A Beginner's Guide to Invading Earth

by Gerhard Gehrke

  “Oliop, this guy is stinking up the place again,” Jeff said.

  Oliop nodded, a hand over his mouth and nose.

  “The Bunnie won't have to see us coming,” Jeff said. “They'll smell us.”

  More scents followed, these flowing out of the com device. The Grey read the smells and chuckled as he bounced along under Jeff Abel's arm. To the human and to Oliop, the last message was just another stench. To the Grey, the pheromones conveyed feelings, mood, and even complex messages when composed correctly, with the added advantages that they had never been included in the base programming for the translation network.

  One being's stink was another being's salvation.

  ***

  They continued in the direction the Bunnie had gone and soon were moving with caution and taking cover. Ahead, Jeff saw multiple Bunnie, at least a dozen, congregating around the outside of a tall building. As with so many areas of the Commons, multiple ramps and stairs converged seamlessly near the oddly bland structure, so Jeff and Oliop had choices on getting close to the Bunnie unnoticed.

  “That's the security building,” Oliop said.

  “Not very secure at the moment,” Jeff said.

  They settled behind a parapet of a pedestrian walkway. There they observed and listened. The Bunnie had no guards watching their rear, and they stayed bunched up, muttering excitedly in low tones. Another three Bunnie emerged from a ramp that rose from one of the Commons’ mass transit lines. They joined the other group, intent on the building before them, with no visible concern that anyone might do anything to stop them.

  It made spying on them easy.

  “What could they possibly want there?” Jeff said. “I haven't seen much of a police force. Besides all the announcements, whatever defense you might have is pretty much broken.”

  “Maybe they're going to make sure it stays broken,” Oliop said.

  Whatever the group of Bunnie was up to definitely had something to do with the building, as they kept pointing towards its front doors. But what were they waiting for? The invaders grew boisterous, started hopping up and down. One Bunnie moved to the front of the group. He gestured with four of his arms, all pointing towards the entrance.

  “Attack!” the Bunnie yelled. The spidery creatures moved fast, breaking from their huddle, charging the building at Bunnie double time, arms out, multiple weapons waving.

  When the Bunnie made it to the front doors, blaster fire erupted from defenders inside the security building's lobby. Yellow bolts pierced through the front doors, and its clear glass-like material, leaving small melted holes in their wake. The half dozen Bunnie at the front of the charge fell, but the rest of the spidery creatures never faltered but continued headlong. Some scooped up their fallen comrades and held them up as shields, shots impacting the already stunned creatures and making them twitch and tremble as they were carried. One Bunnie bounded up high and smashed through a clear window above the door. The window shattered into safe, dull bits that exploded into the lobby.

  “Nothing to be done,” Oliop said. He tugged at Jeff's sleeve. “We should go before they see us.”

  The Grey under Jeff's arms laughed again, in spite of its gag.

  “There's always something,” Jeff said. He got up and moved forward, head low. A few of the fallen Bunnie hadn't been picked up. They still lay on the ground with their weapons in their grasp. There were over a dozen blasters to choose from.

  From behind him, a high-pitched whine broke the air. Down the center of the concourse came two narrow hover vehicles stacked high with Greys. If circus clowns took to motor scooters, they might look like this. The little creatures clung on to one another's shoulders and arms, swaying and leaning to keep their balance. Jeff had no time to move or take cover. He stood awkwardly, Grey in hand, the dropped blasters still a few paces away. The fighting in the lobby continued, a stream of zaps and pops breaking the air. More than a few misses streaked past outside.

  The group of Greys stopped in front of Jeff, and the tiny aliens deployed in a semicircle around him. They produced their own hand weapons, tiny, angry-looking blue pistol-like things that all pointed at Jeff.

  “Release him,” one Grey ordered. To Jeff, all the tiny creatures looked the same, the same height, the same shade of skin color, the same blank expression. All were right handed.

  The Grey in Jeff's arms wriggled. Jeff looked down all the guns facing his way. He sighed. He slid the wire-bundled Grey to the ground and gave the creature a push towards its comrades. It hobbled awkwardly forward towards its kin.

