Of Heads and Hearts in the Metro

by Thessa Lim

  Her phone buzzed from the floor, and she picked it up.

  Zara chirped from the other end of the line, “Don’t forget to write your vows tonight.”

  Anne groaned, “It’s already late.”

  “Our schedule says your vows should’ve been completed yesterday.”

  “Noo . . . don’t give me that.”

  “You won’t have time to do it this week, remember? You’ve got that bid at the office, for which you’ll be working nights. Remember?” Zara scolded and tsk-tsked. “Plus, it’s in the schedule. We gotta stick to the schedule.”

  Anne rolled her eyes. “Fine.”

  “Less sexual content and . . . more about the future. Classy, okay?”

  Anne grumbled, “They’re my vows to keep.”

  Zara scoffed. “I’ll edit them before the wedding. Have you started packing for when you move out of the house?”

  Anne sighed. “No. I can’t begin to think about that yet. I’ll slowly move my stuff to Daniel’s.”

  A long pause occurred.

  “Okay,” Zara replied. “I’ll leave that to you then. I’m just organizing the wedding.”

  Anne rolled her eyes and grinned. “Fine. Talk to you tomorrow?”

  They hung up. Anne’s eyes suddenly landed on her bag and its contents sprawled on the rug.

  Now what was I thinking about again?

  She smacked her face. She lifted her phone and called Zara again.

  Jazmine washed the dishes as she left Liam in the sala to stare at the crib mobile going round and round. Suddenly she threw the sponge at the sink, and tears fell down her cheeks. Her shoulders slumped forward as she clutched at the edge of the counter.

  “Anak,[25] can you come home next weekend and help Christine review for her exams?”

  “Ate, I need some money to buy a book. It’s for Filipino class. The El Filibusterismo.”

  “Jaz, I think Liam needs a diaper change . . . and he looks hungry. Oh great, now he’s crying. Yep, he’s definitely hungry.”

  I’m so tired . . . Why can’t somebody take care of me for a change?

  “Jazmine, can you please help me with the presentation? I think you know the client more than I do.”

  “Jaz, can you train the new girl? She asks too many questions!”

  Liam cooed from his crib, and Jazmine wiped her tears away and rushed to his side. She smiled when she saw him try to turn to his side, but another tear fell from her eye. She sat down on the floor, hid her face from her son, and silenced her sobs. She rocked her body back and forth.

  Anne needs me.

  But I need some space.

  I’ve never needed space.

  I need some now. I need time. A few weeks . . .

  I’ll miss Anne’s wedding.

  She’ll forgive me.

  She might not . . .

  It’ll be a test of her friendship toward me.

  Now is a test of mine to her.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  Jazmine and the Concrete Barrier

  Jazmine went down the jeepney and walked toward the San Antonio Village. She rubbed at the back of her neck. It was Friday, but an unease filled her. She walked down the street, with head bent and eyes cast on the pavement.

  It’s nothing. Just stress from work.

  But everything had gone well that day at the office. Jazmine had arranged meetings with a couple of sponsors. She had acquired the approvals to execute the contracts, which were put on hold while she was on maternity leave. Finance had collected the pledged donations. On programs, Rhonda had reported that the Health is Wealth project they held in Zambales on Monday was attended by more families than expected and was well-received.

  Is it my quarrel with the girls? But I already told myself to let things die down before doing anything about that.

  She looked up just as she realized she was close to her destination. When her eyes landed on the white gate that she saw every Monday and Friday, her insides clenched.

  Nothing’s wrong. Liam is fine.

  Jazmine rang the buzzer twice. Sitti did not answer.

  She pressed the button twice again. As the seconds ticked by, blood rushed through her neck, and she cracked it to ease the tension.

  Don’t make me wait another minute, Sitti!

  She pursed her lips and rang the buzzer thrice. Suddenly Sitti opened the door of the house as if she was behind it all this time. Keeping her eyes on the ground, the maid walked toward the gate.

  “Hi, Ms. Jazmine,” Sitti greeted without glancing up.

  Jazmine gritted her teeth. “Hi, Sitti. I’m here to pick Liam up.”

