by Trina Solet
Desperate for something to say and do, Blake asked, "Do you want to get something to eat?"
Reese gave Blake a knowing look, but still said yes to his delaying tactic. For a moment Blake was caught in his gaze. Familiar but sharper than before, Reese's blue eyes made him shudder. It was like Blake was standing naked in front of him.
Blake didn't like acting like such a coward about being alone with him especially when Reese could see right through him, but he needed time. His heart might jump right out of his chest if he didn't get a hold of himself. He couldn't trust himself to be alone with Reese yet. Being near him was already doing crazy things to his dick.
They went to a sandwich place nearby. It was casual with a lot of bustle from people getting takeout, but there were also several tables for eating in. Sitting across from Reese at the small table was unnerving. Blake had trouble swallowing. Reese was too close, too real.
Blake looked down from the frightening blue of his eyes to Reese's hands holding a ham and cheese on rye. He memorized every crease on his fingers. He had the urge to trace the bumps of his knuckles and measure the circumference of his bony wrist by wrapping his fingers around it. That was no good. Looking at Reese's hands just made him want to reach across the table and grab them.
Even as he knew it was a bad idea, Blake followed Reese's thumb with his eyes as he used it to wipe mustard from the corner of his mouth. All Blake wanted to do was lick the mustard off his thumb. He could then slide his tongue over his lower lip. Reese's mouth would open, and Blake would get the full taste of his kiss.
Damn! The only way Blake could stay in a decent frame of mind was to look away. He focused on what kept Reese glancing at the door of the sandwich shop every few seconds.
"What's going on with you and that man with one eye?" Blake asked.
"He followed me here or tracked me down somehow, I don't know. That's why I need to get out of town pretty soon," Reese said between bites.
"Why is he after you?"
Reese looked at the last third of his sandwich and set it down before answering. "His name is Randal Mayes. He used to be one of my regulars. When I got out of that line of work, he didn't like losing my services. He beat the shit out of me and tried to rape me. I stuck a wire hanger in his left eye. He ended up losing his eye and going to prison. I guess he's holding a grudge."
Blake's breath caught in his throat, but Reese only shrugged like it was no big deal and took a drink of his soda. From his attitude, Blake could tell it probably wasn't the first time he was attacked. He always had it so rough. It wracked his insides when he thought about Reese being hurt and having to suffer. Blake clenched his fists and pushed down all the anger and the sorrow he felt. Reese didn't need that from him.
"You had to turn tricks," Blake managed to say.
"I didn't have to for long. These last few years, I had a job and a place to stay most of the time."
Blake set aside the pain of knowing what Reese had to do to survive. He was still worried about that Mayes guy.
"But you came back here, even though this lunatic was looking for you. Why didn't you go somewhere new, where no one knows you and you could disappear?" Blake asked.
Reese shook his head. "When I came here, I had no clue he was even out of prison. He must have been paroled. I didn't know anything about it until someone mentioned that a guy with an eye patch was asking about me. That's why I've been staying away from the people we know. I only risked a short visit with Roberto because he lent me money when I left town four years ago."
"I'm sorry you had to go alone," Blake said with deep regret. At that moment, he couldn't even meet Reese's eyes.
"You should be."
At the matter of fact sound of his words, Blake had to look at him. His eyes were so sharp and vivid, Blake felt like they cut right into his heart. "Why did you risk coming back here?" Blake had to know.
"I had unfinished business," Reese said cryptically.
"I know your parents don't live here any more. You aren't crazy enough to come to see me. Are you?" Blake asked in a low voice.
"I guess I am. I had to see you. I thought this might be my only chance."
Blake was stunned. He couldn't believe it. Finn had been right.
Staring at Reese, Blake took a minute to get over his shock. "Then where were you? I wasn't that hard to find. My brother and sister found me in one day. It was like you were sneaking around and avoiding me. Didn't you see me at the cemetery?"
