Of Heads and Hearts in the Metro

by Thessa Lim

  It was the third week that Jazmine dropped Liam off with Fiona. Jazmine had grown accustomed to the brown leather couch in the living room, the glass table in front of the television where Sitti would serve her iced tea, and the ’50s abstract low-pile rug in the middle of the room. She had also come to know the creaks that came from the hallway—if the door opened led to Fiona’s bedroom or Liam’s.

  Fiona smoothed a white muslin cloth over her shoulder and took Liam in her arms. “Oh dear. Do you have to work today?”

  “Unfortunately I do. I think he’s in a phase where he likes to sleep during the day and only a few hours in the night.” Jazmine smiled and said, “I have to say that getting a few days of rest for the past weeks has been a big help.”

  “That’s good to hear.” Fiona beamed.

  Jazmine’s smile grew as Liam made himself comfortable against Fiona’s chest. Fiona wore loose denim shorts and a plain white V-neck shirt. Her slim face, touched up with only a little powder, brightened when Liam burbled.

  “How are things at work? How are the hours?” Fiona asked and motioned Jazmine to sit down on the couch.

  Jazmine’s mouth opened an inch.

  She’s never asked about just me.

  “Uh, things are fine. Just that . . .” Jazmine smiled, recalling having lunch with Laine and Rhonda. “Most days, I need to rush home from the office.” She hesitated, and when Fiona’s head bobbed, Jazmine continued, “Uh, one time, I arrived an hour behind schedule. Ate Helen and the driver were nice about it, but I felt horrible. The driver went home to his family late that night because of me.”

  Fiona nodded and peered at Jazmine. “How’s the pay at the foundation though? Is it worth the effort you’re putting in?”

  Jazmine sighed and studied a wet patch on her navy blue and ivory striped skirt. “I don’t eat at fancy restaurants as often as my friends do . . . And I don’t shop as much either. But I love my job. I belong in this field.”

  Fiona took a deep breath. “Braden did tell me about the work you do.”

  Jazmine grinned at Fiona, but the older woman merely shifted Liam closer to her shoulder. Jazmine frowned and scratched the blot on her skirt.

  Fiona asked, “So . . . tell me about the neighborhood you’re in. Just being curious, if you don’t mind.”

  Jazmine chuckled and said she did not mind at all. She has rented the apartment since she joined Ganoop, loved having the place all to herself, and relished the times her family visited her there.

  “Braden had mentioned to me once that you have quite a character for a neighbor,” Fiona put in.

  Jazmine curled her legs under her and chuckled. “A character? No. Mr. Reyes just sits in front of his gate in the mornings and stares. But I don’t mind him. He hasn’t done anything to anyone.” Jazmine added, “Kuya is just estranged from his family.”

  Fiona gritted her teeth and glanced down at Liam. After a while, she put in, “By the way, I saw Liam’s medical booklet in his bag. You’re seeing a Dr. Lagon, right?”

  “Yes. He’s a great pediatrician at the PGH—”

  “At the PGH?” Fiona squirmed. “A longtime friend of ours is actually a pedia at the Medical City. Maybe you can take Liam there sometime. I can arrange for the appointment.”

  Jazmine cringed. “Consultation fees at the MC are usually . . . expensive. Dr. Lagon is a highly recommended specialist. We enlist him for some of our programs at Ganoop.”

  “Yes, of course. Just that, the PGH is very . . . open to the public . . . But that should do, I suppose.” Fiona pursed her lips. “You know, since you’re busy catching up with work, like you mentioned last time . . .”

  Jazmine watched as Fiona stood up and bounced Liam in her arms.

  “You can leave Liam with me during the weekdays. That way you can get as much sleep as you need and focus on work.”

  Jazmine gaped at her. For what seemed like several minutes.

  “J-just an offer.” Fiona waved a hand in the air. “’Cause Sitti looks after him at night . . . You can choose to do it on some weeks. Just whenever you need it.”

  Jazmine nodded, taking in her words.

  Wow, that’s a generous offer. Five whole days. Just by myself. I can arrange meetings with more potential sponsors if I don’t need to be home on the dot. And that work plan for the medical mission. Is it too much to hope that I can get promoted this year? Jumping to the next pay grade would really help Liam and me.

