Searching For Sarah (The Sarah Series Book 1)

by Julieann Dove

  “I bet I would.”

  His radio blared from the device he had strapped on his shoulder. I waited till the codes were given and looked at him. “So I guess this means you’re off to fight crime.”

  “Yep.” He stretched and pulled for the door handle. “But I’m glad I was able to see you.”

  “Sure.” I pushed my hair behind my ear. “I hope you find happiness, Andrew. You’re a good guy.”

  “Thanks, Sarah. And I don’t have any doubt you won’t either. Any guy who can’t see what’s behind those brown eyes of yours is a complete moron. Everything will work out, I’m sure. Call if you need anything.” He smiled, waved, and shut my door.

  I watched as he said something into the walkie-talkie and got in his cruiser and pulled out. I wasn’t sure why fate kept placing that guy in my path, but for some reason I didn’t feel any bad feelings for not choosing him. Now I had to deal with the path I had chosen and why Sam led me there in the dark…with blinders on…

  It was after thirty minutes or so of crying in my car, parked outside of a pastry shop where I’d gone in and bought a dozen of doughnuts and taken bites out of each one of them, that I called Marta and asked for Robena. Incredibly, she wasn’t at the shop, so I got her address and drove to her house. She was the only one I could think of to cry on their shoulder and kick her all at the same time for suggesting I stay with who I knew. Not that I regretted doing so, but I didn’t see the boulder that was waiting for me up around the bend…in the guise of Gennifer.

  “Can I come in?” I asked when Robena answered the door.

  At first, I was unsure it was even Robena’s house. For some reason, I pictured hers to be a shack with multiple holes and cat’s eyes poking out from each of them. This was in the historic district, brick two-story, with a second-story porch. I looked at the statue of a Great Dane as I waited for the door to be answered.

  “Sarah? What on earth?” She pulled me inside.

  The grandeur of her home took my mind momentarily off my grief-stricken state. “Robena, do you live here?”

  “Of course, where do you think I live? Do you think I answer the door to places I don’t live?” Her brow crinkled, and I looked down to see a cat swiping her leg.

  “I guess I imagined something different, that’s all.”

  She straightened her posture and shooed the cat. “I can’t see why you’d have anything in mind.”

  “Well, you mentioned me staying with you once, and I thought…well, I thought from your description…”

  “I certainly didn’t want it to sound too good, did I? And I couldn’t simply let you go homeless. If you thought you could stand what I described, then I was fine with letting you stay.”

  “I see.”

  She escorted me into the front room. The windows were large and each decorated with heavy pale-blue drapery. The room was off-white and bathed in the sunlight of the noon sky. A fern perched on a plantstand by one of the front ones.

  “Have a seat. What on earth brings you here?” She pointed to a sofa and sat on the chair next to it.

  I rubbed my hand on the velvety texture of it. “My world seems to be unraveling in front of me, that’s all.”

  “Great Scott, what happened?” She pushed a black and white cat that’d just jumped on the side arm of the chair. It hissed when it hit the floor.

  “Well, let’s see, I haven’t seen you since that fabulous advice you gave me. Um, now what was it again?” I put my finger on my lip. “Oh yes, you advised me to stay with Sam. After all, I knew what it was like after dark at his house. Or did I?” My voice rose, and so did her eyebrows.

  “What on earth happened? Get to the point, I’m aging here.” She crossed her arms in front of her stomach.

  “Gennifer paid a visit this morning.”

  “Say no more. I never could put my finger on what bugged me about that girl. She was into too many things. Too many people’s lives. She even had Carol convinced she needed therapy once. Good Lord, the only thing that poor girl needs is friends.” She took a breath. “So what did she want?”

  “Yes, well we digress in knowing your real feelings about her, now don’t we? Why didn’t you nudge me or poke me with a needle when she suggested I help her friend Sam?”

  “Why? What’s wrong with Sam? Why on earth is Gennifer here? Spill it, girl.” She leaned in.

  “Seems Sam and Gennifer have been having an affair.” My head shook impulsively, trying to let that tidbit sink in while hearing it for the first time outside of my head. My stomach rumbled. Stupid doughnuts.

