A Beginner's Guide to Invading Earth

by Gerhard Gehrke

  Having the unit removed was disorienting at first. Flemming took a moment to stare at the labels and safety stickers attached to the grav lift's portal. So much nonsense without a translation. He took the lift down to the lobby, and Ceph followed.

  As they were about to leave, Ceph tapped the Captain's shoulder. He pointed to one of three doors that led from the main lobby to the back of the building. It was an ordinary door of standard color with typical hardware for any creature to operate. This one was unlit and unobtrusive. Flemming shrugged, nonplussed. Why was that door important? Ceph, insistent, tapped Flemming on the shoulder and pointed again.

  Flemming had no idea what the detective wanted him to see.

  Ceph grabbed Flemming's arm and led him over and pointed to the two other doors. These doors had lights and flashing alerts. The first door that Ceph had indicated did not. Flemming gave Ceph a reaffirming pat on the shoulder and went though the dark door. A hallway turned into a ramp that spiraled down the building's interior. The ramp, too, showed no alarm signals, and it was relatively quiet as they followed it. They passed through two more doors, both unlit, and they were outside at the security building's rear near a fountain.

  Flemming put his translator back in. So did Ceph. A flood of sensory input hit Flemming hard, as the sounds filled his ears and head with the full impact of the alert. After a moment to adjust, Flemming looked back at the door. The systemwide alarm obscured the fact that this exit had no alerts sounding from it or around it, something he could only discern with his translation unit taken out. If the alarms were dead around this exit, so would be any surveillance.

  “Someone exited here that did not want to be seen,” Flemming said.

  Ceph nodded.

  “And we never sniffed any of the human traces here. I'm guessing all of the surveillance in this area is down, and someone wanted it that way. But why?”

  Ceph said, “'Such is also the way of an adulterous being who eateth, and wipeth its mouth, and saith, 'I have done no evil.'”

  “Exactly,” Flemming said, not sure what he was agreeing to. But at least Ceph's brain was in the game. “Somebody is up to no good at this time of crisis. Maybe it's connected. We follow the trail, then. Or the lack of one.”

  They removed their translators again and looked for the quiet part of the city around them. Flemming found it, a trail of silence and dim lights that didn't flash, a door leading to a courtyard leading to a walkway leading them away from the security building and through the city. Without translators in, it took effort on Flemming's part to communicate via gestures for Ceph to follow, wait, or even to pay attention to something, as any of these messages could now be misconstrued. Ceph followed his Captain, his winsome words falling on no one's ears but his own.

  ***

  What the Clyptus lacked in resilience to Jordan's swinging board they made up for in their nimble thrusts with and their darts. Jeff and Oliop followed in Jordan's wake as she cut a swath into the enemy's ranks. Gone was the girl smitten with the idea that aliens are all nice. She had been replaced by someone both pragmatic and primal. Jeff still didn't trust her but was content to have her on point. But some of the Clyptus' lunges struck home. Oliop was the first to let out a yelp. His arm started to seize up as the paralytic poison from the Clyptus' dart began to take effect. The three of them made it past one group of grassy aliens and sprinted down the alley that led to a corner gas station.

  They were running across the station's lot when Jordan cried, ”Hey!”

  Three Clyptus came at them from a patch of grass and thistles that grew around a hazy phone booth with cracked glass. One stabbed Jordan through her pants. She began to limp, one of her legs straight and stiff. Jeff grabbed the board from her and took the three Clyptus broadsides in a single stroke, scattering their tiny bodies into the air. From the alley behind came the main group of aliens, an amber wave of angry grain. The Clyptus Captain stood at the center of their charge, a dart pointing towards Jeff and his companions like an officer's sword.

  Again came the cry of, “Get the humans,” while others called, “Vendetta!”

  “I can't run,” Jordan said.

  She hobbled and dragged her numb leg. Jeff dropped the board. Oliop and Jeff grabbed Jordan by each arm, and they moved to the gas station's door. Jeff pushed the door open.

  “We shouldn't stop,” Oliop said.

  “We can't carry her and run,” Jeff said. “Those things seem to be gaining speed.”

