The Ugly One

by Leanne Statland Ellis

  I touched my hand to my cheek, tracing the scar lightly with my fingers. Hatun’s fault? A jaguar attacked me?

  Hatun rushed on. “Ucho distracted me. He was trying to act like the older boys, helping to defend the fields, and he fell and cried out and made a big fuss. I should have let someone else tend to him and kept my eyes on you. I made the wrong choice.” He paused, studying my distressed face. “Don’t you remember any of this?”

  And then . . . I did remember. Suddenly, it was there, like a long-ago dream. I was my four-year-old self, playing near the fields as my brother and the other boys slung stones at the birds and other animals that might try to eat the people’s precious crops. I wandered off and saw two jaguar cubs. They were playing. I ran to them, wanting to join their fun. There was a growl, then claws and hot animal breath and pain.

  “I do remember. A mother jaguar did this to me. I tried to play with her cubs.”

  “Yes! Yes! It was my fault. I shouldn’t have allowed you to wander. Mama asked me to watch you. I should have said this to you long ago, but you were always hiding away from everyone, up on that rock of yours. I thought you didn’t want to speak with me, that you were angry with me. It never occurred to me that you had forgotten what happened. Can you forgive me?”

  I barely noticed my brother’s plea for forgiveness. I was remembering. I was understanding. Already certain I knew the answer, I asked in a rush, “The people, they saved me. What happened to the jaguar?”

  “They beat her away and chased her up the mountain. They killed her there by your rock. Her cubs must have died there too.”

  The Paqo had asked me time and again what I remembered of my past. He had asked me why I had chosen my rock. I finally understood his questions. I could hear his voice echoing in my head. The past is the key to the now.

  The Mother Jaguar had died near my huaca. Her spirit had gone inside. All these years, I had sat with her, the spirit that had changed me from Beautiful Round Face to the Ugly One. She had visited me in my dreams. It was she who had sent me on this journey. Now I was certain I would be allowed to speak with the Sacred Rock and that it would right the wrong done to me when I was a little girl.

  Hatun stared at me, his face twisted with worry. But I wasn’t angry with my brother. He wasn’t to blame. The gods had placed him on my path so he could show me this piece of my past, so I could walk to Machu Picchu in certainty.

  I reached up and placed my hands on his cheeks. “Everything will be fine,” I said with a smile. “I’ll be fine. I don’t know how I forgot all of this. I think I didn’t want to remember. But now is the time, right and true, for the past to reveal itself. It will heal me. I’ll be fine. Don’t worry any longer.”

  The skin on my brother’s face smoothed. He closed his eyes and kissed his fingertips to the sky. “The spirits brought you to me today to lift this burden from me. Travel safely, Little Sister. Until we see each other again.”

  “Travel safely. Until we see each other again.”

  Hatun smiled once more and set off down the path. I shielded my eyes from Inti and looked upward. Sumac was circling in a tight arc, as if he was guarding against any possible dangers that might threaten me. Seeing Hatun leave, the Handsome One spiraled down and landed on my shoulder. This was good. I would need his protection, for it was time to do something I had avoided ever since I had become the Ugly One. It was time to confront Ucho.

  20

  Kallpa

  Strength

  UCHO was sitting by himself, munching on a dried corn loaf. Good. I wanted to speak with him alone. The sad tree under which he sat had suffered from the lack of rains. The few leaves that dangled from the branches were brown and dead. Ucho’s face was similar, dark and empty.

  An old habit presented itself as I walked toward Ucho. I shifted my head to the side so my hair would fall over my scarred cheek. Instantly, the world splintered, split by the strands of hair in front of my eye. I felt a quick surge of fear in my stomach. I paused. I didn’t want to give Ucho such power over me any longer. It was my turn to claim the strength. With a deliberate motion, I pushed the hair behind my ear and looked up to the sky and Inti for help. I’d once wished I had the power of the clouds, craving their freedom and power to change and move. Now I knew, right and true, that I had changed. I had become Yachachisqa, Learning Girl. And soon I would be Beautiful Round Face once more. I moved like a cloud, gracefully and with the flow of the world, toward Ucho.

