39 Weeks

by Terri Douglas

  ‘I don’t know, I gather mobiles are a bit of a problem there sometimes anyway, and the land lines probably were out for a while, but Mac seemed to think it had more to do with Rob just wanting to . . well to not talk to anyone for a bit.’

  ‘I see.’ I said. But I didn’t see, I didn’t see at all. ‘Did he even ask about me?’

  ‘No I’m sorry Judy he didn’t mention you at all.’

  ‘But Mac told him how upset I was right? And that I’d been trying all this time to speak to him.’

  ‘No he didn’t . . well he thought it best not to say anything in case Rob took off again, but he plans to speak to him tomorrow when he turns up, you know face to face.’

  ‘Right. So what am I meant to do now?’

  ‘Just wait till Friday I guess.’

  ‘But . . but . . Friday is so . .’ I wailed.

  ‘Look Mac knows how upset you are, and I’ve told him about how Rob got it all wrong, and I’m sure he’ll talk to Rob and explain, and I’ll talk to him as well if I get the chance, but other than that you’re just going to have to wait until Friday. I don’t see what else you can do.’

  In the last five weeks I’d run the gamut of emotions from distraught and devastated in the beginning, to convinced he couldn’t have ever really loved me to leave like that. I’d been angry with my mum, then angry with myself, then with Rob, then back to being distraught again. And now I just missed him, and Friday seemed like a very long way away.

  So now I was waiting, waiting for Rob, waiting for Ella, waiting to see how my mum got on going on her date with the gas man, just waiting. I had no plan of action. I had nothing just this big empty void until Friday.

  41

  16th February – Week 37 + 4 Days

  Well I got one thing right, I was almost the basket case I thought I’d be. Here it was Thursday night, only one more day to get through, just twenty four hours before I could finally talk to Rob, and I was practically a jibbering idiot.

  I was really tired but I couldn’t sleep, I mean it was hard enough sleeping anyway, but now it was pretty nigh impossible. I couldn’t even sit still for long and had fidgeted my way through the last four days, cleaning mostly and checking my hospital bag, then re-checking my hospital bag. I organised Ella’s stuff differently, then put it all back where it was before I’d started. I organised my stuff, but that really needed doing so it wasn’t a complete waste of time. And I spent a lot of time talking to Ella.

  I went to the hairdresser on Tuesday for a much needed trim, but they cut it a bit shorter than I really wanted even though I’d said over and over don’t cut too much off, but like all hairdressers everywhere the couple of centimetres I was talking about meant five or six to the girl cutting my hair. Is that all part of the hairdressing code, you know when you’re learning your craft to become a hairdresser in hairdressing school, part of the curriculum is to un-learn maths, or maybe it’s to exaggerate everything so that whatever the customer asks for you automatically double it. Anyway my hair was a bit shorter than I would have really liked it, especially seeing as my face was a bit fatter than normal at the moment, but at least it was tidy and who knew how long it would be before I’d be able to get to the hairdressers again.

  I went to Shirley’s yesterday afternoon and picked up a few receipts and the self assessment tax form she’d been sent to fill in. Shirley was well and thriving on not having to get up so early anymore, well actually as far as I could gather she was still getting up just as early as ever, after years and years of it she just couldn’t get out of the habit, but at least she didn’t have to rush out in the mornings which with all the snow we’d had must have been a relief.

  I’d already explained to her on my last visit a bit about Rob taking off like he did, so now I filled her in on the latest update of where he’d been all this time and his coming back on Friday, and asked her what she thought I should do.

  ‘Do? Nothing to do really, he’s the one that took off without waiting to hear your side of things, then stayed away with never a word. It’s what he should be doing that matters.’

  ‘But I should explain how I lied to Mum at least and how he’d got it all wrong don’t you think?’

  ‘Yes maybe, and then he should apologise to you.’

  ‘I don’t know about that. D’you think he will?’

  ‘Probably not, he’s a man, but he should. He shouldn’t have left you like that not when you’re so close to your time, making you worry and stress yourself out, it’s not right.’