  “Ms. Jazmine . . .” Sitti took a deep breath but still did not look Jazmine in the face. “Umm . . . he’s still sleeping. M-Ma’am Fiona said to tell you to go home. She will bring him to your apartment tomorrow.”

  “What?” Jazmine croaked. Her heart beat rapidly, and the muscles on her back and neck stiffened. She clenched her fists. “Open the gate right now, Sitti. I’m here to pick up my son.”

  Sitti looked at her this time, with lips trembling. “Ms. Jazmine, I c-can’t. Ma’am Fiona said not to disturb him. Please, Ms. Jazmine,” Sitti pleaded. “Just let her bring him to you tomorrow.”

  “What are you talking about?” Jazmine insisted. “I come here every Friday afternoon to pick him up.”

  Sitti glanced back at the house and then shook her head at Jazmine.

  “What are you worried about?” Jazmine clasped the gate’s grills. “D-did something happen to him? Is he okay?”

  Sitti nodded. “He is okay.”

  Jazmine breathed a sigh of relief.

  But Sitti continued, “Just . . . just obey Ma’am Fiona please and go home tonight.”

  “No, I’m taking Liam home tonight.” Jazmine reached for the buzzer and began ringing it over and over again. “Let me in, or you’re going to be sorry.”

  Sitti drew a sharp breath but remained in place.

  “Get Tita to come out here right now.” Jazmine glared at the maid. “I want to talk to her.”

  They can’t be doing this to me! We agreed, every Friday night.

  Sitti clasped her hands together and implored, “Ms. Jazmine, please stop. Ms. Fiona might fire me if . . .”

  Oh my God. She’s not kidding. Tita wants to keep Liam from me tonight.

  Jazmine took out her phone and dialed Fiona’s number.

  What is this woman thinking? I’ll give her a piece of my mind! Hiding behind her maid. She said we’re family. I trusted her! I left my son with her.

  “The number cannot be reached as dialed. Please try again later.”

  Jazmine’s hands shook as she pocketed the device.

  She can’t be doing this! How can she? I know she loves him, but this—

  “No.” Jazmine reached through the gate’s grating to get a hold of Sitti’s shirt, but the young girl moved away.

  Sitti gasped when Jazmine continued to thrust her arm out to grab her. “Ms. Jazmine, please. Just go home.”

  Jazmine glanced at the house. Her eyes scanned the windows frantically.

  We were doing okay. How can she ruin things? What am I going to do?

  “S-Sitti, if I wait tomorrow,” Jazmine admonished, “will you swear on your life that I will get my son back? You ladies won’t leave me hanging?”

  Sitti’s eyes widened. “D-don’t ask me this, Ms. Jazmine . . .”

  “What? You’re telling me—,” Jazmine hissed.

  Sitti shook her head and took a step back. “I . . . I’m just—”

  “She’ll continue to keep him from me?” Jazmine demanded.

  “I . . . Ms. Jazmine, I just work h-here . . . ,” Sitti pleaded her case.

  “Why are you helping her?” Jazmine growled.

  Does Tita think that just because I’m a provincial lass . . . who earns enough just to make ends meet, I’m going to let her have her way?

  With her breaths now hurried, Jazmine inspected the gate. She spied the metal b
race that held the grills together in the middle. She lifted a leg and tried to get a good foothold on the rod. She reached for the topmost bar and pulled herself up. But then her foot wobbled, and after several moments of struggling to find balance, she shakily fixed her grip back on the ground. Her heart pounded against her chest, and she broke out in a cold sweat. Her eyes scanned the rest of the gate, but she did not find any other thing to leverage on.

  No, no. I have to get in right now. I’ll be damned if they keep Liam from me for even one night.

  Jazmine heaved out a breath, and her shoulders slumped.

  “Sitti, please. Let me get my son.” Her eyes watered as her body trembled.

  They can’t be doing this! This is . . . illegal, right?

  When Sitti shook her head, Jazmine pleaded, “Sitti, please, my son.” Then she clung to the gate. “Liam! Liam!” she shouted, and the tears fell down her face.

  “Ms. Jazmine, please. Just go home now please.” Sitti’s eyes filled with water too.