  Robena grabbed her mouth. “Don’t tell me the little girl is hers?”

  “Really? You would get that from what I just said?” Because I surely didn’t.

  Robena clicked and shook until I couldn’t take it anymore. I stood and nearly tripped over a tabby.

  “Get on, Chester!” Robena yelled at the orange fur ball. “So now what? She’s back to do what, exactly?”

  “To claim Sam, and Sophie, I guess.”

  “And you know this, how?”

  “Hello? Remember, she knocked on the door, Robena! She looked terrible, by the way. You wouldn’t have recognized her. I don’t think she’s had her hair done professionally since she moved. She wasn’t even wearing heels. I think she had on a jumpsuit. All I remember was gray. Like a cloud. A very dark cloud.”

  “So how did you leave it?”

  “I left.”

  “You left? Were they still there?”

  “Yes. She was going in to take Sophie.”

  “And you left? Why didn’t you protect her?”

  “From her own mother? I’m pretty sure anyone who came to the house would have zero problem handing over a little girl to her rightful mother.”

  “She never laid claim until now. Doesn’t sound like any mother I’d want.”

  “I agree, but I really don’t have a stake in it. I’m only married to Sam. We discussed adoption, but I suppose that’s out of the picture now.” I plopped back down, grabbed my head and put it between my legs. “Oh my gosh. What has happened? I was packing for Key West one minute, and now I’m homeless. Husbandless, even. And I’m praying every second that Sophie’s all right.”

  “Pshhh, you’re not homeless. You can stay here until you figure it out.”

  “Thanks, Robena. But what exactly am I going to figure out?”

  “Whether or not you’re going back to fix this with Sam.”

  “Fix this with Sam? Are you serious? He should be the one thinking about that.”

  Come to think about it, my phone was buzzing hard in my pocketbook. I grabbed for it on the ground beside me. The screen said I had ten missed calls, fifteen text messages, and five voicemails. I took a deep breath and listened to one of the messages.

  “Sarah, please come back home. Or tell me where you’re at. I’ll come there. I don’t know how this got so crazy. I need to talk to you. Please call.”

  I pushed the next one.

  “Sarah, please pick up the phone. Sophie is crying, and she doesn’t know where you are.” I bit my lip hearing this one. “Please call me back.”

  I took the phone to throw it when it buzzed again. I looked down. It was Aunt Heidi.

  “Hello?”

  “Precious, it’s your daddy.” I could hear her voice shake.

  My hand went limp. In fact, it didn’t feel attached. “What is it? What’s happened?”

  “Can you come right away?”

  “Of course. Tell me, what’s wrong? Is he all right?”

  “Just come.”

  I dropped the phone on my lap and stared at the picture Robena had hanging on her wall. It was a scene with palm trees blowing in the wind. I didn’t know whether I could stand. I grabbed my phone off my lap and dialed my dad. I needed to hear his voice. Instead, it went to voicemail.

  “What’s wrong, dear? You look like a ghost.”

  I stood. “I’ve got to get to the airport and go home. Something’s wrong with my dad.�
��

  “Good gracious,” she said, holding her mouth. “I hope everything’s all right.”

  “For some reason, I don’t think it is.”

  I gathered my things and walked to the door. I stood stoic while Robena rubbed my arm and wished me safe travels. Then I robotically went to my car and drove to the airport to catch the next flight home.

  I arrived at the airport in Cole’s Trace finally at eight o’clock. Uncle Pete was waiting for me at the luggage spot. I could see in his eyes something was wrong. Aunt Heidi was nowhere to be found. I rushed to him.

  “Uncle Pete, where’s Aunt Heidi? What’s happened with Dad? I can’t get a hold of either one of them.”

  “Kitten,” he said, caressing my hair. I could see water standing in his eyelids and his lip quivered. “It’s not good.”

  “What’s not good?” I raised my voice. I was fed up with not getting the news of what had happened. First Sam, now Aunt Heidi.

