Master of My Mind BN

by Jenna Jacob

  “I know. But the fears are back, like before. I don’t want to feel this vulnerable, anymore. It’s too overwhelming.”

  Tony wrapped me in his arms and held me close. “What do you need me to do for you, angel?”

  “Take it away. I don’t know how, but please. Just take it away.”

  “I do,” Tony assured. “Do you want to make you fly again, sweetheart? I can take it away for a little while.”

  Yes. Oh god, yes! I needed that pristine silence… that place where the black oily sludge congealing inside me couldn’t touch me.

  “No.” I shook my head. “I can’t run away from my feelings, Tony. If I give into them, they’ll drag me under. I have to plow straight through them and put the pieces back in place.”

  “I understand, angel. But if it’s too much, I’ll take it away…Calm the chaos and give you a bit of mental peace.”

  “Thank you,” I sniffed, wishing it wasn’t so easy to feel safe with him.

  “What do you need right now, Leagh?”

  I clung to his body and sobbed, missing George and needing his reassurance now more than ever. Vanquishing my fears wasn’t Tony’s responsibility, but the tattered pieces of my heart needed mending, and I couldn’t find enough thread in my soul to do the job, alone.

  “I need you to talk to me,” I sniffed. “I can’t sort my feelings out. They’re too jumbled, and I don’t know where to start.”

  “We can get them organized. Come on,” Tony snagged a towel off the rack and patted my face dry. With a firm but gentle hand clasped around my elbow, he led me to the bed. “Lie down and scoot over a little bit.”

  I scooched to the center of the bed and Tony climbed in next to me. Wrapping me in his arms, he settled rolled me to my side, and hugged me tight against him. Lying in his arms, I silently damned the weak frightened woman inside, while cursing the unrelenting attraction I felt toward him. Still, I took what he offered without apology. I needed his strength.

  “I want you to close your eyes and take some deep breaths. Focus on the sound of my voice and clear your mind. Do you understand?”

  “Yes, Sir.” Meshed against his strong body, I closed my eyes and fused his surging warmth within as I tried to quiet the fears of what tomorrow might bring.

  “Good girl. You’re doing wonderfully. I want all your focus on my voice as you let your body go lax. Release all the tension in your muscles.” I exhaled a deep sigh as I softened against his steely frame. “Very nice, sweetheart. You’re doing fine. Keep your breathing slow and find a comfortable rhythm. Don’t tense a single muscle. I’m going to ask you some questions, and I want you to say the first thing that pops into your mind. Don’t analyze it. Just respond, understood?”

  “Yes,” I whispered.

  “What scares you most about your meeting with Hayden?”

  “That she’ll have me arrested.”

  “Have you done something illegal?”

  “No.”

  “Then she has no cause to have you arrested. Right?”

  “Unless someone says something bad about George.”

  “Do you have control over what others say about him?”

  “No.”

  “Are you going to speak ill of George or tell anyone that he was a member of the club?”

  “No. Never.” I shook my head.

  “Then her threat is an idle one, angel. She can’t do anything to you. It’s a smoke screen to provoke fear. She’s trying to hold you hostage to other people’s actions. Are you going to give her the power to scare or hurt you?”

  “No. I won’t give her a damn thing,” I protested.

  “Relax. Breathe. Release your tension again, angel. Good.”

  One by one, Tony plucked my fears, held them up for me to inspect before crinkling each one in his fist and tossing it aside. Methodically, he conquered my fears and insecurities with patience, logic, and understanding.

  “Do you feel better now?” He asked as his fingers fluttered against my cheek.

  “Yes. Thank you. I’m sorry I lost it like that. It crested like a giant wave and pulled me under. I couldn’t stop it.”

  “No need to be sorry. The minute you start to feel overwhelmed, do exactly what we did here. Breathe, relax, and take each worry, one by one. And if it’s not working for you, call me, come get me in the dungeon, or text me. I’m here for you, angel, if you’ll let me.”

  “I appreciate what you’re doing for me. But I really need to try to do this by myself.”

