Fuck.
Her insides start to quiver, and she moans steadily as she comes until finally her legs release their grip. I feel it building as I pump in and out of her tight, little body. I root myself with one final hard thrust and come undone. I feel her bite her bottom lip as I give her all of my weight. I remove my hand and place it between the sheet and her body. I keep going until I have her soft ass cheek in my hand. I knew it would feel this way in my hand.
I roll her over on top of me, and then tuck her into my side. I remove the condom, tie it in a knot and toss it on the floor. I wrap my arm around her and tuck her securely to me, then smooth her long hair against my chest. I kiss the top of her head and rest my head on my pillow.
I’ve never allowed a woman to sleep in my bed, and Joss is no different. She’ll have to go. For now, I want to hold the little piece of innocence I have in my arms. I’ve never slept with anyone except for the women Sebastien brings me. Somehow, she feels untouched by his corrupt greed.
She softly sighs in my arms and the sound makes me close my eyes. Before I know it, I fall fast asleep.
I wake in a cold sweat, with the visions of my nightmares. I push the button on the clock and it reads the time.
“The current time is two nineteen AM,” the voice says, loudly.
Joss stirs in my arm with a sigh, but stays asleep. I never intended to fall asleep. I never intended to allow her to stay in my bed. I get out of bed and take a quick shower. I’m not good with taking quick showers. I can’t get rid of my weakness in a short shower. I exit the shower and walk to my dresser. I open the top drawer and run my hand over the contents. I feel past the socks, then over to my underwear. I take a pair from the top and put on my boxers.
I walk to the stairs and freeze. The stairs are a trigger for me. Josh lives upstairs, though. I need him to get my clothes and I need him to get me out of here. Falling asleep and still having Joss here was a big mistake.
I swallow hard and take the stairs one at a time. I count until I reach the last one, then I run my fingers along the wall until I come to Josh’s door. I knock a knuckle on the door and wait.
Josh must sleep with his ears at attention because he opens the door in under fifteen seconds.
“River, what’s wrong?” he asks, concerned.
“Nothing’s wrong. I need you to get dressed to go into the office. Joss is in my bed. Bring me my clothes in the family room. We’re leaving now,” I tell him.
“I’ll be right down,” he says, and then moves quietly back into his room.
I make my way downstairs and wait for Josh. Five minutes later, he’s handing me my clothes.
“What do you want me to do about Joss?” he asks.
“Let her sleep. She’ll need a ride since you drove her here. Leave her a note and the keys to the Ferrari,” I tell him as I finish getting dressed.
As I get into my car, running away from my own home and what sleeps beautifully in my bed, I begin to realize that I don’t deserve someone as good as Joss. I’m reminded that she’ll only get hurt when she realizes I’ll never have a relationship with her. Things have gone too far. I need to get her out of my life. I’ll have to fire her.
As I start to come awake, I quickly want to go back to sleep. I was dreaming of beautiful sandy beaches and the loud thundering crash of waves as they crept up the golden sand. Before I can even open my eyes, I start to realize that it’s not a dream and I’m actually listening to the waves of the ocean as they hit the sandy beaches just a few feet from where I lay.
My eyes pop open and I sit up in bed as the previous night hits me like a ton of bricks. I quickly look around the unfamiliar room and start to panic. I slept with River last night. Damn it! Why did I do that? I have never slept with a guy on the first night, or the second, or the third for that matter. My phone? Where’s my phone? Nina is probably going berserk, crazy, worried out of her mind because I didn’t come home last night.
I look around the room for my purse and see a note sitting on the nightstand. I glance at the clock as I remove it. Shit, it’s after seven. I’m due at my first client’s house in under an hour. How am I getting home? Why did I let him pick me up? Doesn’t that go against every single woman’s dating rule? Meet them at the restaurant, that’s not too hard to remember. If I had done that, then I also would have known we weren’t actually going to a restaurant and I wouldn’t have fucking slept with him. He was being such an ass, too, asking what I expected from him. He actually thought I only agreed to come out with him because I wanted to sleep with him.
