“I’m old,” Jerry grumbled, “not broken. I can get down just fine on my own. I got up here without your help,” he pointed out.
Jude shook his head and stepped back, but held his hands out in case he needed to steady his grandpa.
Jerry lowered and stepped off the chair. Straightening, he looked at Jude. “See, I’m fine. No broken hip.”
Jude let out a disgruntled sigh.
Jerry strode over to me and threw his arms around me. “I’m so proud of you.”
“Thank you,” I told him, tearing up a bit. Until he said the words I hadn’t realized how much I needed to hear someone say them.
Jerry released me and turned to hug Jude. “I’m proud of you too.” He lowered his head and whispered something in Jude’s ear that made him smile.
Turning back to me, Jerry said, “Jude told me y’all are having a graduation party and I’m not invited, so I think I should at least be allowed to buy you a late lunch.”
I looked at Jude and shrugged. “I don’t mind.”
“Lunch it is.” Jerry clapped his hands together before Jude could say anything.
We started to head back to the parking lot, there was no point in lingering, when we heard, “Juuuuuuuuuuude.”
Jude fell to the ground as Tristan crashed into him.
“That’s my boy,” I heard Trent say.
Rowan gasped. “Jude, are you okay? I’m so sorry!”
Jude rolled over and grabbed Tristan, lifting him in the air easily despite the fact that the boy wasn’t that small anymore.
“I’m fine,” Jude assured her, “he just took me by surprise is all.” He set Tristan in the grass and sat up, ruffling the little boy’s hair.
“I’m really sorry,” Rowan said again as she approached and reached for her son’s hand, “he wouldn’t listen to me when I told him you were busy.”
“It’s fine,” he waved a hand dismissively. He stood and dusted pieces of grass off his gown. “Rowan, this is my grandpa. Pap, this is Rowan, my best friend. Her fiancé Trent, and their son Tristan. And that beauty back there hiding,” he pointed to where Ivy stood a few feet away by a tree, “is Rowan’s sister, Ivy.”
“It’s so nice to meet you,” Rowan smiled at Jerry. She let out a squeak in surprise when he hugged her.
“We’re heading to get lunch. Would you all like to join?” Jerry asked, nodding at Rowan and her family.
Her face fell. “I’d love to, but Trent’s mom is having a meal for us at her house.”
“Some other time then,” Jerry smiled. “I must get to know you better.”
“Yes, of course,” she agreed. “I’ve got to go.” Trent picked up Tristan and lifted him onto his shoulders as they walked away.
“Wait!” Jude called and Rowan turned back. “Are you coming to the party?”
“I’m not sure,” she bit her lip. “We’ll try.”
Jude nodded and her answer seemed good enough for him.
Jerry, Jude, and I started to head towards the parking lot again. This time we made it without any interruptions. There wasn’t enough room for all of us in Jude’s truck, so I followed them to the restaurant in my car. That was fine by me, because I needed to go home and get ready for the party.
Our lunch was short and then it was time for Jude to take Jerry back home. He hugged me tight before leaving and told me he better see me soon for dinner. I agreed.
Since Rowan was busy, and not sure if she was coming to the party, I was getting ready by myself tonight.
The house was eerily quiet around me as I scrambled around. I found myself speaking out loud just to fill the silence.
After spending most of the day in a nice dress, because we were required to dress formally for the graduation ceremony, I wanted nothing more than to wear shorts and a tank top. So, that’s what I did. Jude wouldn’t care and I had no reason to dress up for anyone else.
I left my hair down and touched up my makeup. I still had several hours to kill before leaving for the party. I ended up spending it cleaning the house, since I had nothing better to do.
It came time for me to leave and for the first time ever I was excited for a party. Maybe this time felt different since we were actually celebrating something worthwhile.
I parked my car down the street and sent Rowan a text as I walked towards the townhouse, asking if she was coming. She didn’t reply immediately so I stuck my phone in my pocket.