  “Your dad…he’s…he’s passed.”

  “Passed?” I dropped my bag and suddenly my legs buckled. He caught me. “Passed?” I said it softer, not realizing what it meant.

  He pressed me tight to his coat. I could smell the outdoors on it. As if he rode with all the windows down on the way there.

  “He’s with your momma now, kitten.”

  I backed up. “With my momma? What in the hell happened, Uncle Pete? I was just here. He walked me down the aisle. Albeit he was skinnier than usual, but he said he had diabetes. Surely diabetes isn’t fatal. Unless he was completely noncompliant in taking his insulin. Was he noncompliant?” I felt my legs shake.

  “Oh, he didn’t have diabetes. He had cancer. Lung cancer.”

  I shook my head. “No. No he didn’t.”

  He nodded. “The doc gave him about a month after he went in and they diagnosed it. It was so sudden. He didn’t half believe it himself. He’s been feeling poorly, but not like that.”

  I continued to shake my head. “No, no—this can’t be happening. I need to see him.”

  “You can’t, kitten. He’s at the mortuary.”

  The word sounded like a blade, cutting into my heart. Mortuary. The last place I would ever expect to find my daddy. My only blood relative. My only heartbeat. The only man who knew me from tiny up. Who could tell me stories how I was obstinate about peas, and how he came home one day to find I found the magic markers and had drawn him a flower garden on the wall, under the kitchen table. The man who would sing to me at nights and deny he could carry a tune to anyone who would ask whether he wanted to join the men’s choir at church. The man who was now at the mortuary.

  “I have to go home. Please drive me, Uncle Pete.”

  I rode in the dusty truck Uncle Pete drove, and knew why he smelled like a bedsheet flittering on the line. Wind whistled through all the open holes that old clunker had. I pulled at my shirt, trying to get some warmth through my hands.

  “Your Aunt Heidi is home, cooking. She doesn’t know what else to do. She says she’ll bring you over something to eat.”

  “Please tell her to stay home. I don’t want to see anyone tonight. No offense, but I need to be alone.”

  He put the car in park and I stared at the dark house. Dad always had a light on in the living room. He would’ve been catnapping by this hour, refusing to call it a day and get in bed. I didn’t want to go inside. To feel how the house was without him in it. How he would never be there again.

  “Want me to come in and turn on a light?”

  “No thanks. Just keep on your truck lights till I get one turned on inside.”

  “Will do. Say, are you sure you’re not hungry? Is Sam coming later? Can I tell your aunt that he’s going to take care of your eating? You know how she’ll get—all worried about you like she used to when you’d gotten sick.”

  “I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”

  I got out and shut the door. I could hear a few horses down at the barn, in the still night. I made it to the front door and opened it. It was dead silent. I turned on the light and waved at Uncle Pete. So much of my life had changed in the span of a day. It would be hard to believe I would be able to survive anything else.

  I closed my eyes and pressed out his number. Sam had managed to blow up my phone with all his messages. Given the choice, I would’ve loved to have had his arms around me, and Sophie’s too. But the choice was not mine. I felt he took that away when he lied about who he had ended his long-term relationship with. And lying never set well with me.

  “Sarah? Thank goodness. I’ve been worried sick. I’ve even left messages with your dad.”

  My dad. The words pulled me down like a five-ton weight in an ocean of tears, all cried by me.

  “Sam, I only called because I know we have to talk. And I want to speak to Sophie. But I’m not interested in hearing what you must say. I just need you to know that I’m not returning.”

  “Where are you? And what do you mean you’re not returning, Sarah? I love you. I want you to come home. We’re a family.”

  “No, you see, if we were a family, there’d be no need to lie. All those times I asked who she was, if I was the rebound…it was all lies. And I was the fool.”

  “I didn’t lie.”

  “Omission of the truth is the same as a lie in my book, Sam. And anyway, I could see how hurt you were when you looked at Gennifer. Mad, understandably, but you were hurt too.”

  “I’m sorry.”

  I shook my head, fighting back the tears. I could still remember him promising to never break my heart.