  Jeff pulled Oliop inside the gas station and slammed and locked the door. The station was small. A single center rack featured the usual jerky, candy, and energy drinks. A refrigerator covered with stickers held soda, Snapple, and bottled water. On the counter were a cash register and a black plastic coffee machine with a stack of white Styrofoam cups. A folded piece of white card stock read “Coffee - $1.” No one was behind the counter or in the tiny office in back.

  “Besides,” Jeff said, “We have solid glass around us. Those things seem feeble enough that they can't get through, right?”

  Oliop got down low behind the counter and looked outside. “Jeff Abel, the Clyptus are an advanced race capable of interstellar travel. Do you think the glass will stop them?”

  Jordan and Jeff got behind the counter. It smelled of oil and coffee grounds. They watched as a line of Clyptus formed around the front of the station. The Clyptus Captain stood at their front, limbs trembling. Their crackling voices carried indistinctly though the glass. They were chanting.

  “How's the leg?” Jeff asked.

  “It's totally numb,” Jordan said. “What did those asshats hit me with?”

  “A naturally secreted nerve agent,” Oliop said. “It's in their fingers. Not lethal, as far as I know. My app says it won't kill me, anyways.” His left arm was curled to his chest, his fingers closed.

  “Great,” Jordan said. She poked at her leg. “I can't feel a thing, and I can't move it.”

  Jeff crept to the front door for a clear look outside. “They're just standing there wiggling.”

  Out front, the war chant ended. The Clyptus Captain put his arms down and got in line with his crew. Several of them reached into unseen pockets and pulled out a variety of hand-held devices, some with pointy ends, lights, and barrels. Jeff had seen enough firearms in movies to know the Clyptus assault was past the pokey dart phase.

  Jeff dove behind the counter. “Get down.” They ducked. A high pitched shriek threatened to deafen them as the entire glass front of the gas station disintegrated. The glass didn't blow in or out but just came apart into a haze of tiny bits that scattered to the floor like hail. The tinkling of glass ended and Jeff heard nothing from the Clyptus. Jeff peeked over the counter.

  That was when the Clyptus charged.

  “Stay down,” Jeff said. “If you get a chance, run for it. They seem to just want me.”

  Jeff stood up from behind the counter and raised his hands.

  “Hey! Clyptus! It's me, Jeff Abel.” He walked to where the front door once was, feet crunching the debris under his feet. The line of Clyptus rushed forward within a few feet of him before stopping. Their Captain bent his head low and hissed, brandishing a Clyptus pistol with a green light in Jeff's face. Jeff kept his hands up. Some of the Clyptus pointed their darts at Jeff yet none struck him, waiting on their Captain.

  “I want to surrender,” Jeff said. He cleared his throat, but a dry tickle wouldn't go away. “To talk. You guys are an intelligent species, far beyond ours, and highly advanced.”

  “We are advanced,” the Clyptus Captain said in his thin, reedy voice. “We are intelligent. Your species is not.” It stabbed the pistol towards Jeff emphatically.

  Behind the counter, Jeff heard Jordan say quietly, “Is this guy for real?”

  Oliop shushed her.

  “You are advanced,” Jeff said. “You traveled here from your home to find me because I have offended you. Tell me what I can do to appease you.”

  “Vendetta,” the Clyptus Capt
ain said. The crew made a soft rustling sound, a murmur of assent.

  “That's a bit...vague. What wrong did I do to you?” The dryness in his throat migrated to his mouth. His tongue felt thick.

  “You rejected first contact. You rejected second contact. And a third. More after that. You cost many lives. Such arrogance must be punished.” As the Captain spoke the pistol swung about, inches away.

  “When have I ever hurt an alien, let alone rejected any contact? Help me out here.”

  The Clyptus Captain trembled. “Enough talk. You trick us. You are the knave. The knave always lies. Your species always lies. There is no truth in you.”

  With a wave of the Captain's arm, the other Clyptus attacked, each eager to strike but getting in one another's way. The Captain's pistol moved just to the left of Jeff's face. Jeff slapped it out of the Captain's hand and dove back into the station through the empty window frame. At least three Clyptus fired their weapons, while others stabbed at him.

