Pretend

by Charlene Antrobus

  I watched as Jake was begin dragged away from the truck in handcuffs. I searched for any sign of Crystal but I couldn't see her. I needed to get over there, something was wrong, something was really wrong.

  "April you need to get checked over!" Jess shouted as I began to run at full speed towards where the crowd had gathered.

  My heart beat seemed to increase with every step that I took and I literally felt like I could throw up at any minute. I recall watching films and people saying that they could sense that something was wrong, they didn't know how but they just could, well they were right. Every bone in my body told me that something was seriously wrong. As much as I didn't want to believe it, I knew that a part of me had to accept whatever I was about to face.

  As I reached the crowd, I saw the sympathetic expressions on everyone’s faces as they slowly parted to make way for me to get through. I saw tears streaming down different people faces. There were teachers and pupils crying and my heart ached more as they stared at me with a pained look on their face.

  "I'm so sorry," I heard Kayley whisper as she buried her face into her friends chest and let out more tears.

  It was as if everything that was happening right now wasn't even real anymore, nothing made sense. I wanted to go back twenty four hours to before this day even existed. Maybe I could have changed something, done something differently.

  "You can't be here," a police officer said, breaking me out of my thoughts.

  "I have to," I whispered to myself as I stared at the ground, scared to face the reality of what was happening.

  "Please madam, stay back," he repeated.

  I could hear him but I didn't care, I needed to see for myself, I needed to know if it was real.

  "April," I heard a fragile voice whimper as I saw Crystal's tear stained face.

  I shook my head at her to say no, it's not true, you're lying but all she did was whisper sorry before turning away from me.

  Suddenly as if a new force had entered my body and took over I ran, frantically. It was like I was crazy. I was on a mission, I needed to see him, I needed to know. Before I could say his name, before I could know that it was real, I had to see for myself. As I pushed deeper into the crowd I felt a hand push me back and I lost it.

  "Get off! He's my boyfriend!" I screamed frantically as I tried to claw my way free and get to where all of the paramedics were gathered on the ground. This was my fault, it was all my fault.

  "April stop!" A voice screamed from behind me as I felt their hands wrap around my waist and hold me back.

  "Get off! Get off me!" I screamed as I struggled to fight with them.

  It was a man and I stood no chance, I couldn't break free and so instead, I broke down. As he turned me round to comfort me I felt a pang of shock shoot through my entire body.

  "Aiden?" I asked in a state of shock.

  This isn't real.

  "It's ok I'm here-"

  "No, but you can't be! Jake, he hit you, he-"

  "No, he didn't, I'm fine look. Look at me, I'm fine April, I promise you," he said as he pulled me towards him in a tight embrace. As I took in the warmth of his body, I cried. I thought that I'd never feel those arms around me again, I thought that I'd never feel his beating heart against my chest or hear his voice in my ear ever again but I could.

  "How?" I managed to whisper as the tears flooded down my cheeks as I took in his face again.

  He was completely pale and in shock, I could see that he had been crying. As he tried to get out the words, I knew that he was still trying to piece it all together in his head.

  "It didn't hit me. He, he pushed me out of the way at the last minute," he finally managed to say as a look of shock took over his face.

  "Who?" I asked in a confused voice.

  "He, he pushed me out the way, he pushed me and it hit him instead," he said as the tears began to fall down his cheeks.

  "Who Aiden, who?" I asked in a panicked tone as I knew what was coming. I just needed to hear it.

  "Kyle, he pushed me out the way. He pushed me out the way," he whispered as I slowly slipped out of his arms.

  I turned back around to where the paramedics were all gathered and took in the whole scene. Suddenly a feeling of fear shot through my entire body.

  "No! Kyle! Kyle!" I screamed as I ripped through the crowd of staring eyes.

  "Please!" I heard a police officer shout as he tried to grab me. I was too fast. He couldn't hold on for long enough.