  “So what’s your plan, Sam? Do you have one?”

  “What do you mean? Where are you? Come home and we’ll talk about it.”

  “Talk about what? Maybe how fast we got married? How incredibly naïve I was. Yet again. It’s Jason all over. Although this time, instead of pulling a U-Haul to another state in hopes of moving in together, I actually took vows. Lovely.” I rolled my eyes and kicked my own self.

  “It wasn’t fast, Sarah.”

  “Really? I’ve waited to change my razor longer than I dated you, Sam. We were together five months, Sam. Five months. And I’m married.” I looked at my ring, wondering why it was still on my finger. He had his family. His blood-linked family.

  “Sarah, why are you saying this?”

  “I don’t know. I never imagined you having a relationship with Gennifer. What? Was she still dating you when she showed up the first day I was there?”

  “Not really. I told her I wasn’t going to wait for her. I’d waited for three years. Then her husband got hurt in the line of duty and she felt it was only right to get him settled first.”

  “Well, isn’t she just a peach.”

  “I get it, you hate her. I did, too.”

  “Did?”

  “Sarah, it’s not that cut-and-dry.”

  “Isn’t it?”

  “She told Sophie she was her mother.” He said it so softly, I had to strain to hear him.

  “That’s big of her. And just imagine, the day Sophie calls me Mom is the day her real one shows up.”

  “I know.”

  “Did you ever love me? Or was I just that rebound girl I warned you about? The one you swore I wasn’t.”

  “Of course I loved you.”

  I caught the tense of the word probably the same time he did.

  “I do love you, Sarah.”

  I shut my eyes and tear rolled down my cheek. “Is Sophie all right?”

  “She’s asking for you.”

  “Is she nearby? Can I talk to her?”

  “She’s taking a nap.”

  “Tell her I love her, and I’ll call her back. Tell her I think about her all the time, and I want to hear how she’s doing. I don’t want her to feel abandoned by me, Sam.”

  “And me? Do you still love me? Can we make this work?”

  “Why didn’t you tell me about her, Sam?”

  “I thought I had it figured out. It was over, in my eyes—nothing you needed t
o be troubled with knowing. I was stupid, I guess. I don’t know.”

  “And I don’t know if I can ever come back.”

  I heard him sigh. I closed my eyes and could imagine him in the house, his shirt sleeves pulled up halfway, leaning against the counter. There were probably dishes in the sink. Grilled cheese stuck in the skillet. It was the only other thing he could cook, other than scrambled eggs. As much as my heart broke for the man I thought I would spend the rest of my life with, the more I knew just how little I knew about him. No one has a three-year relationship with someone, shares a child in common, and doesn’t disclose it in any fashion.

  “Can I ask where you’re at? I need to know you’re safe.”

  “I’m safe, Sam. Don’t worry about me. Just respect that I’m dealing with a lot right now, and I’ll get in touch with you when I’m ready. Just don’t wait by the phone.”

  “Okay.”

  I hung up the phone and picked up the roses that laid on the counter. It’d been two weeks since Dad died, and I was finally going to go to the cemetery. Aunt Heidi told me Prescott Green was going to get out to etch the tombstone by next month. My dad shared one with my mom. I remember going and visiting with Dad when I was a little girl. It was surreal to think I was visiting him this time.

  I turned to see Aunt Heidi and Uncle Pete in their truck down a ways from the gravesite. They acted as if they were parked in traffic during rush hour. Neither one would make eye contact with me.

  The wind blew through my coat and my fingers couldn’t feel the flowers I held tight in my hand. I placed them on the stone and read my mother’s name. Rose Marie Keller. She was now at peace, I thought. She had my dad with her. And I had no one. Suddenly I felt sorry for myself and began to cry. How could Dad leave me alone? How could he not tell me he was sick? My legs buckled and before I knew it, I went to the ground.

  When I woke up, I was in a strange room. There were fluorescent lights above me. I turned my head to see a row of cabinets and a sink by a window. Tongue depressors sat in a glass jar, and cotton balls filled another smaller one. I raised my head. It felt heavy and groggy.