39 Weeks

by Terri Douglas

  ‘Now don’t you go defending him. He should know better at his age. And anyway I thought Stella Frankham was supposed to be devastated when her husband died, at least that’s what she told everyone, so what’s she doing with my Alan.’

  I gave up on the washing up, grabbed a tea towel to dry my hands and turned to face her ‘Mum he’s not your Alan, you got divorced remember.’

  ‘I know that, you think I don’t know that? It doesn’t mean he should just take up with any passing floozy that takes his fancy does it?’

  ‘You don’t know that he’s taken up with anyone, maybe they just met in town and went for a coffee.’

  ‘You don’t share a slice of cake with someone you just happened to meet in town do you? And anyway Jean said they were laughing and carrying on, it was obvious she said that they were . . well had a bit of a thing going on was the way she described it.’

  ‘Well what if he is having a bit of a thing, it’s not hurting anyone is it?’

  ‘It’s hurting me. It makes me look so stupid.’

  ‘It doesn’t make you look stupid at all. You got divorced from Dad and now he’s seeing other people that’s all. Maybe you should start seeing other people, you’re still young, what about that bloke that came to service the boiler didn’t you say he was nice and was dropping hints about the two of you going out somewhere?’

  ‘Colin Stoddard are you serious?’

  ‘Well why not?’

  ‘Because it’s Colin Stoddard that’s why not. And anyway I don’t want to start seeing other people, any other people, and especially not Colin Stoddard.’

  ‘Alright not Colin Stoddard then, but there must be someone you . .’

  ‘No Judy. I don’t want to ‘see’ anyone and your father shouldn’t want to either, divorced or not.’

  I could see there was no talking to my Mum while she was in this mood so I mentally crossed my fingers and lied. ‘I’m sure it was nothing and that Dad and Stella Frankham are just friends. Jean was probably just exaggerating a bit, you know how much she likes to gossip.’ You owe me one Dad, I thought.

  ‘Mm maybe.’

  I made the tea while Mum stared into space, a vacant expression on her face. ‘Here, drink your tea and stop worrying about Dad.’

  ‘Do you think I ought to phone him?’

  ‘And say what?’

  ‘Well I could just say I’d phoned to see how he was, and then casually drop in that Jean had seen him and that Stella Frankham in Starbucks, and see what he says.’

  ‘Mum you never phone him to see how he is, he’d see through it straight away.’

  ‘Yes I suppose you’re right.’

  We sipped our tea in silence, Mum lost in her thoughts about Dad and Stella Frankham, and me thinking about how I was going to explain to her the truth about Rob and me in the next ten minutes, before she met him properly and put her foot in it.

  She must have read my thoughts or something, because the next thing she said was ‘so how are things going between you and Rob, have you set a date yet?’

  ‘No Mum we haven’t set a date. I’ve told you and told you, we’re not going to get married.’

  ‘Well has he at least asked you?’

  ‘No he hasn’t. The thing is . . well . . I really need to talk to you about Rob, you see when I said . . .’

  ‘No! What do you mean no? If a man get’s you pregnant then he has . . an obligation to propose marriage.’

  ‘An obligation! He doesn’t have any obligation. Well maybe he has an obligation to help support the baby, but not even that, not always, depends on the circumstances. You’ve heard of the sixties? Yes well that’s when everything changed, and nowadays men don’t have to feel obliged to marry you if you get pregnant, although there was probably quite a few who didn’t even before that.’

  ‘Oh I know it’s not the fashion anymore to get married just because you’re having a baby, but still there’s something to be said for children having two parents. You owe it to the baby Judy. Anyway I thought you loved each other, so I don’t see what the problem is.’

  ‘This is not about what’s best for the baby is it? This is all about what you want, you just want me to get married so you’re not embarrassed by your daughter being a single parent. And you’ve been pushing me to get married for as long as I can remember anyway, even before I got pregnant. Sometimes I think you’d like it if I just married anyone, no matter who it is, just as long as I marry someone.’ I was so angry with her I could have cheerfully strangled her.

  ‘What are you talking about? I do want you to get married of course, but only because I want you to be happy, I certainly haven’t been pushing you.’

