Color Purple Collection

by Alice Walker

  I wash her body, it feel like I’m praying. My hands tremble and my breath short.

  She say, You ever have any kids?

  I say, Yes ma’am.

  She say, How many and don’t you yes ma’am me, I ain’t that old.

  I say, two.

  She ast me Where they is?

  I say, I don’t know.

  She look at me funny.

  My kids with they grandma, she say. She could stand the kids, I had to go.

  You miss ’em? I ast.

  Naw, she say. I don’t miss nothing.

  DEAR GOD,

  I ast Shug Avery what she want for breakfast. She say, What yall got? I say ham, grits, eggs, biscuits, coffee, sweet milk or butter milk, flapjacks. Jelly and jam.

  She say, Is that all? What about orange juice, grapefruit, strawberries and cream. Tea. Then she laugh.

  I don’t want none of your damn food, she say. Just gimme a cup of coffee and hand me my cigarettes.

  I don’t argue. I git the coffee and light her cigarette. She wearing a long white gown and her thin black hand stretching out of it to hold the white cigarette looks just right. Something bout it, maybe the little tender veins I see and the big ones I try not to, make me scared. I feel like something pushing me forward. If I don’t watch out I’ll have hold of her hand, tasting her fingers in my mouth.

  Can I sit in here and eat with you? I ast.

  She shrug. She busy looking at a magazine. White women in it laughing, holding they beads out on one finger, dancing on top of motocars. Jumping into fountains. She flip the pages. Look dissatisfied. Remind me of a child trying to git something out a toy it can’t work yet.

  She drink her coffee, puff on her cigarette. I bite into a big juicy piece of home cured ham. You can smell this ham for a mile when you cooking it, it perfume up her little room with no trouble at all.

  I lavish butter on a hot biscuit, sort of wave it about. I sop up ham gravey and splosh my eggs in with my grits.

  She blow more and more smoke. Look down in her coffee like maybe its something solid at the bottom.

  Finally she say, Celie, I believe I could drink a glass of water. And this here by the bed ain’t fresh.

  She hold out her glass.

  I put my plate down on the card table by the bed. I go dip her up some water. I come back, pick up my plate. Look like a little mouse been nibbling the biscuit, a rat run off with the ham.

  She act like nothing happen. Begin to complain bout being tired. Doze on off to sleep.

  Mr. _____ ast me how I git her to eat.

  I say, Nobody living can stand to smell home cured ham without tasting it. If they dead they got a chance. Maybe.

  Mr. _____ laugh.

  I notice something crazy in his eyes.

  I been scared, he say. Scared. And he cover up his eyes with his hands.

  DEAR GOD,

  Shug Avery sit up in bed a little today. I wash and comb out her hair. She got the nottiest, shortest, kinkiest hair I ever saw, and I loves every strand of it. The hair that come out in my comb I kept. Maybe one day I’ll get a net, make me a rat to pomp up my own hair.

  I work on her like she a doll or like she Olivia—or like she mama. I comb and pat, comb and pat. First she say, hurry up and git finish. Then she melt down a little and lean back gainst my knees. That feel just right, she say. That feel like mama used to do. Or maybe not mama. Maybe grandma. She reach for another cigarette. Start hum a little tune.

  What that song? I ast. Sound low down dirty to me. Like what the preacher tell you its sin to hear. Not to mention sing.

  She hum a little more. Something come to me, she say. Something I made up. Something you help scratch out my head.

  DEAR GOD,

  Mr. _____ daddy show up this evening. He a little short shrunk up man with a bald head and gold spectacles. He clear his throat a lot, like everything he say need announcement. Talk with his head leant to the side.

  He come right to the point.

  Just couldn’t rest till you got her in your house, could you? he say, coming up the step.

  Mr. _____ don’t say nothing. Look out cross the railing at the trees, over the top of the well. Eyes rest on the top of Harpo and Sofia house.

  Won’t you have a seat? I ast, pushing him up a chair. How bout a cool drink of water?

  Through the window I hear Shug humming and humming, practicing her little song. I sneak back to her room and shet the window.

