by Hole, Carrie
She looked up as the doorbell rang, heart skipping a beat, feeling instant relief when Amy walked in. She carried coffee and a brown bag of goodies from The Coffee Spot. Although tears threatened in the corner of her eyes, Reina felt a genuine spark of happiness. Amy handed her a coffee, put the stash on the table near them, sat on the couch opposite Reina, and tucked her feet under the blanket until their toes touched.
“Hey,” Amy gently smiled at her.
“Hey,” Reina returned with her own melancholy smile.
“How are you?”
Reina glanced down for a few minutes before looking back up and shook her head, tears gliding down her cheeks.
“Wanna talk about it?”
Reina gazed down again until she glimpsed James slipping out of the room. Her eyes followed him, her broken heart going with him, and for a few moments she was adrift. Amy didn’t push; she sipped her coffee and sat quietly with her. It was both soothing and frustrating, another person being patient with her when she had no patience for herself. They looked out the window, drank their coffee, and enjoyed the comforting silence of simply being with one another.
“I should have listened,” Reina eventually said softly.
Amy remained motionless not wanting to spook her.
“I should’ve let him hire security in the beginning…”
Tears started flowing freely down her face.
“I should have gone with him when he asked me…”
She took a ragged breath.
“I never should’ve opened the door…”
She put her knuckles to her mouth, feeling lost to morose reverie and the pain in her chest.
Just as Amy thought she may not continue Reina whispered, eyes glassing over.
“If I had just stayed quiet...”
Amy’s eyes also filled with tears, aching for her friend.
“I should have just said it,” Reina said, almost inaudible.
“Reina…”
When Reina didn’t glance up Amy used her stern tone.
“Reina!”
Reina finally looked at her, seeming to come back into focus.
“This isn’t your fault.”
Reina shook her head and closed her eyes, trying to block out what she didn’t want to hear.
“You can’t keep doing this to yourself.”
“I can’t make it stop.”
Amy took a deep breath and tried a different tactic.
“Seeing you like this is hurting James more.”
“That’s not fair.”
“Reina, fair or not, it’s the truth.”
Reina shook her head. She tried to rein it in, but she didn’t know how. Part of her wanted to keep the pain, but she’d hurt James enough and couldn’t seem to quit.
“Look,” Amy started, “Eric was obviously a sadistic bastard. He wasn’t going to stop Reina.”
Reina looked at her, obviously listening or trying to.
“He was going to do whatever it took to get the response he wanted. He’s still getting what he wanted. He wanted to hurt you, he wanted to hurt James, and for whatever reason he wanted to tear the two of you apart.”
Reina seemed to still be focused, so Amy continued.
“You can’t let this turn into permanent damage. I’ve never seen two people that were more meant for each other. You have to stop pulling away. I know you Reina. If you withdraw too far, we may not get you back.”
She could see Reina weighing out what she’d said.
“If you let this drive a wedge between the two of you, Eric wins.”
Reina knew there was truth to what Amy said. She had no idea how to stop the waves of guilt, but she needed to find a way to let James back in. She didn’t want to share her pain, she’d already caused enough pain, but suffering alone wasn’t helping either of them.
“Ok,” Reina nodded.
Amy nodded and let it go.
Reina pulled a croissant out of the bag and nibbled on it.
“Thanks for bringing rations,” Reina smiled a small smile.
Amy smiled back at her. “Of course,” she winked.
James let them know that workers would be coming to survey the grounds for fencing, and the girls decided to snuggle into the T.V. room. They watched chick flicks and sat with their toes cuddled together snacking on home baked goodness and drinking the best coffee in town. A few movies later Amy surprised Reina with a confession.
“I’m in love with Seth,” she blurted out.
Reina raised her eyebrows. Amy had been in a few more serious relationships over the years, but she’d never heard her declare love quite that way before.
“Have you told him?”
Amy shook her head.
“Are you going to?”
“I’m not sure,” Amy replied.
“Do you know how he feels about you?”
“He puts up with my crap and is determined to come around anyway,” Amy laughed. She got quiet for a few minutes before continuing, “He really came through for me when you were missing.”
“I’m sorry,” Reina murmured.
“No Reina, don’t. I didn’t mean...I just meant...I liked having him there. It was soothing.”
“You should tell him.”
“Maybe…”
“Amy, you’re the most lovable person I know.”
“Yeah right,” Amy shrugged it off. “You’re biased.”
They both giggled.
“As long as he can share, I had you first,” Reina smiled.
Amy decided to stay the night, so they stocked up on coffee, water, candy, and crackers. They passed James on the way up the stairs with their stash as they headed to Amy’s claimed room. Reina gave him a small but genuine smile, although she still had trouble meeting his eyes for any length of time, afraid of what she’d see there. She felt him watch her as she ascended the stairs, and could sense the longing radiating from him. The girls stayed up half the night, consuming sugar and talking as only best friends can.
Reina woke the next morning disoriented until she heard Amy singing in the shower. Her heart felt a touch lighter at the thought of Amy still being there. She stopped by her own room, but James wasn’t there. She brushed her teeth and stumbled down the stairs, stopping at the bottom to breathe in the comforting smell of coffee and bacon. As she entered the kitchen James was at the stove and without thought her body was instinctively drawn to his. Reina rested her forehead between his shoulder blades, closed her eyes, and took a deep breath. He echoed her, his body becoming still as he breathed deep.
