His dark brows furrowed together. “You’re talking right now.”
“Smart ass,” I muttered.
“I’m not asking you to tell me every secret you’ve hidden away in that pretty head of yours,” he smiled, like he was trying to reassure me. “I’m just asking you not to run away when your feelings get to be too much.”
“You sound like a girl,” I stated, glaring at him.
He bellowed a laugh at that. “Well,” he grinned crookedly, “one of us has to be the level-headed, honest one in this relationship, and since you’re clearly not ready to share a lot of things with me, I guess I’m that person.”
“There are things you’re not telling me,” I stated, because I knew it was true deep down in my gut.
He bowed his head, strands of dark hair falling in his eyes. “That’s true, but at least I don’t run from what I feel.”
I winced. “Touché.”
“If there’s anything Pap taught me, it was that being a man doesn’t mean burying your feelings. Yes, it means being a leader and protecting the ones you love,” he smoothed my hair off my forehead, “but it also means you embrace what you feel in your heart. He taught me not to hide my emotions, to accept them all.”
“Your grandpa is a wise man.”
“He is,” Jude agreed. “So, what do you say, are you ready to accept your feelings? To embrace this unknown rocky road ahead of us?”
No. That wasn’t the word that left my mouth though. “Yes.”
His smile widened. “No. More. Running.” He reinforced each word with a kiss to my forehead, the end of my nose, and finally a light kiss to my lips. He jumped up and pulled me up with him. “That walk was shaping up to be a bad idea, but I think we had a good talk.” He slung an arm over my shoulders.
My heart skipped a beat. “I’m scared,” I admitted, needing to tell him. “I’m scared to death of what I feel for you, of how you affect me. I feel like I’m falling.”
“Ah,” he breathed, “don’t you know, falling is the best part of flying.”
Rowan cornered me in the bathroom before I could get it locked and jump in the shower. I knew it was only a matter of time before she sought me out. She found me sooner than I expected, and I’d been planning to use the time in the shower to figure out what to tell her.
“What the hell happened today?” She whispered just in case someone was listening. She lowered the lid of the toilet seat and sat down.
I shrugged.
“Tatum,” she said my name sternly, the same way she said her son’s when he was in trouble. “Tell me. I’m your best friend.”
“I-I don’t know,” I shrugged, again. “We kissed and…”
“And?” She prompted.
“It was amazing.” Those darn butterflies erupted in my tummy again as I relived the kiss in the ocean. I was convinced no man could kiss like Jude. He was a master.
“I need more than that,” she waved her hand in a gesture for me to go on.
“We laid on the beach, talked for a while. That was about it.” No way was I telling her I’d freaked and Jude had chased me down. Besides, I felt like everything we’d talked about should be kept between the two of us.
“Are you guys dating now?”
She wasn’t going to leave this alone, but I hadn’t expected her to. I knew she’d wanted something to happen between the two of us for a while. Nothing would have ever happened between us if it wasn’t for my paper, and being forced to work with him. I was beginning to think Rowan had turned me down on purpose so that Jude would volunteer and we’d be forced to spend hours alone together. If that had been her plan, it had worked magnificently.
“I don’t know what we are.” I nibbled on my bottom lip nervously. We certainly weren’t boyfriend and girlfriend, and we’d never been friends. “I don’t think there’s any label out there to describe us.”
“Well, I knew that already,” she laughed, pulling her long hair over her shoulder. “You and Jude…that has unique written all over it. In a good way,” she assured me. She stood and patted my shoulder. “Well, I enjoyed our chat.”
Before I could reply, she opened the bathroom door and was gone. Almost immediately it opened again. Jude stuck his head in and narrowed his eyes. “Was I missing out on some smoking hot girl on girl action?”
My mouth dropped open and my short fuse got the best of me. I bonked him on the forehead with the heel of my hand and his head disappeared. I slammed the door closed before he could finagle a way back inside. “You’re disgusting!” I called through the door.
His cackling laugh was his only reply.
