Rowan ignored my tears. I guessed she’d decided to let me cry it out.
After a few minutes where the only sound in the room was my hiccupping sobs, she said, “Trent’s family is throwing a Memorial Day barbeque. I want you to come.”
Composing myself, I choked, “Is h-he going to be there?” I knew she’d know which he I meant. After all, there could only be one I was referring to.
Rowan shrugged. “He’s invited, but I don’t know if he’ll come or not.”
I sighed, running my fingers through my hair. “I’ll think about it.”
“That’s better than no.” She smiled and set the ice cream aside when it was obvious that even its sugary goodness couldn’t tempt me. “Let’s go out.”
“I don’t want to,” I frowned, my shoulders sagging with a sigh.
“Just for dinner,” she pleaded. “You need to get out and you have to eat. It’s a win-win.”
I couldn’t very well argue with that. Besides, I need to push past my sadness over the situation with Jude and find that strong girl I used to be once more.
With startling clarity I realized that Jude didn’t take away my strength. He gave it to me. He lifted me up, and didn’t drag me down. He pushed me to be better.
I began to toy with my bottom lip as my thoughts began to show me what I’d been too blinded by hurt and stubborn proudness to see.
Jude made me better.
He didn’t change me, he just helped me improve upon the person I was.
I’d been too mad to see that and grasping at reasons to stay mad at him.
God, I’d been so stupid.
I stood hastily and my hand flew to my mouth. I thought I might be sick.
“Tatum—” Rowan started.
I lowered my hand and took a deep, steadying breath. “You were right,” I gasped, “I’ve been so stupid. I…I…I was so hurt over seeing him with Brooke, and pissed over my own reaction. I hated that I cared so much, but I can see now that if I hadn’t got upset that would’ve been more disconcerting.” I shook my head, my hair falling forward to frame my face. “What the fuck is wrong with me?” I lifted my head to look at her. “Why do I do this to myself? Why do I push everyone away?”
Rowan wrapped her arms around me in a tight hug. “You’re so much like me,” she whispered in my ear. “I did the same thing with Trenton. Over and over again I pushed him away because I was scared to love him.” She stepped back but rested her hands on my shoulders. “But being without him was the worst kind of pain I’ve ever felt.”
“I-I need to go to him,” I stuttered, looking around for my purse and car keys. I couldn’t remember where I’d laid them when we came inside.
Rowan reached out and grabbed my arm, halting my frantic search. “It’s late, Tate. Wait till morning.”
My face fell. “Has he moved on?”
“God, Tatum,” she rolled her eyes, “don’t be ridiculous.”
“I feel like there’s something you’re not telling me,” I frowned.
“I promise there’s not, it’s just late and…” She started.
“What?” I prompted when she didn’t continue.
“I don’t know,” she shrugged, “it just seems like you should do something nice to apologize. He’s really torn up.”
“He’s torn up?” I snapped. “What about me?” I pointed to my chest. “What about what I feel? Huh? The past ten days have been hell for me.”
“I’m not saying they haven’t, but…let’s face it,” she played with the ends of her hair, a nervous gesture, “Jude pursued you, I think it’s time for you to do a little chasing of your own.”
I narrowed my eyes. “This ‘chasing’ you speak of sounds a lot like groveling. I won’t beg him to take me back.” It had nothing to do with pride, but I wasn’t going to turn into a pathetic mess because he wouldn’t take me back—at least not in front of him. In the comfort of my home? Now that was a different story.
“No,” she laughed. “I just think he deserves a romantic gesture.”
“What if he laughs at me?” I frowned.
Rowan sighed. “I’m not saying it needs to be something overly romantic and gooey. Do something from your heart. Something that will make him smile.” She threw her arm over my shoulder. “Come on, we’ll talk about it over dinner. I’m sure between the two of us we can come up with something brilliant to blow his mind.”
Chapter Twenty Eight
“Lucinda,” I walked up to my boss, nervously fiddling with my fingers.
She looked up from the cupcakes she was icing, arching her brow in question.