  Old Mr. _____ say to Mr. ____, Just what is it bout this Shug Avery anyway, he say. She black as tar, she nappy headed. She got legs like baseball bats.

  Mr. _____ don’t say nothing. I drop little spit in Old Mr. _____ water.

  Why, say Old Mr. ____, she ain’t even clean. I hear she got the nasty woman disease.

  I twirl the spit round with my finger. I think bout ground glass, wonder how you grind it. But I don’t feel mad at all. Just interest.

  Mr. _____ turn his head slow, watch his daddy drink.

  Then say, real sad, You ain’t got it in you to understand, he say. I love Shug Avery. Always have, always will. I should have married her when I had the chance.

  Yeah, say Old Mr. ____. And throwed your life away.

  (Mr. _____ grunt right there.) And a right smart of my money with it. Old Mr. _____ clear his throat. Nobody even sure exactly who her daddy is.

  I never care who her daddy is, say Mr. _____.

  And her mammy take in white people dirty clothes to this day. Plus all her children got different daddys. It all just too trifling and confuse.

  Well, say Mr. _____ and turn full face on his daddy, All Shug Avery children got the same daddy. I vouch for that.

  Old Mr. _____ clear his throat. Well, this my house.

  This my land. Your boy Harpo in one of my houses, on my land. Weeds come up on my land, I chop ’em up. Trash blow over it I burn it. He rise to go. Hand me his glass. Next time he come I put a little Shug Avery pee in his glass. See how he like that.

  Celie, he say, you have my sympathy. Not many women let they husband whore lay up in they house.

  But he not saying to me, he saying it to Mr. _____.

  Mr. ____look up at me, our eyes meet. This the closest us ever felt.

  He say, Hand Pa his hat, Celie.

  And I do. Mr. _____ don’t move from his chair by the railing. I stand in the door. Us watch Old Mr. _____ begin harrumping and harrumping down the road home.

  Next one come visit, his brother Tobias. He real fat and tall, look like a big yellow bear. Mr. _____ small like his daddy, his brother stand way taller.

  Where she at? he ast, grinning. Where the Queen Honeybee? Got something for her, he say. He put little box of chocolate on the railing.

  She sleeping, I say. Didn’t sleep much last night.

  How you doing there, Albert, he say, dragging up a chair. He run his hand over his slicked back hair and try to feel if there’s a bugga in his nose. Wipe his hand on his pants. Shake out the crease.

  I just heard Shug Avery was here, he say. How long you had her?

  Oh, say Mr. _____, couple of months.

  Hell, say Tobias, I heard she was dying. That goes to show, don’t it, that you can’t believe everything you hear. He smooth down his mustache, run his tongue out the corners of his lips.

  What you know good, Miss Celie? he say.

  Not much, I say.

  Me and Sofia piecing another quilt together. I got bout five squares pieced, spread out on the table by my knee. My basket full of scraps on the floor.

  Always busy, always busy, he say. I wish Margaret was more like you. Save me a bundle of money.

  Tobias and his daddy always talk bout money like they still got a lot. Old Mr. _____ been selling off the place so that nothing much left but the houses and the fields. My and Harpo fields bring in more than anybody.

  I piece on my square. Look at the colors of the cloth.

  Then I hear Tobias chair fall back and he say, Shug.

  Shug half
way tween sick and well. Halfway tween good and evil, too. Most days now she show me and Mr. _____ her good side. But evil all over her today. She smile, like a razor opening. Say, Well, well, look who’s here today.

  She wearing a little flowery shift I made for her and nothing else. She look bout ten with her hair all cornrowed. She skinny as a bean, and her face full of eyes.

  Me and Mr. _____ both look up at her. Both move to help her sit down. She don’t look at him. She pull up a chair next to me.

  She pick up a random piece of cloth out the basket. Hold it up to the light. Frown. How you sew this damn thing? she say.

  I hand her the square I’m working on, start another one. She sew long crooked stiches, remind me of that little crooked tune she sing.

  That real good, for first try, I say. That just fine and dandy. She look at me and snort. Everything I do is fine and dandy to you, Miss Celie, she say. But that’s cause you ain’t got good sense. She laugh. I duck my head.

