39 Weeks

by Terri Douglas

  When everyone wasn’t busy being soooo funny, they were all concern, it was either or. Shirley clucked and fussed like a mother hen of course, and even Martin felt a twang of sympathy, who knew he was capable, he even made me a cup of tea, something he’s never done in all the time I’ve worked at Fisher’s, it felt like I’d entered the twilight zone, and then he got all embarrassed at his own sense of compassion and promptly went back to being his more normal chauvinist self.

  Despite all this carry on, which on any other day would have been distracting enough to prevent me noticing even if a bomb had been dropped, I was stressed. Apart from all the other stuff I had to worry about the thing uppermost in my mind was my scan next week. The scan. The one that would decide whether my life would be terrible from now on, or double terrible.

  The only person who knew about the twin thing was Shelley, so when Martin went to lunch I closed our cubby hole office door and phoned her. I had to tell her about the accident and update her with the situation with Rob anyway, although come to think of it Nick must have known Rob wasn’t married so why hadn’t he said something? And I really needed someone I could talk to, I mean properly, and not be some fake best behaviour version of myself.

  As expected she was all concern about the accident, then when it was clear I wasn’t seriously injured she laughed at my predicament and having to hobble around using a crutch. Then I told her about the situation with Rob.

  ‘And all this time you thought he was married?’

  ‘Yes I thought I’d told you, I’m sure I told you.’

  ‘No. You said a guy called Rob lived downstairs, you didn’t say it was the Rob.’

  ‘Oh.’ Well that’ll be why Nick hadn’t said anything then. If only I’d told Shelley what was going on from the beginning, Nick could have put me straight and I could have saved myself a whole heap of mortification.

  I hadn’t told her about my big fat lie to my mother, that would have been too embarrassing even to tell my best friend, so I didn’t mention Mum’s impromptu visit either. It seemed to me my life was just one big round of embarrassment. There was the situation with Rob, there was becoming the walking wounded because he’d run over my foot with his car, there was being ‘friends’ with my baby’s uncle and him wanting to up the stakes and be more than just friends, and last but not least my ever increasing stomach.

  ‘So how are you feeling about living above this Rob that you liked so much?’

  ‘I’m . . dying actually. I did like him and now I can’t even look him in the eye. I feel so stupid. And to top it all off he probably thinks not only am I a prize moron for getting it all so wrong, but I’m a pregnant moron that was probably trying to have a last fling that night before all the pregnant stuff became too obvious.’

  ‘Yeah I can see how he’d think that, good job I dragged you away when I did. I bet he thinks James is the daddy.’

  ‘Probably.’

  ‘You’ll just have to grin and bear it for a couple of weeks until you can drive again. I don’t see what else you can do, unless you cab it back and forth to work.’

  ‘I would but it’d cost a fortune.’

  ‘What about one of the other people at work, can’t one of them give you a lift?’

  ‘Maybe. I’ll ask around, I’m not sure who lives that way. But the reason I phoned, the real reason, was that I’m so worried about all this twin stuff. I haven’t told anyone else it’s even a possibility. What am I going to do if it turns out I am having . .’

  ‘Look I know it’s a possibility, but didn’t you say the doctor said he didn’t think you were?’

  ‘Yes but . .’

  ‘Well there you are then.’

  ‘Yeah I know, but what if he’s wrong?’

  ‘Judy there’s nothing you can do about it, worrying isn’t going to make one of the baby’s disappear is it? If you are you are.’

  ‘I know. You’re right. I keep telling myself that over and over, but it’s not working I’m still worrying. Will you be able to skive off next week and come with me to the scan again?’

  ‘Course I will. When is it?’

  ‘Wednesday morning.’

  ‘Okay I’ll be there.’