I decided not to mess around, because if I stalled too long I’d lose my nerve to ask for her help. “I…uh…I made a mistake.”
“With the register?” She asked, flicking gray hair out of her eyes with a shake of her head.
“No,” I laughed, but it came out nervous sounding, “with my boyfriend.”
“Oh, I’m sorry,” she stood up straight. “But I don’t understand why you’re telling me this.”
“You see,” I fidgeted restlessly with unease. “I want to apologize to him, but my friend says I need to do something romantic so I was thinking…”
“Yeah?” She asked, icing more cupcakes while she waited for me to get on with it.
“I want to make him a cake, and I know how to make a cake, that isn’t the problem…”
“So, what’s the problem?” She asked. “I’ll help you in anyway I can,” she smiled, alleviating some of my stress.
“He loves gummy bears, so—”
“You want to make him a gummy bear cake,” she chuckled, setting the bag of icing to the side. Wiping her hands on her apron she said, “I can do that, but you’re helping. I have to head out of here in a little bit, but we can do it first thing in the morning and I’ll give you the rest of the day off tomorrow so you can, hopefully, make up.” She winked and picked up the icing bag once more.
“Thank you!” I cried. I was a bit upset I had to wait till tomorrow morning—probably the afternoon by the time the cake would be done and I could get it to him—but I would take this as a victory.
I returned to the front and Bryce stepped away from the register so I could take over.
“From the smile on your face, I’m going to guess it went well.” I’d already told Bryce my idea and he’d thought it was great. His exact words had been, ‘No man can resist the temptation of a cake and a hot girl holding it.’ He’d looked me up and down then, grinning slowly before adding, ‘You should totally hide in his room and when he opens the door you’ll be standing there naked holding the cake.’
I’d responded by telling him to shut his mouth and that I bet his girlfriend wouldn’t like hearing him say that. Having met his girlfriend, a pretty redhead named Charlotte, I couldn’t help wondering how those two ended up together. While Bryce was loud and said whatever he wanted, Charlotte was quiet and barely spoke. Maybe that’s why they worked. They did say opposites attract, and look how opposite Jude and I were and I loved him deeply.
“It did,” I finally answered him, “she said she would help.”
“Sweeeet,” he rubbed his hands together. “I told you she’d be in.”
“Why are you so excited?” I asked, leaning my hip against the counter. “It’s not like you’re getting any cake.”
He chuckled, crossing his arms over his chest and leaned against the wall. His shaggy dark hair fell forward, shielding his face. He always reminded me of a dog for some reason when he did that. His personality was kind of dog like too—super friendly and frighteningly hyper.
“You’ve been super cranky during this whole lover’s spat. I’m looking forward to getting the more pleasant version of Tatum back, although,” his eyes sparkled with laughter, “you can still be kind of bitch when you’re normal.”
I grabbed the first thing I could get ahold of, which happened to be a pen, and threw it at his head.
He ducked so fast I swore his body blurred. My mout
h fell open in surprise as the pen bounced off the wall. “Whoa,” I breathed. “You’re like Superman.”
Bryce chuckled and bent to retrieve the pen. He placed it back on the counter and returned to his previous position. He snorted. “I’m way cooler than Superman. Everyone knows that.”
I laughed and turned to face the register when I heard the bell on the door clang.
“Cussssstommmmer,” Bryce sing-songed. “Oh, cussssstoooooommmmer,” now he really started to sing, “whaaaaaat caaaaan weeeee heeeeeeeeeellllpppp yooooooooooooooooou wiiiiith?” My eyes widened in surprise at the sound of his voice. He could actually sing. Becoming serious, he stated, “Our cupcakes are fabulous. You should have one.”
I laughed. “We only sell cupcakes.”
“Yeah, but he doesn’t know that,” Bryce hissed, like he was letting me in on a secret. “What if he’s here for pie and we don’t have pie? I’ve got to play up the cupcakes.”
I shook my head. I didn’t think Bryce would ever cease to amaze me.