  She got a heap more than Margaret, say Tobias. Margaret take that needle and sew your nostrils together.

  All womens not alike, Tobias, she say. Believe it or not.

  Oh, I believe it, he say. Just can’t prove it to the world.

  First time I think about the world.

  What the world got to do with anything, I think. Then I see myself sitting there quilting tween Shug Avery and Mr. ____. Us three set together gainst Tobias and his fly speck box of chocolate. For the first time in my life, I feel just right.

  DEAR GOD,

  Me and Sofia work on the quilt. Got it frame up on the porch. Shug Avery donate her old yellow dress for scrap, and I work in a piece every chance I get. It a nice pattern call Sister’s Choice. If the quilt turn out perfect, maybe I give it to her, if it not perfect, maybe I keep. I want it for myself, just for the little yellow pieces, look like stars, but not. Mr. _____ and Shug walk up the road to the mailbox. The house quiet, cept for the flies. They swing through every now and then, drunk from eating and enjoying the heat, buzz enough to make me drowsy.

  Sofia look like something on her mind, she just not sure what. She bend over the frame, sew a little while, then rear back in her chair and look out cross the yard. Finally she rest her needle, say, Why do people eat, Miss Celie, tell me that.

  To stay alive, I say. What else? Course some folks eat cause food taste good to ’em. Then some is gluttons. They love to feel they mouth work.

  Them the only reasons you can think of? she ast.

  Well, sometime it might be a case of being undernourish, I say.

  She muse. He not undernourish, she say.

  Who ain’t? I ast.

  Harpo. She say.

  Harpo?

  He eating more and more every day.

  Maybe he got a tape worm?

  She frown. Naw, she say. I don’t think it a tape worm. Tape worm make you hungry. Harpo eat when he ain’t even hungry.

  What, force it down? This hard to believe, but sometime you hear new things everyday. Not me, you understand, but some folk do say that.

  Last night for supper he ate a whole pan of biscuits by himself.

  Naw. I say.

  He sure did. And had two big glasses of butter milk along with it. This was after supper was over, too. I was giving the children they baths, getting ’em ready for bed. He sposed to be washing the dishes. Stead of washing plates, he cleaning ’em with his mouth.

  Well maybe he was extra hungry. Yall is been working hard.

  Not that hard, she say. And this morning, for breakfast, darn if he didn’t have six eggs. After all that food he look too sick to walk. When us got to the field I thought he was going to faint.

  If Sofia say DARN something wrong. Maybe he don’t want to wash dishes, I say. His daddy never wash a dish in his life.

  You reckon? she say. He seem so much to love it. To tell the truth, he love that part of housekeeping a heap more ‘en me. I rather be out in the fields or fooling with the animals. Even chopping wood. But he love cooking and cleaning and doing little things round the house.

  He sure is a good cook, I say. Big surprise to me that he knew anything about it. He never cooked so much as a egg when he lived at home.

  I bet he wanted to, she said. It seem so natural to him. But Mr. ____. You know how he is.

  Oh, he all right, I say.

  You feeling yourself, Miss Celie? Sofia ast.

  I mean, he all right in some things, not in others.

  Oh, she say. Anyway, next time he come here, notice if he eat anything.

  I notice what he eat all right. First thing, coming up the steps, I give him a close look. He still skinny, bout half Sofia size, but I see a little pot beginning under his overalls.

  What you got to eat, Miss Celie? he say, going straight to the warmer and a piece of fried chicken, then on to the safe for a slice of blackberry pie. He stand by the table and munch, munch. You got any sweet milk? he ast.

  Got clabber, I say.

  He say, Well, I love clabber. And dip him out some.

  Sofia must not be feeding you, I say.

  Why you say that? he ast with his mouth full.

  Well, it not that long after dinner and here you is hungry again.

  He don’t say nothing. Eat.

  Course, I say, suppertime not too far off either. Bout three four hours.

  He rummage through the drawer for a spoon to eat the clabber with. He see a slice of cornbread on the shelf back of the stove, he grab it and crumble it into the glass.

  Us go back out on the porch and he put his foots up on the railing. Eat his clabber and cornbread with the glass near bout to his nose. Remind me of a hog at the troth.

