by Stefania Gil
“That's it,” Claire said. “What Mom needs to be what she has always been.”
“I want to be with her,” Jason commented.
“I think it's a good idea to be with her when she wakes up.”
The youth, without thinking, went to their mother's room.
“I'm going to go, Jen.” Steve smiled ruefully. “It's not what I want, but it's what I should do. Right now, Holly, needs privacy and to be with her kids.”
Sigh.
“I beg you to call me anytime to let me know how things are going. I don’t care if you call me 50 times a day.”
“Don’t worry, Steve, and thanks for all the support. I'll keep you informed.”
He hugged me.
“Don’t leave her.”
“I'm not going to.” He was very worried.
Steve left the house.
I sat down again on the sofa in the living room.
The next few days were going to be very hard for Holly and her children. I had to be there for them.
I checked my wrist watch.
It was midnight and suddenly, I remembered I hadn’t called James to tell him I couldn’t attend dinner.
I left the house to retrieve my cell phone from the car. I had thrown it in the seat after Claire's call.
I picked it up swiping the screen.
Five missed calls.
Three, had been Claire's before we spoke.
And two, from James.
He also left a voice message.
I pressed the button to listen to it.
“You have a voice message left at 11:00 p.m.” A beep sounded, and James's voice came: “Hi. I would have liked for you to tell me you didn’t want to go to dinner.” I felt my stomach drop. “Or at least answer the phone. I thought things would be different starting today Jen. But it is very clear to me your fears will always be stronger than the love you say you have for me.”
There was a pause as my hands began to shake.
“Like I told you yesterday when I came to your house.” He sighed and I heard his voice tremble. “I love you, but I can’t live with half of you. I hope you find the true happiness that frees you from your fears.”
When the message was over, I dialed James's phone immediately. I didn’t care if he was sleeping. He had to know that I didn’t show up at his house due to an emergency with Holly.
The phone rang several times when he finally answered.
“Hello, I'm sorry to call you at this time; I just needed to tell you that—”
I was interrupted by a James who was an absolute stranger to me.
“I do not want you to explain anything to me. Glad to know you're okay. I thought maybe, something had happened to you—”
I interrupted him.
“Yes, something happened to me, let me explain. Holly had an attack and—”
“Jen!” He exclaimed VERY annoyed.
I was startled by the tone of his voice.
“I don’t want you to explain anything to me. If it is not Holly, it will be somebody else who has some emergency freeing you from having a serious relationship with me.”
“No James, I really—”
“Good-bye, Jen. Don’t make this harder for me. Please don’t call me or look for me.”
He hung up.
My hands, arms and knees, began to tremble forcefully. I was angry with fate and with life for giving me a second chance and then snatching it away from me like that.
I was furious with James. He hadn’t even let me try to explain. Yeah, maybe I was wrong not to call him earlier, but what could I do? My friend, almost sister was suffering from an attack and I had to help her. I couldn’t leave her alone or say, “Hey Holly, I'm sorry, but could you handle your own crisis for a couple of hours while I go to dinner at James's?”
Damn it! Damn the whole universe!
Tears streamed down my cheeks and the pain in my chest was unsustainable. However, I had to face reality.
First, for Holly. I couldn’t afford to fall into my problems, because she needed me to be strong for her and second, because no douche in the entire world had the right to say he loved me, if he was not going to want to hear my problems or my emergencies, he would not care.
Oh no! James Bracco was very wrong. If he wouldn’t allow me to explain my absence that night, even after I told him I had an emergency, then he could go to hell because he was a selfish bastard.
I resolved to erase him from my mind and my heart.
***
Between what happened to Holly and how bad my heart ached, I could barely sleep or had eaten more than a bite in three days.
Since the night we put Holly in her room, she had not left.
I had tried to go into her room to talk to her, but she refused to keep company. Not even her children's.
It was all chaos.
I was starting to get tired of it. Yes, I understood Holly's situation. What she was going through was not easy, but she had to get out of the rut she was in or it was be harder to recover emotionally.
And I still didn’t know exactly what the hell had happened between her and Sam. I wished with all my heart to have the ability to see Sam so he could tell me what happened and then I would kick his ass for hurting my friend.
Although, she also deserved an ass kicking for being a fool and for letting the absurd and crazy situation with Sam go on for so long.
I sighed.
“Aunt,” Claire called me as she walked into the kitchen to grab her breakfast. “Something must be done with Mom. We can’t let her remain locked in her room. I just went in there and the smell is unbearable.”
I smiled. Claire was as harsh as life itself. She had a well-formed character since she was very young.
“You have to understand the process,” I said. “I agree it is necessary to remove her from there and also, the entire room smells bad but I don’t know if it is too soon to make her see reason.”
My cell phone rang.
I checked it anxiously, hoping it was James. But no, it was Steve.
“Good morning, Steve.”
