Hard White

by Shannon Holmes

  “I’m gonna take a shower,” Melquan said, sounding disappointed.

  In the shower, Melquan scrubbed the grime off his body but couldn’t remove the guilt on his mind. Like he was new to it, he had took it too far, got carried away and he knew it. Melquan realized he had played himself, pointblank. He hoped their relationship didn’t suffer because of it.

  Melquan showered and picked up his dirty clothes, a pair of jeans and the sweatshirt he was wearing. Unbeknownst to him, a large wad of money fell out along with a bag of drugs.

  Clad in wife-beater and boxer shorts, Melquan entered the bedroom. India immediately exited it. They avoided making eye contact as they passed each other. A call suddenly came through on his cellphone. Melquan answered it and was still on the call when India walked back into bedroom. She unexpectedly went ballistic.

  “Whoever you’re talking with on the phone, please tell them you’ll call them back,” India said, staring angrily at him. “Melquan, we have to talk right now.”

  Melquan’s mind suddenly started racing. He paused looking at the cellphone and wondering what was up with India. While his heart did laps, his first thought was about his romp with Precious the night before. Melquan stared at India with curiousity locked in his eyes.

  “Look, I gotta call you back,” Melquan said, holding India’s stare. “What’s up, baby?” he asked in as soft a voice as was possible.

  “I told you, how many times, not to bring drugs, drug paraphernalia or drug money, to my place. It might not be much to you, but this Co-op apartment and my child is all I have. This is everything I hold dear in this whole wide world. I’m not gonna let you F it up, okay Melquan?”

  “What are you talkin’ about, baby? Why even you trippin’? You’re not makin’ sense right now. This some random sh…”

  “I’m trippin’ huh? I’m not making sense, right?”

  “This is totally random spaz… I don’t know what the hell you talkin’ bout?”

  “You don’t, huh? Alright, maybe this will refresh your memory?” she asked.

  India out of nowhere threw a bag of cocaine at Melquan. It smacked him dead center of his surprised face. Melquan watched her as the coke fell at his feet. She quickly tossed Melquan the roll of money with rubber band wrapped around it. He caught it easily.

  “I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to bring that here. I forgot I had it on me…” his voice trailed when he bent over to pick up the drugs.

  “You forgot…? I went into the bathroom and found all that just sitting right there on the floor. Melquan what would I have told my son if he had walked in there and seen that. All I need is for him to go and tell his father what he saw and there goes my custody case. Melquan, I’m not going to lose Zach over your silly bullshit.”

  “You’re right. My bad, India, I was dead wrong. I was supposed to drop that off before I left the projects. What else do you want me to say…?”

  She stared at Melquan with fire in her eyes. Her veins seemed to pump rage into her pores. She was livid when she spoke.

  “Yes, it’s your bad, Melquan. That goes without saying. Now, please put on your clothes and get out. I can’t deal with this shit, at least not tonight! My mind is not right. I’ll only act like a bitch for the rest of the night. And I’d rather not let you see that side of me.”

  Melquan glanced at her in disbelief before he began putting his clothes on. He was now feeling anger and was happy to be leaving. His thoughts raced as he thought of Precious. Fully dressed, he was stomping out the apartment and was met at the door by India. Tears were in her eyes.

  “Could you give me back my keys, please Melquan?”

  Melquan stared at her and realized this could be the end. And he wasn’t ready to bow out gracefully. He felt love for India and wanted her in his life. His anger spilled over in his words.

  “I ain’t giving you nothing… Nah, you gave me these keys in good faith and I’ll return them in good faith,” he said, brushing past India.

  “I don’t believe you, Melquan. And you call yourself keeping it real? Let me have my keys …” her voice trailed as the door slammed shut. India stared blankly at the door with tears in her eyes. “How did I get myself in this situation…?”

  She walked to the door and put the night lock on. Then went to her bed where she saw a stack of bills on the nightstand. She paused for a minute, staring at the money. Licking her lips, India said, “Un-fucking-believable!”

