We nodded and Trent opened the door.
I don’t know how it had escaped my notice, maybe because I’d been too busy gawking at everything else, but the beach was literally right outside. Yeah, it was a ‘beach house’ but I’d still thought we’d have to walk a few blocks to get there. Oh, no. It was right there. I ran outside like a crazy person, kicking off my flip-flops and twirling in the sand. My bag dropped somewhere behind me but I didn’t care. I was on the beach!
I heard them laughing at my display.
I was letting loose and I was determined to have fun on this trip, even if I had a roommate. I wasn’t paying attention and let out a squeal when my feet were swept out from under me. At first I thought I was falling, but then my stomach hit against a muscular shoulder. Jude’s familiar scent swam around me as he ran towards the ocean.
“Jude!” I screamed, laughing despite myself. “Put me down! It’s going to be freezing and I have my clothes on!” My protests didn’t matter, we both went in the water. A wave swelled around us, knocking him off his feet.
We went under and the icy water shocked me. I came up sputtering, wiping my eyes. I slapped at his hard chest, which was on full display in his drenched white shirt. Getting a good look at him, I swallowed thickly. I itched to reach out and touch his abs, but I clenched my hands together so I could do no such thing.
We stood staring at each other, drenched in water, panting—and it wasn’t from lack of oxygen. The air was thick with sexual tension. It was like a palpable thing between us, wrapping around us with snaky tendrils drawing us closer.
I don’t know who moved first, and it didn’t matter.
Suddenly his arms were wrapped around me, one holding my body and the other on the nape of my neck. Our lips collided together and I wanted to sigh in relief. I hated him. I wanted him. I cursed him. I craved him. We were like fire and water—two opposites that should never come together, but somehow when we collided it was perfect. His mouth moved over mine with the skill of an artists’ hand on a canvas. I breathed him in, savoring this moment. With each gentle press of his lips against mine my resolve to avoid him crumbled. There was no staying away from Jude. I could run, hide, and deny my feelings for as long as I wanted, but they weren’t going anywhere. I needed to get Jude out of my system. At least that’s what I told myself as I kissed him deeply, fisting his wet shirt in my hands. I couldn’t hate him anymore, not after seeing the real, genuine Jude. The fact of the matter was I let go of my hatred when I’d seen what a remarkable person he was and I couldn’t stay away. I’d always been a fighter, and I’d been fighting my thoughts and feelings for weeks now. There was a part of me that still fought hard to hate him, to blame him, because that was easy, but it wasn’t working anymore. I saw now that no one was to blame. Not really anyway. But humans long to find fault in someone else. It’s so much easier to hold onto pain, to despise someone, than it is to let go and choose to be happy. I was letting go of my pain, letting it fly away like a balloon I’d once released from my grasp as a child. I’d watched it fly higher and higher, crying at first at the loss, but then marveling at its beauty as it spun through the air, travelling to lands unknown. The balloon was my pain leaving, but it also symbolized me. Free. Floating. Discovering a life I’d never bothered to imagine. One with love and happiness.
“Don’t break my heart,” I breathed when he pulled away, nipping my lower lip.
He kissed the edge of my nose. “Never,” he vowed.
Chapter Fourteen
Jude and I ended up back on the beach, lying on towels side by side. I’d been surprised by the words that left my mouth after our kiss, but even more shocked by his reply. Rowan had watched us emerge from the ocean with a knowing smirk before moving a ways down the beach with Trent.
It was still only Jude and I in this spot. From the lack of activity on the beach, I guessed it was private and reserved only for the people who lived here.
Jude reached over, lightly guiding his finger down my nose. “Still cold?”
I shivered. “What do you think?”
He chuckled, ducking his head. “I didn’t expect it to be that cold, I’m sorry.”
Closing my eyes, I let the sun’s rays warm me. “It’s okay.”
In fact, what had transpired between us once we were in the water made it more than okay. Just this morning I’d been livid to find out Jude was coming with us, then mad we had to share a room, but now that I’d given into the feelings I’d been denying I felt…happy.
