by Hole, Carrie
James raised his arms as John patted him down, the raging demons fighting against the barbed wire squeezing his chest. When John was satisfied he took a step back and pulled his gun, directing James through the kitchen, through a door, down wooden steps, and into a concrete basement. He felt a small amount of relief when he saw Reina. She was in her bra and jeans, handcuffed to a chair, but she didn’t look physically injured. Eric stood beside her with a gun pointed at her head. John urged James towards a chair across from Reina, and his burning heart beat with dread.
“You’ll sit there,” Eric instructed.
James hesitated; he wanted to get Reina out of this mess, but being handcuffed to that chair was the last place he wanted to be.
“I have much better things planned, but I will shoot her if you don’t comply.”
James fought every instinct he had as he sat and allowed himself to be handcuffed to the chair. When James was secured, Eric sat his gun on a small table beside a selection of knives.
“Reina,” he said softly, needing to see her eyes. Her body trembled but she didn’t answer. She looked up at Eric instead, a tear slipping down her cheek.
“Eric, you need to let her go,” James said in a dangerous tone.
Eric smiled then backhanded Reina hard enough that James saw blood on her lips.
Chapter 15
Reina tasted blood in her mouth and felt dazed. She heard James growl and the sound of cuffs against the metal chair. She was so accustomed to focusing on James that she had to concentrate on not looking at him. Her heart was racing, her breathing shallow. She could hear James’ voice in her mind telling her to slow her breathing. She was trying to calm herself, but she couldn’t stop the tears that slipped down her cheeks. Eric knelt in front of her and rubbed the blood on the corner of her mouth across her lips, and she looked at him defiantly despite her fear.
“She is a beauty isn’t she,” Eric started, “I knew it would be better if we didn’t tell you the rules. Let’s continue shall we,” he said, standing as he spoke.
Reina’s heart started beating even faster as Eric stepped behind her. In her peripheral vision she could see James tense as Eric took something off the table and knelt behind her. His hand came around her chest, holding her tight to the chair. Her body instinctively flinched as a knife pressed into her rib just below her breast. Her legs fought against the zip ties and her breathing became ragged as Eric made a shallow cut from the front of her rib towards her back. She could see James straining in his chair, jaw clenched, and chest heaving. The initial cut stung but turned to burning pain across her side as Eric ran his thumb over it, smearing blood across her skin. Reina held her breath, legs struggling, and unbidden tears rolling.
Her breathing returned in pants as Eric stood. He grabbed the back of her hair, forcing her to look up at him. She knew even through her tears her eyes were filled with angry hate.
He sneered at her, “Feisty and loyal.”
He brought his face close to hers, “How far does that loyalty go?”
“All the way,” she whispered.
He pulled her hair harder clearly furious that she had given him a rebellious response. He knelt back down, his arm coming around her neck as he made another cut below the first. The second cut was slightly deeper than the first. As Eric ran his hand over both cuts Reina struggled. Her body arched to the side, feet fighting against their restraints. She closed her eyes, held her breath and gritted her teeth as she fought the sounds trying to escape. She could hear metal against metal as James growled out for Eric to stop hurting her. She looked up at Eric as he stood, stepped around, and slapped her.
Reina’s world started to become unfocused, her thoughts filling with shadows. Cold sweat dripped down her trembling body, a hint of blood in her mouth, ribs on fire. She looked down putting all of her effort into keeping her tears quiet.
“Reina,” James said quietly, only causing more tears.
“Looks like she may be breaking…” Eric said, almost disinterested.
“I’ll kill you for this,” James said through clenched teeth.
“And what will Reina do while you’re rotting in prison?”
“They’ll never find you.”
Eric smiled and shook his head, “I don’t think so.”
Reina surged into full panic mode as Eric knelt beside her with knife in hand. Control slipping, she pulled against her handcuffs. He pushed a hand against her chest as the knife made a third slice. He dug his fingers into her ribs and she whimpered, quiet mewling sounds accompanying her cries.
Eric looked satisfied, “John…”
John stepped out of the shadows and gave a quick jab to James’ face; he fought and cursed in response.
“Eric, what the hell do you want,” he yelled.
“Hmmm...I think I’ll keep Reina.”
“That is never going to fucking happen.”
Eric walked over to stand next to James.
“I see,” he said. “How about we let Reina decide?”
Feeling broken, Reina looked up when he said her name. Shadows danced at the edge of her vision, and a tingling numbness started taking over senses.
“All you have to do is say please,” he started, “say please, and I’ll let him go.”
The word was already on her lips when James spoke to her.
“It’s Ok Reina. Don’t say it.”
Eric slashed his knife across James’ bicep causing blood to drip down his arm.
James called to her, “Reina…”
Eric looked at her then nodded to John who promptly delivered a punch to James’ ribs.
Pain radiated through her body as a war raged in her foggy brain, protect James or do what he told her. John alternated between face and rib punches, each time Eric looked to her before nodding to John. It was her choice. Every time James was hurt, Eric made it her decision. Reina couldn’t concentrate enough to know how many times James had been hit, two...four...she didn’t know, all she knew was that she needed it to stop. Everything needed to stop, she couldn’t breathe.
