Burned (Cunningham Security Book 5)

by A. K. Evans

  “A hotel room? As in one?” she pressed.

  I should have known she was going to go there with it.

  “Yes, a single hotel room,” I confirmed. “They have them with more than one bed these days.”

  She gave me a look that told me she didn’t believe me and let out a sarcastic, “Right.”

  Nobody said anything else, so the three of us made our way out to the car. I introduced Pierce and Jason before the four of us took off.

  We hadn’t been driving more than five minutes before Gwen turned around in her seat and blurted, “Hey, why don’t we stop and grab a bite to eat? I’m starved and I’m sure they didn’t feed you guys that well on the plane.”

  “That’s okay with me,” Jason assured her.

  I looked to Pierce.

  “Whatever you want, beautiful. It doesn’t matter to me.”

  When I turned back to Gwen, she had hearts in her eyes. She shifted in her seat and directed Jason to a place for dinner. With Gwen distracted, Pierce reached over and gave my hand a squeeze.

  Twenty minutes later, we arrived at the restaurant. We were told there was a ten-minute wait for a table; so, after giving our name, Gwen whisked me away to the ladies’ room.

  Once we were in there, she didn’t hesitate.

  “Okay, there’s a lot to say and not a lot of time to say it,” she started. “First, I’ll say it again. I’m so sorry to hear about Nicola. I hate that that’s the reason you’re out here right now. That said, I am so happy to see you. More than that, I’m happy to see you with that man out there. Zara…seriously? He is gorgeous. You showing up with him like that and keeping it a secret is totally awesome. Even better than that is the fact that a year ago you and I were out at a restaurant and we saw something seriously uncool, but now you’re here with that guy. And I’m not saying anything bad about you, but you’ve definitely traded up, babe. I’m so happy you invited him to come here with you.”

  “I didn’t,” I replied.

  Her brows pulled together. “What?”

  “He was there when I found out about Nicola. I lost it, Gwen. I don’t know, he just stayed with me and took care of me that afternoon. When I told him I was going to have to fly back home, he told me he was coming with me. He didn’t want me to be all the way out here alone and said that if I fell apart, he wanted to be able to take care of me. So, he’s here. And that’s not before he made sure that he arranged for one of his co-workers to take care of Callie.”

  “He’s like a dream come true,” she remarked. “Which is why I don’t understand something. What’s the deal with separate beds?”

  I took in a deep breath and let it out. “We’re just friends.”

  She shook her head furiously. “No way. There’s no way you’re just friends with that man still. I mean, you said it to me on the phone. I heard you, but I hadn’t seen him yet. And I certainly hadn’t seen the way he looks at you. Zara, you should not be sleeping in separate beds.”

  “It’s not like that between us. I get what you’re saying. I know he’s gorgeous, but he’s just a really good guy.”

  “Nope,” she insisted. “A guy doesn’t just take a six-hour flight with a girl he’s only known for a few weeks when he has no interest in her. He can be a good guy, babe. But he can also do that from the comfort of his own home. He can do that by offering to watch your cat while you make the trip out here. When he’s doing all he’s done for you, Zara, he’s doing it not because he’s a good guy, but because he wants you.”

  She made sense.

  Too much sense.

  “This is too much for me right now,” I murmured. “I can’t deal with what I feel about him while I’m trying to deal with the reason I’m out here this weekend.”

  Gwen took a step toward me and wrapped her hand around mine. “I know. It’s a lot. But I know what you said to me on the phone. You have this thought that he’s not into you. All I’m going to say is that after you get through this weekend and you’re feeling up to it, don’t let a guy like him slip away. I know how you are and why you do the things you do, but it would be a crying shame if you let him go.”

  I did all I could do and gave her a smile and a nod.

  After, we rejoined Pierce and Jason.