That evening Trent decided he wanted to have a bonfire. It seemed really silly to go through all the trouble if it was only the four of us, but everyone else thought it was a great idea. I had to admit once it was done it was really pretty. I liked watching the way the fire moved, like it was dancing.
As the four of us sat around the bonfire huddled under blankets—Trenton and Rowan under one, and Jude and I under another—I felt relaxed. None of my worries and stress from the afternoon lingered. Poof. It was gone. The delicious s’more I was eating might have something to do that, as well as the soothing motion of Jude’s hand rubbing up and down my arm to keep me warm.
“You know,” I looked around the empty beach, “it’s really weird that we’re like the only ones here.”
“It’s private,” Trent explained, confirming my earlier belief. “People coming for spring break haven’t arrived yet, it’s still a bit too early.” Shivering from the cool air, I agreed with the ‘too early’ part.
Jude brought me closer against his warm body. He was like my own personal space heater.
“You want another?” He asked, leaning over to grab the box of graham crackers.
“I’m still eating this one!” I protested, trying to wipe marshmallow from my mouth.
Jude’s eyes zeroed in on my mouth. Before I could guess what he was about to do his mouth was on mine, sucking it away. He let my lip go with a pop and then licked his. “Got it.”
Sweet baby Jesus. One minute I wanted to slap him silly and the next my hormones were in overdrive. I’m pretty sure I wanted to lick him in that moment. Could you get drunk off sugar? Because there was definitely no alcohol in my system, but I was feeling loopy.
I managed to keep my tongue to myself and finished my s’more as Jude warmed a marshmallow until it was golden, then slathered the goo on the waiting graham cracker. He added the chocolate and top cracker, before taking a huge bite.
A bit of chocolate sat in the corner of his lip and I reached over, wiping it away with my finger. I popped my finger in my mouth, licking the sweetness away. Jude watched me with hooded eyes, clearly getting turned on.
Yep, you could definitely get drunk on sugar. At least that’s what I was going to blame my actions on. It was easier than accepting them.
I felt like we were in our own little bubble, like the blanket wrapped around us was our shield. “This is nice,” I admitted, laying my head on his sturdy shoulder.
“It’s more than nice, it’s amazing,” he breathed and his sticky lips pressed against the top of my head.
I was falling hard and fast for Jude Brooks. It was scary. I was also fighting it tooth and nail.
I didn’t want to fall in love, and certainly not with him.
But matters of the heart aren’t easily won by the brain. In fact, they’re never won.
“Tatum?”
My name echoed through the dark room. When I didn’t reply, it was joined by, “Are you awake?”
“Yes,” I breathed, my voice almost shaky.
A moment later the sheet of the bed I slept in was lifted and a warm body pressed in behind me.
“What are you doing?” I asked, but didn’t move.
He wrapped an arm tightly around my body. “Sleeping.”
“Sounds more like talking,” I whispe
red, snuggling closer to him. He felt so good wrapped around me.
“Always the sarcastic one.” His lips pressed a kiss to my neck where the skin met my shoulder. “I couldn’t sleep by myself knowing you were in the bed beside me. It felt like cruel punishment not to sleep with you in my arms.”
“I’m tired,” I yawned, snuggling closer against him.
“Then go to sleep,” he whispered against my skin and I felt his smile rather than saw it.
“Then stop talking,” I growled as he wound one of his legs around mine.
“Night, Tater Tot.”
“Night, Jude.”
I finally fell asleep, and it was without a doubt the best night of sleep I’d ever had.
When I woke up, I thought I was suffocating. I couldn’t breathe from the body wrapped around mine like a boa constrictor. Jude was literally holding me so tight that my airways were blocked. I elbowed him in the ribs, and he released me…a little.
I hadn’t moved more than an inch until his arms were wrapped around me once more and I was glued to his chest.
“Jude?”
No reply.
“Jude?”
A grunt.
“Juuuuude?”
“What?” He growled, his voice thick with sleep. He was kind of delicious sounding first thing in the morning. “You’re squishing me and there’s something poking me.”