  His deadened face came to life in a scowl when he saw me. The anger was not to be mistaken, but for the first time I realized that more than hostility lurked within this boy. I thought perhaps his face spoke of frustration and unhappiness. I recalled the day he had been playing the game of conkana with Muti and had shown love toward his little brother. I had always viewed Ucho as a tormentor, but what else was he? It was time to find out.

  “Why did you come on this journey?” I demanded. I leaned over him, hands on my hips, anger in my voice. Sumac crouched low on my shoulder, his beak open in warning.

  Ucho didn’t enjoy the way I rose like a mountain before him. That I would approach him and speak so boldly also did not suit my tormentor. He scrambled to his feet but kept his distance from Sumac’s large, angry beak.

  “I had to follow you,” Ucho said hotly. “As I told you, I must be in your future. I won’t ignore my duty.”

  I didn’t remember Ucho saying this to me, and I didn’t understand what he meant. What duty? I shook my head to clear my thoughts. I wouldn’t let him confuse me. I was here to discuss the past, not the future.

  “Hatun said you distracted him the day I was attacked by the jaguar.”

  “It wasn’t my fault! I never told the jaguar to attack you!” These words were yelled. Several travelers cast a curious eye toward us, and Sumac flapped his wings and squawked in warning. Ucho lowered his voice. “Why does everyone always say it was my fault?”

  “Everyone says? Who is this everyone? All these years, I have never heard a word.”

  “How could you? They speak of it to me, not to you.”

  Was it possible that Ucho had suffered because of my scar? Had the people blamed him, caused him grief, because of what had happened to me?

  Memories of Ucho thrusting a stick in my side, of Ucho leading other boys as they screeched ugly words to my face, of Ucho throwing dirt at me, crowded about my mind. How dare he claim to be the victim?

  “I am the one who suffers! I am the one with the scar!” I said.

  “Yes, but I am the one who must marry you and look at you the rest of my life,” he retorted.

  When I was younger, Mama had given me some freshly cleaned blankets to carry. The pile was heavy, but she had added another blanket and then another. I bent my knees and told myself I could carry the load, but suddenly it was too much. I buckled under the weight and fell over. Ucho’s announcement that he was to marry me was like that last blanket. I had received too many pieces of information this day.

  “You? Are to marry me?”

  “Of course! That’s what our parents have arranged. Why do you pretend not to know?”

  Why did everyone assume I knew things that I did not? “I’m not pretending anything. No one told me! Why would our parents make such a horrid arrangement?”

  “My parents said it was my fault you were scarred, my fault you would never marry. They promised your family that I would marry you if no one else would. Of course no one else will. You are so ugly. It will have to be me. How could you not know all of this?”

  A good question. I had no answer. Perhaps my parents hadn’t intended for me to marry Ucho. Or perhaps they were waiting to tell me when I came of age.

  Ucho shook his head in confusion. “I thought you knew. I thought you were gloating.”

  “I wasn’t gloating. I was scared of you!”

  “And I was angry! I thought you blamed me, and it wasn’t my fault. I was a little boy. I shouldn’t be punished. I shouldn’t have to marry you just because of
a small mistake made long ago.”

  I lifted my chin. “I don’t know if I blame you for my scar, Ucho. But all these years you have tormented me, and that is your fault.”

  He remained quiet. I supposed it was too much to expect an apology from Ucho, the Hot Pepper, but at least he wasn’t speaking harsh words anymore.

  I went on. “Marriage to me would not be a punishment. And why are you so certain I would marry you? I would not. Not if Inti himself commanded it.”

  Relief and surprise danced on Ucho’s face now. “You wouldn’t marry me?”

  “No. You are not part of my future. Go back home. I don’t want you here.”

  “I can’t,” he said. “I gave my word.”

  “I just said you are free. You don’t have to honor your parents’ promise.”

  “No. I promised the Paqo that I would make this journey to Sacred Sun City with you.”