She started to wrap her arms around him but she felt the bandages beneath his shirt and pulled back, reality returning in an instant. She stepped toward the coffee pot but James gently caught her by the arm, fingers sliding down and stopping near the base of her bracelet. His eyes filled with pain as he caressed the bruises and scrapes from her struggling against the handcuffs, causing a wave of guilt to crash over her. She didn’t fight it or pull back; she stepped into him, pressed her face into his neck, and wrapped her arms around him. He returned her embrace, a hand coming to rest gently against her hair. Tears came to her eyes and she tightened her hold on him, her body trembling.
“Your guilty eyes are killing me,” he murmured quietly in her ear like a confession.
Hearing the tone in his voice was like shrapnel shredding her heart.
“I love you so much,” she whispered.
He was taking deep breaths, and she could feel him fighting for control.
“I love you Reina.”
“Tell me I’m still yours,” she replied quietly.
His hand tightened on her hair reflexively.
“You’ll always be mine.”
She held onto his words, breathed them in, and absorbed them into her soul. She had to believe that somehow their love would be enough to carry them through this.
Chapter 18
Over the next week the cuts slowly began to heal, but the bruises grew worse, becoming a constant glarin
g reminder of the distance between them. Reina had moments of feeling better, letting love fill in the guilty cracks, but she could sense James keeping an eye on her. It was as if he was waiting for her to break, relapse, or run. She tried to reassure him with silent touches, small but genuine smiles, and easy embraces but there was tenseness to him that she couldn’t quite penetrate. Inevitably his gaze would be drawn to her bruised face, thumb grazing the healing cut on her lip, and she’d see the clouds gathering in his eyes. Each time the guilt would ping in her heart, making her feel like she should make amends somehow. They seemed to be in a cycle of love and pain, and she wasn’t sure how to bring them out.
She sat outside watching him as he watched the fencing and gate installation. In those moments, although he stood with body taught and arms crossed, he somehow seemed more at ease. He was like a lion in charge of his domain, guarding and ensuring safety, temporarily setting things right. He would occasionally glance back at her and in those fleeting seconds an understanding would flow between them leaving her feeling hopeful. He’d insisted on the most high tech system available, with both a keypad entry and video streaming.
A couple days after everything was set up, and the workman had cleared the property, Amy and Seth came over. It was a welcome reprieve, their presence automatically brought lightheartedness into the house. They put on some laid back music and played cards over a couple of beers. For the first time in what seemed forever James laughed and relaxed a bit. Reina glimpsed relaxed happiness in his eyes and felt happy herself. Amy always had a way of bringing a gentle peace to her. The girls didn’t get much time to gossip, mostly because the four of them hung out together enjoying their comfortable friendship.
Reina did notice subtle body language between Seth and Amy, and wondered if Amy had told him how she felt. There was an effortless calm between the two of them. Seth was attentive in an undemanding way, almost patient and indulging. There were easy smiles between them, like shared secrets and Reina felt optimistic for them. Maybe Amy hadn’t so much met her match but someone who soothed her spirit without clipping her wings.
Reina and James spent the next day in lazy solace. They slept late and lay wordlessly snuggled together long after they were awake. Breakfast was peaceful, coffee and bacon shared quietly while taking in the serene mountain backdrop. The afternoon was spent cuddled on the couch watching random comedies. Reina sat sideways with her legs draped over James’ lap, his hands absentmindedly stroking calmingly over her skin. Her attention was repeatedly drawn to him. He seemed more relaxed which started a beat of longing in her heart, a familiar yearning to be closer to him.
As the night wound down she showered and sat on the floor, reclining against the foot of the bed with a book. Her hungry eyes followed James as he entered, and were magnetically drawn back to him when he came walking down the short hallway rubbing a towel over his wet hair. He hesitated, drawn in by her perusal. Reina noticed a slight changing in his breathing and a hint of fire in his eyes that he wasn’t quick enough to hide. She took the opportunity and crossed the room to him. Her fingers skimmed over his bruised ribs but she didn’t linger there, instead she continued the path up his chest looking up from beneath her lashes as she reached his neck.
She continued the caress to his face as her body gravitated towards his. Reading the indecision in his gaze she whispered, “Please,” without thought but realized her error as soon as she said it. His hand came up, fingers circling her wrist lightly. James didn’t pull her away but she saw the stormy shadows creeping into his eyes, causing a prickling of frustrated tears in her own. Reina couldn’t let it go, and she couldn’t bring herself to back down, she needed more. She stretched up to brush her lips across his, softly demanding until he responded with the pressure of his kiss.
Her heart fluttered in her chest as he pulled back and stroked his hands down her sides, the tension building between them. He halted as his fingers touched her healing cuts. She’d begun leaving the bandages off, the air helping them to heal faster, but she wished she covered them. He clenched his jaw and she sensed his hesitation. For a moment she felt almost tainted, Eric’s touch still lingering between them. Determined to see them past it, she pressed her body into his and kissed across his neck. The tension in his body revealed the battle waging inside him, the war between pleasing her and protecting her; Reina didn’t give him time to recover.