But, last night was incredible. I’ve never had a man take me the way River did. He was so in charge of every move he made and he knew how to move to make my body come alive. And after we made love, he tucked me into his side like he needed me to breathe. After he kissed the top of my head, I listened to his breathing even out, and the final sigh he gave when his body went limp was pure joy to my soul. It was like me being in his arms gave him permission to let go and relax. I feel the heat rise in my cheeks and the smile creep on my lips as I open the note.
The second I read the note, my face heats up again, but this time it’s with anger. What a fucking asshole! It’s not even from him. It’s a short note from Josh. All it says is, feel free to take River’s car and he’ll schedule a time with me to pick it up later today.
I lift the sheet and quickly slam it back down on my body. I’m completely naked. Shit! I rip the sheet out from its tucked in confines. I get out of bed, wrap it around my body and stomp through his house. I find my phone and go to call Nina. I look at my cell and don’t see any missed calls. Nina wasn’t the least bit worried when I didn’t come home last night? Some friend she is.
I stomp back through his house to the bedroom and pick up my clothes lying neatly over the chair in the corner of the room, minus my underwear. He’s going to have to pay for those! I use his bathroom and run my fingers through my wild hair. It’ll have to be good enough. I grab the keys off of the nightstand and stomp back through his house to the front door. I slam the door closed, and then lock it with the extra key on the key ring. I wouldn’t want someone to break in and all.
There’s a bright, cherry red Ferrari parked in the driveway and I eye it with caution. I bleep the locks open and slip inside the beast of a machine. Good thing my daddy taught me how to drive a stick.
I back out of the driveway and put it into gear, but miss it. Touchy little bastard. I drive down the street and head toward home. I suddenly feel like I’m doing the driving version of the walk of shame. Now I have to go home and walk into my own house wearing last night’s clothes, with sex hair, and face Nina.
As I get to the end of his street, I start to get really mad. Instead of heading home, I head downtown. I pull his expensive monstrosity up to the curb and park right outside his building. I march inside the building and check the directory for his office, and then I march my ass to the elevator with my head held high, sex hair and all. On the ride up, I imagine what his receptionist will look like. I know how these things go. There’s going to be the typical blonde, bimbo receptionist sitting behind a glass desk, and stereotypically she’ll be filing her nails.
The door opens and sitting behind a dark, glossy, wooden desk is a stunning dark haired brunette, and I kid you not, she’s filing her nails. Well, I got the desk wrong and the color of her hair, but I so called the nail filing thing!
I continue right past her and scan the names elegantly stenciled on the heavy, wooden doors. I find the one labeled River Mason at the end of the hall. Underneath his name, it says ‘CEO’, and I suddenly lose my nerve.
The bimbo receptionist comes down the hall hot on my heels. I feel River’s heavy keys in my hand, and I find my nerve again. I open the door just before the receptionist comes up behind me.
“What charity should I send this to?” Josh asks River, as I open the office door.
“You can’t just come in here,” bimbo receptionist says. “I’m so sorry, Mr. Mason, sh
e just barged in,” she continues.
River is sitting in a chair behind a very expensive looking wooden desk. What is it with all the wood doors and desks? Josh is standing at his side, and the second I barge in the door, he bends down and whispers in River’s ear. God, I’m so tired of people whispering around me.
“It’s all right, Autumn, she can come in,” River says, and stands.
He buttons the button on his suit jacket, widens his step and takes one hand in the other, then rests them in the center of his body. Don’t think for one second I didn’t see his instant erection behind those hands either.
Shit, he looks hot. If that’s not the perfect GQ pose, I don’t know what is.
No! This is not why you came here.
“These are yours,” I say, and walk up to his desk.
I slam the keys on his desk, pivot on my heel, and walk out of his office with my sex haired head held high.
