Long Lost (Gay Romance)

by Trina Solet

  After a few wrong turns, Reese found his way to the forest road. Their headlights cut through the trees at every turn. Oncoming cars blinded them before they dimmed their lights. The whole time Blake watched him. Reese turned to check what kind of expression he was wearing, and he couldn't help but smile. When he smiled, Blake smiled too.

  "Watch the road," Blake told him. There was still sadness in his eyes, but they were indulgent and teasing too. The main thing was that Blake was by his side, maybe not forever but at least for now.

  Even after Reese decided to stop driving crazy and headed back, it took them a while. He got turned around on the dark, unfamiliar country roads, but he managed to get them to Blake's motel. When they got out, Reese patted the car and stretched his spine. Then he looked around and across the road, trying to think of somewhere else they could go.

  The late hour, the washed out brightness of streetlights, and Blake by his side, it all reminded him of old times. So many nights Blake stayed out late with him. There was nothing to do, nowhere to go, but for Reese it was enough to just sit with Blake, wasting a few hours. In hard times, his quiet presence was all Reese needed.

  He knew Blake stayed out with him because he knew Reese didn't want to go home, where his father raged and his mother sat in a stupor like she wasn't even there. Blake was his shield from all that, and he didn't even know how much power he had in Reese's life. He just stayed close, let Reese lean on him as much as he needed to, and that meant everything.

  "Don't you want to go get some sleep?" Blake asked, seeing Reese spacing out.

  Reese didn't. He was afraid to let this day end, but he was so tired.

  "I thought we had more to hash out," he said.

  "We do," Blake agreed. "But if you can stick around for a while, it can wait."

  Taking a deep breath of cool, night air, Reese followed Blake up the stairs to his motel room. He could stay a little longer, stretch out his time with Blake as far as it would go.

  Walking into the dark motel room with Blake made Reese shudder with a sense of possibilities the room contained. He almost laughed at himself as Blake flipped on the light and revealed an ordinary, messy room with its unmade bed. To Reese, it wasn't just some grubby, overused space that never saw proper cleaning. It was a paradise and an inferno rolled into one.

  Blake motioned toward the tousled sheets. "You can go ahead and take the bed, such as it is. I can sleep on the floor."

  They both looked at the floor with horror.

  "I better take the floor. I'm used to stuff like that," Reese said. It looked pretty bad, but it wouldn't even make the list of the worst places he had slept.

  Blake wouldn't hear of it. "That's all the more reason you should take the bed. I can deal with sleeping on the floor for one night."

  Reese turned to him so they were face to face. He couldn't keep a smile off his lips. It was so good to be looking at Blake again. There was no way Reese was letting him sleep on the floor.

  "How about if neither one of us sleeps on the floor?" Reese proposed.

  Blake started to say no, but then Reese gave him a hard, challenging look, daring him to wuss out. He did make a concession and kept his clothes on. He had to. When Reese reached for his fly, Blake looked like he was going to have a heart attack. Reese rolled his eyes and stayed dressed. Blake really was wound way too tight. Not that Reese was at ease either. He just had the advantage of being dead tired and being more comfortable in his own skin.

  As he started to climb into bed, Reese realized he should have had a shower, but his eyes were already closing.

  "Damn, I need a shower." Reese started to get out of bed though he was dying to lie down.

  "No. You need sleep. Don't worry about it," Blake told him. He grabbed his arm and held onto him lightly. His touch let Reese know that he meant it.

  Once they hit the sheets, Reese sighed. It was nice to have a mattress under him. Just being indoors and in a real bed was a gift. Having Blake next to him was only something he could dream of. It was worth every sacrifice Reese made just on the off chance that he would see him again.

  It hadn't been easy for Reese to give up the security of the room he rented and his crappy job to go back to Meadowview with so little money in his pocket. Then he had to give up even sleeping indoors as he tried to stay out of sight so Mayes couldn't find him.