The customer looked from me to Bryce and busted out laughing. Extending his hand for me to shake I took it with a puzzled brow. “I’m Caeden, that thing’s my brother,” he released my hand and pointed at Bryce. “Don’t worry, I’m used to his antics.”
“Oh,” I breathed, feeling relieved.
Now that I looked I was surprised I hadn’t noticed the resemblance earlier. They were practically identical, with the exception that this guy was obviously a little older. His hair was a dark chocolate brown and his eyes a piercing blue. Like Bryce’s they were so bright they didn’t seem real.
I realized I’d never told him my name. “I’m Tatum, by the way.”
He chuckled. “Nice to meet you, Tatum. I came by because I need to talk to Lucinda,” he pointed towards the back.
“Oh, of course.” I moved out of the way so he could come around the counter and go to the back.
“Thanks,” he smiled as he brushed past me.
The door had no more than swung closed till Bryce narrowed his eyes and said, “I better see what’s going on. Can you handle the front?”
“Yeah,” I replied, but he’d already gone. “Huh,” I huffed to myself, wondering what that was about.
Several customers trickled in then and my mind became distracted as I flitted around filling their orders.
Lucinda’s was usually busy between the local high school, which hadn’t let out yet, and working professionals in the area. It seemed that everyone wanted a cupcake from Lucinda’s.
By the time we closed Caeden and Lucinda had left and it was just Bryce and I.
We cleaned up, talking about random things before heading our separate ways.
I managed to get some sleep that night with the comfort that in the morning I would make my apology cake and set things right.
Hopefully.
Because there was always the chance that I had damaged things beyond repair and Jude wouldn’t want to take me back.
Lucinda removed the two round pieces of chocolate cake from the pan to cool. With each passing second my body tightened a bit more with anticipation.
While the cake cooled I made the icing—a whipped buttercream that smelled so good that I couldn’t resist dipping my finger in and tasting it. It was delicious.
Lucinda narrowed her eyes, having caught me, and smiled. “I saw that,” she chuckled, “you know you’re not supposed to do that.”
I shrugged. “It’s for Jude, he won’t mind.”
Together we iced the cake when it cooled enough. Alright, I let her do most of the icing, but only because she did it so much better than I did.
Once all sides of the cake were covered in icing I grabbed the bag of gummy bears and sprinkled them on top, as well as sticking some to the sides.
And that folks, was how you made a gummy bear cake.
Lucinda appraised our handy work with a small smile. “They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach, if this doesn’t work then I don’t know what else would.”
“Thank you so much for helping me with this, Lucinda,” I hugged her.
Patting my back, she said, “It was no problem at all.” Stepping back, she looked over my disheveled appearance, cake batter and icing covered my clothes and I felt something sticky on my cheek. “You better clean up and get out of here.”
I’d brought a change of clothes with me so I wouldn’t have to go home.
I cleaned up in the bathroom, wiping icing from cheek and freshening my makeup. I swiped on some mascara and put a red gloss on my lips. I fluffed my hair and changed into shorts and a t-shirt. Nothing fancy, but that wasn’t me, and I knew no pretty dress would erase what I had done. Only I could do that with my words—and the gummy bear cake of course.
“Thank you, again!” I called to Lucinda as I dashed out of the bathroom.
“I hope it goes well.” She turned on one of the beaters as she started making cupcakes for the morning crowd that would be arriving soon. I couldn’t believe she’d offered to come in before opening time to help me. I really liked her, and Bryce too. I’d lucked out with this job.
I grabbed the cake up—which was fixed in a glass cake platter—and went out to my car. I prayed to the cake gods that nothing messed it up and it would make it to Jude in one piece. Even if he said he never wanted to see me again he should at least get to enjoy the cake. Although, with my fiery personality it was more likely I’d try to throw it at him.
I drove to Jude’s townhouse, my heart thundering in my chest and my blood roaring in my ears. I was about two seconds away from breaking out in an all body nervous sweat. I was terrified to see him after twelve days apart. But I was even more terrified of living my life without him.