  “One day you will. But cut yourself some slack, Leagh. Your life has been turned topsy-turvy, and now you have to dredge up feelings you’ve struggled to put behind you. It’s hard to have to dig up sad and hurtful emotions. It’s a lot for anyone to handle.”

  I nodded, as Tony’s cell phone buzzed. He tossed a glance toward the clock as he squirmed, fishing his phone out of his pants pocket. “Shit. I’m going to be late.”

  “Go,” I urged as I rolled away and sat up in the middle of the bed.

  “Hello.” Pausing, he listened to voice on the phone, sat up, and nodded. “I’m on my way now. Thanks, Trish. Can you re-schedule my four o’clock? I need to take care of some things after the lecture. Thanks. See you tomorrow.”

  Tony ended the call and turned to me with a smile. “Be ready at four-thirty. We’re going out for dinner.”

  “Okay,” I replied on a wary tone. “Why?”

  He started to laugh. “I’m going to break your habit of asking why, Leagh, even if I have to do it over my knee. Say okay, Sir.”

  “Okay, Sir. Now why are you taking me to dinner?” I smirked.

  “You know what? You’re not a brat. Not at all; you’re a minx.” He grinned. Bending, he brushed a whisper of a kiss across my lips. “Because I want to, that’s why. I need to run. I’ll see you this afternoon.”

  “Enjoy your lecture, and try not to corrupt those young minds too horribly.” I grinned.

  “The only mind I’m going to corrupt is yours, sweetheart. Only I’m not going to stop there. I intend on corrupting your body, too.” Flashing me that stunning smile, the one that made it hard for me to breathe, Tony stood and hurried out the door.

  “I sure hope so,” I sighed, flopping back on the bed.

  #

  Tony had planned a romantic dinner for two, complete with candle light, champagne, and a roving violinist. It was the best night I’d had in forever. While George and I had frequented plenty of expensive restaurants, the one Tony had chosen beat the rest hands down. He was making it damn hard to keep him from seeping into my heart. And still wearing the same suit he’d had on this morning, he looked like every woman’s fantasy.

  He knew all the right words to say. And every time he pressed for me to open up, he led me through another door that erased my grief. Being away from the club, talking to him about my relationship with George was neither difficult nor painful. Tony had a way of making me feel as if I was adding another healing layer to the scars that remained. All night, the carefree way Tony cupped the small of my back, caressed my cheek, or held my hand fanned the flames smoldering inside me. There were times I almost felt whole.

  Once back at the club, Tony walked me to my room. Standing outside my door, I felt as nervous as a teenager on my first date. Filled with a sudden shyness, I didn’t know what to say or do. When he reached up and brushed his fingers through my hair, the tingles colliding inside me left no doubt; I was a woman, fully grown.

  “I had a wonderful time tonight, angel.” Tony’s voice was deep and smooth, practically melting me from the inside out.

  “I did, too,” I murmured shyly, wondering if he had any clue he how hot he made me.

  “We’ll have to do it again, sometime…soon.” His voice dipped to an even lower seductive cadence.

  “I’d like that.” I nodded ever so slightly.

  The tension was thick, and I found it hard to breathe, even more so when Tony leaned in and slanted his lips over mine. I’d spent weeks, days, hours
dreaming of tasting his fiery passion, again. But nothing prepared me for the conflagration of hunger twisting inside me.

  Gliding his tongue over the seam of my lips, I opened my mouth, inviting him in. The electrifying invasion of his tongue had me gripping the sleeves of his suit coat. I held tight as Tony ate at me with devastating precision.

  Pushing me up against the door, he gripped my wrists, pinning them above my head as he ground his thick erection against my belly; sucking in my mewling cries of delight. Stripping me of all inhibitions, I arched my pussy against his driving shaft, silently cursing the clothing barring him from being inside me.

  And just as quickly as he’d seized my passion, Tony pulled back. A look of alarm blazed in his hungry eyes.

  “Fuck,” he muttered. “I’m sorry, Leagh. I shouldn’t have done that.”