  He did all that so he could have this feeling again – Blake next to him, quiet but attentive. Exhausted after nights of being afraid to close his eyes, even finding himself in bed with Blake didn't keep him from falling asleep in seconds. Reese sank into darkness as he tried to cling to the awareness of Blake so close, warm, and tense only a breath away.

  All those nerve-racking, sleepless nights had caught up with him, and so did the nightmares. Feeling so tired, he really wished he could have slept longer, but his own screaming woke him. It was the only sound in an endless darkness. Next thing he heard was Blake's voice. Blake was with him. It was OK. But he still couldn't breathe.

  Even feeling Blake's arms around him, Reese was disoriented. He thought he was still in that dank spot at the bottom of the stairs. It was dark and damp there, and no one could see what Mayes was doing to him.

  Mayes had grabbed him and thrown him down the steps. When Reese suddenly found himself on the ground, the smell of rotting garbage had overwhelmed him. The pain of fists landing against his head and body nearly made him black out.

  Everything was fading. He couldn't smell the overturned garbage right next to him. He couldn't take a breath, and he was close to passing out. But he could see the spilled garbage all around and that wire hanger almost within reach.

  He couldn't breathe because Randal Mayes was on top of him. With his knee pressed into the middle of his back, he was pushing Reese's face into the dirt and telling him what he was going to do to him and how much he was going to enjoy it.

  Just as his hand wrapped around the thin metal of the hanger, Reese realized he wasn't there. He didn't need to fight back. The smell of Blake's skin, his scared, soothing voice, and his shaking hand rubbing Reese's back filled his senses and brought him out of it.

  "Sorry to wake you," Reese told Blake as Mayes guttural screams died in his ears.

  "I wasn't asleep. Are you OK?" Blake asked in a hoarse whisper.

  He had tears in his eyes, and Reese could see him gulp as if swallowing a sob. Reese reached up and touched his face. Stubble grazed the palm of his hand while his fingertips traced a random line on that familiar face. He was really in Blake's arms, being held tightly, protectively even as tears threatened to spill from Blake's eyes.

  "I'm OK," Reese whispered and kissed Blake softly. The touch of their lips was brief. Reese felt heavy and warm, pulled down by the need for sleep. Most of all he felt safe, protected, maybe even... loved?

  Chapter 11

  They didn't exactly wake up together, but that was because Reese slept until noon, and Blake didn't sleep at all. As soon as Reese suggested sharing the bed, Blake knew he wasn't going to get a wink of sleep. Sleeping while next to Reese was impossible. Hell, he could hardly breathe.

  Blake didn't want to sleep anyway. If Reese was willing to share his bed, the least Blake could do was give him his full and undivided attention. Just listening to Reese breathing was intoxicating. But there was also the heat of his body, his face turned partway toward Blake, his hands with long fingers slightly curled.

  Blake spent the early morning hours memorizing every crease in Reese's t-shirt and jeans as his eyes traveled the length of his body. While waiting for Reese to wake up, Blake willed himself to lie still so he wouldn't disturb him.

  That wasn't easy with his body and mind in turmoil over Reese. Hadn't Reese kissed him last night? In the light of day, Blake could hardly believe it. It was so quick and soft, but it was real. That brief touch of his hand and the brush of his partly open mouth over Blake's, what did they mean? No. What Reese did last night didn't count. He was barely conscious.

  B
lake firmly reminded himself that Reese had just come out of a terrible nightmare that held him in its grip even as he seemed to wake up. He still let the sensation play over his lips again and again. The feeling washed all through him with a shockwave of pleasure that made his gut coil.

  There was no staying in bed now. Blake got up in slow motion, watching to make sure Reese stayed asleep. Once he was in the bathroom, he kept himself from jerking off with superhuman effort. He didn't deserve to get off at Reese's expense.

  Reese had been restless during the night, but slept peacefully even as sunlight broke through where the ugly, motel room curtains didn't meet properly. The nightmares made Blake worry about him even more. The protectiveness he felt was overwhelming, even if it was too late. Reese had to go through the roughest part of his life alone. Blake vowed that he would never let Reese feel alone ever again.