  Jazmine shook the gate until the grills rattled and the sides squeaked against the cement posts. Sitti could only gasp and, with her mouth wide open, gape at Jazmine.

  “Hey!” a male voice bellowed out from the house next to the Palmas’. “What’s all the noise there for?”

  Jazmine wanted to shout that they were refusing her her baby and that someone should call the police and help her, but she could only sit down on the ground and cry.

  “My baby, my baby,” she repeated over and over again. “How can you keep my baby?”

  Sitti could only take so much, and so she ran back to the house and locked the door behind her.

  CHAPTER TWENTY

  Rules of Engagement

  Jazmine had kept silent since Zara visited her apartment. Laine had stayed away from the girls but could not completely ignore Zara. Laine had evaded questions, avoided eye contact, and, when she had to talk to Zara, answered in a clipped tone. Zara noticed that Laine kept glancing at her mobile even more and that, at one time, she had even thrown it down with a huff.

  That Friday evening though, they had plans to meet with Anne, which they had agreed to before the blowup over the previous weekend. When Zara told Laine that they had to leave for dinner already, Laine answered that she still had to use the toilet and Zara should just go ahead. Zara pushed her into the bathroom and, after fifteen minutes, knocked on the door incessantly until Laine came out. Of course, Laine dragged her feet all the way to the car and out of it too.

  “C’mon. Quit delaying and come in.” Zara reached for Laine’s hand so she could pull her into the restaurant.

  “Do I have to? Don’t you two have everything in control yet? I’m not really in the mood today,” Laine grumbled.

  “We need to decide what color is best for our dresses.”

  “I vote for pastel blue. I’ll be fine whichever color gets the majority vote.”

  “We still need to plan the games we’ll play during the dinner party.”

  “Truth or Dare. Or Pinoy Henyo.”[26]

  “Come on!” Zara dragged Laine toward the door, until people began to stare at them; only then did Laine stomp to their table.

  When Anne reached them after ordering at the counter, she glanced sideways at Laine before blurting out, “I’m sorry about what happened last time. I shouldn’t have—”

  “It’s fine,” Laine interrupted her and continued to stare at the table.

  “Okaaay . . .” Anne frowned and turned to Zara.

  “I have to go home early tonight. Can we talk about the stuff already?” Laine asked.

  After studying Laine for a while, Anne quizzed Zara on the wedding arrangements. Laine merely nodded along as Zara beamed at each piece of news she gave. The officiator has been booked. The resort has decided to give them the two rooms Anne wanted. The restaurant has been reserved—the outdoor area was theirs for dinner. Laine rolled her eyes. The island-hopping tour the newlyweds will take has also been arranged. By the time Zara was finished, Anne was all smiles.

  “Sounds great! Wait till I tell Daniel. He’ll be so amazed. He told me, ‘We won’t be able to get this and that at such short notice,’” she mimicked Daniel and rolled her eyes. She giggled and dialed Daniel’s number. “Babe, everything’s set. Yep . . . Can you believe it? All that’s left are my dress and the rings. I think I found the right one, but I have to go back for a fitting tomorrow.”

  Anne moved to a less crowded part of the restaurant to continue the conversation.

  A waitress came to their table, bringing a glass of fruit shake with a piece of mango garnishing the rim.

  “Diet mango fruit shake for the bride-to-be,” the server said with a flourish and set the glass down in front of Zara.

  Zara’s eyes widened, and she shook her head and waved the drink away.

  “Oh no, no, no. Not me. That’s not for me.”

  Laine’s eyebrow shot up. The waitress looked at Zara, then at Laine. Then she slapped her forehead.

  “Oh, right. It’s for that lady with the curly hair. Sorry. Where’s she sitting?”

  “Over here.” Zara motioned with her hand on top of the placemat next to hers.

  When the waitress left, Laine raised an eyebrow at Zara. “Marriage-phobic much?”

  Zara shook her head, pointed to herself, and waved her hands in front of her with a shudder. “I dread the thought.”

  “But you’re enjoying all this,” Laine interjected.

  “I enjoy the wedding planning, not the idea of marriage itself. It’s to be celebrated, as with most things, but will someday end badly.”

  “C’mon. Your parents are still together, aren’t they?”