  When Jazmine got lost in her thoughts and stared blankly ahead, Fiona let out a nervous chuckle. “Oh, don’t get too stressed about it, Jazmine.”

  Jazmine shook her head. “Of course, Tita. I’ll . . . I’ll think about it. Probably not every week. Just once in a while.”

  “Of course, of course.”

  Both women kissed each other on the cheeks goodbye.

  The next day, after she had fetched Liam and brought him home, Jazmine studied her son as he slept in his crib. His little chest moved with the breaths he took. Once, his hand gave a little quiver as he inhaled deeply. His arms had grown rounder, and the lines on his wrists had become more pronounced.

  They’re letting him drink more milk than he should.

  Jazmine sighed and shook her head at herself.

  Be grateful. He’s going to shed the extra weight once he starts walking anyway.

  The lullaby music played at the right volume, the shine from the night-light did not stray near her baby’s face, and the baby monitor faced the crib. And so she stepped out of the room and joined her friends at the dining table.

  The other girls were still clad in formal office wear: Anne donned a metallic midi with a black overlay, Zara relaxed in pale pink peg trousers and a grey tunic wrap top, Laine tidied up the table in a champagne floral jacquard dress, while Jazmine treaded around her apartment in a black nursing tank and olive cargo shorts. They had finished dinner, easily polishing off the Bugong roast chicken.

  “So how was it at Tita’s?” Anne asked and gritted her teeth.

  Laine nudged Anne in the ribs before clearing the table.

  “I’m asking nicely,” Anne retorted.

  “He was good. They managed well,” Jazmine answered as she sat down on the chair across Anne.

  Anne shrugged. “That’s good.”

  “Umm . . . Tita offered to take Liam during the weekdays,” Jazmine shared.

  Zara’s eyes narrowed. “You mean, all of the weekdays?”

  Jazmine nodded slowly. The air in the room thickened as Anne and Zara regarded each other, and then Zara quickly looked away. Laine huffed a breath. Jazmine’s heartbeat began to race. Her eyes darted to Anne.

  Anne clenched her teeth. “This arrangement with her is starting to smell fishy.”

  “Anne . . . ,” Zara warned.

  Laine let out a sigh.

  Jazmine’s mouth dropped open. “I know you’re not in favor of my arrangement with her. But what are you talking about?”

  Anne declared, “She’s trying to take control of Liam.”

  “She’s not trying to take control of anything. She’s been helping me a lot. I’ve been able to function better since Liam was born.”

  “Jaz, please. You can’t let Liam spend more time with her,” Anne argued. “Five days . . . that’s more days than there are on the weekend.”

  I didn’t share this with them just to argue.

  “Why not?” Jazmine retorted. “She’s his grandmother.”

  “Tell me. Does she follow everything you tell her to do?” Anne countered. “How much sleep he should get? What toys he should play with?”

  Jazmine stuttered, “Sh-she’s entitled to make changes, because she’s taking care of him for days.”

  “C’mon, Jaz. We all know how picky you are about things in the house. I almost went crazy the first time you taught me how to wash his bottles.”

  “She’s his grandmother!” Jazmine stood up from her seat. “She’s his family.”

  “Right.” Anne glared. “And remind yo
urself that she isn’t yours.”

  Jazmine gasped.

  “Anne, stop,” Laine whispered and laid a hand on Anne’s shoulders.

  Anne scowled at Jazmine. “Remember that you don’t owe her anything. He’s your child. You’re his only parent. Don’t sell that away.”

  Jazmine trembled as Anne’s words hit her. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “That’s easy for you to say.” Her eyes flew open. “Because you’ve never been awake for twenty-four hours, around the clock. I need to breathe too.”

  “For five days? At what cost? Before you know it, she’ll be telling you how to take care of him.”

  “You don’t understand!” Jazmine clenched her fists. “I have to work so that I can provide for my son! Okay?” Jazmine cursed. “Back home, people leave their children with the grandparents, so that they can go to the city and work. That’s an acceptable reality for me. It might not be for you, because you can afford help. With your high-paying job—which, by the way, is simply about scoring money for your company and yourself!”