  Once we were seated and had given our orders to the waiter, Gwen spoke. “I had my doctor’s appointment today. They did the bloodwork and told me they’d call as soon as they had the results. Their office closes at five, so when it was already a quarter after and I hadn’t heard from them, I knew that it wasn’t going to be good news. A few days ago, Jason and I looked through the information they’d given us about IVF. The chances of success are so much greater with that, but it’s so expensive. It’s just not something we can afford right now, especially when there’s no guarantee with that either.”

  “Oh, Gwen, I’m so sorry,” I lamented.

  “She’s been a mess these past two weeks just waiting it out,” Jason chimed in. “Today was a nightmare for her while she waited for a call from them.”

  “Did the doctor’s office say that you’d definitely hear from them today? Could there have been a reason it was delayed or something?” Pierce asked.

  Gwen nodded. “Yeah, their office got backed up. They ended up calling me just before we got to the airport to get you.”

  I looked at her waiting for her to continue.

  Her eyes filled with tears and a smile formed on her face.

  “Are you pregnant?” I asked.

  She gave me a few quick nods.

  As a tear spilled down her cheek, I stood from my chair and moved to her. Giving her a hug, I felt my eyes get wet. “Congratulations, Gwen. I’m so, so happy for you. I knew it would happen.”

  “Thank you,” she whispered back. “Thank you for being there for me through all of this.”

  “Of course. You’re welcome.”

  I let Gwen go and turned to Jason. I gave him a hug. “Congratulations, Jason. Your wife is so determined; it was bound to happen sooner rather than later.”

  “Thanks, Zara,” he returned. “I think there’s a God somewhere who realized there was no way I could go through another round of this with her. She’s been a handful.”

  “Oh, you love me,” she reminded him.

  Jason’s face warmed as he looked at my best friend. He did. He loved her, and I knew that he was just teasing her. If they hadn’t had success with this round, he would have done it a thousand times over to make her happy.

  “Congratulations,” I heard Pierce chime in as he extended a hand to Jason before turning to offer the same to Gwen.

  They thanked him as I moved back to my seat. Then, the four of us spent the rest of our time at dinner celebrating their news. I was so grateful for the distraction.

  A couple of hours later, Pierce and I had pulled into the parking lot at our hotel. Jason and Gwen had driven us back to their house where we picked up Gwen’s SUV that I assured her we’d bring back sometime Sunday morning.

  Ten minutes after Pierce grabbed our bags out of the back, we had our room keys and were on the way up to our room on the third floor.

  Just as we stepped through the door, my cell phone rang. Pulling it out of my purse, I saw it was my mom calling.

  “Hello?” I answered.

  “Hey, I was calling to make sure you landed safely. I didn’t hear from you,” she greeted.

  “Yeah, I’m sorry. Gwen was already waiting when I arrived, and we ended up going out to dinner on the way back from the airport.”

  After a moment of hesitation, she wondered, “Well, where are you now?”

  “At the hotel.”

  “Hotel? Why are you staying at a hotel?”

  She couldn’t be serious.

  “Seriously?”

  “Yes, Zara. Seriously.”

  I took in a deep breath, hoping it would calm me.

  It didn’t.

  Pierce had carried our bags in, gotten them sorted, and was now eyeing me curiously.

/>   “I sold my house, Mom. What did you think I was going to do?”

  “You could have stayed here,” she offered.

  No, I couldn’t, I thought.

  “I have a friend with me,” I shared.

  “A friend?” she questioned me.

  Pierce’s eyes were still locked on mine.

  Nodding, I maintained, “Yes. A friend I met in Wyoming that didn’t want me to come out here and be alone.”

  Pierce’s face softened.

  “Right. Your family is here, you know?”

  That doesn’t mean I wouldn’t feel alone.

  “I know,” I assured her. Following a beat of silence, I said, “Anyway, we just got to the hotel and I’m exhausted from the day of traveling. I assume you’ll be there tomorrow?”

  She didn’t respond. At least, not immediately. When several long seconds of quiet stretched between us, I was about to call out, but she finally confirmed, “Yeah, I’ll be there.”