I turned my head up to the sky. It was quickly becoming a dark, stormy gray. I wasn’t too thrilled about the prospect of rain, but at least it had held off till after graduation.
I bound up the steps and opened the door into the townhouse.
The place was already packed.
If the guys had another party I was going to have to make sure to get my ass here early. I really hated pushing my way through the crowd. I was pretty sure someone elbowed me in the ribs and I’d have a bruise in the morning.
I saw Grant and Anna in the corner of the living room. I lifted my hand and waved, but they didn’t see me.
I finally broke through the crowd and into the hallway. I didn’t see Jude anywhere.
“Hey,” I grabbed Dylan’s arm when he went to pass me. “Have you seen Jude?”
“Oh, yeah,” he smiled, a beer bottle clasped in his hand. “He went up to his room.”
“Thanks.”
I jogged up the steps, heading to Jude’s room.
I was surprised when I saw it open, since he always kept it closed during parties, even when he was inside.
I stepped inside his room and froze.
Every surface was littered with white rose petals and tea candles he was in the process if lighting.
But that wasn’t what had bile rising in the back of my throat.
Oh no, that was all because Jude’s arms were wrapped around Brooke, their lips sealed together.
I stood shocked, unable to move.
I couldn’t believe this was happening.
I wanted to pretend it wasn’t real.
But it was.
Brooke opened her eyes and saw me and I could see the pleasure she felt at destroying my heart.
I stepped back and turned to run.
My foot got tangled in the laces of my sneakers and I fell down, smacking my knee roughly against the floor.
“Tatum—”
Hearing his voice was more than I could bear. Especially when I knew if I turned to look he’d be holding her. God, he could’ve had the decency to break up with me and not go behind my back. I was a big girl. I could handle it.
Without a backwards glance I took off down the steps.
I pushed people out of my way, not caring if I hurt them. I had to get out of there. I refused to cry until I was in the safety of my car. I wouldn’t give the bastard the satisfaction of seeing my tears.
“Tatum!” I heard my name called. Not just by Jude this time, who I could tell was close behind me, but Dylan as well.
When Dylan saw that I was racing to get out of there and struggling to hold onto my composure, I heard him yell at Jude. “What the fuck did you do?!”
“It wasn’t what it looked like!” Jude cried. I wasn’t sure if the words were meant for Dylan or me and I didn’t care. I was almost to the door.
I heard a crash behind me, and people gasped. The disruption wasn’t enough to get me to look. I opened the front door and slammed it behind me.
I ran down the street to my car.
“Tate—”
Rowan.
Great.
Now everyone was going to be a witness to me getting screwed over. I didn’t stop to look or even acknowledge her. I just kept running. My desperation to get away was all consuming.
I reached my car and started it up as quickly as my fumbling fingers could manage.
I kept making the strangest sound I’d ever heard. It was half-gasp, half-cry.
Tears stung my eyes as I raced down the street. I saw Jude running down the sidewalk looking for me and�
��sick person that I was—I got satisfaction out of imagining running him over…just like he had done to me.
I drove home as fast as I could, but it was still the longest fifteen minutes of my life.
I tore inside the empty house and my tears finally began to flood. I gasped for air as I blindly climbed the stairs.
I fell to my bed, burying my head in my pillow and sobbed.
But then I began to think of Jude being in my room, and in my bed, and I had to get away.
I wrenched out of the bed and grabbed the pillow. I threw it across the room and something shattered. I didn’t know what and I didn’t care.
I ran out of my room and into Graham’s. It was one room that would never make me think of Jude, and I felt better in here anyway—like Graham was there to give me a hug and tell me it would be okay.
I sat on the floor with my back against his bed. I drew my knees up and wrapped my arms around them. My tears dripped from my chin onto my bare knees. I cried so hard that my whole body shook with the force. I hadn’t cried this hard when Graham died—then, I’d been numb, but now I was cut open painfully.
