by Aj Estelliam
‘But he will be recovered,’ Jess reminded me. ‘And for his parents, that is the most important thing.’
I nodded, and shivered. I could feel the killer’s presence in this killing field. It felt like he stood beside me. As the coroner and medical team began unpacking their field tools, I walked over to a nearby stump and sat down. This was where he had sat, I mused. I could feel him so strongly and sense him now. He was in my head and I was beginning to feel like I understood him.
It had begun out here. In this space, he had felt free. I wondered what he needed to feel free from. It was in this area of the woods that he had begun experimenting. It had started with small animals and escalated to bigger ones. When that failed to give him the kick he needed, he moved on to Jimmy. Jimmy had been easy prey as he was small and weedy. Killing him had been child’s play.
With Jimmy dead, he had felt powerful. He felt like he could control who lived and died. It gave him a sense of power. Chopping him up had been an incredible rush. At first, he had felt a little sick at the thought…but after the head was done and he had vomited once, a new thrill came into his being. This was fun.
I watched in my mind’s eye as he had finished his ‘work’ on Jimmy. Once he had chopped up the body, the parts had lay before him in a mis-match of sections. Laughing to himself, he had placed a leg on his head and then an arm on top of that. He had taken his penis and put it between two toes. He had taken a finger and pushed it up his nose. He thought it was funny. It was crazy art to him, a bit of fun.
When he was tired of playing, he had shoved the parts into his hastily dug hole and then covered it all with dirt. He had run to the stream and washed off the blood before hurrying home for tea. Satisfied with his kill, his mood had been high.
The feelings that came with killing didn’t leave him. The second boy had been an opportunity he hadn’t been able to resist. The local scout hut was also in the forest he frequented. It just so happened that the second boy had wandered outside when he was around.
It had been so easy. He had talked to him and cajoled him into following him with talk of cigarettes and dirty magazines. To a young boy, it had been exciting.
The boy, who he had learned was called Simon, had followed him. He had amazed himself with how easy he managed to get others to do his bidding…to follow him when he desired them to.
He had led him to his den and they had smoked and laughed, looking at the pornographic pictures he had stolen from his Dad’s office. The boy had been fascinated, and it was while his head was deep down in the graphic pictures that he had struck. One blow was all it took. One swing of the axe, fatally swinging down into the back of his head and the boy was dead. Like with Jimmy, he had continued to chop him up and play with his body parts. Once bored, he had buried him too and I stood to walk over to the patch of earth where I felt him lying.
‘What is it, Alex?’ Jess asked.
I sat down on the cold but dry earth below me and stroked it, almost fondly. ‘The other boy is here…his name was Simon,’ I said, as a single tear fell from my eye.
She stared at me and reached for her phone. ‘I’m going to need more back-up. Forensic team…recovery…’
I let her voice trail off as she gave our location and I looked off into the distance. This had been his playground. This cold, dark and sinister forest had created nightmares yet for him it had been a dream. Freedom…and fun. A place for his creations.
I sat and watched from afar as the team dug. They were led by Vaughn, who I now recognised easily each time a situation like this arrived. His face was set in a grim line as he worked the soil with his specialist tools. I wondered how many bodies he had recovered in his years as chief medical examiner of our area and wondered what the impact of that kind of job was.
I tried to listen to him as I watched him but there was only worry…and focus on this job. I turned my attention to the others.
They all worked diligently alongside him. Instructions were thrown out and they complied immediately to every command. Vaughn was used to being in charge, and the assistants were used to following. I watched the young woman who worked beside him and listened to her thinking. She found this exciting, the first aged recovery she had been a part of and the prospect of identifying bones was intriguing for her.
The other man alongside Vaughn was a man. He wore an identical expression to Vaughn. It was of pure focus and set in a grim line. He respected the man he worked for, I could hear that much, but he resented being told what to do all the time. Like most younger generations, he found being ordered around by Vaughn annoying. I listened as his internal monologue ranted back at him as he was told what to do yet again.
As the first bone was discovered and announced, my head was consumed as everyone present began to both talk and think. The result for my head was a lot of noise and I pressed against my temples. My headache was troubling me now.
‘Hey,’ Jess said, coming to sit beside me.
‘Hey,’ I replied, looking over at her as I rubbed at my head.
‘I found him,’ she said, looking down at her phone.
‘Oh yeah?’ I said, looking over. She had googled James Winters and sure enough, details of the disappearance were there in black and white.
‘Yeah. It’s all just like you said…he disappeared walking home from school, no evidence was found…the assumption was that someone abducted him and took him away in a car or van at the time. Since then there’s been talk of paedophile rings, trafficking…all sorts.’
‘And he was simply lying here dead.’
She nodded, frowning.
‘He was the first victim, Jess. This all started here…’
‘So, it’s very significant,’ she murmured.
‘Yes. That’s what I’m saying. Jess, this was his playground. As a child this was where he began it all. It started with torturing and killing animals and then when he was done with that he moved onto the two small boys.’