  “So you guys are all in on this,” Jeff said.

  Several of the Greys unwrapped the wire that tied the Head Grey. Once the gag came out, the Head Grey screamed, “Shoot him,” while pointing at Jeff with a pale finger.

  Oliop bounced out from behind the Greys like a furry bowling ball, colliding with the group and sending most of them to the ground. He grabbed at weapons with his dexterous feet and fingers and tail, disarming four of the Greys before one weapon went “fzzzt.” Oliop sprawled to the ground. He twitched and flopped and twitched some more, the snatched Grey weapons falling from his hands.

  Jeff ran in the only direction available to him, towards the security building. He ducked and weaved as he went, and the Greys that still had weapons fired and missed. Jeff kicked one of the Bunnie blasters, and it skidded forward like a hockey puck. He scooped it up as he slammed a door open with his shoulder and went in.

  The inside of the security building lobby was bland and spacious and now had a number of stunned Bunnie that lay about like stacks of hairy sticks attached to hairier pumpkins. Jeff saw four Commons security personnel down as well. The remaining Bunnie found refuge behind scattered furniture. Past a reception desk, a single cop took cover behind a lectern that didn't quite cover the width of his somewhat spherical body. He guarded a bank of grav lifts.

  None of the Bunnie noticed Jeff, their attention on the sole remaining defender holding them off.

  “It only has a stunner,” a Bunnie screamed at his comrades. “Get him.”

  That particular Bunnie sounded like Not-Kim. “We go on three,” he said. The other Bunnie nodded their heads and clicked their mandibles. “One, two-”

  Before the count finished, Jeff raised his newly acquired blaster and pointed it at the back of Not-Kim. He squeezed the trigger. Nothing happened but a click that coincided with a strange, silent lull in the sounds inside the lobby. Everyone heard the sound of Jeff's impotent weapon. Many bug eyes now stared at Jeff. He pulled the trigger a few more times with a click, click, click before lowering the blaster.

  “Out of juice, human?” Not-Kim said.

  The cop behind the lectern popped up and blazed away, keeping the Bunnie down. From outside, the Greys came forward, the freed Head Grey leading from the rear of the pack, urging the rest on. Jeff took advantage of a hesitation from the Bunnie to race for the rear of the lobby. He ducked under Not-Kim's arms and wove past two other invaders. None fired for a few precious seconds, perhaps out of fear of hitting their own. The cop beckoned him on. Jeff scrambled around the lectern and took cover behind the cop as the Bunnie finally opened fire. Jeff and the cop swayed from side to side behind their meager shelter as blaster bolts bracketed in on their position. In the back of the lobby, the grav lifts were all dark, save one.

  Some of the Bunnie began to shoot at the Greys as they came to the front doors of the building until Not-Kim shouted an order. The Head Grey entered, pushing a shattered door open. It surveyed the scene. The lobby grew silent again as the Head Grey and Not-Kim faced each other, the giant Bunnie a tower above the diminutive Grey. They spoke in low tones impossible to hear from where Jeff was taking cover.

  “I'm Jeff Abel,” Jeff said to the round cop he was now clinging to. “The human.”

  The cop nodded. “I know.”

  “I'm trying to help get this city back from the Bunnie,” Jeff said.

  The cop just nodded again. He reloaded, reached around
the side of the lectern, and snapped off a few blind shots. The confab in front broke up. The rest of the Greys entered the building lobby, keeping low, and took cover near the Bunnie. Jeff saw the Head Grey and Not-Kim next to each other, thick as thieves.

  The cop cursed to himself.

  “My gun isn't working,” Jeff said.

  The cop reached back for Jeff's weapon. A yellow bolt from one of the Bunnie caught the cop's elbow as it was exposed from cover. The cop jerked and collapsed against the lectern, body trembling involuntarily. Jeff exchanged his own gun for the cop's. He tried to fire it like the cop had, but this blaster refused to work as well.