Happiness had been absent from my emotions for a long time. On the surface, I wore a smile and never showed the struggles I dealt with on the inside. The fact of the matter was, I’d been hurt. I was damaged goods, and I hadn’t believed I was the kind of girl worthy of love—of being saved. But I was beginning to see that everyone is worth saving. It was strangely appropriate that the man I’d let break me, was the one to put me back together.
I didn’t know what tomorrow, or next week, or even the following month might hold for us, and I wasn’t going to let myself overthink it. I was going to live in the moment.
Jude lay on his back, staring up at the clear blue sky. “Tatum?”
“Yeah,” I replied when he didn’t continue immediately.
“Can I hold your hand, or are you going to hit me for that?”
I turned my head and laughed at his serious expression. “I think that would be alright, and I really am sorry about that. It was an automatic reaction.”
“So…” He started, a slow grin appearing on his face. “Your first response to a guy kissing you, is to slap him? Interesting.”
He was never going to let me live this down. I really hadn’t meant to hit him. He knew that, but he also enjoyed my pain. Douche.
“Only one guy.”
“I’m the only guy to ever kiss you?” He brightened.
“No!” I immediately shut him down. “I’ve kissed other guys, but you’re the only one that I…you know…”
“Slapped?” He supplied. “Should I be honored that you like to hit me?” He winked.
“You make me sound like I’m abusive,” I pouted, feeling ashamed of myself and my behavior.
“Nah,” he propped his head up on his hand and stared down at me. “You’re just a tough girl.”
“Tough?” I wrinkled my nose. “That doesn’t sound very appealing.”
“Oh, trust me,” his brown eyes sparkled, “it is. It’s hot as hell actually. But you want to know a secret, Tate?”
I nodded and he lowered his head so his mouth was pressed against my ear. My body shuddered at the close proximity and the heavenly feel of his breath ghosting against my skin. “Even tough girls need saving.”
“Is that what you’re going to do Jude?” I quirked my head and squinted from the sun shining in my eyes. “Are you going to save me?”
“No,” he shook his head, his dark hair brushing my forehead. “You’re going to save yourself.”
He said the words with such surety that I couldn’t help but believe him. When I didn’t say anything he rolled onto his back and finally entwined our hands together. Peace flooded my body and I didn’t understand it. How could the man that had filled me with such torment not long ago, calm my body with a simple touch? It was mindboggling.
I rolled my head slightly to the side, studying his profile—the elegant slope of his nose and the slant of his lips. I couldn’t believe I was thinking this, and he’d probably kill me if I said it out loud, but he was beautiful—inside and out. It was a shame that I was just now noticing it. I think a lot of people never saw what a magnificent person he was. He hid his true self behind cocky smiles and flirtatious come-ons.
“You’re staring at me.”
“I’m not,” I hastily turned my head away.
“I felt your eyes,” he continued. “You were totally staring. It’s okay, look all you want. I know I’m quite the feast for your eyes.”
With my free hand I smacked his stomach. My God he had abs of st
eel. I think I hurt my hand more than I did any damage to him. Not that I was really trying to hurt him. Although, I thought he needed a nice blow to his ego.
I squealed as he rolled on top of me and I found my arms pinned above me, pushed into the sand. His tongue slowly snaked out between his plump lips to moisten their surface. I thought he was going to kiss me, but he didn’t. I was learning that Jude rarely did what I expected of him. In many ways he was a mystery.
His dark eyes grew serious as he stared down at me and I found myself squirming as his hips dug into mine. I felt my body responding to the position—muscles tightening, pulse racing, and an overwhelming ache building inside me.
“Are you sure about this?” He breathed softly. There was a vulnerability in his eyes that I’d only ever seen when he was around his grandpa. “About us? Or am I going to wake up in the morning and find that you’re gone?”
“You really think I’d run away?” I replied, wiggling my hips, which caused him to hiss sharply between his teeth.