‘We’re looking for a local man then.’
I nodded. ‘Someone who has lived here since being a boy.’
‘Maybe we could search school records…scout records and match up boys who lived here then and who still do…’
‘It’s a good place to start,’ I murmured, ‘but there’s one stand-out question which I can’t figure out.’
‘What’s that?’ she asked.
‘Why the gap?’
‘What do you mean?’
‘I mean, I don’t think he killed anyone after Simon up until this past few weeks where it’s begun again. What’s stopped him?’
She frowned at me. ‘That’s good thinking…’
‘I mean, maybe something intervened. There must have been real, clear reasons why it stopped…someone who was that disturbed and enjoyed it so much wouldn’t have just stopped unless they had to.’
She nodded, clearly thinking through the possibilities. ‘When we look at possible suspects, we’ll look for it.’
‘Good,’ I said and then looked out at the scene before us. Large holes were scattered amongst the ground now and bones lay on tarps, spread out in all their glory. ‘What a sad, sad day…’
‘It is, yes. I’ll have parents to call later,’ she said sombrely.
‘Oh, Jess…will you have to do that?’ I gasped.
‘Who else can I give that job to? I don’t want to impart that news but what choice do I have? I can’t make someone else do it…’
I looked at her sadly, hearing her inner dilemma rushing through her head and worrying about her at the same time. She wanted this to be over and most of all she wanted the Captain back. She didn’t enjoy being in charge, and she was desperate to be back in her old job.
‘It won’t be long,’ I promised her.
‘What won’t?’ she asked, frowning my way.
I met her eyes. ‘You were thinking that you wished Captain Withers was back. It isn’t long that he’s off…I can see him back in his office in my mind so I know it’s soon,’ I told her.
>
She sighed. ‘Oh, I hope so, Alex. I don’t like this at all,’ she confided. ‘I just want to go back to being plain, old Jess…not Captain Jess Love. It’s all been a fucking mess.’
‘It hasn’t been a mess at all and despite what you think, you do a great job. You don’t need to worry, Jess. Your time at the top is coming to an end.’
She gave me a faint smile. ‘Good…because I want to go back to focussing on us.’
‘Me too,’ I told her softly.
‘I better get back to it,’ she all-but whispered.
‘I know…’
She stood and gave me a small smile before heading off to help again. I watched on from afar, still feeling thoughtful about the development of events.
As I sat in my position on the stump, watching the bones being brought up from the ground, I felt a clear emotion beginning to engulf me. I knew I was channelling the feelings of the killer and I was beginning to learn more and more about him as I absorbed his energy in this place where he found solace. The emotion I was feeling was resentment and it was clear and palpable in every core of my being.
I closed my eyes as I tried to imagine myself in his shoes.
‘Disgusting little miscreant! Get down there and pray you disgusting little boy. Filthy! You’re filthy-just like your father was. You’ll be punished, and God will punish the dirty soul you’ve become. Pray for his forgiveness, boy! You’re sickening.’
My face pressed against the cold, wooden floor as the heel of her shoe dug into my back from above. She leant her weight into me as she ranted. Resentment filled me to the core. I longed to tell her what I thought of her, I longed to hurt her like she hurt me. Always, something stopped me. Always, the sense of responsibility and obligation prevented me from acting upon it. She lifted her cane and struck me repeatedly. I cowered and took the pain, only faintly whimpering once. When she was done, I crawled into a corner and lay there recovering. Later, I knew things would be different. Later, she would be sorry. Silently shed tears were the only reminder that I was still alive as I drifted off into a world where I couldn’t be hurt anymore.
I opened my eyes, deep in thought. How did what I had seen equate with what I knew about our killer?
I understood now something I hadn’t before. The killer was burdened, and it wasn’t by his sexuality. It was by a far-more impressive force…his mother. It seemed to me that he had been abused by this woman for a long time; presumably since he was a child. There was something else about her that I couldn’t quite put my finger on and yet it was there at my fingertips too. I felt like he acted out because of her and was also restrained into not continuing because of her. That, I didn’t understand.
I drew my attention back to the tarp containing Jimmy White’s skeleton. Impressively, as they had recovered bones, they had placed them in position and what was created was the form of a small boy. I looked down at it feeling great sadness and knew that from this day forth, this site would be well-visited from his grief-stricken parents. They had never given up hope of finding their son, alive or dead, and this would mark the location of their son’s new grave.
I stood and wandered away, picking crocuses as I went. I wandered in and out of the trees, lying flowers in spots here and there. I walked and walked around the whole area doing the same thing, unconscious of what I was doing until Jess stopped me to ask.
‘Alex? What are you doing?’
‘Oh, I was just laying flowers…’ I murmured sadly.
‘On what?’ she asked.
‘All the graves.’
She gaped at me.
‘He killed a lot of animals,’ I told her softly.
‘Oh…’
‘I just…we have to find this man, Jess. This can’t go on.’
‘No, it can’t. You’re right. Come on. We’re going to head back to the station. There’s nothing more we can do here to help so we’re wasting time.’
