One to Win

by Michelle Monkou

  “Maybe we’re not so different, where we want to bury ourselves into everything else but each other.”

  He waited for her to go on.

  “Tell me I’m wrong. That you aren’t just as afraid as I am to really feel, love, hope. That you don’t worry about the uncertainty of life. That it doesn’t choke you with fear. Tell me that you can surrender yourself, be vulnerable, all the things that you want from me.”

  “That sounds like you, not me.”

  Her eyes widened in reaction. “I’m sorry that I surrendered to the idea that I could do this...with you.”

  “What the hell are you saying?”

  “Should we be together, two people too afraid to love unconditionally?” Fiona felt as if she’d boarded a runaway train and her fears were pouring out of her with the same loss of control.

  “You’re saying that nothing we’ve had mattered. What about our two weeks in the Hamptons?”

  “What about the months after the Hamptons? You went back to being cool and emotionally unattainable.”

  He held her chin. “So according to you, we’re two scared people.”

  She pushed him away. But only her body moved. He stood firm like a solid boulder.

  “I came on the job without knowing that you’d be there. I kept business separate from pleasure. Is that why you’re mad? Or are you so damn afraid of living that you find an excuse to screw up anything we have between us?” Leo let his frustration rush through the gate.

  “Don’t try to psychoanalyze me. You came into my family circle. Listened, judged and gave your two cents. But you stayed closed mouth about your life. I got a smattering of information, but you didn’t open up. So don’t try to rewrite history.”

  “You know what? Maybe you are right.” He turned to leave. “I should play the game by your rules. Will that make you stay?” His back rose and fell as he paused at the doorway. Only his profile was visible.

  “I’m not forcing you to live by my rules.”

  “Sure sounds like it.” He walked away and out of the suite.

  Fiona punched her fist in the pillow. Then she punched it over and over, until her arms were weary. She had been looking for any reason to halt momentum. She wanted some time to pause and think. Now Leo had seen through her actions and was first to walk away, and from the sound of it, it was a permanent move.

  * * *

  Leo stood in the hallway, with his hand holding on to the door handle. He’d lost her. Again.

  Chapter 12

  The rain didn’t hold back its fury, doling out punishment to add to Leo’s misery. Water sloshed across the windshield, challenging the wipers to beat away the watery curtain for a clearer view. Mother Nature could throw her obstacles at him, but nothing would hold him from his goal—driving to Fiona’s house outside of Essex County. However, he did have to ease onto the brakes a few times to keep the car solidly on the road. Oncoming headlights blinded him as he navigated the almost-emptied streets.

  He could have waited until the next morning, but that meant precious hours to talk to Fiona lost. And it was his turn to ask and be granted a second chance. Once he’d made the decision, he was a man with a single focus.

  The car lurched to a stop as he hit the brake hard. Did the traffic light have to change now? He banged his hand against the steering wheel. There was no traffic in the intersecting street to trigger the light. One more hindrance designed to be a pain in his ass. Everything irritated him, testing the limits of his patience.

  As soon as the traffic light turned green, the car pushed through the flooded streets. Of all the days for an hour-long deluge. This bad weather had the worst timing. The sucky situation wasn’t helped by the fact that he’d already tried calling Fiona. No surprise that she didn’t take his call. His accusations and judgments had successfully carved an impassable chasm, wide and deep, between him and her. That was why, close to midnight, he forged on through the city to get to her place with the blind hope that she’d be there. That she’d see him.

  Just when the last drops of his patience had almost evaporated, he pulled up to her house. The windows were dark with drawn curtains. Only a single light shone over the front door. Leo noticed that the driveway was empty, but that fact didn’t mean anything. Her car could be locked in the garage. Before his courage failed, he got out of the car. Within seconds, he was drenched. The cold November rain wasn’t going to help him in his pursuit. He raised his jacket over his head and ran to the door. The meager cover did nothing to prevent the coldness and wetness.