“Honestly? It wouldn’t surprise me. You’re afraid of your own feelings,” he lowered his head, brushing his nose against my neck. My eyes closed and a pleased hum resounded in my throat. There was still a voice in my head telling me to push him away, but I was done listening to it. “It’s okay to be scared, Tate,” he nipped my earlobe, the heat of his body wrapping around mine like a blanket. “I’m scared too.”
“You are?” I breathed, my voice so soft the wind nearly carried it away.
I felt him nod, his hair tickling my neck. “I’ve never felt this way about anyone, but you,” he confessed. “It’s always been you.”
His behavior with other girls suggested otherwise, but I didn’t say any of that. While my problems had caused me to isolate myself, it was clear whatever haunted Jude caused him to seek comfort in the arms of another—a naked female, specifically.
His words made me wonder if maybe he really did see something different in me.
Maybe a part of me hoped I was different. It wasn’t about taming the bad boy or any nonsense like that, but it was nice to feel…I don’t know…special. I’d never been the girl to stand out, not even during my brief stint as a cheerleader. I’d always been okay with blending in with the crowd. But the way Jude looked at me sometimes made me want to be anything but a wallflower. He awakened something inside me I’d never thought existed. I wasn’t quite sure what it was. I just knew he made me feel alive.
“I haven’t scared you, have I?” He asked when I was quite for a while. His finger twisted in the long locks of my long hair, which had fallen loose from the confines of the braid.
“A little,” I admitted.
“Don’t be afraid.” His lips brushed my forehead and my lashes fluttered. “Let’s just explore this crazy thing between us for a while and see where it goes.”
“You mean, until you get sick of me.” I stated.
“Pretty girl,” his lips descended lower, closer to my mouth but mostly on my cheek. “I could never tire of you. If I was going to get bored with you, don’t you think it would’ve happened long before now?”
He was right. Jude had been making advances towards me since we were in high school. Our college campus was large enough that I’d thought he’d gone away for school and hadn’t seen him on campus the first two years. It probably helped that we studied two completely different majors. In fact, I wouldn’t have encountered him again if he hadn’t become friends with Rowan. I’d been beyond livid when he’d shown up at the library one day where Row and I had been studying. From that moment on, he’d picked right up where he’d left off in high school with trying to get in my pants.
“That’s a good point,” I agreed, curling into his side. He was so warm and comforting and I almost never wanted to leave his arms.
I’d always been fiercely independent and it scared me to be falling so hard and fast for someone. Especially Jude.
“If I’d really only wanted to fuck you all this time I’m pretty sure you slapping me would’ve been a huuuuuge turn off,” he continued, laughing so his chest shook, causing my head to bobble up and down where it rested on his shoulder.
“My mom would shove soap into your mouth for that statement,” I dead-panned, refusing to laugh or acknowledge yet another mention of the ‘slapping incident’.
“Sounds like a kinky lady, must run in the family.” He rose above me, smirking.
“Juuude!” I shrilled his name and reached up to lightly beat my fists against his chest in jest. He caught my hands before they could any damage.
I found my hands pinned above my head once more. “Do you want me to spank you, Tatum?” There was a hint of amusement in his eyes, but his tone was almost stern.
“Only if you want me to cut your balls off while you sleep,” I smiled sweetly.
Something changed in his eyes and he opened his mouth to say something, but promptly shut it. He released my hands and stood up, offering me a hand. “What do you say we go for a walk?”
A walk with Jude on the beach? It sounded grossly romantic, but I guess we were a couple now…wait, were we a couple? This was all so confusing.