  I felt slightly better knowing Shelley would be there when they gave me the bad news, if they gave me the bad news. I’ll be glad when next Wednesday’s come and gone, at least I’ll know for sure then and can stop stressing about ‘if’ all the time. Of course if it is bad news I’ll have to start worrying about how the hell I’m going to manage. The thought of me looking after one little baby was frightening enough, but looking after two . . at the same time . . on my own. Oh God why? Why couldn’t I have just stuck to my guns and had nothing to do with men, especially one’s of the twonk variety. Then none of this would be happening, I wouldn’t be pregnant, I wouldn’t be having scans, I wouldn’t have had to lie to my mum, I wouldn’t be worrying, and I wouldn’t have a broken foot.

  At clocking off time I waited for the mass exodus to be over before attempting the stairs, coming up wasn’t so bad but going down was painful and slow, although I was getting a bit quicker at it than I had been first thing this morning. Rob was waiting for me in the car park, just sitting in his car reading a magazine as if he’d been there for a while, but when he saw me he threw the magazine on the back seat and got out to help me.

  ‘How did it go?’ he said starting the engine.

  ‘It was okay.’

  ‘And how’s the foot?’

  ‘Throbbing a bit actually, but I have had to hobble around all day so . . ‘

  ‘You should put it up tonight, rest and stay off it as much as possible.’

  ‘That’s the plan.’

  ‘Good. Do you need anything?’

  ‘Um . . ‘

  ‘From the shop or anything, we could stop off on the way home.’

  ‘Oh, no I don’t need anything thanks.’

  We lapsed into silence and twenty minutes later pulled up in Kingsley Road to find James parked outside number five.

  ‘Ah I see the Chippendale’s here.’ Rob said as we pulled in behind him.

  Rob got out and walked round to my side to help me out, and James got out of his car and stood watching and waiting for Rob to hand me over. I felt like the baton in some weird relay race or something. They eyed each other warily but neither spoke, well not to each other. Rob said to me ‘see you in the morning’ and I said ‘okay’, then he locked his car and went straight in.

  ‘Are you alright?’ James said when Rob had gone and he got the full-on walking wounded, leaning on a crutch picture.

  ‘I’m fine.’

  ‘So what’s with lover-boy, what were you doing in his car? Though you were probably safer in it than out here while he played target practise.’

  ‘He’s giving me a lift to work and picking me up after until I can drive again. Can we go in?’ I said moving towards the front door.

  ‘Here this’ll be quicker.’ James said as he picked me up and carried me through the door, along the hall, and up the stairs. I had the distinct feeling that it was more for Rob’s benefit who might have been watching from inside through the window, than it was to look after me, and of course there was an element of me Tarzan you Judy about it that I guess was supposed to impress me, but actually was just really embarrassing.

  ‘Okay you can put me down now.’ I said when we got to the top of the stairs.

  I let us in and James told me to sit while he went straight to the kitchen to make some tea. ‘So what exactly happened?’ he shouted from the kitchen.

  I told him. I was getting a bit tired of telling the same story over and over, that wasn’t James’s fault of course, but every time I’d had to tell the story it got a bit shorter, and was now down to the edited highlights.

  ‘How long are you going to have it strapped up like that?’

  ‘I’ve got to go to outpatients tomorrow, so they can check if the swellings gone down. I’m hoping it has and that I won’t need it al
l bandaged up like this anymore.’ I said as he put two mugs of tea on the coffee table, and settled himself on the settee next to me.

  ‘And the crutch?’

  ‘Well they said it would probably take two or three weeks before I could put any weight on it.’

  ‘So he’s going to be driving you to and from work for the next three weeks?’

  ‘Yes I guess so.’ I said leaning forward to reach my tea, but James pre-empted my attempt and handed it to me.

  ‘I don’t like it.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I don’t like him hanging around all the time, and now he’s got the perfect excuse hasn’t he.’

  ‘Are you saying he ran over my foot on purpose so he’d have a reason to see me?’

  ‘No, not on purpose maybe, but still it does mean he can see you every day doesn’t it.’

  ‘For God’s sake, it was an accident and now he feels guilty so he’s just trying to help.’

  ‘Mm well I don’t like it.’ James whined.