  Just as I had managed to get free and get to where all of the paramedics were gathered, I froze. As they used their defibrillator to shock Kyle over and over again, each time his body was rising and falling as though he were a lifeless puppet. I stood silently as I took in their panicked expressions and their sorrowful faces as they decided that there was nothing left to do.

  As I looked down at where Kyle lay, my heart broke into a million pieces. I felt my insides scream as I dropped to my knees as the words were uttered into the atmosphere...

  "Time of death..."

  "No!" I screamed angrily as the paramedic dared to utter those words.

  "Don't," I whispered as the tears began to burn my cheeks. I could feel all of the pairs of eyes on me but I didn't care.

  "Please honey, you have to move back now," a female paramedic said in a gentle voice.

  "No, you're not giving up on him, I won't let you!" I screamed down at them.

  "Please, I am sorry but there is nothing more that we can do," she said in a sympathetic tone.

  "You can try! He can't be gone. Try again, please, I'm begging you," I almost whispered as I looked down at Kyle's lifeless frame on the ground. This couldn't be it. I won't let it be.

  "April, don't do this," I heard Aiden whisper as he gently grabbed my arm.

  "Get off of me!" I screamed as I ripped my arm free from his grasp.

  "Do it again, now!" I screamed down at them.

  "We can-"

  "Yes you can! Either way there's nothing to lose. Just do it again or I will do it myself," I said in a stern voice as I pleaded with my eyes.

  As I watched the female paramedic's eyes shift from me to the man who appeared to be in charge, he gave a soft nod indicating that she could do as I asked.

  "Thank you," I whispered as I watched them take up the machinery again.

  It was as if my body took in an automatic breath as I watched them get ready to shock him again. I couldn't lose him, not now. I couldn't let Mimi lose him or his mom or dad, it wasn't right. I watched as the plates rested on his chest as they prepared to shock him again. As the machinery caused his body to rise up and down, I gasped in anticipation. I felt hot tears roll down my cheeks as I watched her shake her head.

  "I'm sorry," she said as she avoided my gaze.

  "One more time," I growled through my tears.

  "But-"

  "One more time!"

  "April, don't do this to yourself," I heard Crystal whisper, sympathetically. I didn't want her sympathy, I didn't need it. She didn't understand. None of them did.

  "Again," I pleaded as the tears fell faster.

  "One more time," the paramedic that was in charge said as he looked at me sympathetically.

  As I watched their failed attempt leave Kyle's lifeless body, lying there, I felt my whole world end in that split second. I had just lost a best friend. I couldn’t even put into words the pain that I felt. Nothing could prepare you for a moment like this. Nothing could make you understand this level of pain, nothing. It was over, he was gone. I was angry as I thought about what Jake had done. He wanted to hurt me and he had but that had cost Kyle his life and it wasn't fair. I slowly turned around, ignoring all of the whispers and gentle touches on my arm as I prepared to escape the pain. It was as if I was floating just above the ground and that nothing about the world was real anymore. As I began to walk away in a daze I suddenly heard one of the paramedic’s voices.

  "There's a pulse."

  I froze in utter disbelief as I tried to p
rocess the words. Please God, tell me that this isn't a dream. Tell me that this is real. Please say that when I turn around it will be real I pleaded and it was. I turned around and watched as the paramedics ran around his body frantically, moving quickly to get him in the back of the ambulance.

  "You did it, he's ok. Come on, I'll drive to the hospital," Aiden said as he tried to bring me back to reality.

  "No, stay away from me," I uttered as I looked into his shocked face.

  "April?" He muttered, sounding more broken hearted than ever before.

  "I can't," I said as I turned to where Anthony was stood in shock.

  "Can you take me to the hospital?" I begged.

  I watched as he gave Aiden a look that said 'I'm not betraying you' before he answered.

  "Yeah, come on kiddo," he said in a gentle voice. It wasn't his usual playful tone. No one was their usual self. How could we be?