  “Yes, but they’re pretty . . . serious. I’m not sure if there’s still any chemistry there.”

  Zara shrugged and took out her mobile. She flicked at the screen for a while and propped it up to show Laine the pictures of dresses she had looked at the other night.

  “Which of these do you like?” Zara asked. “Some of these come in different colors. These are all from H&M’s premium gown collection, so Daniel can get them at a discounted price.”

  Laine studied the pictures briefly. “Much too frilly . . .” She frowned. “We’ll look like flowers . . .” She cringed. “Nope . . . I don’t do backless . . .”

  Zara sighed and searched the catalogue for more options.

  “You know what, Zara, just pick whichever you want. Then I’ll go to a shop and get it in my size.”

  Zara sighed. “But you don’t like most of these. Can we at least pick out three together?”

  Laine begrudgingly pointed at three pictures.

  Zara smiled and noted her choices down. She clasped her hands together and leaned in toward Laine. “Okay, now can we decide who should give Anne away to Daniel?”

  Laine shook her head and looked away. “It should be her father.”

  Zara put her hand to her temple. “Yeah . . . but he won’t be there . . . Are you thinking about your dad—”

  “You can give her away. It doesn’t matter who of us does it.”

  When Laine went to the washroom, Anne gritted her teeth. “Zara, I hate to say this . . . but I think we should postpone the wedding.”

  “What?” Zara gasped. “Why? No.” She sighed and frowned.

  “I don’t want to get married if Jaz isn’t going to be there,” Anne whispered. “And from the looks of it, she won’t be.”

  “No, she will be.” Zara shook her head. “Just give her a bit of time.”

  “Laine’s still pissed. I deserve it. I push her all the time. You think . . .” Anne paused and bit her lower lip. “Maybe I pushed Daniel into getting married too?”

  Zara shook her head. “You said, he said yes right away.”

  Anne nodded, but her lips were still in a frown.

  “Anne, you remember, when we first met, how I was toward you?” Zara asked, smiling at the thought.

  Anne chuckled and grinned. “Yeah, you were like, ‘Don’
t get too near me. Give me some space, Anne.’”

  Zara laughed. “I learned to trust and love you, because you insisted on being my friend. You pushed—no, barreled—your way into my life, and now I won’t have it any other way.” Zara grinned at the bride-to-be.

  Anne rolled her eyes, but a smile played at the corners of her lips. “I so did not barrel my way in. I-I just . . . I want Jaz to be there. And I want Laine to be happy with me . . . even if my parents won’t be there.”

  “Jaz will be there. And Laine will be fine.” Zara pursed her lips. “Let me do the barreling now.”

  When Laine went back to the table, Anne had already left. Daniel had picked Anne up so they could pick out wedding bands.

  “Laine . . . why are you being grumpy and dragging your feet?” Zara asked.

  When Laine shook her head and continued to sulk, Zara continued, “Laine . . . this is Anne’s wedding . . . We should be there for her no matter what. You should be here a hundred percent for her like she will be for you. And now Jazmine won’t even talk to us.” She shook her head.

  Laine sighed. “Zara, you know that talking to her parents about this is sound advice. I’m not reciting some passage from a rule book.”

  “I know, Laine. But that is Anne’s decision to make. You girls can’t let the stress of a wedding break us apart.” Zara’s voice broke. “You gals are like my family, you know. I don’t know what I’d do if we fell apart.”

  “What are you talking about, Zara? You’ve got family,” Laine interjected. “And they live just here in Manila.”

  “I do have family. But I’m not close with my parents. I don’t know where my brother is. I don’t know when I’ll see him again or if I’ll see him again.” Zara chuckled in between sniffles. “I’m being melodramatic, I know. But it feels like this to me most of the time . . . You girls are my family. You keep me together.”

  Laine sniffed.

  Zara continued with her tirade. “And Anne is frantically preparing for her wedding . . . No, actually, she’s not frantic. I am, because she’s given most of the tedious work to me. But you never know . . . She might not have time for us after the wedding . . . She’ll spend most of her days with Daniel. And when she gets pregnant and they have a kid . . .” She turned her wide eyes to Laine.