  ‘Oh well if I’d known that I wouldn’t have accepted a lift from him, I’d have just stayed trapped at home for the next few weeks until my foot got better.’ I said sarcastically.

  ‘You know what I mean.’

  ‘No not really.’

  ‘I mean I don’t like you spending time with him.’

  ‘Well tough it’s not up to you is it? It’s not your foot that’s broken.’ I said putting my tea down as it was in danger of slopping everywhere as I was starting to get angry. ‘I think you should go.’

  ‘Go?’

  ‘Yes go. I’m really tired and I think you should go.’

  ‘It’s him isn’t it, you still like him don’t you?’

  ‘It’s not him, it’s not anyone. Please James just go home.’

  ‘Okay I’ll go if you kiss me goodbye.’

  ‘Are you joking?’

  ‘No I’m not joking, one kiss that’s all, just so you know what you’re missing after I’ve gone.’

  ‘James . .’

  ‘I’m only asking for a kiss, it can’t hurt can it, and you never know you might see me in a whole different light afterwards.’

  ‘One kiss?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘And then you’ll go home?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Okay.’

  He stood up and helped me to stand up next to him, obviously it was going to be as passionate an embrace as he could make it. I braced myself. I mean I did like him, he was a nice guy, and he liked me that was obvious, and I owed it to myself, and to him, to find out if I could ever feel anything more than just friendship for him.

  He pulled me in close to him and bent his head towards mine, then kissed me softly at first and then more fiercely when I didn’t pull away. I have to admit it wasn’t the worst kiss I’ve ever had, on a scale of one to ten it was easily a seven, but there was no spark, no tingle. I kissed him back, I was really trying to get into it, but it was no use, it just didn’t hit the mark, not for me, well not enough for me. My knees did sag a little but they didn’t buckle if you know what I mean.

  We pulled apart and looked at each other. James smiled at me smugly as if he knew he’d got me now, after that kiss how could any girl resist, his smile said.

  How deluded can you be? I mean was it just because he wanted it to work so much, or was it that macho male ego rearing its ugly head making him think his kiss had melted my resistance. Either way he was wrong, I was as determined as ever that this relationship was going nowhere.

  ‘Okay I’m gonna go. No don’t say anything.’ He said, but I hadn’t been going to say anything. ‘Sweet dreams Babe.’ And with that parting shot he left.

  Even if I hadn’t had any doubts before, and I had plenty, then that ‘Babe’ would have finished me off. Babe! I was not going to be called Babe by anyone, no way.

  23

  19th October - Week 20 + 3 Days

  This was the day I’d been waiting for, scan day. I’d so wanted it to be scan day ever since the doctor had said the only way to be sure if it was or wasn’t twins was with the second scan, and now that day was here. I had barely slept at all last night, and when I did doze off it was to dream about me trying to look after about fifteen babies all at once, all crying. I shuddered again at the thought.

  My appointment was at ten, but after the last time and all that hanging about, I’d arranged with Shelley that we’d get there early so she was picking me up at about a quarter to nine. I checked the clock again and it was still only about twenty five to, so I made myself another cuppa while I waited. Once again they’d told me it would be better if I had a full bladder, so once again I was trying not to think about going to the loo.

  I hadn’t heard from James again since that kiss. I wasn’t quite sure what to expect, I knew he’d either be all over me like a rash or leave me alone altogether and wait for me to make the next move. The look on his face that night had clearly said that he thought the kiss would be the clincher to our getting together, he was so obviously cocky and confident about the whole thing as he said goodbye, no doubt he thought at that moment anyway, that I’d be throwing myself at his feet, putty in his hands. What he was thinking now though was anybody’s guess after a week had gone by and I still hadn’t phoned him, probably he wasn’t quite so confident. Good. That Babe remark was still irritating me.

  At five to nine I got a call from Shelley to say she was really sorry but she couldn’t get the car started, and I’d better try and get there without her. Damn, that meant I’d have to ask Rob. Well he did say wherever I wanted to go.