I’d known my feelings for Jude were so intense that it would tear me apart if something happened to us. But I hadn’t anticipated this kind of reaction. I’d hoped it would never come to this, but it had.
I’d been so stupid to trust him.
I wiped at my eyes, my hands coming away covered in streaks of black from my mascara.
The doorbell rang and my whole body stiffened.
I knew it was him.
It wouldn’t be anyone else.
But it was more than that. My body was just that aware of him. I was tuned into the feel of him and I always knew when he was near.
I rose with shaky feet. I took several deep breaths and almost didn’t go to the door.
But I needed to.
I took the steps slowly, dreading facing him.
When I opened the door he stood there, soaking wet from the rain. He shivered, water dripping off his nose and onto his chin.
“Tate,” my name was no more than a whisper on his lips, and his brown eyes were pained, “I swear to God it wasn’t what you think it was.”
My breath shook with barely contained tears. “It was exactly what I saw. I’m not stupid Jude, so don’t treat me like I am. I always figured you’d get bored with me and move on to someone else. I just figured you’d have the courtesy to break up with me first. I guess I was wrong.” Nodding my head towards the road, I started to close the door. “You can leave now.”
He slammed his hand against the door and pushed it open completely. He stormed around me and into my house. “I’m not leaving until I can get you to see the truth.”
I snorted at that. “I saw the truth, that’s why we’re here in the first place. And if you won’t leave, then I will.”
I didn’t have my car keys, but I didn’t care.
I walked onto the porch, down the steps, and into the street.
It was pouring down rain and I was soaked in seconds.
My hair was plastered to my forehead and I could barely see in front of me the rain fell so hard, but I kept walking. The chill of the rain was nothing compared to the internal pain I felt at the moment. In fact, the harsh sting of the water brought clarity to my muddled brain.
I let out a scream when a hand clamped around my arm. Jude turned me around sharply and gripped my arms roughly in his hands. His fingers dug into my skin and he bared his teeth. He was angry. Pissed. Livid. Whatever you wanted to call it. He looked like he was two seconds away from shaking me.
“I fucking love you, Tatum!” He yelled and his words felt like ice on my skin, even colder than the rain.
“Why don’t you try saying that without the fucking in the middle,” I sneered, trying to pull my arms from his grasp but it was futile. He was so much stronger than me and he was determined not to let me go.
He pulled me closer and lowered his forehead to mine. I hated that it felt so good. I wanted to hate everything about him, but I couldn’t.
“I love you,” he said again, his voice low. “I love you. Please,” he swallowed thickly as the rain slicked off his skin beading in his hair and the stubble on his cheeks. He smoothed his hand over my cheek causing me to sigh with pleasure—I couldn’t stop the noise if I tried. His affect on me was too powerful to be ignored. “Don’t do this to us.”
I turned my head away and the tears started anew, but since they mixed with the rain and the sky was black he couldn’t see them.
“I didn’t do this to us. You did,” I choked.
“Did you not hear me, Tate?! I love you! She kissed me! She followed me into my room and kissed me!” His teeth clamped shut and his brows drew together as he willed me to believe him, but I knew what I saw and I couldn’t get that image out of my head.
“I want to believe you,” I whispered, biting my lip as the rain fell harder, “but I saw how you held her…”
“Fuck, Tate!” He shoved his fingers through his wet hair so it stuck up. “That was me trying to push her away! What will it take to make you see that I only want you?!” He spread his arms wide as the rain pelted his body.
I shook my head. “Jude, I…” I looked down, unable to find the words I needed to say. “I can’t do this.”
“What is this?!” He panted, spreading his arms wide. “You can’t let me love you? You can’t be with me? What is it that you can’t fucking do, Tatum?”
“I can’t be this girl!” I cried. “The one that turns into an emotional mess, because of some guy! I need to be stronger than that!” I took several steps back, shivering from the cold and nearly fell over from a dip in the street. I wondered if my neighbors were watching the scene playing out before them in the middle of the road. Between the veil of the rain and night sky, I doubted anyone could even see us.