  Spread throughout the lobby were at least ten Bunnie and a dozen Greys with good cover. The volume of blaster bolts coming in increased as the assailants took position and fired at him.

  “Sorry, pal,” Jeff said. He pushed the cop out of the way and onto the floor. The blaster bolts that struck the lectern had no effect on the plastic and steel. Jeff grabbed the lectern and pulled it back with him towards the one powered-up grav lift, his shield screeching as it was dragged. It was awkward going as he was almost sitting and scooting along with the smallest of steps, only the tips of his fingers exposed. Not-Kim shouted something to his troops, and the fire waned.

  It didn't take long for the invaders to realize that Jeff wasn't shooting back. The Bunnie charged. Jeff scrambled on all fours, ditching the lectern and the blaster. He dove into the one lit grav lift and was drawn upward into the illuminated shaft with a gut-churning tug.

  With no chance to right himself, Jeff was pulled up and up and up past a number of floors that would have been an adequate stepping off point, but the grav lift had its own agenda and ignored Jeff's plea of “Stop!” There was nothing to grab onto, and none of the higher floors he saw on the way up were even open or lit, the ascent into darkness making the ride even more disorienting. Finally, Jeff no longer accelerated, and after a moment, he slowed. The greased tilt-a-whirl ride from hell stopped and let him off once he reached the forty-fourth floor, as according to a numbered tile that stated just that. The portal and the space beyond was lit.

  Jordan saw him first. She helped him up but he couldn't stand. He crawled from the floating nothing of the grav lift onto the solid bliss of unmoving floor and collapsed.

  “Jeff!” she said. ”Jeff, are you okay?”

  He nodded, fought to raise his head. The room spun, and he hung onto the floor lest it should leave him again. Besides Jordan, Jeff saw the two detectives Flemming and Ceph. Ceph tapped away at a terminal, intent on his work. A row of computers with blinking lights filled a long room with a large, open door at the far end. Flemming moved to the grav lift and gave Jeff a troubled look.

  “What's happening down there?” Flemming said. “Where are the other officers?”

  “Bunnie got them,” Jeff said. “There's another problem. The Greys. They're with the Bunnie.”

  “That doesn't make sense,” Flemming said. “Why?”

  Jeff shook his head. He got up with the detective's help and pointed to the grav lift. “How do we shut this thing down?”

  “You don't,” Flemming said. “There's too many fail-safes. We powered the other ones down but this last one, and it's set to continue operating on any occupied floor. An automated safety precaution.”

  A screeching, scraping noise filled the air. Jordan dragged a desk to the edge of the grav lift. She went behind it and pushed. With a final shove, she got it in the shaft where it bobbed in the gravity field.

  “Is this how this thing works?” she said. She hit the down button and the desk dropped from sight, destination: lobby.

  “It's supposed to be for passengers only,” Flemming said. “The rules are filed and posted somewhere, I'm certain.” He went and got another desk, pushing monitors and data pads off of it and onto the floor. The desk went into the shaft. Jeff added a couple of chairs to the mix of descending furniture.

  “There's only so much stuff we can push down there,” Jeff said. “What's this floor?”

  “Command center for the Commons security,” Flemming said as he pitched a trolley of office supplies down the hole.

  “Any weapons?” Jeff said.

  “Just what we have on us, a pair of stun blasters,” Flemming said. “This room's just the central controls. No weapons stored here.”

  “And what do we get if we can turn on the security?”

  “We,” Flemming said with a pause, “don't know. No one has ever turned it off or on. There's never been a citywide emergency like this in anyone's memory. The whole system has been in place for so long that even how it works isn't clear.”

  “Let me guess,” Jeff said. “It's all automated.”

  Flemming nodded. “And on file. Somewhere.”

  “Well, turning it back on must be better than nothing, you know,” Jordan said. She tugged at a potted plant and dragged it towards the lift.

  Ceph looked up from his work. “Don't know what's in the brining barrel until you have the lid off of it.”

  “All moot if we can't access the system,” Flemming said. “Ceph's working on it.”

  “It doesn't help, but [imploring exhortation to proceed without caution],” Jeff said.