  Grateful for the small overhang above the doorway, he shook off the water and pushed the doorbell. It chimed through the house. No one answered. The house remained quiet and dark. No curtain pulled back; no footsteps sounded; no call floated out asking who was there.

  Leo pulled out his phone and checked for any messages. Nothing. He dialed the one person whom he considered a friend to his plight.

  “What’s up, Leo? It’s late.” Belinda’s worry was clear.

  Leo hurried to defuse her concern. “I’m here. Outside Fiona’s.” He no longer thought that she was in the house, ignoring him.

  “She’s not home?”

  “Doesn’t look that way. I was hoping you could tell me if you knew where she might be.” He didn’t want to let on that he thought Fiona might be at her house. The cousins didn’t hide their fierce allegiance to each other. And if they perceived him as the source of Fiona’s unhappiness, then he could expect a complete shutout.

  “She called Dana and me earlier today. Didn’t say anything about going anywhere. We chatted about Grace’s birthday party...after we talked about you.”

  Leo sucked in his breath. He didn’t want to ask if he’d survived their analysis.

  “I thought she was okay.” Belinda offered him a crumb of hope that he gratefully took.

  “Do you know if she’d have gone to Dana?” The youngest cousin initially hadn’t been warm and fuzzy with him in the Hamptons. It wasn’t until she saw Fiona genuinely happy that she’d relaxed her stance. They eventually had made their way to a place of mutual understanding.

  Belinda tossed him more hope. “She’s not at Dana’s, because Kent came into town. I know that Fiona wouldn’t want to encroach on their time. Maybe she’s asleep.”

  “Maybe.” Doubt lay heavy with his agreement. He looked up at the windows, which were still dark.

  Fiona’s cousin yawned. “I’ll let you know if I hear from her.”

  “Thanks, Belinda.” He couldn’t ask for more. Nevertheless, he hung up, disappointed that nothing further could be accomplished. In one more attempt, he pounded on the door. “Fiona!”

  A light popped on in the upstairs window of the house next door.

  “Great. Next will be the police.” Leo decided that it was time to give up and head back home. Luck wouldn’t be on his side if he was caught by a vigilant neighborhood watch.

  Soaked, cold and despondent, he got back into his car. But he didn’t move, instead sitting in the driver’s seat at the curb. At least the light in the neighbor’s window had been turned off.

  Looked like the rain had lessened its barrage. Time to figure out where to go and what to do next. Giving up wasn’t in his DNA. He wanted to have his say and if Fiona couldn’t forgive him, wouldn’t accept his remorse, then he’d walk away knowing that he’d tried to earn her love.

  In his final desperation, he opened the glove compartment and searched for a pen. Finding one, he dug around for anything that could serve as a note. An old electric-bill envelope provided the perfect solution. Water from his soaked head dripped onto the paper. Instead of using his lap, he moved the envelope onto the dashboard and used the surface as his desk. With the pen poised to write, he debated what tone to use, what words to write, how sentimental he should be. He quickly wrote what came to min
d. “Fiona, let’s talk. Please. Leo.”

  His stomach clenched as he retraced his path toward the house. Maybe he should have written “I love you.” That could be too much. He didn’t want to tip the scale to influence her feelings or make her think he was manipulating her.

  With nothing to pin the note to the door, he opted to use a rock to anchor this important request. In front of the door, on the welcome mat, he left a part of his heart—a small ember of hope. Resignation over his failure settled in his gut on the ride home.

  * * *

  Fiona didn’t know why she couldn’t sleep. When she closed her eyes, the image of Leo’s face came to mind. Every meaningful moment of their time spent together rolled like a movie with her as a spectator. But she didn’t want to be outside the experience. And her heart was too sad to really dive in and relive those intimate hours spent in Leo’s embrace.

  Unwilling and unable to deal with the pain in her heart, she tossed aside the comforter and got out of bed and changed her clothes. Restless and hit with insomnia, she paced, going from room to room. The stormy night added its percussive beats against the roof, a suitable soundtrack for her dark mood.