  Another blanket of confusion to add to the pile. “When did you do this?”

  “He came to see me the night before you left. He told me you would be making this journey and that I must follow.”

  I smiled. When the Paqo and I had said our goodbye, I had thought that he was the one who would be making the sacred journey. Not only had he known that it would be me, he also had sent Ucho to keep watch. “I will have to speak with him when I return,” I said.

  “I don’t think you’ll be able to. He said he was going back to Cuzco. He said his time in the llaqta was over.”

  A final blanket. Why would my teacher leave our village now? Why would he go to the capital city? Hadn’t he been sent away from there in disgrace? I had thought that the Paqo wanted me to go on this journey so I could heal my scar and become a true apprentice to him on my return. Had I misunderstood the spirits’ message? No. I knew I was meant to take this sacred journey. But I was fiercely sad to hear that my teacher might be gone when I returned home. Perhaps Ucho was wrong and the Paqo would still be there. Perhaps once I was Beautiful Round Face, he would be my teacher again, and I could learn, right and true, how to help the people.

  I understood that Ucho must continue the journey. To deny the mighty Paqo’s wishes would be a foolish choice, but I was not pleased. “So we are both going to Machu Picchu,” I said flatly.

  “We are both going to Machu Picchu,” he repeated. His voice wasn’t happy either, but at least he didn’t grimace at me. For so many years, Ucho and I had been on the opposite sides of a river filled with horrible currents of misunderstanding. I couldn’t say we were together in the center of the river now, happily balanced, but the water between us flowed more comfortably.

  The people were stirring. It was time to resume walking. My midday meal had been one of information instead of food.

  “Why are we going to Sacred Sun City?” he asked.

  Picking up my pack, I answered, “To heal the past.”

  21

  Machu Picchu

  Old Peak

  (Sacred Sun City)

  I knew Wiñay Wayna was close when I sighted the first hummingbird. It hovered by a nearby branch for a moment before flying over several beautiful orchids and out of sight. The flowers’ petals curved coyly around the corners of rocks as if they were trying to peek at who might be passing by. The birds and flowers whispered the message ahead: The emperor is coming! The emperor is here!

  The litter was carried to a private place in the center of Wiñay Wayna. The rest of us were left to find fountains to cleanse the grime and dust from our travels before entering the holy city. I selected the fountain that gurgled outside the guesthouse where the Paqo and I had stayed, although it was weaker and quieter now. I sighed, thinking of my teacher. Was he already on his way to Cuzco? The possibility that I would not see him again filled me with sorrow and confusion.

  I stepped into the fountain. Its water came from a source high above, running through the waterways, emerging from a hole in the rock, and dripping steadily into the small pool in which I stood. I cupped my hands and caught the trickle. It was soft and healing as I rubbed my arms and face with it. I closed my eyes, imagining how this water would feel on my face once the scar was gone.

  Sumac drank from the fountain, bobbing his head down and lifting it quickly so the water would flow down his throat. Then he raised his wings and splashed his belly in the water, sending a spray of drops everywhere and cawing in pleasure to be taking such a fine bird bath.

  A shell trumpet blew in the distance, calling us back to the trail. It was time to leave. With a hasty scrub to the legs, I stepped out of the fountain and put on my sandals. I hoped I was clean enough, worthy enough, to be allowed to speak with the Sacred Rock.

  ***

  The final steps of the journey were actual stairs carved out of the mountain. There were one hundred twenty-five in all, and I could hear the labored breathing of my fellow travelers as we climbed. I ached to hurry and reach the city, but I couldn’t push past those who walked in front of me, and I wanted to remain gentle and calm. Impatience is a fire that rages in clouded minds, and I needed to be clearheaded. Still, climbing those steps seemed to take longer than the entire rest of the journey.

  At last I reached the top. Just ahead was the Sun Gate, the official entrance to the city. The gate was built of stones and arced from one side of the trail to the other. Two guards stood at attention, ready to receive the entourage.