  ‘Well I don’t think he intended to stay away so long, but he got stuck on Rousay.’

  ‘True, but he could have phoned or got in touch somehow, with his sister at least, and asked if you were alright.’

  I’m not sure if I agreed, I mean Shirley was sort of right but . . if I hadn’t lied to Mum, or if I’d come clean with her a bit sooner, or if I’d explained it to Rob before . . well then none of this would have happened would it? So it was all sort of my fault.

  Back home I was attempting to go through Shirley’s tax assessment form, but it was a bit of a lost cause really, not because there was anything wrong with her tax records or anything like that, just because I wasn’t really in the mood. All I could think about was Rob coming back, and doing this was supposed to be taking my mind off it, not that it was. Also I wasn’t feeling right somehow, my back was aching a bit, probably down to all those sleepless nights, and my Ella bump made sitting at my laptop awkward so I had to stretch to reach the keyboard and that made my arms ache, and I don’t know all of it put together made me restless and uncomfortable.

  James turned up, he’d finished work early and come straight to mine on his way home. He’d taken to doing that quite often lately, popping in for the odd half an hour, ‘just making sure you’re okay and to see if there’s still only one of you’ he’d say. I didn’t mind, in fact I was quite glad of the company and today it gave me an excuse to stop working, not that I was getting much done anyway. He’d changed a bit since that day I’d told him Rob had gone away. It was like he’d finally accepted that I loved Rob and resigned himself to the fact he was only ever going to be a friend. Today he’d bought a pizza with him and went straight out to the kitchen to slice it up. I followed him and started getting out plates.

  ‘Let’s eat straight out of the box,’ he said. ‘Remember we did this when you moved in and all the plates were still packed up in boxes?’

  ‘That seems like a life time away now.’ I said abandoning my task.

  ‘So, don’t suppose you’ve heard from Lover Boy, but how are things otherwise?’

  ‘I have actually, he’s coming home tomorrow night.’

  ‘Is he. Did he phone?’

  ‘No but . . ‘ And I told him about Rousay, and the lost phone, and how he was coming back with Mac.

  ‘So will you be able to sort things out?’

  ‘God I hope so.’

  ‘And if not?’

  ‘If not . . I don’t know. If not . . well I’ll . . I don’t want to think about if not.’

  ‘He’s an idiot if he doesn’t grab you, hold you tight and tell you how sorry and how stupid he’s been.’

  ‘Mm nice thought but somehow I don’t . .’ I had to break off mid sentence as Ella decided this would be the perfect moment to have a stretch, and trust me there really wasn’t room in there to move let alone stretch, so for a second or two it took my breath away.

  ‘You okay?’ James said looking worried.

  ‘Yeah I’m fine, it’s just Ella trying to get comfortable.’

  James carried the now sliced-up pizza back to the living room, and I closed down my laptop and pushed everything out of the way to make room on the dining table for him to put it down.

  ‘What time?’ James asked.

  ‘It’s about half five, why are you off out somewhere tonight?’

  ‘No I meant what time tomorrow is Lover Boy getting back?’ James was okay about everything, really he was, but the fact that he co
uldn’t bring himself to call Rob by his name made me think maybe he wasn’t quite as alright as I’d thought.

  ‘Rob’ I said emphasising his name, ‘should be here sometime tomorrow evening, don’t know what time exactly.’

  ‘So this might be our last night together?’

  ‘If I sort things out with Rob, and if we end up back together, I’ll explain to him that you’re just a friend.’

  ‘And we can all be friends together you mean, just the three of us, or four of us after the baby’s born?’

  ‘Well not exactly that, but I don’t see why you and Rob can’t be friends. And we don’t know yet if . .’ And there it was again, that uncomfortable pain. It was sort of like period pain, but not. Anyway it stopped me talking again while it lasted. ‘If . . Rob and I are going to be able to sort things out, I mean I have no idea if he’ll even listen to me when he gets back.’

  ‘Are you sure you’re okay?’

  ‘Yes I’m okay. I’ve just been feeling a bit uncomfortable today, and Ella’s probably feeling uncomfortable too, all squashed up like she is, it’s nothing.’