  ‘Mum let’s be honest shall we, it’s all you’ve thought about since I was about thirteen, admit it, you want me to have the long white dress, and the flowers, and the church, and all the neighbours watching, and the big fancy reception, and . . and now I’m pregnant it’s even more important that I get married.’

  ‘And what about you, don’t tell me you’ve never thought about it?’

  ‘Oh yes, it’s all I’ve dreamed about since I was a little girl, I can’t wait to walk down the aisle.’ I said sarcastically. ‘My big wedding day with all the trimmings, and you in a posh suit and a big hat. And then I can give up work and let someone else support me for the rest of my natural, me and the baby. Mmm can’t wait for that.’ I was really getting into it now and letting her have it with both barrels.

  All this extra adrenalin pumping round my body had woken Ella up and I felt her move. My quarrel with Mum temporarily forgotten for the minute, I grabbed Mum’s hand and held it on my bump.

  Mum stood still feeling Ella’s foot pressing against my stomach. ‘You have to give this baby a father.’ Mum said all gooey, but none the less pressing home her point. And suddenly I wasn’t angry anymore. I mean I still didn’t agree with her but in Mum’s world she just wanted me to have the whole picture, of course some of it was for her own benefit so she could satisfy herself she’d done her job, and show off to everyone, but mostly it was because in her head anyway that’s what it was all about, you grow up, you get married, and you have children of your own.

  The sound of the front door slamming downstairs shook me out of my reverie, enough anyway to realise I still hadn’t explained to Mum about Rob and me.

  ‘Mum, about Rob . . he isn’t the father.’

  ‘Isn’t?’ Mum said taking her hand away from my bump.

  ‘No’

  ‘But you said . . .’

  ‘Yes I know I said, but he isn’t.’

  ‘Then who is?’

  ‘A guy I met at . . well it doesn’t matter where I met him, he was just a onetime moment of madness, a mistake.’

  ‘A mistake? Did you love him?’

  ‘No I didn’t love him, he was a twonk, a complete and utter arse.’

  ‘And he left you I suppose when he found out you were pregnant. Oh Judy you should have told me, I’d have understood, some men are just bastards like that. They lead you on and make you think they care and then as soon as there’s any consequences to face they run away terrified.’

  ‘No Mum it wasn’t like that, it wasn’t at all like that. I wasn’t going out with him, there wasn’t any leading on. The truth is . . . I was out and he chatted me up a bit . . and well I . . I was drunk, there I’ve said it. I was drunk and I thought what the hell and I slept with him.’

  ‘You slept with him, what the same night you met him?’

  ‘Yes. I know it was a stupid thing to do, I mean I didn’t even know the guy, not really. I knew he was a twonk but I slept with him anyway. I regretted it almost straight away but it was too late by then. I never saw him again and I wouldn’t want to. And then I found out I was pregnant and . .’

  ‘Oh my God Judy, what were you thinking? Do you often . . have you . . do you always . .’

  ‘No of course I don’t. This was a onetime mistake. I don’t make a habit of sleeping with men I’ve only j
ust met.’

  ‘Well that’s something I suppose. Have you told him about the baby?’

  ‘No.’

  ‘Don’t you think you should?’

  ‘No. He’s an arse and he wouldn’t care even if he knew.’

  ‘So who exactly is Rob and what does he think of all this, does he know?’

  ‘Yeah Mum I think he’s guessed that I’m pregnant.’

  Mum gave me one of her scowls, but this time anyway I probably deserved it, I mean it was hardly the time for being flippant was it?

  ‘Does Rob know that the baby’s father was the result of you being drunk and sleeping with a man you’d only just met?’ Mum said slowly emphasising each and every word.

  ‘Yes he knows.’

  ‘And?’

  ‘There is no ‘and’. It happens, I wouldn’t be the first woman to . .’

  ‘Yes, yes. But does he mind? Are you serious about him? Is he serious about you? How does he feel about you having another man’s baby?’