"Was I supposed to rush into your open arms?" Reese glowered at him with a combination of anger and sadness in his eyes. Then his look changed to a more determined one. "I did see you at the cemetery, but I wasn't going to approach you there. It was too late anyway. By then I knew Mayes was looking for me. I had to stay away from you. I couldn't bring you that kind of trouble. But I was waiting for you for weeks before that. I searched online for new information on your family all the time. That's how I found out that your father collapsed at some charity function. After some digging, I found out he was in the hospital and not expected to recover. I thought that you would come to see him before he died. That's when I quit my shitty job and came to town thinking that this was my only chance to find you. I lurked and waited outside the hospital, but you never showed up."
Blake was amazed by his determination and incredibly touched.
"I didn't even know he was sick until after he died. He never asked to see me." That was his father's last rejection. Blake felt that familiar pang in his chest, the same one he first felt as a child.
"But you came back here for his funeral anyway," Reese pointed out.
"No, I didn't. I came back here to find you. I heard you were in town." Blake had put out the word with everyone he knew to contact him if they saw Reese.
Now it was Reese's turn to look surprised. He gave Blake a wry smile.
"I didn't plan to go, but I ended up at the cemetery despite myself," Blake told him. "I wish I had seen you there. But I didn't expect either one of us to be there. And I never imagined you would be looking for me, not after the way I acted."
"I wasn't exactly on my best behavior either. But I knew you'd come here. I knew without a doubt that you would be at his funeral." Reese looked so sure, Blake was in awe of him.
"I guess you know me better than I know myself. Maybe you always did."
"I've been trying to track you down for years. Where did you disappear to?" Reese asked.
"I went to the West Coast and changed my last name to Adler. It was my grandmother's maiden name."
"That's why Blake Monroe dropped off the face of the Earth. You made it really hard for me to find you," Reese complained.
"Sorry, but I never thought you would be looking for me. I was such a jerk to you. I did look for you though. But I didn't even know where to start."
"The way I lived and moved around, I was pretty tough to find," Reese said with another shrug, like all his worst hardships could be dismissed that way.
"I wish you hadn't left. You were too young. You had no way to support yourself," Blake said. He had worked and saved up before he left town, finished high school too.
Reese looked sad as he told Blake, "I couldn't take being here any more. I got tired of waiting for you to grow a pair. I got tired of everything."
"I'm sorry." It killed him that Reese had been out there with no one to watch his back because his best friend was a total shit. Reese was a year younger than him. He hadn't even turned seventeen when he left town. If Blake had gone with him, things would have been different.
"I didn't know how bad it would be out there. How alone I would be." Reese looked blank. His eyes were distant, like he was being pulled into some lonely place even as Blake sat across from him.
Blake reached for him but flinched his hand back when Reese looked at him fully.
"When I got to town, I went to see your mother," he said to Blake. "I tried to talk to her, but she threatened to call the cops if I didn't get out of her sight immediately
."
"Typical. She couldn't have told you anything anyway," Blake said bitterly. "I wasn't keeping in touch with her. She was the one I wanted to get the hell away from when I left. I was running away from her and from myself."
"Idiot," Reese told him simply. He balled up the wrapping from his sandwich and motioned for Blake that it was time to go.
Going outside, Blake saw that the world had turned gray. It was cloudy with the wind blowing in angry gusts. When did that happen? The clouds were a deep gray that promised rain. To the east, patches of pale blue were showing through. He had been so lost in Reese that anything might be happening and he wouldn't know it. Blake turned to look at him out of the corner of his eye. The whole world could go to hell if he just got to look at Reese.
But he didn't even know how long Reese would stick around, and Blake still hadn't gotten up the courage to tell him what he desperately needed to say. Then he thought about tonight's sleeping arrangements, and he felt like his gut did a flip. A little lower, his cock showed some interest in the subject as well. Small motel room, one bed and a hard-on or two – awesome. It was too early to be worrying about that. Like Blake didn't have enough balls to juggle. Oh, God, now he was thinking about Reese's balls and how they might fit in his mouth.