  “Okay. I’ll see you tomorrow then. Good night, Mom.”

  “Good night, Zara.”

  I hastily pulled the phone from my ear and disconnected the call. Pierce watched and waited. Knowing what I had ahead of me, I was not prepared to tackle the issue of my family right now.

  “Would you mind if I grabbed a shower first?” I asked, not acknowledging the questioning, concerned look on his face. “I feel gross from being on the plane.”

  Pierce took a minute to assess me. He must have realized that I needed a reprieve, so he shook his head and urged, “Have at it.”

  I dug through my carry-on and located my toiletries, a pair of panties, my pajamas, which were a pair of cotton yellow shorts and tank that fit snug at my chest and loose around my waist, and a pair of socks.

  Disappearing behind the bathroom door, I got down to business. It had been a long day, and I was wiped out, so I didn’t mess around with doing what I had to do.

  I emerged from the bathroom in close to record time, dropped my dirty clothes in my laundry bag, and moved to one of the queen beds. As I walked there, I tried not to look at him. I had taken out my contacts and was wearing my glasses. When I happened to glance over at him, I found Pierce had his eyes on me, and there was something in them that told me he really liked what he was seeing.

  I climbed under the covers as he stood and moved toward the bathroom. A few seconds later, after he closed the door behind him, I heard the shower turn on.

  I slipped off my glasses, set them on the nightstand, and closed my eyes. Taking a deep breath, I tried not to think about Pierce naked in the shower. Unfortunately, in doing that, I ended up thinking about the same thing I’d thought about the past two nights.

  Nicola.

  And every time I thought about her, pain speared through my heart.

  Images of her face flashed before my eyes.

  I could hear her infectious laughter. I hadn’t spoken to her in years, but I still knew what her laugh sounded like.

  I remembered the first day we met each other, sitting next to one another in homeroom unable to stop ourselves from chatting and laughing. I remembered the last time I saw her, both of us too hurt to utter a single word.

  Getting through tomorrow would be an impossible feat; I didn’t know how I was going to do it.

  Just like the two nights before, I felt the tears welling. Within seconds, they leaked from my eyes. One dripped down onto the pillow while the other trailed a path over the bridge of my nose before it landed where the other one had.

  The only thing that was different about tonight was that it didn’t end with just a few tears.

  Tonight, it hit me.

  Just as Pierce said it would.

  For the first time in as long as I could remember, I cried. Really, truly cried.

  And I was sure it did because I knew that tomorrow was only hours away and I’d have to say goodbye to my best friend. Not only was I not sure that I’d be able to do that, but I felt like a fraud calling her that.

  I needed more time. We needed more time. Sadly, I couldn’t delay it any longer. It was coming, and it was coming fast.

  With that knowledge, I broke down into full-fledged sobs, my body trembling horribly with the power of my grief. I don’t know how long I cried like that before I suddenly felt the bed dip as fingers curled around my bicep to turn me. Unable and unwilling to fight it, I rolled and found my face planted in Pierce’s chest, his body running the length of mine, his arms around me.

  He didn’t say anything.

  He simply held me while I cried.

  I was mortified, but I was well beyond the point of being able to control my emotions. There was no way I could get this in check. The flood gates had opened and it would have been a waste to try and stop them.

  It took me a long time to settle down, and even then, Pierce still made no demands on me. He continued to hold me, only now he was also stroking my back.

  After a few minutes of silence, I whispered, “I’m terrified.”

  “What are you afraid of, Zara?”

  “Tomorrow,” I confessed. “I haven’t seen Nicola’s family for years. I don’t know what they know about our falling out, but what if they don’t want me there? What if I walk in there and see them and they ask me to leave?”

  “Why would they do that?”

  “Because I couldn’t forgive her.”

  He didn’t immediately respond, but when he did, he asked, “What?”