  Close to lunchtime, Blake saw signs that Reese would wake up soon. There were small movements, and he turned a few times, taking advantage of the rest of the bed now that Blake wasn't crowding him. The motions of his limbs as he still slept seemed like complaints against waking.

  Seeing him like that, Blake was dying to run his hands over him. He wanted to feel the rough fabric of his jeans and the soft texture of his t-shirt. Then he wanted to bury his face in every crook and every space and inhale him.

  Blake had screwed things up with Reese once before. He wasn't going to do it again by mauling him when he obviously needed rest. Last night they were in the same bed. It was as intimate as they had ever been even if nothing happened. Fighting to get himself under control, Blake decided this was a good time for him to go and get some takeout.

  Though it was closer to lunch, he got coffee and a breakfast of bacon, sausage, and pancakes. Carrying it back to the motel room, Blake tried to get through the door quietly. Head turning on the pillow, Reese blinked at him when he heard him come in. Smelling the coffee and the food, he didn't need to be told what was up. He climbed out of bed and went to use the bathroom while Blake set up the food on the small table.

  The squeaking of the Styrofoam containers broke the silence as they started eating. Since Reese wasn't in the mood to talk, Blake told him the boring things he had been up to. Mainly he talked about college and his job. Listening to him, Reese kept smiling like it made him happy to hear that Blake lived in relative comfort while he suffered. Between them, Reese was the smart one. He deserved to go to college. Blake tried not to show how guilty he felt. Reese would have just told him where to stick it.

  Instead, Blake focused on Reese. Watching him stuffing his face with pancakes, and before that, watching him sleep, were such simple pleasures. It was strange to enjoy something like that so much, but that's what Reese did to him. Now that he had been apart from him for so long, Blake appreciated every second he spent with him. Everything between them seemed at once brand new and comfortably familiar. More than anything, things seemed unfinished.

  "Thanks for breakfast. That was good stuff," Reese told him and went to take a shower.

  Blake scooped up the takeout containers into the trash. Then he listened to the water running in the shower and tried his best not to picture Reese naked. But having held him in his arms, Blake couldn't help translating the feeling of him into an image. He was mentally stripping off Reese's clothes, soaping him up, then letting water run over him.

  But in mid fantasy, his mind snagged on the facts – the reason Blake had been holding Reese. Last night, even after his eyes were open, Reese struggled to free himself of the grip of that nightmare. Watching him suffer was agony for Blake. All he could do was hold him as tightly as he dared and try to reassure him that he was safe. Reese's face did become peaceful just before he fell asleep again. He always seemed so resilient, but he had been through too much. His bad experiences were tormenting him.

  Blake had been lost in thought so he didn't notice the shower turning off. Lying half on the bed with his feet on the floor, he was startled when Reese came out. Blake sat up and watched him. Bare-chested and in his jeans, Reese was wiping his wet hair with a cheap, motel towel. He immediately noticed Blake's heavy mood.

  Putting the towel around his neck, he came closer, eyeing Blake curiously. He stood right in front of him in the space between Blake's knees. At first he only looked down at him with a thoughtful expression, like he was trying to figure out something about Blake that puzzled him. Then he slowly reached out his hand and rested it on Blake's shoulder. His other hand came up to Blake's face.

  "When did you know?" Reese said and his damp hand seemed to burn Blake's skin.

  "Know what?" Blake asked.

  "Everything," Reese said like he wanted to make his question even more difficult to answer.

  "Everything? I hardly know my ass from my elbow. You want a timeline for my fuck-ups? First I found out you left town, and I felt like someone stabbed me in the gut. Then I left home months later. I tried to find you, but I couldn't. At that time I thought my crazy, intense feelings for you were a fluke. Little by little, I realized I was gay. I looked for you for years and didn't have any luck finding you until now."

  Scowling at him, Reese focused on just one piece of information. "You thought I was a fluke? Are you stupid?"

  "I only felt that way about you. I didn't know it had wider implications," Blake said lamely.

  "You are just plain dumb."

