39 Weeks

by Terri Douglas

  I started running the bath, added a generous amount of relaxing, soothing, so the label said, bath crystals, and set up a tea light on each corner of the bath, then went to the bedroom to strip off. I caught sight of myself in the full length mirror on the wardrobe door and stopped to take a better look. I wasn’t given to studying my naked body as a rule, but knowing I was about to undergo a radical body image distortion I looked at my fairly flat stomach with fondness, I wanted to make sure it was still fairly flat, and thankfully it was.

  Then my eyes drifted to my breasts. Still there. Still seemed to be about the same size and in the same place, i.e. not sagging drastically, and yet somehow they looked different . . . the pinkness around the nipples wasn’t so pink anymore, it had darkened and was more of a pinkish brown, and it seemed to be spreading. I looked away and then looked back again, and pulled myself about a bit to get a better view. Was it real or was it just a trick of the light? I put the main light on but that just made it even worse, even darker in colour and there seemed to be even more of it. As I stared at the mirror goldfish like, my breasts seemed to ache with a slight discomfort. Was that because I was staring at them, and had subconsciously embarrassed myself, or was it all just more of the duff syndrome?

  Morosely I padded into the bathroom, turned the taps off and climbed in, easing myself gently into the warm water. I sat waist high in the relaxing, soothing, bath crystal imbued water, feeling anything but soothed or relaxed. The candles did little to help my mood except that the light they shed was so dim I couldn’t focus clearly on my traitorous boobs that had already succumbed to the first signs of pregnancy.

  Then I remembered reading in one of the pregnancy bibles that this was normal, this was what was supposed to happen, and was right on cue as these things go.

  So I thought, from now on lacy bra’s were out. Although under the circumstances who the hell was going to be seeing me in a lacy bra was another question altogether. And it meant that also out were white or even light coloured tops, just to be on the safe side.

  I sighed resignedly, a heavy deep mournful sigh of the type I imagined convicted felons on death row sigh.

  6

  24th July – Week 8

  I’d been stuck at home, when I wasn’t at work, for nearly four weeks now. True at first I hadn’t really felt like going out anywhere, but now after all this time I was beginning to climb the walls of my self made prison. A sort of resigned fate had settled over me and I needed to shake myself out of this gloom and let rip while I still could. That is to say go out with my friends on a Saturday night as if I was a normal person.

  The clincher to my going out decision was that on Friday morning while I was getting dressed for work I’d struggled to zip up the skirt of my favourite, cost a fortune, black suit that was normally a bit on the loose side if anything. I’d struggled with it for ten minutes before reluctantly admitting to the inevitable conclusion that I’d grown out of it.

  I felt sure I couldn’t be that fat yet and that you couldn’t see a difference, but the evidence was indisputable, there was definitely a slight swelling where previously I had been fairly flat, and just to rub salt in my wounded ego the jacket was a little snug as well, and I could no longer do up the middle button over my ever so gradually enlarging chest area, just as well I normally wore the jacket open I thought. Anyway the outcome of all this pudding club activity was that if I was going to have a last fling at normality, I’d better hurry up and get on with it before I grew out of all my clothes. I phoned Shelley when I got to work, checking yet again as I did so, that the zip on my skirt hadn’t unzipped itself as I could no longer do up the button on the waist to ensure this didn’t happen.

  After assuring herself I was feeling up to it, Shelley was pleased I’d decided to come with her and the others this Saturday, and I asked her who’d be going. This week the run down would be Tricia, always good for a laugh, Short Fran, not that she was particularly short but also on this week’s play list was Tall Fran, not that she was particularly tall, but we had to distinguish between the two of them somehow. I made Shelley promise again not to say anything to any of them yet, ‘just give it another few weeks and then I’ll tell everyone myself,’ I said.

  ‘In another few weeks you won’t have to tell anyone, they’ll be able to tell for themselves.’ She said making me wonder if I was fatter than I thought, and if there had already been some speculation.