  “Somewhere along the line, something changed between us. When I felt us growing apart, I reached out to her. I wanted to talk about it, sort it out, and get us back on track. She wasn’t ready to talk to me then. And that hurt. A lot. I couldn’t handle that rejection, especially when I saw that she was making time for others. People who she hadn’t ever been friends with in the same way we were friends.”

  I took a minute to breathe through the pain that was resurfacing.

  When I managed to do that, I continued, “Some time had passed after that when she sent me an email. She was finally ready to talk. But it was too late. I had been burned. And all I wanted to do was hurt her as badly as she hurt me.”

  The minute the words were out of my mouth, I knew I was a hypocrite.

  I was a fraud.

  It felt wrong to cry.

  Because this was what I deserved.

  This was my punishment.

  Not her death, but the guilt I knew I’d live with for the rest of my life knowing I could have made things right between us, and instead chose to punish her.

  “My God, Pierce. She died and I never forgave her,” I rasped.

  His voice was calm and comforting when he spoke. “Beautiful, from what you told me a couple days ago, it seems to me that you were both in a place where you had forgiven each other. The only problem was that neither of you acted on it when the opportunity presented itself. Both of you made mistakes in this situation; you can’t shoulder the burden of this solely on your own.”

  “But I’m still here and she isn’t,” I countered.

  “And that sucks, Zara. No doubt about it. But that’s not your fault.”

  I knew that. Of course, I knew it.

  That knowledge didn’t translate into me being able to let go of the massive guilt I felt about everything that had happened, though.

  “I wish I could go back and do things differently,” I admitted quietly as Pierce’s thumb stroked along the skin of my arm.

  “I know,” he returned, his voice just as soft.

  I said nothing else as my eyelids grew heavy. Minutes later, I fell asleep.

  “Zara?”

  My eyes shot open when I not only heard but felt my name being called. The reason I felt it was because I was sleeping with half of my body pressed against Pierce’s. He had one arm wrapped around my back, holding me tight to him, while his other hand was covering my hand, which happened to be resting on top of his chest.

  Frantically, I jolted up to sitting in the bed. I reached out to the nightstand and gra
bbed my glasses.

  After slipping them on and looking at him, I lamented, “Oh, Pierce. I’m so sorry.”

  “Did you hear me complaining?” he asked as something else moved through his features.

  I shook my head. “No, I just…I didn’t mean to—” I stammered.

  Pierce sat up beside me and insisted, “You didn’t do anything, Zara. It’s fine. I actually preferred being right where I was instead of over there.” He jerked his head toward the other bed.

  I searched his face, offered a smile, and said, “I appreciate what you did for me last night. Thank you for being here for me.”

  “There’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now. And if you need to cry, laugh, yell, punch something or anything else, I’ll do what I can to see you through it.”

  “Thank you,” I repeated.

  “What time do you have to leave?” he asked.

  Looking at the clock on the nightstand, I noted it was seven-thirty. It was the latest I’d slept in months, and it was far more than I’d slept in the previous two nights. “There is an additional one-hour window starting at nine-thirty this morning for those who couldn’t make it last night to the viewing. I’d really like to go to that. The funeral service itself starts at eleven.”

  “Would you like me to order you room service or did you want to get ready and get something on the way?”

  I shook my head and clutched my stomach. “I don’t think I can eat anything,” I shared.

  “You can’t do this today without any food in you, Zara,” he stated, his voice stern. “I get that you’re probably not feeling the best about what’s ahead, but you don’t want to pass out while you’re there either. Let me order you something, please.”

  I knew I wasn’t going to be able to handle much food, but I also knew that Pierce needed to eat, so I gave him a nod and stated, “Room service is fine.”

  While he called for room service, I made my way to the bathroom. I did my business, put my contacts in, and came out to get my clothes ready for the day. I’d decided to wear a black sheath dress. It stopped just at my knee and had a square neckline, cap sleeves, and a silhouette-shaping fit. As I got my dress, shoes, and undergarments situated, Pierce took his turn in the bathroom.