Jude was my future and I wasn’t going to let my pride ruin that. It was time to stop running and hiding from my feelings. I had to accept them and give Jude my whole heart. Not part, not half. All of it.
No more holding back.
I was going to lay it all out there.
I parked on the street in front of the townhouse and turned off my car.
“You can do this, Tatum,” I chanted quietly to myself. “Get out of the car and get your man back.”
Repeating this mantra in my head I grabbed the cake and forced my stiff body out of the car.
I stepped onto the walkway and up the steps. I adjusted my hold on the cake so I could ring the doorbell.
I held my breath when I heard footsteps approaching. I lowered my head, not ready to face him.
The door swung open and I heard a gasp of, “Tatum?”
It wasn’t the voice I longed to hear. My head rose slowly and my eyes connected with Dylan’s.
His face darkened and he glared at me. I flinched. I wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction from him, but he was Jude’s best friend so of course he was mad at me.
“Why are you here?” He snapped, moving his body so that it was clear I wasn’t invited inside.
My palms grew sweaty against the glass cake holder.
“I-I came to apologize.” I stuttered, flicking hair from my eyes.
He narrowed his eyes. “Apologize? It’s a bit late for that,” he growled. “Don’t you think?”
Tears pricked my eyes but I dammed them back. Squaring my shoulders I held my head high. “I understand if he doesn’t want to see me, or if he’s moved on,” I swallowed the lump in my throat that my words had created, “but I need to see him. I have to let him know how sorry I am for overreacting. I should’ve listened to him and—”
Dylan cut me off with a heavy sigh and his eyes softened. “He’s not here.”
“He’s not?” My face fell. “Oh,” I mumbled as realization dawned on me. He was out. Probably with her.
I turned to leave, but Dylan called, “Wait!”
I stopped with my back to him. I didn’t want him to see me break down.
“You really fucked him up,” Dylan whispered and I heard his footsteps approach me
on the walkway. His hand came down on my shoulder and he turned me around. “I’ve never seen Jude like that before. You broke his heart.”
My eyes closed as pain lanced my body. “I saw them kissing and…and…I thought he didn’t want me anymore.”
“I know what you saw,” Dylan said. When my eyes widened with surprise, he added, “Yeah, he told me. He also told me she kissed him, which I’m sure he told you,” Dylan crossed his arms over his chest. “Jude’s not a liar,” he stated. “He wouldn’t play you like that.”
“I know.” My voice came out as a squeak. “I fucked up, okay? I used that kiss as an excuse to push him away because what I feel for him is so powerful that it scares me more than I’d care to admit. I love him, Dylan, I really do. With all my heart and soul.”
Dylan’s jaw clenched and he looked away. “I’m sorry for being a jerk,” he took a step back. “But I’ve hated seeing my best friend so fucked up over you. That’s not him.”
“I understand,” I whispered and started heading towards my car once more.
“He’s at his grandpa’s!” Dylan yelled, surprising me.
I closed the passenger door where I’d just set the cake down and turned to face Dylan where he stood just outside the door to the townhouse.
“He’s at his grandpa’s,” he repeated when he knew he had my attention.
I nodded my head in thanks and circled around to the driver’s side.
I was a bit nervous that I might get lost on the way to his grandpa’s since it was hidden away and down an old country road.
But I knew if I didn’t go to him now I never would.
I paid careful attention to everything I passed and crossed my fingers that I turned onto the right road.
I let out a sigh of relief when I spotted Seraphina grazing in the distance.
My heart fluttered in my throat.
Close.
So. Close.
I tried to mentally prepare myself to see him. Twelve days felt more like twelve years.
When the trees parted and the road opened up, the house came into view.
Jude was out front, up on a ladder painting the siding. It looked like he’d been working on the house. The steps were no longer leaning and since most of the house was freshly painted it looked fresh and new. He’d even fixed some of the broken shutters.
Saving Tatum (Trace + Olivia #4) Page 31