  “No… it was…”

  Tony shook his head and took a step back, leaving me wet and aching for his warmth. “I’m not going to make the same mistake twice, sweetheart. When you’re ready, let me know.”

  Clenching his jaw, he turned and stormed down the hall. In stunned silence, I stood watching as he jammed his key into the lock of his door and disappeared into his room.

  I bit back a growl of frustration, went inside my room and crawled into bed.

  #

  Seated in Reed’s office the next morning, waiting for Hayden to arrive, all the reassurance and comfort Tony had showered upon me the night before was but a foggy memory. Attempting to calm myself, as he had taught me was like trying to piss up a rope. It was not happening.

  Tense and on alert, I was desperate for Tony’s soothing magic. Why hadn’t I let him come with me when he’d all but demanded at dinner the night before?

  Because you’re a stubborn idiot. My inner voice of reason, mocked.

  Reed sat at the head of the long conference table to my right. Tapping my toe nervously, I watched as he opened a large manila folder then reached inside and pulled out a small white envelope before handing it to me.

  “It’s a private message George left for you, Leagh. You can read it now if you’d like. Or wait until you’re somewhere private. It’s yours to keep.”

  My fingers trembled, and my throat constricted. Staring at the familiar scrawl, I smiled. George swore his writing was legible, but it wasn’t. Tears stung the backs of my eyes as memories filled my mind.

  George had brought a card to the café one night. He’d handed it to me with a broad smile.

  “Card,” I’d replied.

  “Yes. It’s a card. For you,” He’d confirmed, as a confused frown lined his face.

  “What’s does this say?” I’d asked. Pointing to the word he’d written on the front, I’d thought he was playing a game.

  “What do you mean, what does it say? It says Leagh!”

  “Oh. I thought it said guess, so that’s what I did,” I’d laughed.

  The envelope I now held I my hand bore the word, ‘Guess,’ which was of course ‘Leagh’ in George’s horrific penmanship.

  I brushed my fingers along the indentation of my name as if were a lost treasure. This was the only tangible piece of George that Hayden and Sloane hadn’t destroyed. The conference room door swung open, and I quickly slid the priceless note inside my purse.

  Reed’s secretary stepped inside the room as Hayden and Sloane waltzed in. The poor man didn’t bother masking his surprise.

  “What the hell is she doing here?” Sloane thundered. Her expression looked damn near demonic as she slashed a cold stare at me.

  “Please, take a seat, Sloane. I should ask the same of you.” Reed arched his brows awaiting the woman’s reply, as his secretary quickly vacated the room.

  “Surely you haven’t forgotten the terms of my divorce, have you, Reed?” Sloane purred as she and Hayden moved to the other side of the table. Their identical feline-like movements unnerved me.

  Reed’s lips drew together in a tight angry line as his jaw ticked. “No, I’ve not forgotten a damn thing. And neither did George. But he was a cautious man, so if you’re thinking about contesting a single word of his will, you’re wasting your brain cells, dear.”

  “There is no stipulation about contesting, Reed. I would never have agreed, otherwise. Surely you don’t take me for a fool,” her tone was unmistakably condescending.

  “You’re a lot of things, but a fool isn’t one of them. However, George ensured there was a loop hole,” Reed replied with a satisfied smile.

  “I doubt that highly, Reed. But we’ll see, won’t we?” Sloane sneered.

  I had no idea the meaning behind their tense volley, but I had a sneaking suspicion I would soon find out.

  “Can we get on with this, charade?” Hayden interrupted as her arrogant gaze homed in on me. “I have decorators to meet. I need to gut every room in my house and dispose of all the sleazy, disgusting shit left behind by a certain squatter.”

  Hayden’s insults stung, but imagining the look on her face when she discovered the toy bag under our bed or the cross and spanking bench in the guest room had me howling - on the inside. Somehow, I managed to keep my mouth shut and not ask if she was sure she didn’t want to keep them in case she wanted to get her kink on.

  Reed cleared his throat and withdrew several sheets of paper from the folder. Pages that held my Master’s last wishes…his last words. It seemed paltry in comparison to the abundance of light he’d brought to my life.