“He’s just happy to see you,” he chuckled. “I’m happy to see you too. You’re pretty in the mornings. I was a bit afraid you might look monstrous,” he said as he released me and propped his head up to look at me.
“That first comment was uncalled for,” my cheeks flamed. I couldn’t help it that I’d never slept the whole night with a guy and I didn’t know these things. “Secondly, I’m offended that you’d think I’d be anything but a beaming ray of sunshine in the mornings.”
He laughed, using his other hand to wipe sleep from his eyes. “You’re so cute when you get mad.” Cute? I didn’t think any girl on the planet liked to be called cute. “You know,” he grinned, “I’m really starting to think you’re a virgin.”
I bristled at that. It wasn’t that there was anything wrong with being a virgin, it was just that…I don’t know…Jude had certainly been around and I didn’t want him to think that I was waiting for someone special…that he was someone special. “I’m not a virgin,” I growled. I might as well have been. I’d only slept with one guy and that had been in high school. We hadn’t really dated, just fooled around. It wasn’t one of my prouder moments. I’d been young and without anyone, and found myself seeking comfort in the arms of a guy. A guy that turned out to be a real prick. Thank God he had gone away for school and I didn’t have to look at him anymore.
“I wish you were,” his eyes darkened. “I’m a selfish bastard and I want to be the only one to kiss you,” he reinforced his words by pressing his soft lips to the skin of my shoulder, “to touch you,” he glided a finger over my cheek, “to see you,” his eyes dropped to the swell of my breasts peeking out from the top of the tank I wore. “To hear you,” he murmured, his hands ghosting along my stomach, causing me to let out a soft moan.
The feelings he stirred inside me were indescribable. I felt like we were moving way too fast, and we were, but my God I didn’t care anymore. Sensible Tatum was gone and in her place was a girl I didn’t recognize, but I kind of liked her. I liked feeling happy and wanted. I’d just never thought it would be Jude to make me feel that way. Life never goes according to plan, though.
“You’re right,” I breathed, blinking up at him. “You do sound selfish.”
He snickered. “Leave it to you to ruin the moment.” He eased from the bed, stretching his muscles. I forced my eyes to the ceiling so I didn’t stare at the rippling muscles concealed behind smooth, tanned skin. He slipped on a pair of jeans and a t-shirt, running his fingers through his hair to tame it. I think I preferred his sexy bedhead look.
“I’m going to go brush my teeth and see what we’re doing about breakfast,” he smiled, bending down to kiss my cheek before leaving.
Jude completely baffled me. I wondered when I’d get used to his sweet side…well, it wasn’t even a side, he was just genuinely that way, but he kept it hidden from everyone else. With me, he let his guard down. I was going to have to do a better job of that myself. I stood, staring in the mirror that hung above the dresser. My long blonde hair hung down in a tangled mess. My eyes were a bleak blue, not the happy blue they’d been as a child. They were regaining a little bit of their sparkle, and I knew that was all thanks to the guy who’d just left the room. I rubbed my chest where my heart lay shattered to pieces. I wanted to believe the pieces were big enough to be put back together, but something told me the shards more closely resembled dust.
I turned away from the mirror before I could get disgusted with myself. I had a lot of issues I needed to work through. Realistically I knew I probably needed to talk to someone, like a therapist, but I was too prideful for that.
I changed into a pair of shorts and a plain white t-shirt. I brushed my teeth, and hair, tying the strands away from my face in a bun on top of my head.
Downstairs, I found Jude and Trent watching TV. Rowan sat in the kitchen drinking her morning cup of coffee. I was pretty sure she was addicted to the stuff.
I hopped up onto the counter beside her, swishing my legs. “Morning,” she yawned. “Want some?” She pointed to the cup of coffee.
I shook my head. “No, thanks.” I liked coffee, but unlike her I didn’t need a shot of caffeine when I woke up. “Are we having breakfast here?”