  I loved Aiden, I really did but knowing what it felt like to nearly lose him almost killed me and I needed a clear head for a minute, away from him. I needed to deal with Kyle first, I needed to get my head together.

  "April, the paramedic said that you need to be checked over, you fainted," Jess tried to reason as I slid into the passenger seat of Anthony's cousin's car.

  "I don't care, I'm going to the hospital," I mumbled before closing the door and turning to a bewildered looking Anthony.

  "Drive," were the last words that were spoken before we got to the hospital.

  * * *

  Everything seemed to be a blur once we finally got to the hospital.

  I was finally forced to get checked over, much to my dismay. The doctor said that I was fine but that I just needed to get some rest, not that I was going to listen to that right now. After having to listen to the many questions that the doctors and police asked me I had no more energy left inside of me.

  "Oh April," Kyle's mom said as she saw me walk back into the waiting area. She threw her arms around me and let me cry into her beautiful white shirt.

  "Is he..." I trailed off, feeling sick.

  "He's fine, they're just waiting for him to come around," she said. I knew from her face that there was something that she was hiding from me but I didn't push any further.

  "I'm so sorry," I whispered as she pulled me back to look into my face.

  "This is not your fault," she said as she shook her head.

  "But if it hadn't been for me then Jake wouldn't have-"

  "No, what that boy did, he did because he is sick. They've taken him to get all the help that he needs and that's not for you to worry about anymore. You saved Kyle's life April, had you not have been so persistent I'd be sitting in a morgue this very minute," she said as she allowed the tears to run freely down her cheeks.

  I couldn't say anything else. I just stared into space, thinking about the one thing that I needed right now...Aiden.

  I told him to leave me alone but the truth was that I needed him more than ever right now. I wanted him to be the one comforting me and telling me that everything was ok, the one who was holding me in his arms but I was scared. When I thought that it was Aiden who had been hit by Jake's truck I literally felt the air leave my body, I felt like I couldn't function anymore. I didn't feel like someone had died but as though a part of me had died and it scared the life out of me. I realised that the love that I felt for Aiden absolutely terrified me. As I pictured him lying there, dead, I literally couldn't imagine a world where he no longer existed, I didn't see how it could be possible for me to survive in a world like that and I couldn't take it. I pushed him away because I came too close to realising that if he ever left me then that's how I would feel and I simply couldn't bare it. I not only wanted Aiden but I needed him. I realised in that moment that the love that I had for Aiden far exceeded the love that I had for myself. When I saw Kyle lying there I felt heartbroken and I prayed that he could be given another chance, that time could go back and things would change. When I thought that Aiden was lying there, I prayed that I could switch places with him...

  As Kyle's mom and I parted, I took a seat on one of the grey chairs and slipped my phone out of my pocket and opened up a new text.

  I need you

  It was the only words that I wrote before clicking on Aiden's name. It wasn't even a minute before I received my reply.

  I'm already here

  As I felt my phone vibrate and read those words, I looked up to see Aiden stood behind the double doors, staring at me through the glass panel. I slowly stood to my feet as I felt my stomach drop. His face looked so sad and hurt. I could see how red and puffy his eyes were and all that I wanted to do was to take away his pain.

  "Do you mind if I just," I said as I pointed towards Aiden.

  "Of course not sweetheart. Look, it's been a long day, why don't you go home and get some rest," Mrs Edwards said as she stood up to face me.

  "I can't, what if he wakes up-"

  "Then I will be here, don't worry. I have your number, if there are any changes I will let you know," she said as she gently placed her hands on my shoulders.

  "Are you sure?" I asked.

  "Of course, now go and sort things out," she said as she used her head to gesture towards Aiden.

  "Thank you," I said as I threw my arms around her again.

  "No, thank you," she said as she squeezed me a little tighter.

  As I walked towards the double doors that currently parted me and Aiden, I could feel my heart beat increasing every step of the way. I hesitated slightly before pushing the door open.

  "Hey," he said as I finally stood in front of him.