“What the hell is wrong with being upset? Huh? I’m hurt too, Tate! It tore me apart seeing that look on your face…having you run away from me. But loving you makes me a better person. With you, I’m me.” He beat his fist against his chest, as if trying to drive home the point that his heart belonged to me.
“Stop it, please,” I sobbed. “Just stop.” The rain felt like thousands of nails piercing my skin repeatedly, but the sting was nothing compared to the damage I felt to my heart. The way I felt right now had me convinced that being heartbroken was worse than any kind of physical torture I could ever be subjected to. I knew I never wanted to feel this way again. I’d been right to guard my heart all these years, and it figured that the guy I’d willingly given it to smashed it to bits.
“Why the fuck should I? It’s the truth.” His chest heaved and his wet shirt clung to every muscle. Despite my anger my fingers itched to reach out and touch him, but I couldn’t. I was letting him go. He wasn’t mine anymore.
“I need you to leave.” I stared at my shoes, because I couldn’t meet his eyes.
“No.” He growled and I saw him take a step towards me. “I didn’t fucking kiss her, Tate, and I’m not leaving here until I get you to understand that.”
“Jude, please,” I begged, finally forcing myself to look at him. Rain slid off his face, getting lost in the fabric of his wet t-shirt. “This,” I pointed to him and then myself, “isn’t good for me. You need to go.”
“I’m not going anywhere.” He repeated as he closed the distance between us and took my cheek in one hand, pressing my waist against his with the other. “I love you and you’re not getting rid of me that easy.”
He lowered his head and captured my lips in a searing kiss that I felt all the way down to my toes. I let my fingers tangle in his hair as I kissed him back. The rain mingled with our kiss, clinging to our lips. I kissed him back with everything I had in me. One last time, I told myself.
He growled low in his throat and his hold on me relaxed.
He didn’t know it, but this was me saying goodbye.
I broke away and stood on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek and
whisper in his ear, “Goodbye, Jude.”
Before he could react, I took off running for my house.
I slammed the door closed and locked it. My shoes squeaked against the hardwood floors as my back slid down to the floor. My butt hit it roughly and I knew my bottom would hurt later—but everything else hurt, so it didn’t really matter.
I started to cry again and Jude rang the doorbell. When that didn’t work he started smacking his fist against it.
“Tatum,” he called through the door. “Please, don’t do this,” he begged. He sounded so torn up, but I couldn’t open the door and comfort him. I couldn’t tell him that it was okay and make all of this go away.
The fact of the matter was I realized now that I needed to get stronger on my own and I couldn’t do that with Jude.
I wanted to believe that Brooke had kissed him and he hadn’t meant for it to happen, but I knew what I saw and right now I was too upset to think logically.
Love made you crazy, and I was the craziest of them all.
“Tate,” he cried, hitting his fist against the door again and again.
I didn’t move for hours, and neither did he.
He stayed outside the door waiting for me to open it up—to change my mind—but I never did.
Eventually I heard the sounds of his footsteps on the stairs of the porch.
I forced myself to stand and I looked out the window, watching him get in his truck and leave.
My heart broke all over again as I watched the taillights on his truck disappear down the street.
How had one of the best days of my life turned into the worst?
Chapter Twenty Six
Somehow I’d managed to get myself upstairs and climb in bed—Graham’s bed, because I wasn’t planning on going back in my room anytime soon. My mom probably would’ve snapped out of her…well, whatever strange in-between state she was in…and had a conniption if she’d seen that I had disturbed the shrine my brother’s room had become.
I was curled up in his bed, crying my eyes out, when Rowan found me.
“God, Tate, look at you,” she sighed, standing beside the bed.
“How’d you get in?” I mumbled. My eyes were puffy and it made it hard to see her clearly.
Saving Tatum (Trace + Olivia #4) Page 29