  ‘You don’t think she’s . . I mean you’re not having the baby are you?’

  ‘What like now you mean? No. I’ve got another three weeks to go yet, she’s just stretching or something.’

  ‘Well babies have been known to arrive early you know.’

  ‘Yeah but not this early. They told me at my last check-up she still wasn’t engaged properly.’

  ‘And did anyone tell Ella that?’

  I didn’t bother answering, I just looked at him hard.

  ‘Well engaged or not . . It looks to me like it might be . .’ James started to say.

  ‘And when did you become such an expert?’ I interrupted him before he could finish the sentence.

  ‘Okay, I just thought . .’

  ‘Yeah well, I think I’d know if I was in labour. And she’s not due for another three and a half weeks yet, so it can’t be can it?’

  ‘If you say so, although you’re not exactly an expert either.’

  ‘Do you want another slice of pizza? I can’t eat mine.’ I said trying to change the subject.

  ‘You’ve hardly eaten any. Are you sure?’

  ‘I’m just not very hungry.’

  ‘Mm hm.’

  ‘Give it up will you, I’m not hungry because I had a big lunch okay?’

  James took another slice of pizza and started to eat, all the time watching me like he was waiting for something to happen. ‘Just stop it. I’m going to make some tea’ I said, and went to the kitchen to escape his scrutiny.

  ‘Have you got everything ready?’ James shouted to me.

  ‘Like?’ I shouted back.

  ‘Like the stuff for the hospital, like Ella’s stuff for when she arrives?’

  I didn’t answer, couldn’t answer. I was having another pain. I looked up to see James standing in the doorway. ‘That was another one wasn’t it?’ he said smugly.

  ‘No.’ I lied holding my bump.

  ‘Yes it was. You need to sit down and we should probably start timing these things.’

  ‘But it can’t be, Ella’s not due for another . .’

  ‘Three and a half weeks. Yes I know, you told me.’ James said taking the empty mugs out of my hand that I’d been getting out to make the tea, and guiding me back to the living room.

  He sat me down on the settee, asked if I thought I’d be alright for a minute or two, and went back to the kitchen to finish making the tea. The kettle had already boiled so it didn’t take him long, and he was back again with two mugs of tea before I’d even properly registered that he’d gone.

  ‘If this is really it, d’you think everything’s alright, I mean it’s not supposed to be happening yet is it?’ I said.

  ‘I’m sure everything’s fine, you need to relax and drink your tea.’

  I drank my tea but I didn’t relax, I mean who could relax at a time like this? We didn’t talk, James sat down in the armchair opposite me and we stared at each other in silence waiting for something to happen. But of course just sitting there waiting like that, nothing did.

  ‘This is silly.’ I said getting up. ‘I’m not just going to sit here and wait.’

  ‘I’ll put the telly on, take your mind off it.’

  I sat down again and James switched the telly on. He flicked through a few channels but at this time of day it was mostly the news. We watched the weather report, James taking none too subtle sideways glances at me the whole time.

  ‘For goodness sake stop watching me, I feel like a time bomb about to go off. Nothing’s happening, I told you it was just Ella trying to get comfortable.’ But as I said it I got another one and instinctively held my breath until the feeling passed.

  ‘Nothing happening eh? That was about ten minutes since the last one.’ James said checking his watch.

  ‘Oh my God, this really is it. Okay don’t panic, just don’t panic. I have to . . I don’t know what I have to . . I should . .’

  ‘What, you should what? Shall I phone the hospital?’ James said panicking anyway.

  ‘No you mustn’t phone the hospital until the contractions are at the most only three minutes apart.’

  ‘Okay no hospital yet. Should I phone anyone else?’

  ‘Well I was supposed to be phoning my Mum when this all started happening.’

  ‘Right, yes. Good idea. You need to phone your Mum. I’ll get your phone, where is it?’

  ‘No I can’t phone Mum she’s on her date with Colin Stoddard.’

  ‘Well . . someone, there must be someone you should be telling.’ James said sitting on the very edge of his chair and holding my hand much too tightly.