  The line of weary travelers extended in front of and behind me on the path. Ucho was toward the back. We hadn’t spoken since our conversation near the bridge. For now, we were content to leave each other alone. The emperor’s litter was at the very front. The guards kissed their fingertips and bowed deeply from the waist as the eight footmen carried the litter these last few paces of the journey. They paused at the gate, and I saw a yellow-feathered head peek out from behind the cloth. The Villac Uma was speaking with the guards and pointing to the rest of the travelers. I had a sudden fear that he was saying we shouldn’t be allowed inside the city, but no, already the litter was in motion again, and the first of the travelers was being questioned by the guards. Soon after, the traveler walked through the gate, and the guards turned to the next person, who was also permitted to pass.

  Waiting my turn was another challenge in keeping my mind clear and calm. My heart pounded like drops of rain pummeling down upon the dry earth. I closed my eyes to soothe myself and instead imagined the guards denying me entry. They looked at my ugly face and pointed their fingers back in the direction from which I had come. I opened my eyes. Several more people had walked through the gate. I stepped forward.

  At this point, Sumac made a most unusual choice. He took off from my shoulder and headed directly for the guards! With a squawk, he landed solidly on the shoulder of one of them. Why would he select such a critical moment to do something so strange? He had never flown to anyone before, not even to members of my family, and here he was suddenly perched on the shoulder of a complete stranger. I was terrified! All I wanted to do was pass through without being asked too many questions, without bringing too much attention to myself. But the Handsome One had a different understanding of the situation.

  All attempts to keep calm fled as I pushed my way quickly through the waiting people. I had to get Sumac off the guard immediately and beg forgiveness.

  Sumac, apparently quite pleased with himself, was bobbing his head at the man as I reached him. The guard surprised me by making the same gesture to the bird. He then turned his helmeted head and looked directly at me. I gasped. These were eyes that I knew. The guard was the yunka stranger!

  “Sumac Huanacauri has lived up to his name,” the yunka man said. “He is a handsome rainbow, just as I knew he would be.”

  The stranger had learned a great deal of the Incan mother tongue in the year since I had seen him. I smiled. “Yes, he is. Thank you for bringing him to me.”

  He smiled back. “And now he has brought you to me.”

  I turned my head to the side, feeling suddenly shy. “I didn’t come to see
you.”

  “No. Of course not. You have come to speak with the rock.”

  How could he know? This man was like the Paqo, filled with knowledge of choices before they were made.

  “You were able to speak with the rock?” I asked.

  “Ari. And now I guard Sacred Sun City.”

  I hoped that the rock was able to answer his question. I hoped he was pleased with what the rock had said to him.

  “Will I be allowed to speak with the rock?” I asked.

  “Ari. It will happen tomorrow at dawn. Come to the rock then.”

  I didn’t question his answer. He knew of future paths and spoke right and true. Bowing, I kissed my fingertips. “Pachis,” I said.

  “I am not the one to thank. The gods have decided your fate. You will speak with the rock tomorrow.” The yunka stranger gestured toward the gate.

  I held up my arm. Sumac leaped off the stranger’s shoulder and landed on mine. Then, with what I hoped was more dignity than childish excitement, I stepped through the stone arch. I couldn’t see the city yet, but for the first time I was within its limits. I was worthy. With a final wave to the yunka man, I rounded the last of the trail and gazed from the ridge down to Sacred Sun City.

  Here I fear my skills as a storyteller will fail me. Have you ever experienced a moment that was so new, a moment of such startling surprise, that you knew it would stay fresh and real in your mind and never leave you for all your days and nights? This was such a moment. I remained as still as the ancient mountains themselves, afraid that if I shifted even a little, the sight before me would disappear. It was too beautiful to exist.

  The city was carefully built on the flat top of Machu Picchu, Old Peak. All around, taller mountains loomed like strong guardians protecting the sacred space. Huayna Picchu, Young Peak, rose the closest, like a child who has grown quickly and is standing tall and proud. Another mountain, the Black One, soared higher than the rest, reaching so far into the sky that it need barely whisper and Inti would hear.