  Anyway the outcome was that last night I went out with the girls, just like old times. We started out as usual meeting up at Chicago’s, and from there we’d usually go on somewhere else to be decided on the night. I’d dithered over what to wear after Shell’s comment about everyone being able to tell for themselves, and was gutted to discover that I didn’t have much choice at all in the matter, as almost all of my going out stuff was ever so slightly strangling me and made me look like I’d bought a size too small, or like a pot bellied pig in a frock, or I had a starring role in a push-up bra commercial. None of which made me feel very comfortable about myself, and would have attracted far too much of the wrong sort of attention. I settled reluctantly on my largest pair of posh jeans and a loose top. It was a bit more of a casual style than I was used to, or other people were used to seeing me in, but it fitted and didn’t look too odd.

  The first half an hour or so went well, and there weren’t too many comments on my outfit or on my choice of drink, virtually non-existent low alcohol white wine. Tricia asked where I’d been for the last few weeks and did I have some new secret man hidden away, to which I laughed and said I’d just been busy with work stuff. Short Fran wanted to know if I’d got religion and that was why I wasn’t wearing one of my more normal killer, ever so slightly tart type clubbing outfits, and had apparently given up drinking, to which I laughed again and said no I just felt like a change. And Tall Fran said she didn’t care what I wore or drank as long as I was alright and didn’t expect them all to follow suit.

  After that everyone settled into our more customary bitching session about work, the latest boyfriends or lack of them, and generally catching up with each other, although in theory anyway I had a bit more catching up than usual to do as I’d been absent for the last few weeks. I didn’t tell them that Shelley had filled me in on most of the goss already.

  We decided to move on to Zee Zee’s. We’d avoided the place for a few months as this was the favourite hangout of Daniel, Tricia’s most recent ex, and she didn’t want to have to run into him again. ‘But,’ she said now, ‘I don’t see why we should have to avoid going anywhere just because of some bloke that I used to go out with, he doesn’t own the place does he? And anyway I’m long since over him, let’s go’. So we went.

  Naturally as soon as we were through the doors the first person we ran into was Daniel with some girl draped all over him as if he was the Death By Chocolate with double whipped cream desert. Tricia was all outrage until we reminded her that she’d broken up with him over three months ago, and anyway hadn’t she said she was over him?

  ‘I know, and I am over him, but he didn’t have to rub it in my face that he’s with someone else did he?’ She said angrily.

  Shelley pointed out that after three months he should be free to go out with someone else if he wanted to, and that anyway it was the girlfriend that was all over him and not the other way around. And Short Fran said Tricia wasn’t being very fair as Daniel didn’t even know she was going to be there, that we didn’t even know ourselves until about half an hour ago, so he wasn’t exactly rubbing it in her face on purpose was he?

  ‘Yeah, yeah. I suppose you’re right. Shall we just go somewhere else then?’ Tricia sighed.

  ‘No.’ Shelley said. ‘We’re not going anywhere else, this place has been out of bounds for too long, and you need to get over it.’

  So we all went to the bar while Tricia tried to ignore Daniel, and the rest of us tried to ignore her ignoring Daniel. After we’d ordered a round of drinks, I stuck to my low alcohol wine, and the other
s got steadily more merry while I perched on one of the bar stools as I was decidedly out of practise at clubbing, or maybe just plain tired, and inevitably we were approached by the obligatory trio of juvenile meat market purveyors only found in such places as Zee Zee’s. Well actually they’re all over the place all the time, but they’re not usually so obnoxious or so full on, nor do they tend to hunt in packs unless they’re slightly hammered and in a club on a Saturday night.

  ‘Girls night out is it?’ The tallest one with one of those sad tee-shirts that are printed to look like a shirt with waistcoat and bow tie said.

  Gosh I thought acerbically, such sparkling and original repartee, I’m positively week at the knee’s, one of us at least can’t fail to be attracted by such an inspiring chat up line such as that. But what I said was nothing. In fact we all just ignored him.

  ‘How about a dance?’ The one with glasses and a really bad haircut said to Short Fran. To which she withered him with a you must be joking look.

  ‘Come on girls, let us buy you all a drink.’ Bow Tie Tee-shirt said.