  Jeff pulled the rack of snacks down behind him. He vaulted the counter, didn't see Jordan or Oliop. The Clyptus lurched after him, piling in through every window and the front door, stumbling over the fallen rack and each other. Jeff saw two choices: the office to the right or a broken-out window to the left. Jeff dove to the left, scrambling over a row of plastic antifreeze bottles. One of the Clyptus snagged a leg, and Jeff went sprawling forward as he cleared the window. The slender creature hung on to his leg tenaciously. Jeff kicked it off, knocking it away. The asphalt was slick with oil spots as Jeff tried to get up. The rest would be on him before he could run.

  “Hey, guys,” Jordan said.

  She stepped around the side of the gas station and leveled a fire extinguisher towards the crush of Clyptus about to surge through the window from the gas station's lobby. The extinguisher's pin hung on her finger. She squeezed the lever, and the extinguisher sprayed its white frothy contents onto the aliens. They wiggled, gasped, and fell back. A few came around the front of the station. She pivoted and sprayed them, too. Foam went everywhere until the extinguisher gasped once and ran empty.

  A bright yellow beam burned the air just past Jordan's ear.

  “Get them,” said the Clyptus Captain from inside the station. He coughed and gagged along with his crew.

  Oliop got Jeff on his feet. “Run,” Oliop said.

  Jordan dropped the extinguisher, and they ran. Jeff had to help Jordan along with her dead leg. Behind them, most of the Clyptus were covered with the foam and unable to follow. They worked to clear themselves of it, some slipping, some trying to bring their weapons to bear. A few managed to fire yellow blaster bolts at the three escapees, but the shots went wild. Jeff and his companions ducked through a broken fence and were moving though a large backyard with a garden of tomatoes and roses and a dilapidated trampoline.

  “Why didn't they just shoot earlier?” Jordan said.

  “Vendetta personal,” Oliop said. “The Clyptus prefer to be stabby and not kill. But they have real weapons. Mostly stun devices as those are the only weapons allowed in the Commons.”

  “Mostly,” Jordan said. “Great.”

  They ran down along one side of the house, the ground muddy. From inside, a dog barked. Jeff heard distant sirens getting closer. Whatever was going on in the town center was not over. The fence behind them rattled. Recovered, the Clyptus rushed into the backyard, still dripping with extinguisher foam. All of them carried weapons.

  They ran through the front yard, an open brown lawn without a fence. A similar house stood to either side, and a vacant lot was across the street. The only cover would be the other homes. But before they could pick a direction and move, the air became heavy. The hair on their heads stood straight up. A clap like thunder erupted from the street, and with a flash, an elevator appeared before them. The static discharge died away.

  Jeff rubbed his eyes.

  “Need to run,” Oliop said.

  From behind came the Clyptus, scrambling towards them with renewed vigor. But Jeff could only watch as the elevator door opened. A large shape emerged, followed by a stubby one. It was Whistle and the Grey.

  “Jeff Abel, I presume,” the Grey said.

  It pointed a small weapon in their direction. The Clyptus closed in from behind, their Captain in the lead, his arms streaming above his pointy head, waving his energy weapon about.

  “He is ours,” the Clyptus said. “We claim him by rights. Vendetta will be ours.”

  Jeff turned to the plant alien. “I tell you I didn't do anything to you. Whatever you think I did, it wasn't me.”

  “Lies,” the Clyptus said. “Your nutritious exhalations are pollution to us.”

  “He's being honest,” Oliop said to the Clyptus. “First contact was sabotaged by someone-”

  He was cut off. The rest of what came out of Oliop's mouth was gibberish to Jeff, like when they first met. He sounded like an angry chimp. The Clyptus Captain's speech didn't translate, either. His words sounded like dry leaves rolling in the wind, except for Jeff's name.

  “Jeff Abel,” the Captain said, and his crew echoed the name as they began to push forward.

  The Grey lowered its weapon. It pointed towards Jeff and said something to its big assistant.

  Whistle ignored it. The Grey repeated itself. It chuckled and shook its head, obviously amused with itself. It slapped Whistle's hand and pointed at Jeff. Whistle rumbled something in response and moved towards Jeff.