  We still weren’t saying much every morning and every evening. It was all very polite of course but still awkward. Last night I’d said I wouldn’t need a lift this morning as I was going to the hospital, and he’d just grunted a polite okay. And now I was going to have to ask him for a favour which I really didn’t want to have to do.

  When I knocked he answered the door wearing boxers and an old tee shirt promoting some pre-historic rock concert from 2001, that was so stretched and twisted it would have fit someone twice his size, and he had serious bed hair, or in his case couch hair. Clearly he hadn’t got around to getting dressed yet as he was not required for chauffeuring duty this morning. I explained about Shelley not being able to make it and he straight away said he’d take me, even before I asked. He was so nice about everything, so accommodating. It would have been so much easier to hate him if he’d been a bastard, and I wanted to hate him. I didn’t need any more complications in my life.

  He asked me in and told me to wait while he got dressed. ‘Make yourself a coffee while you wait, I won’t be long,’ he said, so I explained about the full bladder thing and that I daren’t have any more tea or coffee, that he thought was highly amusing. Yeah pregnant women bursting for the loo is always good for a laugh. So he wasn’t a hundred percent perfect.

  I sat on Marsha’s couch feeling uncomfortable while he darted about looking for clothes that were strewn around the living room. Marsha was out, on the playgroup run I guessed, so it was just the two of us. While he was in the bathroom and I waited for him, I fretted some more about the outcome of the scan, praying again to the God of misfortune to please, just this once, give me a break.

  Ten minutes later he was back, looking immaculate and a million miles away from the half asleep wreck who’d answered the door earlier. ‘Are you okay?’ he said seeing my worried faraway expression. ‘It’s not painful is it this scan?’

  ‘No not painful.’

  ‘You look worried, scared.’

  ‘Yeah I am a bit.’

  ‘Is everything alright with the baby?’

  ‘Yes . . it’s just routine but . . ‘ It was on the tip of my tongue to tell him.

  ‘But?’

  ‘It’s nothing, just me being stupid probably.’

  ‘I can wait with you if you’d like, I don’t have to just drop you off.’

  ‘No it’s fine, and I don’t know how long I’ll have to
wait, last time it took over an hour.’

  ‘It’s okay, I don’t mind, if you don’t mind . . I mean I’ll wait with you if you want me to, but if you’d rather I didn’t . .’

  ‘Are you sure? I really don’t want to have to wait by myself if I can help it.’

  ‘No of course not. Come on then we’d better get going.’

  ‘Yes.’ I said without moving an inch.

  ‘Okay then.’ He said gesturing to the door.

  ‘Right.’ I said still not moving.

  ‘Judy?’ He looked at me questioningly.

  ‘Okay I am worried, there’s a chance, a small tiny chance that I might be having twins.’

  ‘And you don’t want twins?’

  ‘God no are you mad, I’m scared to death at the thought of having a baby at all, never mind two of them.’

  He sat down next to me on the couch and put his arm round me in a big brother way. ‘How small a chance?’

  ‘Um . . not very small actually.’

  ‘And this scan will tell you one way or another is that it?’

  ‘Mm. The doctor says it’s probably not, but the scan will say definitely.’

  ‘Well let’s go and find out, shall we?’

  ‘But what if it is?’

  ‘Well we’ll worry about that if and when.’

  ‘Okay.’ I said feeling about ten years old and he really was my big brother.

  He pulled me to my feet and helped me out the door, still with his arm round me, which wasn’t easy given that I was still using the crutch to walk everywhere. He settled me in his car and we drove to the hospital while he tried hard to talk about the traffic, the weather, last night’s telly, anything really to take my mind off where I was going and why, but it was more of a monologue as I didn’t join in at all, preoccupied as I was.

  We found a parking space and trekked, none too quickly with my peg-leg, to the main reception. At least I knew the way this time so we didn’t need to ask at the desk and I dutifully followed the blue line to the lift, then out of the lift along the corridor to the end to sit with all the other mums, and a few dads, in the waiting area.