‘Okay, but promise me the first thing you’ll do is phone the parents when we get there. The years they’ve been waiting for news…’
‘Alex, we don’t have the evidence yet to prove it’s their boys…we have to let the coroner do his identification.’
‘I suppose. It is them though, Jess. You know it and I know it.’
‘Well, yes-but that’s because I know you so well, Alex. Come on…we have work to do.’
Chapter 15
Jess drove us back to the station, her mind active but her voice quiet. She ran through what needed to happen next as the case was now moving fast.
When we arrived, I headed for the office while she went to speak to some of the team. I closed the door behind me and the room was blessedly quiet.
I sat down on the sofa and considered what I had learned in the space of a day. So much had materialised about our killer that it seemed almost easy to me to locate him now. I felt like I knew him well, even though it was only on the inside. I understood his internal emotional battle and knew why he did the things that he did.
The man we would find would have an abnormal emotional attachment with his mother and be controlled by her completely. We would find that he had been battling his urges since childhood and that whatever it was which had stopped him committing crimes, was suddenly gone.
I found my gaze straying out of the office as a quiet voice taunted the back of my skull. I realised what I was looking at in a rush and a hurry and flew out of the office.
I reached Billy’s desk in seconds. I was sat at his desk moments later and listening intently. The trouble was, the noise from the others in the large space was distracting.
‘Shut up!’ I shouted, standing and shrieking like a banshee. ‘I need to hear!’
Jess whirled around from the other end of the room and then hurried towards me, seeing my alarm.
‘Jess! Make them shut up! I think I can hear Billy!’ I all-but yelled.
‘Okay, okay…calm down. You’re almost hysterical.’
‘I know! But I need to find him!’ I told her, eyes wide and round. ‘You don’t know what he’ll do to him otherwise.’
‘I can guess,’ she murmured.
‘So, help me,’ I implored.
She nodded. She understood. Turning her attention to the room, who were already watching anyway, she spoke. ‘We need quiet in this room, please. If you must talk, please go elsewhere…this shouldn’t take long.’
I nodded my thanks to her and I sat down at Billy’s desk. It was quiet around me and I could hear again. I closed my eyes, and reached for his desk, his computer, his personal items which were laid out before me. I touched them, letting his essence come over me. As I did so, I began to hear his pleas…and they were directed towards me.
‘Help me, Alex. Please help me,’ he called. ‘I know you can hear me. Hear me! Please hear me, Alex. You’re psychic, you must hear me!’
‘I can hear you, Billy,’ I said to myself, even though he couldn’t hear me. ‘I’m going to help you.’
‘Do you know where he is?’ Jess asked.
‘No,’ I said, closing my eyes. ‘I can only hear him, I can’t see him at all. I’m not sure that he knows where he is, either…otherwise he’d be telling me, right?’
She nodded. ‘Yes. I think you’re right.’
‘I’ll concentrate for a while longer.’
‘Okay. I’ll leave you to it-I’m clearly distracting you. If you get any more information, I’ll just be over there.’
‘Okay. Thanks Jess.’
She nodded at me before heading off to the officers standing by the murder board.
I turned back to Billy’s desk and began looking for clues. Not clues in my mind, actual physical clues. I went through the drawers on his desk and looked through anything he had written down. I read his diary pages, looking for information. Unfortunately, the only useful information read ‘date’ and it had nothing more than that. The identity of his captor and love interest were alluding me.
I pondered on it a little further before abandoning his
desk. Before I left, I did pick up his favourite pen and stick it in my pocket. How I knew it was his favourite pen was debatable but it was in my head as being important so I followed my gut feeling.
I went back to the Captain’s office to sit in the private room. I felt more comfortable as soon as the door was closed.
My mind was troubled, and it was focussed on Billy. I had to think about it more, I knew, because the information was there but it was not clear. I thought about the fact that Billy was probably abducted in the police station car park as the time frame only allowed him to be there, or near there. That was, unless he had made any unscheduled stops along the way. I wondered about that for a moment before deciding I should go and ask the CCTV security men to check the tapes.
I was just getting to my feet when Jess walked back in.
‘Hey,’ she said sombrely.
‘Are you okay?’ I asked her, concerned.
She sighed heavily and when I met her eyes, I saw she looked upset.
‘Jess?’
‘You were right…’ she murmured sadly.
‘They’ve identified the boys?’ I questioned, although I could hear I was right already.
‘Yes…it was easy as all they had to do was match dental records straight away. As we knew who we were comparing them to, it was a straight match.’
I nodded. ‘So now you have to call parents?’
She nodded, looking grim.
‘I’ll be here. When they come, I can do this with you…’
‘Okay,’ she said, heaving out a breath. ‘I can do this, right?’
‘Of course, you can. Come on…let’s get it over with.’
I walked across and sat beside Jess as she sat in the chair at the desk. She placed the piece of paper in front of her which contained the contact names and numbers of both sets of parents and took a deep breath. She then lifted the phone and dialled.