“Please,” she said quietly. “Please stop.”
John stepped back, Eric stepped forward, James struggled, and Reina faded into herself. She didn’t know what would have happened next, because the door burst open and police were rushing in with guns drawn. Chaos erupted, people were shouting, shots were fired, police were spreading out to clear the room, and Reina couldn’t process any of it. She was drifting...lost...broken. Someone released her arms and cut the zip ties. She crossed her arms over her chest as police knelt next to her. Someone was asking her if she was Ok, someone else was calling for the paramedic, and all she could think was, Don’t Touch Me. She didn’t know if she actually said it aloud, but it repeated in her head like a mantra. From what seemed like far away she could here James saying her name, and she wished everyone would just stop crowding her.
She rocked slightly, trying to breathe, and then James was there. He knelt in front of her and she tried her best to focus on him as his hand gently reached out to her face.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Reina…”
She shook her head, fresh tears spilling down her face.
“Reina you need a doctor.”
She shook her head again.
“Reina, I want you to come with me.”
His broken tone made a crack in her shell, and she let him help her up. She burrowed into him as his arms came around her.
“I’m sorry,” she said quietly. “I’m so sorry.”
James whispered to her soothingly as he led her to a waiting ambulance. For Reina it seemed like everything was happening to someone else, a movie playing out around her.
At the hospital they tried to separate them for treatment, but quickly realized that wasn’t a viable option. James refused to have his ribs x-rayed until Reina had been treated, and Reina refused to let anyone touch her without him there. He stood close to Reina, making the doctors and nurses nervous, while the
y cleaned and bandaged her cuts. He demanded to stay while the police spoke to her. She had no idea what she told them or if it was accurate. She sat outside the room glassy-eyed while he was x-rayed and his ribs wrapped. She vaguely heard the nurses murmuring to him about keeping her for observation; it got through to her enough that she called out to him. He knelt down in front of her.
“I want to go home now,” she told him.
She didn’t know who he talked to, or what he said, but within twenty minutes she was curled into him in the back of a police car.
When they were home he held her hand, led her up the stairs and sat her on the edge of the bed. She couldn’t meet his eyes as he pulled one of his shirts over her head, tugged off her pants, and held out shorts for her to step into. He lay down and gently urged her to join him. Wrapping his body around her, he smoothed her curls away from her face.
“It’s Ok Reina,” he whispered to her. All she could do was drift, his breathing against her back her only anchor. She breathed in and out, and let the numbness keep the shadows at bay.
Chapter 16
James waited until Reina’s breathing evened and her body stopped trembling before he slipped out of the bed. He quietly went to the kitchen, grabbed the bourbon, and brought the bottle back to the bedroom. He looked to be sure she still slept then sat in one of the corner chairs. He took a long drink, trying to chase away the demons in his head. He was glad for the pain in his ribs, wishing it were more. Nothing could dull the fire in his veins from completely consuming him. He tried to fight through the images taunting him, the sights and sounds forever burned in his mind.
He’d promised to protect Reina yet he’d watched her fight to protect him, while he’d been powerless to stop it. He took another drink, seeing her tear stained face, watching her quiet pain as blood dripped down her ribs. Eric had made the mistake of grabbing his gun and the police had not hesitated to shoot him, but James wanted to go back and kill him a thousand times. He clenched his fists with the vision of Eric’s hands on Reina. His strong lioness had been reduced to helpless. He couldn’t stop the echoing sound of metal against metal, as she had struggled, from ringing in his ears.
Seeing the lost glassy look in her eyes haunted him. When she’d finally focused on him her eyes had been full of guilt; the feeling of barbed wire around his heart was so tight he was drowning. Her whispered apologies were like shards of glass shredding his soul. The sight of her putting up such a strong fight and being driven to completely shut down was pushing him over the edge into a painful abyss. Drowning.
He watched her breathing as she slept, remembering the bandage covered cuts beneath her shirt. She was curled into a ball, trying to hide,
even in her sleep. He’d like to think that if he had known he would have stayed away from her, but her essence was so fully ingrained in him the thought left him feeling lost, bereft. Threading through all of his other tumultuous emotions was fear; he had no idea what long term effect this was going to have on her. Mentally she was strong, but no one could come out the other side of such an ordeal unscathed. Knowing how strongly Reina felt about her personal space and keeping people out, she may never be the same; he’d be responsible for permanently damaging her.
She whimpered in her sleep and he lay back down, gathering her shivering body to his. She immediately calmed and it cracked his heart. He’d failed her and somehow she still thought he was her safety net. He pressed his face into her shoulder, clenching his jaw as tears gathered in his eyes, and prayed that he hadn’t lost her.