He kicked off his shoes, letting his feet dig into the sand. I did the same and then took his outstretched hand. We started walking down the beach and everything about the moment felt strange to me. Jude hummed pleasantly under his breath, a small happy smile on his face. Every once in a while he’d look down at me and his smile would widen. Shouldn’t that have been me? Shouldn’t I have been the one looking foolishly…I shut down that thought. Love and Jude in the same sentence was not something that should ever be used. Regardless, I felt like I should’ve been the one beaming. Not that I wasn’t happy, but let’s face it. This was Jude. He could have any girl he wanted. Heck, he had, had every girl he wanted, but he was suddenly choosing me to have a relationship with? Me? The me who had hated him for the last seven years. It honestly made no sense, but I couldn’t help believing that the most confusing things can turn out to be the simplest things in the world. I hoped that’s what being with Jude would be like. Simple. Easy. Uncomplicated.
“You look like you’re worrying,” Jude spoke, his voice husky and deep like his throat was dry.
“I’m not,” I said quickly.
“Come on, Tater Tot. I know you better than that.”
I stopped suddenly and he did too. He loomed upon me from his towering height. Even though I wasn’t short by most people’s standards Jude still made me feel small and dainty.
“Do you know me?” I asked, shielding my eyes from the sun. “Tell me Jude, do you really know me?”
His jaw clenched painfully tight, and a muscle ticked. Something about my question had made him angry. “I know that you say your favorite color changes depending on the day and where you are, so right now I’m going to venture to guess that it’s blue,” he nodded his head towards the ocean. He was right. “I know that your eyes light up at the mention of my Pap. I know that you love that house more than you’d care to admit.” He thrust his fingers in his hair, getting heated. “I know things about you that you haven’t even told me.” I opened my mouth to protest, because what could be possibly know, but he plowed on. “I know that you want to ride one of the horses on the farm—I’ve seen the way your eyes linger on them when they’re grazing. I know you loved your brother and wanted to blame me for every bad thing to happen to you, but you also know in your heart I had nothing to do with it.” His chest heaved as he struggled to get enough air. “I know from the far off look you get in your eyes sometimes, that there’s a lot you keep inside. I know you struggle to feel accepted, to feel like you belong. I know that you never talk about your mom and dad. I know you watch me when you think I’m not looking, but Tate,” he cupped my cheek, “I’m always looking at you.”
I swallowed thickly and my body leaned into his touch. My heart raced and my palms dampened with sweat.
I felt like a frightened, cornered animal.
And then I did wh
at I did best.
I ran away.
Chapter Fifteen
Sand kicked out behind me as I ran. My feet sunk down into it making it hard to run fast, but I tried.
It wasn’t good enough.
Jude caught up to me easily and we fell to the ground as he tackled—yeah, he full on tackled me to the ground like we were playing football. Sand got all over our clothes as we rolled around. There was nothing sexy or playful about the motion. “Let me go,” I protested, trying to wiggle away from his grasp.
“No,” his tone was stern. He was bigger and stronger than me, so it didn’t take much effort on his part to subdue me. “Look at me,” he growled when I turned my head away from him. I could feel moisture stinging my eyes and the last thing I wanted was for Jude to see me cry. Talk about mortifying. “Tatum, look at me.” His voice softened, pleading with me. I couldn’t stop my head from turning. “That’s my girl,” he smiled. My heart still raced in my chest, but its beats were slowing. “I told you I was afraid of you running away, and then you go and do it. Way to bruise a guy’s ego,” he teased, but there was an uneasiness in his eyes like he was still worried if he released me I’d flee. All fight was leaving my body. I hadn’t even been trying to get away from him. It was my feelings I was running from. They were a jumbled, twisted knot inside me. I couldn’t untangle them and even begin to sort the mess. I didn’t understand what he saw in me. I’d seen enough of his true colors to know he was an amazing man, but me? I had no clue who I was or what I wanted. I dwelled on the past too much and I didn’t talk about my feelings. I kept everything bottled inside me until I exploded—like when I threw the McFlurry at Jude. May that Oreo McFlurry Rest in Peace.
I took a shuddering breath as he said, “Talk to me, Tate.”
“I don’t know how to talk to you,” I breathed, my chest rising heavily with each breath. “I don’t know how to talk to anyone.”
Saving Tatum (Trace + Olivia #4) Page 13