"What's with you?" Reese asked seeing that Blake had covered his face with both hands and was groaning miserably.
"If another thought, sexual or otherwise, enters my head, my brain will explode," Blake told him.
"You are wound way too tight, and your mind always goes straight to sex. That's not a good combination," Reese told him like he was making a diagnosis of a hopeless case.
It was true. Blake had made a mess of things because he couldn't deal with his sexuality. Now he couldn't deal with how much he wanted Reese, and he hadn't even told him how he felt. Blake wanted to tell him, but Reese looked so tired.
"Do you want to get some sleep," Blake asked.
"At this hour?" Reese said like he was a kid and Blake was trying to force him to take an afternoon nap.
"OK then. Let's take a drive," Blake proposed. He didn't want to keep Reese on his feet.
"Only if I can do the driving," Reese said.
"Fine. Don't wreck my car."
"No promises. I've been behind the wheel less than a dozen times in my life. And one of those times was when I took the driving test."
Blake resigned himself to a bumpy ride and maybe some car damage, and put his fate in Reese's hands. They headed back to the motel parking lot.
"I was going to drive us to The Swamp Rat for some barbeque for dinner. We can kill some time until then and take the scenic route. How does that sound?" Blake asked.
The Swamp Rat was a barbeque joint outside of town and in the middle of nowhere. Plenty of people from Meadowview made the trip anyway.
"You think it's still there?" Reese wondered.
"Let's find out."
The drive toward The Swamp Rat took them out of the bad weather. They were heading east where the clouds were more silvery gray and the sun still shone now and then. Its rays burst between the clouds as Reese drove too fast on the mostly empty road.
At first Blake was tense after what Reese told him about his driving experience. Then he saw the almost ecstatic smile on Reese's face as he took the curves at high speed. Blake relaxed into the feeling of exhilaration and trust. He was ready to give himself to Reese heart and soul, and also ready to hear Reese tell him that he was scum. That was way scarier than any car crash.
The road to The Swamp Rat curved around Langston Marsh. To make the drive even longer, Reese took them down every little traveled country lane. He enjoyed driving like only someone who didn't get to do it often could. Wind was whipping at them through the open windows, and the smile never left Reese's face. Blake felt like he could live on that smile forever.
Chapter 10
Surprisingly they arrived in front of The Swamp Rat in one piece. Langston Marsh stretched out to one side of it. The reeds hid the still waters. Long billed marsh birds descended to catch their prey. It made for a nice view, but it was also hellish with mosquitoes. The parking lot was just a stretch of bare land covered with gravel. It crunched under the wheels as they pulled into a spot. Though there were no marked spots, the cars were still lined up in fairly neat rows.
Blake and Reese got out and looked around. The Swamp Rat hadn't changed much. Blake took in the sight of the weathered wood planks and the red shingled roof gone black from the smoke. The structure was dwarfed by the giant chimney. As smoke poured out of it, the whole countryside smelled like wood burning and meat cooking.
The two of them had only gone there twice. Doug Neumar and his cousin drove them the first time. Next time they rode the bus because Reese was craving their pulled pork sandwich like a junkie. With all the stops the bus made, it took forever.
Blake remembered telling himself to hurry up and earn enough money for a car so he could take Reese out there for a fix whenever he wanted. Reese was why he did everything until he fucked it all up, including his priorities.
"Let's get in there before they steal our table," Reese said, seeing another car slowing to turn into the parking lot.
Inside, the place was smoky and dark with bluesy country songs coming in over bad speakers. It was also packed. They did manage to snag a table though plenty of people just took a seat or even stood at the bar. That's where all the talk and laughter were coming from. The tables were more for quiet eating unless there happen to be kids there.