She shook her head. “No, after I call and check on the kids Trent wants us to have breakfast at some diner here.”
“Sounds good. What’s this?” I asked, my eyes landing on a tiny vase. It was one of those that only fit a single stem, but instead of a flower inside there was a Twizzler.
She shrugged. “Ask Jude. I was just as confused as you are.”
Overhearing our conversation Jude strode into the kitchen. Grinning he said, “I’m determined to show you that I’m serious about us, and that means treating you differently. Flowers are overrated, so I decided on something I know you love,” he pointed at the Twizzler in the vase. “I think Twizzler bouquets will be all the rage from now on. I’m a trendsetter.” He plucked the Twizzler out of the vase and waved it in front of my face. “Smells good, huh? It tastes even better.”
I snatched the candy from his hand and took a bite. He grinned. Finishing it off, I said, “I never knew you could be so cheesy.”
My words didn’t faze him. “I’m a romantic guy and wear my heart on my sleeve when it comes to you, Tater Tot. Get used to it. Real men aren’t afraid to show a girl they care.”
“Aw, that was really sweet,” Rowan patted him on the shoulder as she passed by, heading for the stairs. “I almost believed you for a second.”
Jude chuckled. “You wound me.”
“Yeah, yeah. I’m still not convinced you’re a nursing major. I think you’re playing us all and you’re really studying drama.” Rowan replied, crossing her arms over her chest as she stared him down.
“Sorry to disappoint you, Row,” Jude smirked. “But I’m a sexy man nurse all the way.”
I snorted at that and Row and I dissolved into a fit of giggles.
“Don’t laugh,” Jude smirked, watching me. Something told me I was in trouble with whatever he said next. “You’re the one that was checking out my ass in my scrubs.”
I groaned, cheeks flaming. My reaction prevented me from retorting. It was pointless anyway.
“While this conversation has been…enlightening, I better go change so we can eat,” she pointed to her cotton sleep shorts, “and call the kids.”
“I notice you didn’t deny it.” Jude placed his hands on either side of me, leaning close, his head bowed so his hair tickled my forehead.
“You have a nice ass,” I shrugged. “No point in denying it.”<
br />
He laughed, rubbing his nose against mine. “I like this side of you.” His lips quirked and I couldn’t contain my own smile.
“What side?” I questioned.
“The real one.”
I started to squirm, feeling uncomfortable from his words. He stilled me by rubbing his warm hands up and down my arms in a soothing gesture. Without telling him he always knew the best thing to do for me. It was like he could read my mind.
Instead of pushing him away, I did something that surprised us both. I laid my head against his solid chest and let my body sink into his. He enfolded me in his arms and held me against him. I loved how he felt wrapped around me, like we were made for each other. I let out a shaky breath. This whole letting myself feel thing was going to be hard. Real hard. But I was trying and that was something.
“I’m ready!” Rowan called, bounding down the steps.
Jude stepped back and I hopped off the counter. Trent was oddly quiet, watching Jude and I with careful appraisal. I wondered what he thought of the two of us together.
We piled into the SUV and it didn’t take us long to get to the diner. It was nothing fancy, but it was clean so that was something.
“They have the best milkshakes here,” Trent informed us, not bothering to pick up his menu.
Rowan laughed beside him. “Trent, it’s like ten in the morning. No one wants a milkshake at this time.”
“Anytime is the perfect time for a milkshake,” he murmured, nuzzling her neck and then kissing it.
“Annnd there they go with the gross public displays of affection.” Jude coughed beside me as our friends completely lost themselves in each other. I might not have wanted to watch, but I did want to give Rowan a round of applause for opening herself up to Trenton. “Maybe we should get a different table?” He suggested.
“No, no.” Rowan replied before I could, extracting herself from Trent’s arms and swatting him away before he could continue. “We’re here to have breakfast together. There’s time for that later,” she glared at Trent. He was completely unaffected by her threatening gaze. He’d put up with enough from her before that this didn’t faze him.
Saving Tatum (Trace + Olivia #4) Page 14