  "I know. I'm sorry. And I'm sorry I hit you," Blake said, finally getting the words out. He knew that worlds weren't enough to redeem him. He was raised by a woman who didn't know the true value of anything, but that was no excuse. Reese had it a lot worse at home, and he didn't turn out shitty like Blake. The worst thing was that he wasn't there when Reese needed him. He failed him, and even if Reese forgave him, Blake would never forgive himself. All he could do now was be good to Reese.

  Hearing Blake's apology, Reese said nothing at first. His expression was unreadable.

  "Don't worry about it. I was used to it," Reese told him, dismissing his apology and turning away. He took the towel off his shoulders and pulled a t-shirt from his backpack and put it on.

  Blake stood up and tried to explain. "I should have told you I was sorry then, but I was afraid to be around you."

  "You were that scared I would jump you?" Reese asked, eyeing him sharply.

  "No. I felt so out of control. I was afraid of hurting you, of hitting you again," Blake tried to explain desperately. He felt like his blundering apologies might drive Reese away.

  "Maybe it wasn't a problem," Reese said, his voice both cold and insinuating. "Maybe I liked it. I might be one of those people who get abused and then crave it forever. Duke said I was made for it." With every word, Reese took a step closer until he was face to face with Blake. Taking it further, he pressed into him and backed Blake against the edge of the bed.

  "Don't say that," Blake begged him just as Reese pushed him to sit back down.

  "Don't worry. I only like it when it's you," Reese said as he climbed on the bed with one knee on either side of Blake and sat in his lap.

  "For God's sake." Even though he knew Reese didn't mean it, Blake was horrified.

  "What? You don't like that?" Reese shoved Blake flat on the bed.

  "I know that's not who you are. I never wanted you to have one bad moment in your life," Blake said, feeling helpless to say anything that would make things right between them.

  "Then how could you let me think you hated me?" Reese pressed down on Blake's chest with both hands as he leaned down to stare into his eyes angrily.

  Blake wanted to explain, but Reese kissed him before he could answer. Already breathless, Blake thought he would die. The kiss was hard, painful to his heart, which thudded a deafening beat under Reese's hands.

  His arms were reaching for Reese. His hands were sliding up his body, tangling in his damp hair, cupping his face. His whole body rose toward that kiss until Reese abruptly broke it off.

  "That's what you do when I kiss you, not hit me,"
Reese told him.

  They were both breathing hard now, erections crowding the fronts of their jeans.

  Blake moaned. He didn't know if it was from all the love and pain in his heart or from how much he wanted Reese. Blake thought his heart would burst. He was afraid to move. His hands were frozen on Reese's hips. Then Reese climbed off him suddenly. Blake still lay there like he was paralyzed.

  "I don't want to sit in here all day. Let's go outside," Reese said.

  Blake followed him like a sleepwalker. He felt as if he had been punched in the gut. He lagged behind Reese. In the last few minutes, Blake had forgotten how to walk. At the top of the stairs, Blake saw Reese stop further down and turn to look at him.

  "You finally found me. Is it everything you dreamed of?" he asked.

  "Yes," Blake answered without thinking. It was true. Reese was there, just a few steps ahead of him. He could be as mean as he wanted to be. Blake deserved it. He would take what he had coming and never let him go.

  Standing at the bottom of the steps, Reese looked around. Blake stopped right behind him and resisted the urge to bury his face in the crook of his neck and inhale the freshly clean scent of his skin. Still under the influence of his hard-on and the kiss that put it there, Blake was standing dangerously close to Reese. While Blake was mesmerized by the nearness of his body, Reese pointed toward a thrift store down the road.

  "I want to check that out."

  Blake remembered how much he liked to poke around, looking at weird old stuff in smelly stores and at garage sales. This was the first time Blake looked forward to being dragged along. Whatever they did was fine as long as Reese was there.

  Reese certainly took his time at the thrift store and then came out empty-handed. Blake wondered if he did it just to test his endurance. He would have to do a lot better than that. Blake was prepared to do anything to stay by his side.