“Hi, Jen. How's Holly today?”
I sighed.
“The same,” I said with resignation. “Claire and I are thinking about taking her out of her room anyway. But I do not know if it's too soon for that.”
“As a professional, I can say yes, it's too soon. However, as a man, I need Holly out of the state she's in. I’m not looking forward to going over there to continue our business. What matters to me is that she's fine, Jen.”
I sighed again.
“I have a plan. I'll call you in a bit.”
It was when I went up to her room, determined to get her out of her depressing universe she was.
I didn’t even knock on the door.
“It's time for this to end, Holly,” I said worriedly.
She turned to look at me and I was surprised when I saw her more clearly.
“Good heavens, Holly! Your eyes are so swollen, honey.”
I hugged her very tight.
“I lost it like a fool, Jen. I let him leave after an argument,” she said through sobs.
“Shhh,” I comforted her stroking her back softly. “Everything moves on, Holly, and I'm sure wherever Sam is now, he also understands your situation and knows that you didn’t do any of it on purpose. He knows you're not guilty of anything.”
“Yes, I am. I forced him to stay by my side and then I wanted to push him away. He had to have thought I no longer love him and that, he was getting in the way.”
“Holly, stop the drama,” I said, straightening up and looking at her seriously, “I think you're going a little too far. Listen, you're not guilty of anything and you're going to stop right now. You're going to take a long shower because you smell like roses, but dead. “She looked at me hatefully. Then, you're going to leave this room. In fact, you're going to leave the house.
“I don’t want to.”
“I don’t give a damn whether you like it o
r not.” I had to be strong because her depressed mood made her act like a spoiled brat. “It's better if you do it yourself because if you don’t, I'm going to have to drag you into the bathroom. Is that understood?”
“You have no idea what I'm going through, Jen.”
I let out an ironic laugh as she had no idea what I was going through with James.
“You're acting like your mother with so much drama and I think we have enough with her.”
Holly glared at me furiously. Yes, that was my plan. My way of making my friend react. She couldn’t bear to be told she acted like her mother.
“I am not acting like my mother.”
“Oh! Yes you are! And worse. Believe me!”
“You are very wrong.”
I turned my back on her, starting to the door before leaving, I turned around and said:
“Then get your ass up and show me how wrong I am.”
***
I had not started down the stairs when I heard heavy footsteps inside Holly's room and a door slamming to the bathroom inside her room.
Ha! I knew how to wake my friend up!
A while later, I was in the kitchen listening to the bathroom tub fill upstairs.
I smiled pleased and called Steve.
“Give me good news, please.”
“All you want,” I said triumphantly. “She's taking a bath now and I told her to leave the house today. The thing is, I do not know where to take her.”
“Take her to this address.” I did as Steve asked. “That is the address of an old patient’s shop who knows about esoteric matters.”
I laughed.
“Steve, I'm not going to take Holly to a place where they do witchcraft or they're going to trick her into believing they're contacting Sam's spirit.”
“Trust me, Jen,” he said, distressed. “I'm not a believer in these things either, but I'm sure my ex-patient can help her somehow. We have to try everything to bring Holly back to normal.”
“You're adorable, Steve.”
“Thank you, Holly is important to me.”
“I know. You have already proved that to me. I will take her to this place and let you know what happens.”
“Thanks for all the support you have given her,” he said. “The support of loved ones is fundamental in these cases.”
“She's my life sister, Steve. It is my responsibility to be with her.”
We hung up.
Claire and Jason had already gone to school. By no means would she allow them to stay home waiting for their mother to react at some point. They were to go on with their lives considering that would keep them busy.
The florist was alright in Rick's hands. I didn’t have to think about it. He told me not to worry about anything when I called him to tell him what had happened to Holly. The bakery was in the hands of our partners who kept updated on Holly’s condition at all times.
Holly came into the kitchen when I finished making breakfast. She had been drinking water and eating occasionally for three days. So she needed to eat.
I smiled when I saw her enter.
“I'm glad you showed me that you don’t act like Amanda. Sit down, we're going to have breakfast.”
“Where is everyone?” she asked.
“Continuing with their lives, Holly,” I said placing a large plate of chopped fruit in front of her.
“Thank you,” she said, placing her hand on mine. “I'm glad you're here with me, right now. I want to apologize for not having listened to you before. If I had not been so stubborn, I would not be reliving all the pain of Sam's loss now.”
“I know. You don’t have to apologize. Nobody learns from the advice others give us.”
“I feel like I'm lost,” she said, and tasted a piece of banana. I knew I had succeeded with breakfast by the look of satisfaction on her face after eating the fruit.
“You are,” I added, smiling sympathetically. “But we're going to fix it, today.”
She continued to eat without stopping. It pleased me.
“Yes,” I repeated in a lower tone, “we will begin to fix it today.”