  Anne glowered and stood up.

  “Anne, sit down!” Zara commanded and pulled her friend back to her seat. “Let’s not fight over this. We’re all tired. It’s been a long week. Let’s take a breather.”

  “Laine?” Jazmine’s head snapped toward Laine, and Jazmine raised her eyebrows. “What do you think about this?”

  Laine sighed and glanced at Zara for help. Zara simply shook her head and looked away.

  “Honestly, Jaz . . . I don’t feel good about this. I have relatives who leave their children in the province too . . . but the relationship with their parents . . . isn’t that great—”

  Jazmine cursed again and turned away.

  “Jaz, you can do this. Getting help a couple of days a week is good enough. Ate Helen comes over anyway when Liam is here . . . ,” Laine urged. “It’s better for Liam to be with you. I can help out more, if you need me.”

  Jazmine shook her head and glared at Laine. At this, Laine’s shoulders slumped.

  Jazmine pointed a finger at Anne. “I can’t believe you’re taking her side on this!”

  “I’m not taking her side!” Laine insisted. “This is what I wish for you and Liam.”

  Jazmine shook her head. “But you know that I’m struggling here.”

  “The first few years will be tough, but it’ll get better.”

  Jazmine clenched her fists and turned to Zara. “And you?”

  “I honestly don’t know, Jaz. What . . .” Zara’s eyes darted from Laine to Anne. Anne rolled her eyes. “What you’re looking for is something practical. And that’s completely understandable,” Zara put in. “If it were your parents who’d look after Liam, I would say go ahead. But with Braden’s parents, I’m not sure . . .”

  Jazmine turned around and walked into the kitchen. She grabbed a baby bottle and squirted Joy on it. She dropped the detergent back on the counter as she scrubbed the bottle manically.

  “Jazmine!” Anne growled from behind her, but Jazmine did not turn around. “I want to show you something that we came by sometime back—”

  “No!” Zara yelled.

  But Jazmine did not turn around as her friends wrestled over Zara’s phone. Jazmine flung the brush and the teats into the basin.

  When the tussle among her friends stopped and silence settled over the room, Jazmine muttered, “Can you gals please leave?”

  “Wait, I’ve got—,” Anne tried again, but Zara clamped a hand over Anne’s mouth.

  “Anne, shut up,” Zara ordered. “Let’s go.”

  Zara yanked Anne up from her seat, and the three ladies walked out of the apartment.

  The next day:

  The next week, Jazmine left Liam with Fiona and agreed to let him stay at the Palmas’ until Friday. By Thursday, Jazmine had almost gone to the Palma home to pick Liam up. But when she glimpsed the workshop plan, which was only half done, on her desk that afternoon, she had conceded and stayed at the office late that night.

  Patience, patience. Just one more day.

  That Friday afternoon, Jazmine left the office with a skip to her step.

  She had watched a Korean drama the previous night and had many a laugh before going to bed. A dream of Christine and herself had visited her then. They played sungka[20] and giggled at each other’s jokes like they used to. That morning, she had changed Liam’s beddings and washed them without rushing. When she logged in to her online bank account, she had clapped her hands at the balance and transferred some money to Christine’s account. There was no email from her sister, but Jazmine knew Christine had withdrawn the money she sent in the past weeks. Later at the office, when Jazmine submitted the workshop plan, Grace had complimented her and endorsed the proposal.

  And now Jazmine was off to fetch her baby.

  She stepped out of the jeepney and walked down the now-familiar streets to the Palmas’ house. She studied the front gardens of the houses that she passed and smiled when one took her fancy. The gumamelas on the woody shrubs bloomed, and the fruity scents coming from the star apple trees did not escape her this time. The neighborhood streets showed little action, as people favored malls, restaurants, and bars this time of the day and week.

  Thank God it is Friday.

  She rang the buzzer by the gate, but not before she brushed a hand down her peach pleated skirt. The garment was new—she had bought it for a few hundred pesos at a boutique sale near the office. After a while, Sitti came out to greet her.

  “Hi, Ms. Jazmine.” Sitti laid a hand on the lock.