  ‘Thanks, but no thanks.’ Shelley said and turned immediately back to the rest of us to continue our conversation.

  ‘Isn’t that why you came?’ The last member of the trio said. Actually he wasn’t that bad looking and maybe if he’d been on his own, or with someone other than Bow Tie Tee-shirt, or Bad Haircut and Glasses, he’d have passed muster. But as it was he got lumped in with them and was deemed a loser from the outset, a too young for any of us to take seriously loser at that. ‘I mean that is what you’re here for isn’t it?’ He continued, completely ignoring the fact that we were all ignoring him. ‘To pull a bloke or three? . . Well look no further girls, here we are.’

  So he was that kind of guy, a smart arse who thought he was being so funny, a totally resistible loser kind of guy, Mmm now where have I seen one of those before? . . . Oh I know . . . everywhere.

  Tall Fran could take no more, she turned toward Smart Arse Loser and flashing her most dazzling smile and with all the fake charm she could muster said ‘Actually we’re not out on the pull, just out, but if we were hoping to meet someone we’d prefer it to be a grownup. Now why don’t you go and torment some underage bimbo’s that are much more likely to fall for your um . . obvious charm and charisma.’

  ‘Please yourself Darling, but you don’t know what you’re missing.’ Bow Tie Tee-shirt said with what he thought was a wicked grin, but came off as more of a sneer.

  ‘Oh I think we do. Thanks anyway.’ Tricia said.

  Of course as soon as they moved away, which they did pretty smartish as it was obvious we weren’t going to play ball or any other sort of game, not with them anyway, we all cracked up laughing at our own cleverness and at how witty we all were, and at just how pathetic they were.

  Tall Fran and Short Fran decided to have a bit of dance and see if that generated any male interest, while scoping out any possibilities that might be hovering nearby that they might have missed on our way in, and they headed over to the small area designated for just that sort of activity. Meanwhile Daniel seemingly having lost his new clingy girlfriend, sauntered over to talk to Tricia. At first we suspected he was just going to torment her but actually he looked rather apprehensive, and once he realised she wasn’t going to bite his head off persuaded her to have a drink with him on their own, so they could talk she said while looking coy.

  Shelley and I watched them for a minute, and then she turned to me and said ‘I bet you ten pounds she’ll be going back out with him before we go home this evening’.

  ‘You don’t say Einstein. Well who’d have thought it.’

  ‘Alright smart arse. How are you holding up anyway?’

  ‘I’m fine, bit tired but it’s so good to be back in the land of the living again.’

  ‘Well it was your choice to stay away.’

  ‘I know, and I’ll probably have to start staying away again after tonight, you don’t know how hard it was trying to find something that fitted.’

  ‘How about the morning, I mean evening sickness, how’s that?’

  ‘Well, touch wood,’ and for lack of any available nearby wood I touched my head, ‘it seems to be okay. Whatever happened to that Mark guy who was going to phone you, and take you out to dinner?’

  ‘Oh him. He did phone eventually, and we did go out for dinner.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘And he was the most gorgeous, beautiful looking, bore on the planet.’

  ‘No. Was he? Why what did he talk about?’

  ‘Well that’s just it, he didn’t talk much at all, he just sat there looking stunning, but evidently that’s all he was capable of, just looking the part.’

  ‘Oh. So you won’t be seeing him again then.’

  ‘Um no.’

  We watched Tricia and Daniel as he squirmed his way out of being seen with the clingy girlfriend and sweet talked his way back into Tricia’s life, and we watched the two Fran’s as they succeeded in attracting a couple of maybe’s into dancing with them. And then the looker of all lookers and his friend came over to the bar and stood two feet away from Tricia and me while he tried to attract the barman’s attention.

  ‘Oh my God.’ Shelley mouthed silently at me. ‘I’ve died and gone to heaven.’

  ‘Shut up Shell.’ I mouthed back, blushing like mad as he turned to smile at us.