  Chapter Six

  Love Me Or Leave Me

  Melquan stared up and down the relatively quiet streets of Co-op city. It was minutes after the witching hour. At this time of the night the working class neighborhood was preparing for tomorrow’s work and school day. With the exception of an occasional empty MTA bus, a passing car going by from time to time, nothing else seemed to move. Finally after thirty minutes of waiting and thinking, Melquan waved down a passing gypsy cab. He hopped into the backseat and slammed the door shut.

  Before the cab driver could get the destination, he had already put the car in motion. It’s unlikely he would have done so if he knew his passengers destination.

  “Edenwald Projects,” Melquan said.

  “Huh, where…?” the cabbie asked.

  “I said Edenwald!” Melquan shouted.

  “I’ll take you to east 229th street only. I no going up inside the projects this time of night…”

  It sounded like the cab driver was asking Melquan a question. Melquan stared at the cabbie’s face in disbelief.

  “What…?”

  “They crazy up there man. You have a lot of shootin’ and robbin’ going on in there. I don’t want no parts of it. You know…. So that’s as far as I go. Take it or leave it.”

  “You a scary dude… A’ight whateva, man, fuck it… Drop me at 229th street then… ”

  Staring aimlessly out the cab window, Melquan thoughts drifted silently with the ride. The incident resulting into the argument was fresh on his mind. The more it replayed over and over again the worse he felt. The feeling that he had let India down overwhelmed him. He tried to take stock of it and realize what exactly went wrong. This only served to frustrate him even further. He needed something to ease his mind. Melquan ordered the cabdriver to drop him off on the Ave.

  When he reached his destination, Melquan paid the cabdriver and walked a few feet to the liquor store at 226th Street. He purchased two bottles of Hennessy. He walked across the street to the projects and knocked on Precious’ door. He immediately knew that her grandmother wasn’t home from the way she grinned when she flung the door open.

  “To what do I owe this pleasure?” she smiled, greeting him at the door.

  “Please, not now,” Melquan said in protest. “I ain’t in da mood fa no smart ass mouth.”

  “Okay, well please excuse the shit outta me.”

  Melquan didn’t say much of anything about his reasons for this unannounced visit. He just drank, shot after shot of Hennessy, under the suspicious eye of Precious. Soon she joined in a game of who can drink the fastest and the most.

  Each shot of liquor seemed to fade Melquan’s ill-feelings. It was time for some good fuck. Melquan wanted to get busy with some raw sex. There would be no gentleness or tenderness in his strokes tonight. He felt like bringing the pain.

  Precious didn’t know Melquan reasons for coming to her apartment that night. It really didn’t matter. Who was she to care? Ideas floated in her. She never expressed them and they stayed there. Before Melquan even touched her breast, Precious was sure what would come next. This episode would lead to the same place where dozens of others had led, her bed. In a flash they were panting, naked and cuddling in her queen sized.

  Precious’excited body was receptive to Melquan’s every touch. Her flesh tingling, she fervently went along with the program. Precious attempted to do what she did best. Roughly grabbing his dick and sucking the tip until he squealed. She covered his lips with her hot mouth, quieting him. She was about to continue her head game, but Melq
uan pulled her blonde mane back.

  “Nah, uh, huh… I want some pussy now,” he demanded. “I wanna blow ya back out, mami.”

  Her legs went rubbery with excitement and her body collapsed when he peeled her panties off. Melquan smiled and turned her over doggy style. Precious’ ass cheek jiggled when she assumed the position. Melquan smacked Precious’ ass cheeks hard twice. She wiggled her reddened round butt cheeks in the air, and begged for more. Melquan couldn’t resist. This was a prelude for what was to come.

  Melquan shoved his dick deep inside her, fucking her vigorously. Hennessy ran through his veins and his rod had no concscience. He hammered into her gushy pussy.

  “Oh yes!” Precious screamed. “Fuck me!”

  Melquan didn’t care if Precious’ grandmother was home. He was driving his dick hard into her.

  “Oh yes, Mel. It’s all yours. Take it, take it,” she begged. “Oh, oh… oh yeah…!”

  Precious was screaming loud enough to wake up the dead. Melquan kept on rapidly beating down the walls of her pussy, digging her back out. In between changing position, Melquans thoughts flipped to India. He plunged his Henny charged dick into Precious moist pussy. His thoughts were jarred by how loud she screamed.