  As he stared into my eyes with so many different emotions on his face I did the one thing that I had needed to do all day. I ran into his arms and I kissed him. I kissed him like my life depended on it and I didn't want to stop. As he gently pulled away to look into my eyes, still holding my face in his hands I watched as the tears began to roll down his cheeks.

  "I'm so sorry," I whispered as I held his gaze.

  "This wasn't your fault April," he said as he kept staring at me.

  As I felt his touch on me, I closed my eyes for a couple of seconds so that I could bottle up this moment. I never wanted to forget it, the feel of him so close after I thought that I would never feel him again. I wanted to remember feeling that way forever.

  "I didn't mean to push you awa-"

  "Ssshh. You don't need to explain, I understand," he whispered.

  "You do?"

  "Yes. When Kyle pushed me, it was all so fast that I thought that I had actually been hit by Jake's truck..." he began as I could see him struggling with the memory of it all.

  "When I hit the ground, I thought, I thought that it was over, I thought I was..." He trailed off as he fought with the tears.

  "I thought that I was going to die April and I was so scared. I was terrified."

  "It's ok, I would have been too-"

  "No, it wasn't that. I wasn't scared of dying, I was scared because the only thing that I could think was that I may never see you again and it terrified me," he said as the shock filled my body.

  "Imagining a life without you was something that I just couldn't do. I don't just want you April, I need you in my life and I love you so much. I get why you pushed me away, you were scared but you don't have to be anymore," he said as a small smile filled his lips.

  "Please don't ever leave me again," I whispered as he pulled me into a tight embrace and allowed me to cry my heart out.

  "I'm not going anywhere, I'm right here," he whispered as he held me even tighter.

  "I love you so much," I said as I let my fingers grip the back of his black tee. I didn't want to let go, not now, not ever.

  "I know," he said as he stroked my back.

  "I know."

  6 WEEKS LATER

  “Where is he? He was supposed to be here by seven,” Susan said as she kept checking to make sure that everyone in the room was in place.

  “Well, you did send Anthony
to go and get him. Did you really think that they would be on time?” Crystal said as everyone chuckled, in agreement.

  “Don’t worry Susan, he’ll be here soon,” I said as I threw her a smile.

  “Yes you’re right sweetheart. I just want things to be perfect after everything that has happened,” she said as she looked at me with sad eyes.

  “It will, I promise,” I said before giving her a gentle hug.

  “Well, I hope that this Aiden boy is worth it, I’m missing touched by an angel for him,” Gramps said from his seat on the couch, making everyone burst out laughing.

  “Sshh,” my mom tried to say as she struggled to hold in her own laughter.

  “It’s his eighteenth birthday pops, he’s allowed to be late especially since he doesn’t even know about this party,” Bob joked as he looked at Gramps.

  “Oh be quiet Phillip, honestly you're far too loud," Gramps said as we all burst out laughing before the sound of the front door caused us all to be quiet.

  "Surprise!" Everybody screamed as Aiden stepped into the living room. The shock on his face was hilarious as he took in what was happening around him.

  "Quiet night in?" He asked, sarcastically as he turned to Anthony, who had a proud smirk on his face.

  "Did I say that?" He said as he burst out laughing.

  "You were late!" Jess said as she slapped Anthony on the arm.

  "Aww, did you miss me, baby?" He asked as he winked at her.

  "Oh please player don't get too excited," she said as she raised her eyebrows at him.

  "Yes, please don't you might give an old lady a heart attack," Grandma said, causing us all to burst into a fit of laughter.

  "Hey Gran, I thought that you loved me?" Anthony asked as he threw his arms over her shoulders.

  "Did I say that?" She asked with a smirk on her face before walking off.

  "Ha, dude you just got your own words used against you!" Murphy said as he laughed to himself.

  "Whatever man," Anthony said with a smile on his face.

  "Happy birthday Aiden," my mom said as she walked up to him and gave him a tight squeeze.