“Shall we go to a therapist?”
I nodded.
“It will be a special therapist. I don’t know if it will work, but we can try.”
***
We left the house around noon. On the way to Steve's patient shop, we were both silent. Each one, submerged in our own thoughts. Sure enough, Holly was thinking about Sam and me, of course, about James.
I wanted my friend to get out of her depression as quickly as possible and for her emotional wounds to heal just as quickly but at the same time, I was miserable at the thought, since once Holly was well, I wouldn’t have to worry about her or to put her suffering before mine.
Which meant I would have plenty of time to take care of how I felt and that did not seem like a good idea.
I had no idea how to handle James' permanent absence. Especially after the way he had spoken to me.
I parked the car in front of a shop downtown. At first sight, it indicated its commercial activity.
“Is that where we're going?” Holly asked in surprise.
“Yeah,” I said. “Let's try everything as I explained at home. Steve, talked to one of these women who apparently was his patient some time ago. He says they may be able to help you spiritually.”
We got out of the car and entered the place.
A few bells hanging on the door advertised our arrival.
A pretty lady with long blond hair and some fire red locks, approached us.
“Hello! You must be Jen and you, Holly,” she said, holding out her hand.
“Correct,” I said. “You are...”
“Romina,” said the lady, smiling, “we're ready. You can pass.”
“Come on,” I said to Holly taking her hand.
The back of the store was sectioned with cubicles and in the center was a round table made of dark wood. On the table, there was a violet tablecloth and a deck of cards face down.
Romina sat where the cards were resting and another woman with light brown curly hair and immense water-green eyes placed an incense, a white candle and a glass of water to Romina's right.
“I'm Anna Paula,” the green-eyed lady informed us.
“Sit down, please,” said Romina. Holly, you must sit in front of me.
She did as Romina ordered and I sat in the empty chair next to her. Holly looked scared. We had never been to such a place, not even motivated by adolescent curiosity. We were both unbelievers of the divine and spiritual. I much less than her, of course.
Now, I only believed in the god of work and health considering the rest of my life was so chaotic that there couldn’t be a god or supreme power in it.
-Let's start with a simple Tarot reading and then, you will go with Anna Paula to do a hands imposition.
Holly nodded.
-It's the first time you both are doing this, right?
-Yes -I answered.
“They're nervous,” Anna Paula added.
“Very much,” Holly said.
The women laughed.
“You don’t have to be, Holly. You will see everything will be fine.”
Romina took the deck of cards in front of her and began to shuffle them slowly, while closing her eyes and mumbling something. She placed the cards in front of Holly.
“You are going to cut the deck with your left hand.”
Holly did so with trembling hands.
Romina, was silent for a few seconds after turning over twelve letters and forming a circle with them.
“At this time, you are very depressed. You lost a loved one a while ago” she stared at the glass of water. “I'm not sure how long ago you lost him. It seems like it was a couple of years ago but your pain is a few days ago.”
I opened my eyes in surprise. These women did have psychic power.
Holly was speechless and seeing the anxiety on her face, I knew she wanted to be told more.
“Mmmm,” Romina
said, still looking at the glass of water. “You lost your husband. I am sorry. I just saw the traffic accident.”
Holly nodded and took my hand. I gave her a light squeeze.
The girl with the red locks tried to continue with the interpretation of the cards but was interrupted by the flame of the lit candle at her side. The flame sparked and grew a few centimeters.
“I want you to take this calmly, Holly,” Anna Paula said. “Your husband is here with us.”
Holly started looking for Sam with despair in her eyes.
Her face reflected the panic she felt when she realized she could not see him.
“Relax,” said Romina. You can’t see him because you’re very nervous.”
“I want to know, did he cross over into the light?”
“No,” Anna Paula answered. “He doesn’t want to cross yet.”
“We have to talk, Sam. I have a lot of things to tell you.”
Anna Paula and Romina met each other's gazes.
“What happen?” Holly asked in anguish.
“Let's go with the letters reading and then, we will have a session.”
“I can’t keep this up,” Holly told everyone. “I’m sorry.”
She left the room and sat on the sofa at the store’s entrance.
Romina followed her.
Anna Paula looked me with sympathy.
“We are going to do a special session with Holly and Sam. We will close the store to the public and allow Sam and Holly to connect. I think this is going to be their final goodbye,” she said, looking me directly in the eyes and I understood her look.
I went straight to Holly.
“Why are they closing the store?” she asked me.
“They’re going to do a special session, Holly,” I said. “Sam wants to talk to you.”
That was when my friend finally smiled after so many days. She didn’t smile at my words, her smile was directed to an empty area in the room and I assumed, she was looking at Sam.
Romina, Anna Paula and another lady in the store murmured a strange prayer.
And as if by magic, I could also see Sam. He didn’t look like an apparition. I could see him as clear as the rest of us who were there.