  Food tasting like food to you these days huh, I say, listening to him chew.

  He don’t say nothing. Eat.

  I look out cross the yard. I see Sofia dragging a ladder and then lean it up gainst the house. She wearing a old pair of Harpo pants. Got her head tied up in a headrag. She clam up the ladder to the roof, begin to hammer in nails. Sound echo cross the yard like shots.

  Harpo eat, watch her.

  Then he belch. Say, Scuse me, Miss Celie. Take the glass and spoon back in the kitchen. Come out and say Bye.

  No matter what happening now. No matter who come. No matter what they say or do, Harpo eat through it. Food on his mind morning, noon and night. His belly grow and grow, but the rest of him don’t. He begin to look like he big.

  When it due? us ast.

  Harpo don’t say nothing. Reach for another piece of pie.

  DEAR GOD,

  Harpo staying with us this week-end. Friday night after Mr. _____ and Shug and me done gone to bed, I heard this somebody crying. Harpo sitting out on the steps, crying like his heart gon break. Oh, boo-hoo, and boo-hoo. He got his head in his hands, tears and snot running down his chin. I give him a hansker. He blow his nose, look up at me out of two eyes close like fists.

  What happen to your eyes? I ast.

  He clam round in his mind for a story to tell, then fall back on the truth.

  Sofia, he say.

  You still bothering Sofia? I ast.

  She my wife, he say.

  That don’t mean you got to keep on bothering her, I say. Sofia love you, she a good wife. Good to the children and good looking. Hardworking. Godfearing and clean. I don’t know what more you want.

  Harpo sniffle.

  I want her to do what I say, like you do for Pa.

  Oh, Lord, I say.

  When Pa tell you to do something, you do it, he say. When he say not to, you don’t. You don’t do what he say, he beat you.

  Sometime beat me anyhow, I say, whether I do what he say or not.

  That’s right, say Harpo. But not Sofia. She do what she want, don’t pay me no mind at all. I try to beat her, she black my eyes. Oh, boo-hoo, he cry. Boo-hoo-hoo.

  I start to take back my hansker. Maybe push him and his black eyes off the step. I think bout Sofia. She tickle me. I used to hunt game with a bow and arrow, sh
e say.

  Some womens can’t be beat, I say. Sofia one of them. Besides, Sofia love you. She probably be happy to do most of what you say if you ast her right. She not mean, she not spiteful. She don’t hold a grudge.

  He sit there hanging his head, looking retard.

  Harpo, I say, giving him a shake, Sofia love you. You love Sofia.

  He look up at me best he can out his fat little eyes. Yes ma’am? he say.

  Mr. _____ marry me to take care of his children. I marry him cause my daddy made me. I don’t love Mr. _____ and he don’t love me.

  But you his wife, he say, just like Sofia mine. The wife spose to mind.

  Do Shug Avery mind Mr. ____? I ast. She the woman he wanted to marry. She call him Albert, tell him his drawers stink in a minute. Little as he is, when she git her weight back she can sit on him if he try to bother her.

  Why I mention weight. Harpo start to cry again. Then he start to be sick. He lean over the edge of the step and vomit and vomit. Look like every piece of pie for the last year come up. When he empty I put him in the bed next to Shug’s little room. He fall right off to sleep.

  DEAR GOD,

  I go visit Sofia, she still working on the roof.

  The darn thing leak, she say.

  She out to the woodpile making shingles. She put a big square piece of wood on the chopping block and chop, chop, she make big flat shingles. She put the ax down and ast me do I want some lemonade.

  I look at her good. Except for a bruise on her wrist, she don’t look like she got a scratch on her.

  How it going with you and Harpo? I ast.

  Well, she say, he stop eating so much. But maybe this just a spell.

  He trying to git as big as you, I say.

  She suck in her breath. I kinda thought so, she say, and let out her breath real slow.

  All the children come running up, Mama, Mama, us want lemonade. She pour out five glasses for them, two for us. Us sit in a wooden swing she made last summer and hung on the shady end of the porch.

  I’m gitting tired of Harpo, she say. All he think about since us married is how to make me mind. He don’t want a wife, he want a dog.