  Dressed in jeans and long-sleeved shirt, hair pulled into a messy ponytail and wearing ankle boots, Fiona felt like a soldier outfitted for battle. To move forward she’d have to push back, push aside the hurt that she clung to, afraid of believing that she deserved true happiness.

  Talking to her brother—hers—her only sibling, filled a hole that she hadn’t known existed, much less known how to heal. While Leo had tried to do his part to help her, she’d deflected his advice. She’d turned away from what he offered, thinking that his comforting message made her that much weaker. Now her heart felt empty and sad. But spending time with Dresden, hearing his pain, sharing their views on so many things, even when they disagreed, were experiences that mattered.

  And with such thoughts of her brother and Leo, her new emotions cascading into self-discovery, Fiona was ready. She picked up her keys, opened the door leading to the garage and got into the car. Her insecurities no longer had any power. Now she craved peace. Her heart and body knew just where to get it.

  She hit the gas, and the tires squealed as the car reversed into the street. “Leo, I hope you’re home.” She blinked away the tears.

  Insomnia had to be blamed for this crazy drive, close to midnight, in a major storm. Fiona gritted her teeth and cursed every time she hit a pothole. Maybe she should have phoned in her apology. She’d have done so now if she hadn’t left her darn phone in her gym bag, now sitting in Dana’s car. Her cousin was home with her honey. No way that they would answer their phones or care about hers.

  She pulled up to Leo’s condo property. Lucky for her, there was one car ahead, about to enter through the electronic gates. Closing the gap between her car and the one immediately in front, she practically piggybacked onto the sedan and got through the gates before they slid closed.

  Her intent wasn’t to launch a surprise invasion. Since she hadn’t gotten in touch with Leo in advance, her only option was to get on the other side of the massive gates by whatever creative means necessary.

  The visitor space assigned to his condo was empty. Good. She didn’t want to be the uninvited guest if Leo had company. Jealousy soured her stomach at the possible scenario of Leo and another woman spending the night together. Should she be offended, given the cold way she’d sent him off? Hell yeah.

  Fiona stepped out of the car and into a deep puddle. Cold water covered her ankle boot. She cursed. Hair plastered to her face and against her neck, clothes turning into a second skin, Fiona didn’t see the urgency to run toward the door. The damage had been done; her soaked clothing reminded her that she wasn’t going to look her best if she did see him.

  She took hold of the doorknocker and pounded away. She leaned back to survey the two-level unit, trying to discern any signs of movement. Placing her ear against the door, she listened, at the same time trying to block out the muffled sound of the rain beating against everything in its path.

  “Please, Leo, if you’re in there...please, I’m here.” She whispered her plea over and over as she waited for any sounds indicating he was home. Her tears mixed with the rainwater that was already running down her cheeks.

  As much as she’d begged him to come to the door, Fiona couldn’t remain seated at the door in the pouring rain. She opted to take cover back in her car. Once out of the rain, she could think about her next move.

  Sitting in her car did help her concentration somewhat. Her teeth chattered as the shivers racked her entire body. She looked around the car for anything to cover her. An extra jacket lay in the backseat. She reached for it, grateful for the thin, dry layer. If conditions got too bad, she’d turn on the engine and the seat warmer.

  She leaned her head against the window and waited. Faith that she was doing the right thing was what she clung to for comfort. Her eyes grew tired with the vigilant watch. She rounded her shoulders to retain as much warmth as possible. Time couldn’t have moved any slower. But she wasn’t going anywhere. Determined to stay, she snuggled down deeper into the seat, and before long she fell asleep.

  * * *

  Leo scanned his resident card and passed through the tall iron gates that slid open. He aimed the car toward his condo and pulled into his driveway.

  “Could one thing go my way tonight?” He hit the dashboard with his fist.