  India never ever screamed like this Melquan thought pumping his dick in and out of her. Melquan’s thoughts cleared, he focused on what was in front of him. Tracing his fingers around the circumference of Precious’ round ass, Melquan licked his lips. He spat on the shiny cheeks and rubbed his saliva into the crack of her ass. India would never let him spit on her, she would freak. Precious wiggled her ass and bucked her hips. She wanted him to fuck her harder. This turned him on even more and he fucked harder until he had worked himself into a fucking frenzy.

  “Give it to me, gimme all that dick, Mel,” she chanted in wild abandon.

  With a hardened Henney dick, Melquan kept stroking until he felt sore. It was near dawn when he was through beating the pussy. They curled up against each other and went to sleep. Melquan was knocked out, sleeping and his cellphone vibrated. Precious undid his leg wrapped over her and went to check the caller ID. W-i-f-e-y, popped up on the screen. Precious jotted down the number real quick and went back to bed.

  The cellphone vibrated again. Precious put her head down and watched it. She was tempted to answer it, but held herself in check. She was playing with Melquan’s balls and the cellphone went off again. Precious kept stroking Melquan’s dick with her hand.

  “Go to bed, bitch. No need to blow up his cellie. Tonight and forever, this dick be’s mine.”

  Back in her Co-Op City apartment, India sat alone in front of her television playing low. Repeatedly, she dialed on her cellphone. India placed the phone to her ear, listening to Melquan’s outgoing message on his voicemail.

  You know who you called. Now you know what to do! One!

  India had been the woman in Melquan’s life for sometime now, but failed to understand his hood mentality. She tried to work with him, bending her on own strong morals and accepting his street lifestyle, his drug dealing ways. India had opened up her heart and home to Melquan. She hoped that he would change for the better, go back to school. Hopes of changing Melquan and turning him into a workingman was fading fast. She didn’t know how much more time she was willing to invest in him. India had other responsibilities. There was her son Zach, her home and her job.

  Melquan came with too much baggage. He was a thug, and a cheater. There was no physical proof of this, just her woman’s intuition. India was building her case against Melquan. She had caught him in several lies already. Soon she would indict him with his own words. She loved him, but was in a no-win situation with Melquan. It seemed like the streets captured his attention more than she ever could.

  India’s mind was in a swimming in deep confusion. All the risk she was taking on dealing with Melquan seemed to outweigh the potential reward. Her heart craved what she wanted. There was anger fueling her obsession. Even distorted, love still coursed through her veins. India hit the redialed again.

  Chapter Seven

  Who Shot Ya?

  Around mid-day the following day, Charlie Rock was out and about, dapper like he was heading to an award show. If there was ever prize for best dressed wheelchair person, Charlie Rock would win that award, hands down. His unsoiled Jordan’s were well coordinated with his black Champion sweat suit. Although he traveled in a wheelchair, Charlie Rock wasn’t a homebody. He refused to be a prisoner inside his project apartment.

  A work truck filled with Housing Authority workers passed by and came to a stop nearby. Charlie Rock recognized the familiar face of a longtime friend.

  “Jose, what up? It’s been a minute now, huh man,” Charlie Rock hollered.

  “Oh, what’s going on, Charlie?”

  “I can’t call it. Ya hand better than mine, Jose.”

  “I hear that. I’m just workin’. Out here punching the clock, tryin’ to make ends meet. I got my family to feed.”

  “I’m hip! I’m hip!” Charlie Rock humorously chided.

  “Time’s hard. I need every dollar, and all the overtime I can get.”

  “I hear that shit… By the way, how’s the kids doin?”

  “Oh, they good… Growing up fast… It’s cheaper to clothe ‘em than feed ‘em. Yeah man…. You know, my boy, is goin’ through that rebellious stage. He tryin’ to test me. I gotta put my foot in his ass from time to time. But my daughter, she’s an angel, man. You know girls, they less trouble than boys.”

  “Yeah, until she meet some snotty nose boy… Man it’s only a matter of time before she give you the blues too,” Charlie Rock warned. “It happens to every parent.”