  ‘It’s alright, I feel alright. Even when I get a contraction it’s not that bad. I thought it’d be agony but actually it’s alright.’ I said pleased and relieved when I realised it really wasn’t as bad as I’d been expecting all these months.

  ‘Really?’

  ‘Yes really.’

  ‘So what now?’ he said finally releasing his grip on my hand a little.

  ‘Um . . I don’t know this bit could go on for a while, an hour or two, or even a day.’

  ‘A day! What do you mean a day?’ James said releasing my hand altogether, and looking as if he’d been pole axed.

  ‘Well the books both said there’s no knowing how long it takes, could be quite quick, or could go on for hours.’

  ‘Yeah but a day?’

  ‘Okay that’s probably worst case scenario.’ I said trying to soften the blow.

  ‘I hope so.’

  ‘How long’s it been now, since the last one?’

  James checked his watch. ‘Six minutes.’

  ‘Well they’re supposed to be regular, just gradually shortening the time between each one, so the next one should be in about four minutes.’

  ‘Are you sure there isn’t anyone I should phone?’

  ‘Why you’re not scared are you?’ I said teasingly.

  ‘A bit I am yes, you’re going to have a baby.’

  I took pity on him, he really did look worried and all the colour had drained from his face. ‘Well Marsha’s just down stairs and she’s had two, and if it looks like it’s getting close I’ll phone my mum, date or no date.’

  ‘Okay.’ He said looking relieved. ‘Sorry I just . .’

  ‘It’s okay, I understand.’

  ‘I mean I really want to help, but . . well I don’t know if I’m up to delivering a baby.’

  ‘You won’t have to deliver a baby, I promise. As soon as I’m sure and it looks like it’s getting close I’ll go to the hospital. I don’t want you to deliver the baby either, I want to be in hospital with a proper nurse and a doctor or two and plenty of pain killers.’

  ‘Yes . . yes. Should I get Marsha now do you think?’

  ‘Let’s give it another . . say half an hour, and if I’m still getting contractions every ten minutes then we’ll . . .’

  T
his time the pain was more intense. I felt it edging towards me, building . . building . . and then it hit. I held my breath and clenched both fists waiting for it to ease. It only lasted about thirty seconds but that was enough.

  ‘Okay I’m going to get Marsha.’ James said as soon as it was obvious the pain had subsided, and completely ignoring the fact we’d just decided to wait half an hour before getting Marsha involved.

  ‘But you don’t even know her, I’ll go.’ Strange how one minute you can be in agony and the next straight back to normal, I wasn’t expecting the contractions to be like that.

  ‘No you need to sit still.’ James said.

  ‘I’ll phone her then alright?’

  So I phoned Marsha and she said we should go downstairs to hers, Flora had a bit of a temperature so she didn’t want to be out of hearing distance in case Flora needed her, but we were welcome to go downstairs and wait it out there.

  James looked extremely relieved when I told him, and I had to smile to myself. I was feeling just as scared, more so probably, but I was the one having the baby it wasn’t like I could just hand the responsibility over to someone else like he just had, I wish, I had to get on with it like it or not, but I understood how he was feeling.

  ‘Sorry about all this.’ I said to Marsha when she opened the door.

  ‘Don’t be silly, you couldn’t help it. Good job I was here, and James of course.’ She said nodding to James.

  ‘Oh yes this is James.’

  ‘Hi.’ Marsha said.

  ‘Hi’ James said awkwardly.

  ‘So when was the last one?’ Marsha asked.

  I looked at James, who looked at his watch. ‘About five minutes ago.’ He said.

  ‘And how far apart are they?’

  I looked at James again, who said ‘about every ten minutes I think’.

  ‘So you’ve probably got a while to go yet before the baby put’s in an appearance. Tea anyone?’

  ‘Why not.’ I said.

  ‘Can I have coffee?’ James said. ‘And shouldn’t you be sitting down?’ he said to me.

  ‘Well’ Marsha said. ‘You could sit down if you want to of course, but nowadays they think it better, easier, if you keep upright and walking about, at least in the beginning.’