  The friend, who introduced himself as Nick, zeroed in on Shelley. To my surprise she was quite happy about this as her ‘oh my God’ was directed at him and not toward the looker as I’d thought. As they got talking and were seemingly more pleased with each other as every minute passed, the looker smiled at me and said ‘seeing as we seem to have been forgotten about, in mind if not in body,’ and he looked meaningfully in the direction of Shelley and Nick, ‘how about if we introduce ourselves, I’m Rob as in Robin. I’m sorry my friend seems to have taken over your friend but he was just too . . well too embarrassed to be able to walk over here himself and talk to her, so I . . .’

  ‘Well he seems to have found his voice now alright doesn’t he? I’m Judy.’

  ‘Hi Judy, nice to meet you. So what’s a nice girl like you doing in a place like this?’

  Come on that’s dreadful I thought, surely you can do better than that. My Dad probably said something like that to my mum when he first met her about fifty years ago. Rob as in Robin must have caught my thoughts or at least the look on my face while I was thinking it, even though I’d tried hard not to let it show, because the next thing he said was ‘I can’t believe I just said that. Can we scratch that and start again?’ and then as I smiled he said ‘Hi I’m Rob, and you must be Judy. Do you come to this place often?’ He asked.

  I looked at him stone-faced and didn’t bother answering.

  ‘I did it again didn’t I? Sorry I can’t seem to stop.’

  ‘Have you been taking chat up lessons from your dad?’

  ‘No, from what my mum says he was even worse at it than I am.’

  ‘Is that possible?’

  ‘Ouch. Well can I get you a drink to make up for it?’

  ‘No thanks.’

  ‘Okay, how about a dance?’

  Well he was persistent I’ll give him that, and he was drop dead gorgeous even if he wasn’t the smooth talker I’d somehow been expecting. And who knew when I’d next get the chance to flirt or smooch with anyone this attractive, possibly never. So I threw caution to the wind and agreed to a dance.

  As I’d hoped and feared all at the same time dancing with him was to die for. He held me close enough to let me know he was there, oh how I knew he was there, yet not close enough to be one of those purvey grabbers that thinks agreeing to a dance means you’ve agreed to foreplay.

  After our initial embarrassment, and for my part anyway the electric frisson I’d felt when we touched had died down a bit and my heart had started beating again, we got to talking. I mean really talking not just bad dialogue like some awful teen movie that is more customary
in these sort of situations. We actually talked like . . . well like real people talking.

  I told him I’d recently passed my exams and could now call myself an accountant, and amazingly he thought that was cool. And he told me he was a freelance photographer. Now that was cool, I mean really cool. Then he said he used to work for one of the monthly glossy’s, Home from Home or something like that, it was difficult to concentrate on the actual words he was speaking, him being something of a Greek god, and me barely managing to resist just staring at him dumbstruck. Anyway the magazine he’d worked for was all about decorating and lifestyle and all that pretentious stuff that ordinary people like me would never be able to afford in a million years, never mind carry off, and he’d got fed up with it and wanted something a bit more challenging, a bit more real he said, so he’d left and was now trying to make a go of it as a freelance.

  Wow I thought. I’d never met anyone this glamorous before ever, not just to look at, but his job and the way he talked, and now I came to think about it even the way he was dressed, just everything about him was wow. And he was talking to me, interested in me. To quote Shelley earlier I really had died and gone to heaven.

  Eventually we tired of dancing, and went back to the bar where I let him buy me that drink. I was on cloud nine, or fifteen even. We were still talking, and laughing, and . . . well if you’ve ever been on the singles circuit you’ll know just how amazing that is, to find a bloke that can talk is pretty amazing, but to find one that has something to say that you actually find interesting or amusing is almost unheard of.

  Tricia was still deep in conversation with Daniel, they’d got to the Daniel was leaning in and Tricia wasn’t backing off phase. Short Fran and Tall Fran had hung on to their maybe’s, so maybe they were more than maybe’s by now, and had gone to sit with them at their table. And Shelley was nowhere to be seen, or Nick, so it was pretty obvious they were together somewhere. Anyway that meant I had Rob all to myself, which suited me down to the ground.