  Buzz. Crackle.

  Everyone checked their translators. Again, what Jeff said and thought didn't translate, the burst of feedback leaving a tingling sensation in his brain like having just licked the terminals of a 9-volt battery. He resisted the urge to rip the translator out and stomp on it so it would never do that again.

  Ceph went back to tapping away at his computer. Flemming and Jordan continued stuffing furniture down the grav lift. That wouldn't hold them off forever. The Bunnie could climb up the other lifts.

  Jeff went down the hall to the first large door. Multilanguage warnings abounded, echoing the statement, “No admittance,” in a variety of pictographs and phonic alphabets. Past it was a second, smaller, open door with even more foreboding signs indicating that admittance was allowed only for senior security.

  “Officer Flemming, you have access to this place?” Jeff called back.

  “The problem is the third door,” Flemming said from down the hall. “I don't have access. But the Grey got in there. He must have to lock the city down. We need to figure out how to get in so we can turn on the Commons security protocol.”

  “What will happen then?”

  “Again, I don't know. It's never been tried.”

  “Will it work?”

  Before Flemming could answer, Jordan said, “Hey, we have a problem.” She had a large, rolling chair designed for a big-bottomed creature pushed up against the portal of the grav lift. Its size was small enough to get through the opening, but she couldn't push it through, as if an invisible barrier blocked the way.

  “They've gotten into the lift,” Flemming said. “Nothing can enter once someone has started their way up. They'll be here shortly.”

  He took cover behind a corner, with one of the stun blasters at the ready. Ceph toppled the desk he was sitting at and took cover. Jordan retreated from the grav lift and joined Jeff down the hall. They moved to the third door. It was black and round, and it looked like something that belonged in a bank.

  “Oliop got through the door at the Grey's hangar,” Jeff said. “It looked as daunting as this.”

  “So what did he do to open it?” she said. “And where is he?”

  “He got zapped by the Greys, saving me so I could get in here. And he hacked the hangar somehow.” The black door had no thumb pad, no keyboard, no swiping track for an ID card, and no jacks for a USB cord. “So him helping us is out.”

  When Jeff touched the door, an illuminated red eye opened to his right. It looked at him.

  “Open up, HAL,” Jordan said.

  “Entry denied,” the eye said in a flat electronic voice.

  “Flemming said only the security chaircreature can access this room,” Jordan said.

  From down the hall, Flemming and Cep
h opened fire in a steady rhythm, a succession of electric zaps. Whatever had been coming up the lift was here.

  Jeff touched the eye and everything around it, looking for a palm pad, button, hidden keyboard, anything. He breathed on it like he had with the silver ring. He put his own eye up to it and stared in.

  The eye said, “Presence unauthorized. Return to designated visitors' space immediately.

  Security personnel will be summoned in ten seconds unless visitor complies. Exit this room.”

  “I will not,” Jeff said. “Summon security personnel.”

  The eye focused and unfocused on him a few times as if it had never heard such insolence. “Five seconds until security personnel will be summoned,” the eye said.

  “Hurry up,” Jeff said. “Four, three, two, summon them already.”

  “Thirty second safety margin engaged before security personnel are summoned,” the eye said. “Please leave restricted area immediately.”

  Jeff smacked the eye with his hand. “No, summon them now!”

  The firing down the hallway continued. Jeff looked down. There came the screeching of metal as a Bunnie pushed his way from the grav lift with some of the objects that had been thrown into the chute. One desk proved an adequate moving barrier as the Bunnie crept forward. He also pushed in front of him three of his fallen comrades, excellent cover that allowed him to close with Ceph and Flemming. The two cops peppered the approaching desk with their blasters but missed the Bunnie. Some of the invader's arms popped up high, brandishing four stunners that fired wildly but hit their marks. Both Ceph and Flemming went down.

  “Jeff,” Jordan said. “We need to get out of here.”

  Jeff nodded, looked around. But for the sealed vault, there weren't any other doors in this room. They got low and took cover behind the edge of the second door.