  Jeff retreated out of reach of the Clyptus. Oliop continued his attempts to talk to them, but they paid him no attention, intent on the human. Whistle lumbered over and grabbed Jeff around the waist and tucked him under an arm. She held an arm out towards the Clyptus, but they pressed in. She began swatting at the thin creatures, knocking them about. They continued to come on, swiping and stabbing at Jeff, who was swung around in Whistle's grip like a piece of luggage. Jeff tried to pry himself free. He punched and slapped at Whistle, but it was like fighting a rock. Some of the Clyptus darts missed his face by inches. Some struck Whistle. Angrily, she started to stomp on the Clyptus. With Jeff's translator not working, he couldn't understood what she said, but the rumbling roars made clear that she was going berserk. The Clyptus died silently with each crunch of her feet.

  Jeff fought to breathe as he spun about in Whistle's tightening grasp. He saw the Grey standing calmly by, an odd smile on its tiny, noseless face. It was transfixed by the action and violence. As Whistle's swathe through the ranks of the Clyptus grew, the Grey tittered.

  “Hi,” Jordan said to the Grey.

  It hadn't seen her approach. It was too focused on the brawl. Jordan punched the short alien. The Grey's head snapped back, and its big eyes fluttered. The Grey crumpled, its weapon flying out of its hand. Before it lost consciousness, it released the scent of rotten eggs.

  “And here I thought you liked me,” Jordan said.

  Meanwhile, Oliop jumped on Whistle and latched onto her head with arms and legs and tail, blinding her. She grabbed at him. When she did, the remaining Clyptus struck at her. They moved over their stomped, battered, and torn companions and stabbed away at the rocky creature. Their darts and stickers poked uselessly at her hardened exterior. Some shot her with their energy weapons, but the yellow beams did nothing. All the while, Jeff wrestled and clawed at Whistle's thick arm, but he couldn't break free.

  The Clyptus Captain got closer. His blaster put away, he took a balanced stance with a raised dart. Jeff couldn't move to escape. The Clyptus had him dead to rights and now he would get stung. That was when the Captain found an opportunity and stabbed forward past Jeff's face and downward, his dart going into Whistle's backside.

  Whistle grunted. She paused, circled a few times, and fell right onto the Clyptus with a thud, pinning Jeff as well. Jeff now couldn't move or inhale. Whistle's arm weighed a ton.

  “A little help,” Jeff gasped.

  Oliop pulled at Whistle's limp arm and Jeff managed to squeezed free. The Clyptus Captain wiggled about unde
r Whistle's limp body, a stream of exclamations pouring out of it in its strange tongue. The hand with the dart flicked about and Jeff scrambled to clear himself from the danger.

  The Captain croaked something else in his language. And repeated it.

  Jeff didn't understand him, but he caught the drift. Vendetta. The few remaining Clyptus stood back, either in shock or indecision. Jeff gestured for Oliop to follow, and he did. Jordan kept an eye on the Clyptus still standing.

  Jeff went over to where the Grey lay sprawled out on the asphalt. He got Oliop's attention and pointed to the Grey and to the elevator. He shrugged theatrically. Oliop nodded. Whether he understood or not, Jeff couldn't tell. But Oliop picked up the Grey's weapon and examined it, turning it over and fiddling with one of the controls. His chirps and mouth sounds concluded with him saying, “So that's what this does.”

  “I can understand you again,” Jeff said. “You understand me?”

  “Yup.” Oliop opened the Grey's pockets and searched through them.

  Jordan said, “Hey, guys, we should go.”

  Jeff looked back at the Clyptus. They almost had their Captain pulled free. Some of the crew that had been swatted about also stirred, even though more than a few of them had broken or twisted limbs.

  Jeff got close to them but not too close.

  “I don't mean you any harm,” Jeff said to the Clyptus. “Just keep that in mind.”

  “Come on,” Jordan said. She tugged an elbow.

  Oliop beckoned them towards the elevator.

  “Where will this take us?” Jeff asked.

  “Back to the Commons,” Oliop said. “I think.”

  “You think?” Jordan asked.

  Oliop used the newly-acquired access key he had taken from the unconscious Grey. They got in. Oliop activated the elevator and flipped a toggle that closed the door and took them away.