  “Hi,” Jazmine greeted back.

  Jazmine waited for Sitti to let her enter, but the maid did not move. When Jazmine frowned at her, Sitti merely bit at a finger.

  “Can you please let me in?” Jazmine asked. “I’m picking Liam up.”

  Sitti squirmed. “Uh, Ma’am Fiona is waking him up and getting him dressed.”

  “Okay.” Jazmine peered at the house. “So . . . can I come in while I wait?”

  Why is she being weird?

  “Uh . . .” Sitti squirmed yet again and glanced back at the house. “Ma’am Fiona said she’ll bring Liam outside. Can you just wait a while?”

  Before Jazmine could say anything, Sitti rushed back to the house and closed the front door behind her.

  What is going on? Did something happen to Liam? If anything happened to him—

  Jazmine stared at the house and searched the windows. Nothing of note there. She contemplated ringing the buzzer again.

  Nah, Sitti was just being weird. They’ll come out in a while.

  When ten minutes passed, she leaned against the gate and began to tap her feet on the ground. When another ten minutes elapsed, she could not ignore the ill feeling in her stomach anymore. She pressed the bell a couple of times.

  Sitti opened the door once again but this time yelled out, “Liam is coming, Ate. Just a minute.”

  Jazmine nodded her head, but inside she fumed.

  Why aren’t they letting me in? Is Tita hiding something?

  Suddenly Fiona stepped out with Liam in her arms. “Jazmine, sorry. Sitti didn’t tell me you were already here!”

  Jazmine glared at Sitti. The maid merely opened the gate and bent her head down as Jazmine entered the front yard.

  “Oh, Jazmine, look. He doesn’t want to let go of his grandma.” Fiona tittered as she cradled Liam. Her usually kempt hair seemed disheveled. She trained widened eyes at Jazmine and appealed, “Won’t you let him stay with me another day?”

  “Well, I’m already here, and I want him to come home already.” Jazmine reached for Liam, but Fiona did not pass him to her. “Did something happen today?”

  “No. Why do you ask that?”

  Oh, because your maid just made me stand by outside to think horrible things and freak out by myself.

  “Because . . . because Sitti just made me wait a while. I was starting to think something had happened to Liam.”

  Sitti began, “I’m sorry,
Ms. Jazmine. I—”

  Fiona tsk-tsked at Sitti, then waved a hand dismissively. “Sitti can be a little absentminded sometimes.”

  Sitti opened her mouth to reply but stopped.

  Jazmine frowned and countered, “I don’t think it was that—”

  “Hush, Jazmine.” Fiona let out a chuckle. “Nothing happened. Liam is fine.”

  Jazmine looked her son over. The length of his hair was the same as when she had left him with Fiona. His arms and torso seemed of the same size and build as far as Jazmine could remember—if not plumper. The orange onesie and matching shorts were filled out as much as expected. Not a scratch nor a mark. Fiona swallowed as she stared down at her grandson.

  “Well, you’re here now,” Fiona relented. “Let me know if he looks for me.”

  How’s he going to tell me?

  Fiona hesitated but finally handed Liam over to Jazmine. Jazmine could barely restrain herself from grabbing her son. Once her boy was in her arms, Jazmine kissed him on the head. She inhaled his scent and became awash with emotion.

  “Thank you again, Tita.” Jazmine grinned as he greeted her with a slobbery smile.

  Fiona sighed. “Sure. I’ll see you on Monday then?”

  Jazmine gazed at Fiona, then at Sitti. “Sure. See you then.”

  Just get Sitti to let me in next time, and don’t make me freak out!

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Laine and the Bridge over a Pond

  Monday night:

  Tuesday night:

  After fifteen minutes . . .

  Laine stepped out of the lift and cringed when her stomach grumbled. As she turned the corner to pass through the reception lobby, she stopped in her tracks, her jaw dropped, and she drew a sharp breath. Tony leaned on the reception table, looking at her and grinning like a Cheshire cat. A smile broke out on her face. He walked toward her, his grin growing as he saw a blush creep up her face. He dropped a kiss on her forehead.

  “I think somebody’s really hungry. Shall we go for dinner?” He slipped his hand into hers.