  “Yeah, I know I got my eye on it though… Oh, by the way, “How’s your mother doing, she still down south?” Jose asked.

  “Yeah, man she loving that there downsouth thing. She comes up every now and then. She said New York ain’t for her no more. The city will make you happy twice… Happy to come and happy to go,” Charlie Rock chuckled.

  “You tell her hi next time you talk to her. I hope she remembers me.”

  “Yeah, she remembers you. C’mon now, as much time as many times you came to my house to eat, how could she forget? Anyway, Jose, you a good dude and even a better father… The way you raising your two kids like that. We need more fathers like you around. Ask me, I know that shit. I’m proud of you, Jose. It’s rare that you see a dude like you make the transition from the hustle to working-man… Everybody can’t do that. Some just get stuck in the game… They can’t seem to make that transition.”

  “Thanks, Charlie Rock. I really appreciate that coming from you. Cause I know you been around me and watched me grown up. We even did some dirt together. We seen a lot of our peoples come and go. Generation after generation these projects been swallowing dudes up whole, chewing them up and spitting them out like garbage. We seen dudes get washed up before they got a chance to shine. But me and you, we still here… Must be doin’ sumthin right…”

  “No doubt…”

  Charlie Rock and Jose Torres were project lifers. Both were born and raised in Edenwald projects and seemed, for different reasons, destined to stay to their dying day. Reminiscing about back in the days made Charlie Rock fall into a reflective mood. It was as if he could see his life flash before his eyes.

  “Yeah, I’ve just about seen it all and just heard it all!” he said, becoming emotional. “I ain’t got no regrets. Oh, well one… That bitch ass nigga who put three in my back… Put me in this chair… But I’m still here. Look what happened to him behind that…. He got his!”

  “He sure did. You know God don’t like ugly… You know the game. We both do.”

  “I guess that’s why they call it a game…” Charlie Rock’s voice trailed. He looked to the blue skies before continuing. “Anything can happen at anytime. Who would’ve thunk it? This shit that happened to me...? And in my own hood, at that…?”

  “Yeah, but never mind that now, Charlie Ro
ck. We’s got to be thankful that we breathing. Any day above ground is really a good day.”

  “No doubt,” Charlie Rock said, nodding in agreement.

  “Charlie Rock, let me get back to my work. You take it easy. Be safe.”

  “Yeah, you do that. I’ll definitely see you around, Jose,” Charlie said, waving. “Come by and holla at me sometimes. We’ll watch the Knicks game or sumthin. They got some new players, look like they might be about sumthin this year… Drink a few brewski’s… You know my moms ain’t the only one that can burn. I do my thing too.”

  “Ok, that sounds good. We’ll hook up real soon. Later, Charlie Rock…”

  “A’ight, good seeing you Jose…”

  They exchanged pounds and went in different directions. Rolling down the Ave., Charlie Rock enviously glanced back at his friend and his wish list grew longer. Long after the conversation ended, thoughts of the night he lost the ability to walk haunted Charlie Rock. Although the physical scars from the gunshots to his back had long since healed. He remained emotionally scarred for life.

  Back in the days Charlie Rock was a jack-of-all-trades. He was always in the mix of illegal activities. If the item had a price tag on it, he sold it. His gift of gab granted him entrance to many criminal circles. He knew the dope boys, the thieves, the stick-up kids, and the prostitutes.

  He threw enough stones at the penitentiary to assure himself a permanent residence, but the jail cell was not his destiny. Some may get away with a lifetime of doing dirty, while with others their sins will comeback to haunt them in different ways. Charlie Rock was the latter.

  It was just another afternoon, Charlie could hear the a loud clattering sound a pair of green dice made, rattling furiously against each other in the hand of a hustler. Holding them ear high, the cubes suddenly exploded out of his hand banging against the wall without warning. The dice bounced a few times on the floor before rolling and coming to a rest. The echo from the crashing sound was music to the player’s ears. A wave of excitement swept through the project’s hallway then momentarily things lowered to a hum. All eyes were on the dice. One seemed to spin for a lifetime. The friendly dice game had swollen to close to a dozen hustlers strong.