who has that Pavlovian response to strip me every time we’re alone.”
“I’ll keep my hands to myself, I promise.” She cringes. “Ok, I can’t promise that. But…you know what I mean.” She opens her door and drags me inside, putting an end to the debate anyway.
After parking her suitcase by the dresser, she turns and pulls me close in a tight embrace. “Seriously, Luke. Where are you at right now? Your head is not a place you should be navigating alone.”
I swallow and draw in a deep breath. My head is not a place for anyone. She can’t possibly understand what she’s asking. “Honestly, Holland, I’m scared,” I admit quietly into the dim silence. “Really scared.”
She pulls me tighter, and I close my eyes, suddenly overwhelmed by what I’m about to do. It seemed like such a necessary decision yesterday. I had to come home. I had to do this for Casey, for me, for Elena, Holland. Everyone needs me to reconcile my past with my present. I can’t have a future until I do, but now, standing at the entrance to the gallows, about to face the jury, my sentence, it’s all I can do to keep from running back to the airport.
I don’t know if I’m strong enough to face my punishment after a year and a half of hiding from it, but that’s where I find myself now. Except for our recent evening with Molly, I haven’t been in contact with any of them since The Funeral. Since I completely imploded and added a whole new chapter to my list of crimes. I can’t even think about that day without getting nauseous.
Tracing Holland (NSB Book 2) Page 17