  His anger was aimed at no one but himself. How could he have been so stupid as to let Fiona out of his life? Again. Sitting in his car wasn’t going to bring her back. Going inside wasn’t going to do so, either. But he was damp, cold and pissed off. A cursory glance around the immediate area showed that he was the only one outdoors at this time of night in the foul weather.

  Leo frowned. Something nagged at his attention. He twisted in his seat for a better look. This time he homed his gaze on the cluster of cars parked in the designated visitor spaces. There it was. He’d almost missed the car. He blinked to ensure that it wasn’t his imagination. There was the familiar SUV in his assigned visitor parking space. He opened the window and stuck out his head. His focus was squarely on the driver.

  “Fiona?” Leo jumped out of his car and ran over to hers. “Fiona!” His heart leaped at the realization. She’d been here while he wasted time standing around at her place. He knocked on the car window to rouse her, hoping it wasn’t hard enough to startle her.

  Finally, she stirred, but she did nothing more than snuggled deeper into her jacket.

  “Fiona, wake up!” Now he didn’t care how he woke her. Impatience won out. His fist pounded his desperation, not ceasing until her eyelids fluttered open.

  As he’d feared, she awoke with a start. Through the closed window, he heard her muted scream. She looked around, then at him. Confusion accompanied her sleepy expression as she rubbed her eyes and yawned.

  “Leo?” She flung open the door.

  He had to jump out of the way to avoid her eager exit.

  “You’re home,” she whispered. Her teeth chattered as she spoke. She wrapped her arms around herself and vigorously rubbed her arms. Wisps of her breath puffed outward with her exhalations.

  “Come inside. You need to warm up. If you’re not in a rush, you’re welcome to toss your clothes in the dryer.” He shoved his hands into his jeans to avoid the mistake of offering his body to warm hers.

  “Thanks. Sounds like a plan.” She followed him into the house.

  “I’ll get a robe for you while your clothes dry.” Her hesitation made him add, “Should only take about forty-five minutes.” Enough time for him to say what he needed to tell her.

  She nodded. Standing in the living room with her arms still locked around body, she looked ready to walk out the door. He hurried to his room for the robe in case she did change her mind and leave.

&nbs
p; He returned with the thickest robe, glad to see her still in his living room. She hadn’t moved from her spot except to turn toward the window, where the drapes weren’t drawn. The jacket still hung around her hunched shoulders. Her hair had lost its curl and bounce, but the effect hadn’t dulled her natural beauty.

  “Here you go.” He held out the robe.

  She turned and approached slowly, keeping her eyes on his gift. Her hands removed it from his grasp without touching him. He didn’t miss the care she used not to make contact.

  “You probably could use a cup of tea,” His hospitality had a purely selfish motive. Whatever he could do to delay her departure, he would try. Most of all, he wanted her to feel comfortable. “You can change in the bathroom.” He’d have suggested his bedroom, but the intimate space might not be seen in the best of light after their recent split.

  As he spoke, she lifted her gaze to his face. A quiver of excitement rippled through him, supercharging his nerve endings. How could she not know that, with those beautiful big brown eyes, she wielded a power over him? His determination to not sweep her into his arms and kiss her until that signature giggle bubbled up barely held.

  Every inch of him was aroused. Thinking about her was one thing. Standing this close, inhaling her soft perfume, feeling the energy from her close presence, rendered him hopelessly under her will. To stay grounded and pretend that he was emotionally disengaged, he clenched his jaws and looked away from scrutiny. For extra measure, Leo backed up, retreating from her. His primary goal was to not do anything that might set back this tentative meetup.

  * * *

  Fiona took the robe and gratefully pressed it to her body. She needed something to hold on to; otherwise, Leo would see how her hands trembled. The root cause of her condition wasn’t the damp clothing. The warmth in the room had started to soothe her skin but couldn’t calm the anxious pining of her emotions for the man who looked at her with such coldness.

  “Hot tea sounds good.” She hoped that it would take an eternity to sip her drink. She didn’t want to leave but didn’t know how to stay.