I march back to the elevator and stab at the button. I can feel the brunette bimbo behind her wooden desk, staring daggers at the back of my head. The door opens and I get in. I push the button for the first floor and cross my arms over my chest.
It seems like the elevator is stopping on every floor, allowing everyone in the building into the car. As more and more people enter, I’m shoved further and further toward the back. Finally, the elevator comes to a stop on the first floor and the doors open. The people file out and I take three giant steps to get off, but standing in front of me are both Josh and River. Shit, how’d they get down here so fast?
“Going somewhere?” River asks.
“Yeah, home to change so I can get to work,” I reply, and start walking toward the entrance of the building.
He growls in the back of his throat and follows behind me.
“Grab her,” River tells Josh.
I swing around and stop dead in my tracks. Josh grabs onto River’s arm, stopping him before he rams into me.
“Grab my arm, Josh, and I will lay you out flat on the ground where you stand,” I tell him, looking straight into his eyes.
“Ha!” River blurts out in mock shock.
“Care to test it out?” I say, cocking my head, leaning closer to Josh.
“Give us a minute, Josh,” River tells him.
Josh nods his head at me, and then walks back to the center of the room giving us space.
“You’re challenging me again,” he says, in a gravelly voice.
“I am most certainly not challenging you again. If anything, I was challenging Josh,” I tell him.
That earned another low growl in the back of his throat. I really wish he’d stop doing that. It’s kind of sexy and I may be all badass on the outside, but after last night, I feel myself going all mushy on the inside.
“Why are you angry?” he asks.
“Why am I angry?” I repeat.
“Yes, why are you angry? Do you know you have a habit of repeating what was just said to you?” he asks.
Damn it! Yes, I do know I’ve been doing that. I only do it when I’m around him, though.
“Alright, where should I begin?” I say, loudly.
“I asked you last night what you expected from me. You said nothing, and that’s just what you got, nothing,” he butts in.
That felt like a stab to the heart. I made it a conscious effort not to open my mouth at his comment. That comment totally deserved an open mouth expression too.
“You know…” I start.
“You know, what?” he encourages.
“What was I expecting?” I mimic his own words back to him.
“Yes, that is what I asked you.”
“What was I expecting?” I say again, pointing to myself. “What were you expecting?” I say, jabbing my finger into his chest. “You were the one who whipped out a condom from your goddamned pocket!” I finish.
“Isn’t that why you came?” he asks, breaking my heart. “And don’t just repeat what I said. Say something constructive for God’s sake.”
I think about it for a second. He was concerned about me when he fixed the tabloid mess. He did attempt to make it up to me, he failed, but he did try. He was concerned when I was upset, Nina told me so. When I barged into his office, he was in the middle of making a charitable contribution. I know from the papers that he personally and professionally makes many charitable contributions. It’s like on the outside, he has to be this asshole, and he wants people to think he’s an asshole on the inside too. I see straight through that bullshit. I look up at his face and he’s all business, but his eyes, they tell me a different story. I put my hand over his heart, making him flinch, and this time it’s him opening his mouth as he takes in a breath.
“You have a really good heart, River. You just need to learn how to use it,” I say, then remove my hand.
I turn back around and walk out the door. This time he doesn’t try to stop me. If that wasn’t constructive enough for him, then nothing else will be.
It’s been two weeks since I’ve seen or heard from Joss. She didn’t show the next morning at my house on her scheduled day to cook. I had planned on firing her. Instead, I paid her and she didn’t even come. The following week, I had a business trip and wasn’t home. She still didn’t show on her scheduled day. I still paid her. When she placed her hand on my heart it felt as physical as a knife piercing straight through it. And those words she said to me. I can’t get them out of my head.