  ‘He doesn’t mind, he’s probably not thrilled about it being someone else’s, but he’s fine about the baby. And yes I am serious, I love him Mum, and I think he loves me, he said he loves me and . . but we’re not getting married or anything like that so don’t go spoiling things and asking him a load of stuff.’

  ‘Were you seeing him when you . .’

  ‘No I didn’t meet him until after I found out I was pregnant.’

  ‘This is all a bit of a shock. Why didn’t you tell me all this straight away instead of letting me go on and on about . . is that why you’ve been trying so hard to stop me meeting him?’

  ‘Yes. I’m sorry Mum. I only said Rob was the father and all that other stuff so you wouldn’t freak out at the thought of your single daughter being pregnant. I know how important these things are to you.’

  ‘They’re not so important that you had to lie.’

  ‘I’m sorry I just . . I was still getting used to the idea of having a baby myself and I couldn’t face the thought of one of your lectures, and I knew you’d go off on one if you knew the truth, so I said Rob was the father and that we were going to be together and . . and . .’

  ‘And when I met him, what we’re you going to say then?’

  ‘Well I was going to tell you after a few weeks that we’d split up so I didn’t think you ever would meet him, but then I started going out with him for real, and . . now you are going to have to meet him because I love him and I think, I hope, we are going to be together, so I . .’

  ‘So you had to tell me the truth before I said something . .’

  ‘Yes. I’m so sorry Mum, please don’t be angry with me. I was just so stressed, and I couldn’t face . . I already felt bad enough about getting pregnant, I just . .’

  ‘It’s alright I understand, I think. But please don’t lie to me like that again will you?’

  ‘No well I hope I never have to, I’m not planning on ever getting myself into this kind of mess again.’

  Mum put her arm round me and for that moment anyway she was my Mum again, my real Mum the one who’d loved me when I was little and wiped my tears when I was upset, and who’d spoiled me and made me laugh when things went wrong. I knew it was only temporary and that sooner or later she’d morph back into the ever critical harridan she’d become in my adult life, but for now she was just my Mum.

  I put the kettle on again for more tea as we’d let that first cup go cold with barely a sip. I washed out our cups and resumed washing up last night’s dinner plates.

  ‘So when Rob was in Bangkok . .’

  ‘He never went to Bangkok. At the time I wasn’t even seeing him. I’d met him once, but that was all, and when you guessed that day that I was having a baby, I don’t know his name just popped in my head, and then I had to think of a reason why you couldn’t meet him and . . well I got a bit carried away. But you won’t mention any of this to Rob will you? He doesn’t know that I lied or made up a story about Bangkok or any of it, he . . where is he anyway? He should have been back by now. Maybe he saw you arriving and is a bit nervous about meeting you.’

  Mum made the tea, while I went downstairs to find Rob and tell him it was alright and he could come back upstairs and meet my Mum. But Marsha said he’d gone out.

  I thought perhaps he’d just gone to the shop for something and would be back in a minute, but two hours later he still wasn’t back. Mum eventually got fed up with waiting and went home, and I was left wondering what the hell had happened to him.

  35

  1st January - Week 31 + Half A Day

  I waited getting more and more anxious with every passing minute. I’d been back downstairs to ask Marsha where he’d gone, but she said she had no idea. I’d tried his mobile a hundred times but that was switched off. So where had he gone, and why hadn’t he told anyone, maybe something had happened and he’d been in an accident or something. My imagination went into overdrive.

  It was seven o’clock before I heard the front door downstairs open and slam shut again. I waited for Rob to come upstairs, but he didn’t, so I went downstairs to find out what had happened.

  Marsha let me in and pointed to the kitchen before disappearing to one of the children’s bedrooms, and I guessed it must be their bedtime. Rob was standing with his back to me and I watched for a moment without saying anything as he attempted to put a spoonful of coffee into a mug. There was spilled coffee granules everywhere, and he swayed slightly as he concentrated at this his third attempt. He was drunk, rip roaringly, couldn’t stand up straight, drunk.

  Although I hadn’t spoken or made a sound he must have heard me come in, or sensed in some way that I was standing there in the doorway, and he swung round still with the spoonful of coffee in his hand that scattered all over the floor as he turned.

