Diary of a Young Girl

by Mark Anthony

  “Yes.”

  “You just stated a minute ago that you didn’t remember that night of having random sex with a guy you had known for less than two hours, is that correct?”

  “Yes, but because I had been drinking.”

  “Oh, you had been drinking. So did that cause a lapse in memory?”

  “Possibly.”

  “Well, had you been drinking on the night that you claim you were raped?”

  “Yes, but—”

  “Yes, indeed. You were drinking that night!” the lawyer screamed and cut me off in the middle of my words.

  “Let’s get this straight: At eighteen years old you can’t remember how many sexual partners you’ve had, you’ve admitted that you started having sex at the age of nine years old, you have admitted to repeated lies. You admitted that you’ve had a lapse in memory when you were drinking and now you want this jury to believe that this innocent man raped you?”

  I kept quiet and didn’t say anything.

  “Shayla, are you a promiscuous woman?”

  “No!”

  “Did you have a promiscuous past?” the lawyer asked as he got right up in my face.

  “Yes, but it wasn’t my fault!” I screamed as tears started rolling down my eyes.

  “So you’re not a promiscuous woman but you’ve had a promiscuous past? No further questions, Your Honor,” the defense lawyer said.

  Jessica immediately got up, walked over to me and handed me a tissue.

  After I regained my composure she began to ask questions so that she could clean up the damage that the defense attorney had done to my credibility. Thankfully, Jessica cleaned things up in a quick, clean, and painless way and I was soon off of the witness stand and back at the prosecutor’s table.

  Antonio Reid was called to the stand next. His lawyer basically tried to defend him by sticking to the alibi that Antonio Reid had originally given and also by focusing on how he had moved away from his criminal past and was a devoted father and soon-to-be-husband.

  When Jessica cross-examined him she poked all kinds of holes into his story. She asked him had he ever been to the Pink Chocolate strip club, which he admitted that he had. She asked him had he ever been physically abusive toward a woman before in the past and he admitted that he had.

  Overall he did an excellent job to help save his ass. He never got flustered at any point during his stint on the witness stand and that could have been because he had a packed courtroom full of supporters to draw strength from.

  The third day and the final day of the trial consisted of expert testimony of people in the medical field and the forensic specialist. They were brought in by the prosecution to help illustrate for the jury how rare Antonio Reid’s blood type was and the differences in blood types in general and why they felt strongly, based on statistics and odds, that Antonio Reid was indeed the person who raped me.

  After the experts witnesses were finished, it was time for closing arguments and I have to admit that both sides gave great closing arguments. The defense begged the jury to see through me and see that I was not credible based on the admitted lies that had come out of my mouth. They also begged the jury to see through the prosecution’s probability theories. The defense told the jury that unless there was a one hundred percent probability, then everything else could be thrown out the window because anything less than one hundred percent equated to reasonable doubt.

  When Jessica spoke during her closing arguments, she reminded me of an A-list actress with her passion. She pointed out to the jury that yes, I had lied, but I’d admitted that before I was caught lying, which showed my true nature to voluntarily have the truth exposed. She said had I been caught lying instead of being straightforward after having told my fibs then no one would really know if I was being genuinely contrite or if I was being contrite simply because I was caught not telling the truth.

  Jessica also asked the jury to use common sense when they looked at the probabilities. First, she told them to remember that the movie that Antonio Reid had gone to see—which no one was doubting—was a movie that had ended in more than enough time for him to make it to Pink Chocolate before I had left. She asked the jury not to forget that Antonio Reid had been to the strip club in the past and that he had been violent toward women in the past.

  But the most powerful part of Jessica’s closing arguments was when she dug into her pocket and she pulled out a dollar bill and a lottery ticket. She proceeded to tell the jury that if each of them were to wager one dollar on the lottery that the likelihood of any of them winning the lottery was slim to none.

  “Why would your chances be so slim?” Jessica calmly asked the jury. “Based on the probabilities, that’s why!” She then paused and gathered her words and thoughts.

  “The defense wants you to ignore the rare probabilities that exist in this rape case. But I tell you that you cannot ignore probabilities. And if any of you think that you can go out today and play the lottery and win, then don’t convict Antonio Reid in this rape case. But if you don’t think that you can go out today and win the lottery, then I say that you have an obligation and a duty to convict Antonio Reid simply because you understand long odds and probabilities. With both the probabilities and with the evidence that has been presented to you over the course of the past three days, I urge you and plead with you to do the right thing and convict Antonio Reid for the vicious criminal act that was perpetrated on this beautiful young lady that you see sitting right there at that table.”

  With that both sides rested. The case went to the jury.

  All anyone could do at that point was wait for the jury to deliberate and to come back with a verdict.

  Chapter Twenty-four

  Kwame

  Two days had passed and the jury was still deliberating. They had deliberated all day Thursday and all day Friday and they still hadn’t reached a verdict. The rule of thumb was that when juries reached quick verdicts it usually meant a conviction. On the flip side, when juries deliberate for too long it usually meant that they would come back with an acquittal.