I’m sitting at my desk at the office slumped in my chair. ‘You have a really good heart, River. You just need to learn how to use it,’ echoes in my head. The way she said my name, it rolled off her tongue and straight into my soul. The funny thing is, she’s wrong, I don’t have a heart. It was ripped straight from my chest and it was left on that freeway along with the broken glass and crumpled metal the day of the accident.
I sent Josh out to pick up lunch, I need to be alone. Usually that’s Autumn’s job, but I needed to be alone to think clearly. A knock on my door distracts me from my thinking.
“Come in,” I say, authoritatively.
The door opens and I immediately know that it’s Stephen. He drags his right heel on the ground with each step he takes. He takes a seat in one of the chairs and sighs. Fuck, I don’t have the patience for him right now.
“What is it?” I demand.
“It’s Kate,” he says, unsure of himself.
My attention immediately peaks. I sit up in my chair and place both hands open palm down on the top of the desk.
“What about Kate?” I question.
“She’s getting out of rehab in two weeks and I need to know what you want to do,” he says.
For just once, I’d like Stephen to make a goddamned decision by himself. This is the longest Kate has been in rehab. Since the accident, she’s been suicidal, or at least said she’s suicidal. She’s gone from one posh rehab to the next rehab for years. To me they’re more like a vacation getaway than rehab. She’s been floundering through life since the accident with no drive or purpose. But six months ago, she downed an entire bottle of painkillers and stepped over the line of saying she wanted to commit suicide, to actually attempting to commit suicide. This time I knew it was time to get serious with her. No more celebrity vacation rehab joints. She was going in for real this time. She’s been gone for six months. I cannot and will not lose another family member. I just can’t.
When I admitted her this last time, I sold her apartment. It’s actually my apartment since I pay all of Kate’s bills. Kate has never held down a job for more than a year. She doesn’t know it yet, and she’ll be pissed when she finds out she doesn’t have a place to go back to. Just for shits and giggles, I want to hear from Stephen what he thinks we should do.
“What do you think we should do?” I ask, knowing full well he can’t make a decision to save his own life.
“I’m not sure. What do you think is best? I think we should do whatever you think we should do,” he replies.
If you ask me, Stephen is just as fucked
up as Kate and I are. Stephen might as well have been in that car with us. I see that accident as a crossroad in all of our lives with three forks, and we each took a different road.
I was in that accident and was left blind. I had the road picked for me by lawyers and trainers. I was shaped and formed to take over for my father. I’m left without my sight, but I wish with all that I have for someone to take away the things that I still see in my head. I’d sell my soul to the devil in a heartbeat if asked.
Kate picked the opposite road and can’t stand the silence. She’s lost without noise or music plugged into her ears to drown out the voices in her head. She’d rather leave this earth by her own hand, than hear what the demons locked in the confines of her skull tell her.
Stephen, while not in the car, must be left with so much guilt. The last words he said to our mother was that she was a bitch. He was determined to stay home and be a man, even though he was still a boy. Now he can’t make a decision for shit. I don’t understand the guilt that he must feel for not being there with us. Stephen couldn’t bring himself to even talk to me until a year after the accident. It’s not even survivor’s guilt, it’s so much worse than that. Kate and I survived. Stephen wasn’t even there. How do you live with yourself when you were supposed to be somewhere where two people died, and two people were injured and left with the nightmares of the sights and sounds of that car wreck? He feels guilty for not being killed or injured like the rest of his family. How fucked up is that?
We’re the fucking Japanese proverb of the three wise monkeys. I’m see no evil. Kate is hear no evil. And Stephen is speak no evil. We’re such a fucked up bunch.
“Tell Autumn on your way out, to clear my calendar the day of her release. I’ll pick her up myself and move her into my home. She can live with me until I’m sure she’s over this bullshit,” I tell him.
It’s not my first choice to have her live with me. But this way, I can keep an eye on her myself. Josh lives in the entire upstairs of my house and there’s only the one bedroom downstairs. I’ll have to move her into the pool house.
I See...Love (A Different Road #1) Page 9