  ‘Judy.’ He said none to coherently. ‘You wanna coffee?’

  ‘What happened to you, where did you go?’ I said without moving.

  ‘Had to go out. You wanna coffee or not?’

  I walked towards him, crunching over the spilled coffee, and took the spoon out of his hand. ‘You sit down, I’ll make the coffee.’ I said.

  ‘Kay you make the coffee an I’ll sit down. So how are you? How’s your Mum, she still here?’ He said sitting down, or should that be falling down onto the chair.

  ‘No she’s gone home. Why did you have to go out, where’ve you been all this time?’

  ‘Aah that’s for me to know, had to get away.’ Rob slurred tapping the side of his nose.

  ‘But why? I thought you were coming back upstairs.’

  ‘Yeah did that, heard the little talk you had with your mum, know all about it, everything. An then I went out, needed to get away an think.’

  ‘What did you hear exactly?’

  ‘Everything, heard all about everything. Gotta hand it to you Judy, you was good, had me proper fooled. Ha that’s it you fooled me good cos I’m a fool see, get it? Cos I’m a fool.’ Rob laughed hollowly.

  ‘Rob I don’t know what you heard but I haven’t been trying to fool you about anything, I love you.’

  ‘Na don’t say it, can’t fool me anymore now, cos I know, I know what you’re up to.’

  ‘I’m not up to anything.’

  ‘Oh yes, you and your mum been plotting away. Did the Chippendale guess it, is that why he took off? He was first choice right? An then I come along. Stupid Rob with his stupid I’ll decorate your flat for you, bet you thought I was a prize sucker, second choice an all that, but what the hell, he’ll do. Is that what you thought?’

  ‘I don’t know what you’re talking about but you’ve got it all wrong.’

  ‘Nope, haven’t got anything wrong, heard you, ‘it’s all I’ve dreamt about walking down the aisle,’ you said, ‘get someone to support me for the rest of my life’ you said. An I nearly fell for it, all of it. Stupid Rob an his stupid ideas.’

  ‘It’s not like that, I was trying to explain to my mum . .’

  ‘Save it. All mak
es sense now, all of it. I was gonna ask you . . ha what a joke. Bet you and your mum thought you’d hit the jackpot. Course I don’t have a job, that must have been a bit of a blow but under the circumstances, I mean prob’ly not too many blokes willing to take on a pregnant woman, but beggars can’t be choosers and any port in a storm eh? So you had to settle for stupid Rob. Well sorry love but you’re gonna have to start again, bit of a setback I know, but I’m sure you’ll manage it. Maybe it’s still not too late for the Chippendale.’

  ‘Rob you’ve got it all wrong, I . . .’

  ‘Okay need to sleep now an you need to go away. Better phone old Chippy before he meets someone else, cos this boat has sailed Darling.’

  ‘Rob please listen to me I . .’

  But it was too late, Rob had laid his head on his arm on the table and fallen sound asleep. I stood there for what felt like a lifetime and eventually turned away and went back upstairs.

  36

  2nd January – Week 31 + 1 Day

  I made it into work this morning but I’ve no idea how. I hadn’t slept at all after Rob’s drunken tirade. I didn’t know what to think, or do. Course when I’d got back upstairs last night it had all fallen into place. I must have been in the middle of arguing with Mum and right at the moment when I’d got all sarky about her pushing me to get married, that must have been when Rob had come back upstairs. He’d stayed long enough to only hear half the conversation and put two and two together to come up with five and the half baked conclusion that me and Mum were plotting to get me a husband, and little Ella a father, and were apparently being none too fussy about who it was either. He must have heard all that and stormed out, and that must have been the door slamming Mum and I had heard.

  I knocked on Marsha’s door early this morning, but Rob was still sleeping and I didn’t think it would be the best idea to wake him. Better to let him sleep it off and sober up, and then I’d explain everything. So that meant waiting until I got home.

  I’d have skived off work but it was year-end, my first year-end since I’d qualified and gotten my promotion, and probably my last now I came to think about it, at least for a while as by this time next year I’d have Ella and would probably be working at home, if I was working at all.