Reese went to put in their order at the bar while Blake saved their table. That was faster than waiting for the elderly waitress to make her way over to them while stopping to chat at every single table on the way.
She did bring their food when it was ready. The buns were grilled as were the potatoes. They came to the table smoky and charred with a hint of barbeque sauce in the grill marks.
Reese looked orgasmic as he took the first bite of his messy sandwich. Blake wanted to ask him if it was as good as he remembered, but he didn't want to intrude on the intimate reunion between Reese and his pulled pork sandwich.
"I'm going to crave this stuff on my deathbed," Reese said after he was done savoring the last bite. He licked the sauce off his fingers and hummed with satisfaction.
It should be illegal for Reese to bring his fingers anywhere near his mouth, or to lick his lips, or to groan contentedly like that. Blake looked around as if he expected everyone to be staring at Reese in scandalized shock, but the other customers were elbow deep in their own food. Blake was the only one who couldn't keep his eyes off Reese or his mind out of the gutter.
"I talked to your mom a few times," Blake said as Reese munched on the potatoes. "I kept hoping you might go and see her or at least tell her where you were."
"Every few months, I called to tell her I was OK. That was enough," Reese said.
"Was it ever true?" Blake wanted to know.
"Kind of. Even when life is shitty, there's a good day now and then," Reese said with a small smile.
"Things got better for you?"
"They did, but I didn't see a way out for a while. Then this one guy, Duke, let me live with him. He was kind of rough on me. But once I had a place to live, I could get a real job. And eventually I found somewhere better to live, and I moved out." There was that shrug again that dismissed all the pain Reese endured. His words only hinted at what he must have gone through. How many tortures were summed up by "kind of rough on me"? Blake was afraid to ask, plus he knew Reese didn't want to talk about it. He had always been too good at keeping things to himself and playing through the pain.
*
After telling him as little as he could, Reese looked away from the dark expression on Blake's face. He knew he had put it there, but he couldn't make it go away without lying. Anything more he might say would only make Blake feel worse. If he couldn't protect himself, Reese could at least protect Blake. Reese stared out the small windows of The Swamp Rat. The sun w
as low, burning through the edges of clouds. It was so blazing bright that it seemed impossible that it could sink into the treetops and not set them on fire.
Reese tried to wipe his mind clean of the past, but it didn't work. The day he made the deal with Duke came back to him. Reese had been desperate and ready to do anything to get off the street. Duke was a big guy, and he looked at Reese like he was a piece of meat, done on the outside, still raw in the middle, and he couldn't wait to cut into him and watch him bleed. Reese knew the deal when he agreed to move in with him, but knowing and living through it were two different things. If he didn't off himself then, he probably never would.
Now that it was over and behind him, the last thing Reese wanted was to relive those days. And if he couldn't keep himself safe from those memories, he wouldn't bring Blake into them to relive them with him.
To reassure him, Reese reached across the bare wooden table and touched his knuckles to Blake's. The quick touch startled Blake and made him hold his breath. He stared at Reese without blinking until Reese got up, ready to leave.
By the time they stepped outside The Swamp Rat, the black forest in the distance was swallowing the sun. Its rays still glowed above the tree line. It wasn't dark yet, but it would be soon. Unlike in Meadowview, there wasn't anything out here to light up the night except the moon and stars. Reese knew there was a road that cut through the forest and he wanted to drive it. He wanted to find it while there was still enough light and take the long way back to town.
Reese wanted to go fast leaving the bad memories in the dust. In Blake's car, he would run down the dislocated jaw, the imprint of a shoe on the side of his face, his fingers bending the wrong way, the sound of his own strangled screaming, the stink of garbage and Mayes telling him what he was going to do to him, and even worse, Duke petting him and telling him he was a good boy. He wanted to obliterate all those memories, but there was something he wanted even more – to take the pain out of Blake's eyes so that his gaze poured out soft with love but burning hot and tinged with a little bit of his usual uptight uncertainty. As if a drive could do all that.