  I was a nervous wreck the entire time during deliberations. With the weekend coming up it meant that the jury wouldn’t be resuming deliberations until that upcoming Monday. Andrea assured me that I didn’t have anything to worry about. She told me to go home and try my best to relax.

  My aunt wanted me to come by her house for the weekend but I declined. I would have loved to have chilled with my aunt, but the truth was that I had never really mended things with my cousin Earl and it would have just been awkward as hell being around him.

  So I went home and tried my best to relax. After taking a shower and cooking something to eat I chilled on my sofa and started watching music videos. And at about ten o’clock that night, just as I was dozing off, my phone rang.

  “Hello,” I said into the cordless handset.

  “Hello, can I speak to Shayla?” a male voice asked.

  I was feeling really sleepy and I didn’t recognize the voice. I sat up a bit and tried to be more alert.

  “Speaking.”

  “Hey Shayla, I don’t know if you remember me, but this is Kwame. I met you when you came down to Howard for a tour a couple of weeks ago?”

  There was a pause of silence as I tried my best to remember who this Kwame was.

  “You don’t remember me? I was the one who introduced myself to you just before you were about to get in your car.”

  “Oh, okay,” I said as a smile plastered across my face.

  There was some more silence.

  “So, you do remember who I am?”

  “Yeah, of course I remember you. What threw me off was that I just didn’t remember giving anybody my number when I was down there,” I replied.

  “Well, actually you didn’t give me your number. I’ve done some detective work every day since I’d met you, trying to get ahold of your number.”

  I chuckled into the phone.

  “Detective work? Well, why didn’t you just
ask me for my number when you introduced yourself to me that day?”

  “I wanted to but honestly you intimidated a nigga.”

  “Me?” I laughed and said, “I was nice to everybody that weekend.”

  “Yeah I know, but I mean, you look all attractive and sexy, your gear was all top-of-the-line designers and you was getting into a Mercedes-Benz. I’m just some down-south country nigga and I thought you would just brush me off.”

  I felt flattered at that moment and a big smile came across my face. I chuckled again. “Nah, I am so not like that.”

  There was more silence on the phone and I could sense that Kwame was somewhat shy and didn’t have much game, so I spoke up.

  “Okay, so now you got me on the phone, so what’s up?”

  “Well, I know that classes start in two weeks and I just wanted to put my bid in early and see if I can get first dibs on taking you out to eat or to the movies or something like that.”

  A girlie, tingly feeling came over me when Kwame asked me that. It was the first time in my life that a guy had straight-up asked to take me out. I mean, guys had asked to get with me and they were usually straight-up and blunt about their intentions, but never had anyone asked me out in the traditional sense.

  “If you went through all kinds of trouble to get my number, well then, of course you can take me out. I feel special.”

  I could tell that Kwame was smiling on the other end of the phone as he began to speak.

  “Yo, you don’t know how hard that was for me to ask you that. I mean, the worst thing that you could have said was no. But I just think that you are so beautiful and I would’ve been crushed if you had said no.”

  “Aww, that’s so sweet,” I replied.

  “So you’re from New York, right?”

  “Yeah, and you?”

  “Oh, I’m from South Carolina but I like D.C. much better and I stayed here this summer after my freshman year was complete.”

  “Oh, okay,” I replied.

  “So can I give you my number?” Kwame asked.

  He proceeded to give me his number and I gave him my cell phone number. I also told him that he could call me back before school started if he wanted too. We ended our conversation and I got off the phone feeling all warm and fuzzy and excited.

  I got up and I went to my kitchen. Although I had told myself that I would stop drinking, I convinced myself that it was okay for me to have one drink in order to unwind from the trial. So I poured myself my favorite drink, which was Bacardi and Coke.

  Yeah, a few days prior, I had lost my will to resist alcohol and I broke my vow of not keeping alcohol in my house. I had gone and purchased a gallon-sized bottle of Bacardi.

  I drank that one drink that I had poured for myself and before I knew it that one drink had turned into three drinks and those three drinks had turned into six drinks and I found myself buzzing and happy as hell. Only now that I was buzzing I had to find an outlet for that nice feeling that I was experiencing.

  What I ended up doing was I returned to what was familiar to me and what had been my outlet for so long, and that was sex. I grabbed my cable remote control and I searched for the adult pay-per-view channels. Immediately I got on the phone with the cable company and I ordered an adult movie.

  Less than five minutes into the movie I found myself masturbating on my living room sofa. As the movie played I continued to drink my Bacardi and Coke, which gave me the courage to keep watching the movie. After I’d watched one movie I ordered another movie and then another one after that.

  By the time it was two o’clock in the morning I was good and drunk. Since I had masturbated and had had a total of six orgasms, my body was feeling all tingly and good and I felt as if I didn’t have a care in the world.

  As I prepared to fall asleep right there on the sofa with a porno movie playing in the background, I decided that I really didn’t care what the verdict in my rape case would be. As long as I had sex and liquor I knew that I would always be all right. I also wondered about Kwame and if he was packing or not and would he be any good in bed. In fact, I couldn’t wait to get to school to see him so that I could give him some and find out firsthand exactly what he was working with.