James woke early, sun beginning to stream through the windows, head pounding, ribs throbbing, and heart racing because Reina was gone. She was never an early riser, and yet he was alone in the bed. He bounded down the stairs calling for her, willing his heart to calm when she answered from the living room. She sat sideways on the couch, a blanket over her legs, coffee cup held in both hands, highlighted by the sun and mountains through the window behind her. She seemed fragile, a wild autumn goddess injured in battle. She looked up at him as he sat on the edge of the couch by her feet, but didn’t meet his eyes for more than a few seconds at a time. He sat quietly, waiting. He wanted to comfort her but didn’t want to invade her space uninvited. After what seemed to be endless painful moments she spoke.
“Is he coming back,” she asked softly. She raised her eyes as he shook his head.
“He’s never coming back.”
She seemed to think about it, and then nodded her head in acceptance. She finally met his gaze; her face was swollen and bruised, her lips split, and yet her big brown eyes were full of guilt and filling with tears.
“I’m sorry,” she whispered.
“Reina…” he started. She looked away, already retreating.
“Want me to refill your coffee,” he asked, trying to re-engage her.
She glanced down as if she had forgotten she was holding the cup, and then nodded absently and held it out to him. She murmured a quiet thank you as he handed the refilled cup back to her. James realized he had never updated Amy.
“I need to call Amy, she’s probably frantic by now,” he said.
“Ok.”
“She’ll want to talk to you.”
“Tell her...I’ll call her...tomorrow...or something. Please…”
As soon as the word, “please,” was out of her mouth, his heart all but stopped. He watched her haunted eyes cloud with pain before she turned her head, sightless eyes looking out the window.
He walked to the foyer, pacing as he called Amy.
Amy answered on the second ring, “Is she safe?”
“She’s home,” he answered. Saying she was safe felt wrong.
“What happened?”
James remained silent, ghostly images flashing through his memory.
“James,” Amy prompted.
“Eric. Eric...hurt her.”
“How bad is it?”
He took deep breaths, trying to maintain control.
“Physically...bad enough. Mentally...I don’t know.”
“I’ll come over.”
“I don’t think...she’s not really talking right now.”
Amy paused, she knew Reina well enough.
“Will you let me know?”
“Yes. You know she’ll want you here, she’s just...she’s not ready.”
“Don’t let her withdraw too long,” Amy advised.
“I’ll do my best,” James replied, still feeling powerless.
“I know. I know you will.”
Reina spent most of her day in the same spot, alternating between looking out the window with a lost gaze and napping. James mostly just watched her, tried to get her to eat, and made some business phone calls. When he sat with her she got teary eyed, so he kept himself occupied while she was awake and sat with her when she slept. After dark she stayed in the shower until the water got cold then sat trembling while he put new bandages over her ribs. He folded his body around her as she lay in bed worried that she might pull away, but she snuggled into him as always. Each silent tear she shed like a shard of glass to his soul. She was the woman who never cried until she met him.
Another day passed in much the same way. By the third morning of waking alone he knew where she would be. He knelt down next to her, caressing her face. When she turned to look at him she put on a fake smile.
“I’m fine,” she said quietly, tears in the corners of her eyes, fake smile in place. She was to console him; seeing her try to hide left him feeling broken.
“Reina…we could go looking at houses.”
“Why would we do that?”
“I thought...we could pick out something new. Together.”
She looked troubled, “I like this house.”
“Reina…”
“James, I want to stay here,” she replied, tone final.
He caressed her face again and offered to fill her coffee. While in the kitchen he texted Amy.
James: Can you come over and sit with her?
Amy:
I’m on my way.
He sat one of their laptops on the breakfast bar. He started doing research, and making phone calls to have fencing and a gate installed. He had to do something to help Reina feel safe, and keep himself busy with something he could control.
Chapter 17
Reina looked out the window trying to process her jumbled thoughts and emotions. She still felt a bit fuzzy around the edges, as if her brain couldn’t decide which images to focus on or which thoughts to grasp onto. Everything seemed to blend together leaving her in a continuously surreal state. Her world sharpened when James was near, he was her center and she was instinctively in tune with him, but he also brought a rush of emotions that was hard to cope with. She wanted to fold into him, love him, console him and be consoled. Yet when she looked at him, his bruised and cut face, the images and sounds of how he got that way overwhelmed her.
She could handle her own injuries, the fearful beating of her heart and memories of Eric hurting her were soothed by knowing he was gone. Somehow her psyche had already begun to reconcile it, accept it, glaze it over as a past event that wouldn’t be repeated and was therefore irrelevant. Her ribs occasionally burned, her head held a steady throb and her face was sensitive, but it all seemed to beat to the rhythm of her guilt as opposed to being personally relevant. While she had been frightened of Eric, being responsible for the torture of the person she loved was crushing her.
Her mind was tormenting her with all the things she should have done, all the mistakes she made, everything she could have done differently. James had tried to warn her, protect her, and she’d all but blown him off about it. Now her heart was in shreds. Her eyes followed him when he wasn’t looking, agonized by the tension in his body, continuously reminded of his fractured ribs caused by her hesitation. He was being so patient with her, so gentle and thoughtful, and she wanted him to yell at her instead. She wished he would do something to mirror her internal struggle, to validate her guilt, to give her an external representation of her inner demons. She could face anger, she could combat against a physical conflict, but she couldn’t seem to win the war raging inside herself.