  As the legal jargon rolled off Reed’s tongue, I focused on George and ignored the two venomous women seated across from me. Anger and resentment roiled off them in a choking wave but I was there for my Master, not them.

  “As per my divorce decree dated the sixteenth of May, two thousand and one,” Reed recited, “My ex-wife, Sloane Ingram Marston and Hayden Ingram Marston, will share equally the remaining assets of my estate.

  Reed’s words wrapped around my brain, sending a shock wave clear to my toes. I couldn’t imagine George leaving Sloane a steaming dog turd, let alone half of his estate. Why on earth would he do such a thing? I was beyond flabbergasted. It obviously had something to do with divorcing the shrew but half his damn estate? That had to be in the millions. Why the hell didn’t he throw both her and Bernard under the bus when he discovered their affair? The whole thing made absolutely no sense.

  “If any beneficiary,” Reed continued, “directly or indirectly contests any provisions set forth designed to thwart my wishes, the contesting beneficiary provisions shall be revoked and all provisions shall be disposed of under the terms set forth in the sealed addendum to my Will.”

  Reed lifted another document and began speaking again as I tried to silence the questions racing through brain. “With the exception of separate trust established November 16, 1978 in the sole name of Paula Willhite-Harrington, shall be—”

  “That wretched whore,” Sloane spat in disgust.

  I had no idea who this Paula woman was, but she was not a friend to Sloane, that much was obvious. Did George have another daughter? Another ex-wife perhaps? Questions continued bombarding me. Reed ignored the blast of contempt pouring off Sloane and kept right on reading. Once this was over, I planned to ask him about the mystery woman, Paula.

  “And one million dollars,” Reed announced, “already established in an account at the Federal Community Bank in the name of Leagh Marie Bennett.”

  My heart thundered in my chest as his words echoed in my ears. Stunned by George’s generosity, relief slowly seeped through me. I could buy a new identity, enroll in college, and get my degree in advertising. Best of all, I could pay back my friends. The amount of money George had set aside for me was staggering. What touched me most—more priceless than the amount of money—was George’s need to keep me protected and safe. It was the one thing I loved the most about him.

  “Over my dead body,” Sloane screamed as she leapt from her chair. Her face twisted in rage as she glared at me and slammed her fist on the table. “You’re not going to touch one red cent of
my money. Do you hear me, bitch?”

  Her venomous outburst jolted me from my daydreams and filled me with fear. Snapping my head in Reed’s direction, the man looked as if he were struggling to control his own anger. Gripping the hinge on his glasses, Reed tore them from his face and slashed the evil bitch a scowl.

  “Sit down, Sloane. George’s directives are not up for debate. You will refrain from your snide commentary until the will has been read or I’ll have you escorted from my office.” Sloane huffed and issued a curt nod. “George had every legal right to name Leagh as a benefactor. Need I remind you that George inherited his fortune? You simply married into it, Sloane. The exterior of your grief stricken ex-wife persona is showing cracks.”

  “How dare you sling insults at me?” she fumed. Her face darkened to a deep crimson.

  “It’s not an insult, Sloane; it’s the truth,” Reed passively replied.

  I bit the inside of my cheeks to keep from laughing.

  “If I were you,” he warned. “I’d count my blessings that George didn’t liquidate every goddamn penny and give it to Paula, ten years ago.”

  “Our divorce decree supersedes his will, Reed. Don’t think I haven’t done my homework. You biased prick.”

  “I’m sure you’ve received a plethora of legal advice from Judge Bernard, both in and out of bed, Sloane,” Reed drawled with an exaggerated roll of the eyes. “But you’re entitled to what is left of George’s estate. You don’t get to dictate who he bequeaths a fucking dime to. If Bernard, your all-knowing legal advisor were here he’d inform you the same.”

  “Oh, he’ll be hearing from me. In fact…Immediately,” Sloane hissed turning her hateful gaze toward me. “You won’t touch of dime of my money, you white trash gold-digger. I’ll have your account frozen while your bony whore ass still sits in that chair. Don’t think I won’t.”