“I need you,” she murmured into his ear.
“Reina…” he replied, almost pained, clearly breaking.
“James, I need you,” she repeated pleadingly.
Her body trembled as his lips whispered across her neck sending tingles down her back. She trailed her lips over his jaw until they connected with his lips. Her hand came to the back of his neck as she kissed him deeply and desperately, a starving request for relief. She drugged him with kisses while becoming completely intoxicated herself. She backed them towards the bed until she felt the backs of her legs touch then she pulled away long enough to draw her shirt over her head. James’ eyes were drawn downward, his hand unconsciously following. Reina arched into his touch, fire burning away the chaos of her thoughts, she let desire override everything else.
James looked into her eyes and inwardly sighed at the intensity that gazed back at him. He was struggling to maintain a semblance of control and she looked at him like he was the sun at the center of her blazing universe, making him want to devour her. Instead of taking a chance that he’d push too far, he turned them around and sat on the bed, urging her down over him. It was better to let her control what she needed than to risk giving her more than she could handle.
Reina didn’t pause; she lowered herself over him, joining their bodies, and taking exactly what she wanted. She didn’t rush, she moved with sensually deliberate motions. With one hand around his shoulder and the other at the back of his neck she maintained eye contact. She didn’t give him a choice; she set a sensuous rhythm of passion that his body instinctively complied with. She languidly brought them over the edge, feeling a heady sense of power as she watched him lose himself in her. He grasped her tightly, drowning in sensation. She held him just as tightly, feeling the reconnection to her anchor.
As she lay in bed wrapped in his arms she felt safe, more grounded, and she tried to ignore the tiny spark of worry in the back of her mind. They’d made progress but she couldn’t delude herself into thinking she’d cracked his shell. They’d taken a step in the right direction, but it was going to take a whole lot more to break through the barriers James had put up trying to shelter and protect her. At some point she was going to have to remind him what she was really made of.
Chapter 19
Time passed, cuts healed, and bruises began to fade. Life had started to regain a semblance of normal yet James was more on edge than ever. Not only was he still battling his thoughts over Reina getting hurt and his failure at protecting her, but now he was fighting with her as well. She kept trying to push him past his limit, because he wouldn’t push hers. It had become a continuous battle of wills. The tension had become palpable, a steady heartbeat reverberating around them.
He should have seen it coming, should have noticed the warning signs but it had been subtle at first, a gentle crescendo. Reina would look at him with yearning eyes and he would love her thoroughly but gently, with tender caresses and softly whispered words. At first the pleasure had brought them back to each other, had helped the healing process, but Reina had slyly started pushing for more. Her gaze had become questioning and demanding, when that hadn’t worked she’d become continuously defiant and confrontational.
It had built up to a full-fledged wildfire raging out of control, threatening to consume them both. Every time she looked his way he could feel her voracious craving prickling his skin. He’d tried taking her out for a change of scenery, but during dinner she’d teased him endlessly, mercilessly. When they’d gotten home and he’d been sweet to her she’d completely blown him off, leaving him steaming. It had taken every ounc
e of willpower, and a bit of bourbon, not to hunt her down and give her exactly what she was asking for. She was brewing trouble without fully understanding the ramifications.
James was still fighting the demons of not protecting her, was still haunted by her whimpers and cries of pain instead of pleasure. The images of her tears and injuries still burned in his mind. He fought against it, tried to move forward, but it plagued him and wouldn’t seem to fade. He worried for Reina. She might believe she wanted him to dominate her, but if she realized she couldn’t handle it at the wrong moment it could be disastrous. He not only didn’t want to set her back emotionally, but could not stand the thought of it coming between them.
Beneath everything else ravenousness was burning deep within him. One moment Reina was sensual and seductive, the next moment she was prickly, sarcastic and argumentative. His mate was yearning for something only he could give her, and denying her went against his natural instinct. His animalistic alpha side was screaming and clawing to get out. Every time she looked at him with hungry eyes he wanted to comply, every time she was sassy he wanted to devour her. The beast inside him wanted nothing more than to reclaim what someone had tried to take, to ravish her so completely that no one would ever question who she belonged to.
They were at a standstill. They were drawn to each other like magnets, yet circling each other like wolves. Something had to give before everything spiraled too much further out of control.
Chapter 20
Reina was reaching the end of her patience. James was still treating her like a cracked piece of glass, but the only thing leaving her fractured was him. Movie production had been delayed, not only because of James’ injuries but also to find a couple of replacement producers. Alexis had quit suddenly and Reina wondered if James had something to do with it, but she didn’t ask. Alexis was the last thing she wanted to talk about. Reina was finishing up the last of the promotional items; James was studying the script, memorizing lines, and doing character prep. Basically they were in the house together constantly but James kept rebuffing her which was making her completely insane. He hadn’t snapped out of it and whether he realized it or not, she was reaching Defcon 2. The fiery rebel in her soul was spurring her to take drastic measures and she was losing the willpower to fight it.