  Chapter Twenty-five

  The Verdict

  That following Monday my phone began ringing at 5:00 A.M. It was Andrea. She had called to wake me up to ensure that I would be at her office by 8:00 that morning.

  “You up?” Andrea asked me.

  “Not really,” I replied. I was groggy as all hell. My Friday night drinking had turned into a weekend of binge drinking and masturbating. So at 5:00 A.M. that Monday morning I was still feeling hungover.

  “Well, get up. The verdict should be in sometime this morning.”

  I didn’t reply to her. My head was pounding.

  “Shayla? Get up, girl!”

  “Andrea, I don’t feel good,” I groaned through the phone.

  “What’s wrong?”

  I kept quiet.

  Andrea didn’t immediately respond so I spoke up.

  “I feel hungover.”

  Andrea again didn’t immediately respond.

  I sucked my teeth and said, “I’m just tired of all this court bullshit! I’m tired of my father’s tired ass! I’m tired of phony mothafuckas! I’m tired of trying to be something that I’m not destined to be.”

  “What are you destined to be?” Andrea asked.

  “Andrea, you know what, no disrespect, but I don’t know and I really don’t care.”

  “Shayla, look, baby, it’s probably just your nerves, you know, thinking about the verdict and all. Get up. Get dressed and I’ll send a car to come get you.”

  I blew some air into the phone.

  “Come on, Shayla, it’s the last day. I promise you the verdict is gonna come in today and it’ll be all over.”

  I chuckled as I tried to sit up in my bed. “You know what? Can I just be honest with you about how I feel?”

  Andrea didn’t say anything.

  “I don’t care about the fucking verdict! I don’t care about college! I don’t care about none of that shit!”

  “So what do you care about? No, matter of fact, let me tell you what you care about, Shayla. All you care about is laying up with somebody so you can trick yourself into thinking that that person loves you and thinking that they give a shit about you. And if I’m lying, then you stop me. But what you wanna do is go out and get some dick and bury your issues in sex and then get drunk and high so you won’t have to think about the sex you shouldn’t have had. And when you recover from your hangover and the medicated feelings of being high, you’ll wanna get some more dick to start the cycle all over again. Shayla, I can shoot straight with you because I’ve been there and I’ve done that. Now I’m telling you what you gotta do is get up outta that bed. Get dressed and when the car comes for you I want you to come down here and look into the eyes of the man who raped you while the jury tells him he’s guilty.”

  I sat up in the bed and my eyes were as wide as the moon. I definitely hadn’t expected Andrea to respond to me like that.

  “But what if they find him innocent?”

  “Then if they do you and I will pick up the pieces and we’ll get through this together. But that’s not gonna happen, Shayla. And what else is not gonna happen is you’re not gonna lay around thinking the worst of yourself. And you’re damn sure not gonna be laying around trying to fuck your problems away.”

  I was quiet and I was shocked at the way Andrea was talking. I didn’t know what to say so I kept my mouth shut.

  “If you’re hungover, it’s all right. Just do the best you can to get yourself together and I’ll have the car there for you in one hour. Okay?”

  I blew some more air into the phone before saying okay.

  “And Shayla, I wanna tell you something else.”

  “What?”

  “I love you. And we’re gonna get through this thing today and then you’re gonna go off to college
and make things happen for yourself. All right?”

  “Yeah.”

  I got off the phone with Andrea and I peeled myself out of bed. Somehow I willed myself into the shower and I got myself ready within an hour. A Lincoln Continental was waiting for me downstairs in front of my building and I hopped in and was whisked away to Andrea’s office. By the time I reached her office it was only seven o’clock in the morning and most people hadn’t come in to work yet, which was good because I still felt like shit.

  “You don’t look too bad. Matter of fact, you look good,” Andrea said to me as I came into her office.

  “Yeah, but I don’t feel good,” I said with a mini-smile plastered across my face.

  “Close the door.”

  I closed the door and I sat down.

  “So what happened to you?”

  I shook my head and I proceeded to tell her how I had went on a drinking binge throughout the weekend.

  “The weekend is gone and we’re not gonna get that time back so it doesn’t make sense to harp over what we can’t change. But I can tell you this. Binges like that are gonna keep happening and the consequences that go along with it are gonna be more and more serious. What you gotta do in times like this weekend is pick up the phone and call me. I’m here for you but you gotta reach out to me if you wanna stay on the right track.”

  I nodded and I smiled because I was expecting Andrea to come down on me and abuse me verbally, but she didn’t.

  “Now, Shayla, it was hard for me to hold this in since Friday, but the jury reached a verdict late Friday at around six-thirty.”

  My heart started beating and I sat up in my chair.

  “Before you ask me, I don’t know what the verdict is. I just know that it’s been reached. But since it was so late on Friday we decided to just hold everything off until Monday morning.”

  “Wow,” I said as I stood up and walked around the room.

  “Don’t be nervous.”

  “I’m not nervous. It’s just that it seems like everything is hinging on this verdict.”

  “Everything like what?”