Beyond Control

by Karice Bolton

  Sounded like my father.

  “It grew so fast. Aaron loved it. I despised it. I was spending morning, noon, and night tweaking code, updating the websites, reaching out to suppliers, vendors…my world became something I didn’t care about. I had liked the idea, but wasn’t into the execution. I thought of it as a quick get rich scheme that we could unload so I could do what I really wanted to do.”

  “The bikes?” I asked.

  He nodded. “We got several offers, but Aaron turned them all down because they were straight-out purchase offers, and he wanted the ability to stay on. So when the final one came in that offered him a role in the company, we couldn’t refuse. I had just lost …” He stopped himself. “Anyway, I took a buyout and the rest is history.”

  “When was it purchased?” I asked, not wanting him to clam up.

  “Three years ago.” His gaze dropped to the plate in front of him.

  “So who purchased it? A company I know like ADT?” I asked, relieved that things were starting to make sense.

  He was quiet for a few seconds and a pit in my stomach developed as I realized what he was going to say before he said it.

  “Your father purchased the company,” he replied, avoiding my gaze.

  My world began spinning. My father has been in touch with my brother for three years and never told me? My brother never reached out to me?

  “Please tell me you’re kidding,” I mumbled. My father owned so many companies, it was hard to keep them straight. In fact, I think he had a share in Sushi Take One and Take Two even, but this?

  “My father has a real knack for being an ass,” I whispered as I saw Jason shake his head.

  “I’m sorry. I thought about telling you about the espresso shop on Saturday, but I was afraid it would lead to this. And I really didn’t want to ruin such a beautiful day with you,” he said. “I’m not thrilled about it now, either.”

  “Do you know why my brother hasn’t come to see me until now? I’m sure you do,” I whispered.

  “I actually don’t,” Jason replied.

  I looked up through my lashes and could tell he didn’t know. If he did, he’d tell me. I sensed that. I also knew something was haunting him.

  “When I first met him, he never mentioned family, and honestly, I didn’t think that much of it because of my situation,” he stopped, realizing he had said more than he intended.

  “It’s funny. I had controlled friendships and other types of relationships so much growing up that I’m finally coming to realize it was because I couldn’t control the one I had wanted so badly.” I looked away from Jason and scanned the patio. “So much for an uplifting date.”

  A seagull flew to the wooden railing and began walking along the platform, pestering the diners. Jason followed my gaze and a smile appeared on his lips.

  “Can I still count on you to show up at your parents’ house?” he asked.

  “Wouldn’t miss it for the world.” I turned to face him. “The person I never wanted to let down seems to be doing a marvelous job disappointing me, and it’s time I start to live for myself. I need answers, and I’m ready for them.”

  “Okay. So what’s the plan of attack?” Brandy asked.

  We were driving along Lakeside Drive on the way to my parents’ home. The sky had turned from bright blue to dreary Seattle grey in a matter of minutes, which led to a frantic text from Carla, letting us know that the dinner had been moved inside. I hadn’t really worried about it, but for a party planner, she was all over it. I was sure Carla was disappointed because, no doubt, she had an entire theme going on, and now it had to be shifted inside. God Forbid!

  “Hopefully, we don’t need a plan of attack,” I responded, wishing I believed my words.

  “Better to be prepared,” Brandy replied, turning down the radio.

  “I’m just going to flat out ask my brother what happened whenever the opportunity presents itself.”

  “Do we need like a code word or anything?” she asked, smiling.

  Back in college we had a list of words that we’d use if things were headed south. Each word had its own excuse at the ready for one of us to spout off, and it had gotten us out of a lot of uncomfortable and sticky situations. Our favorite one was Muskrat, from Meet the Parents.

  “No. I’m going to try to be an adult about this,” I confirmed. “Besides, I can always grab your hand and dart from the house. Kidding.”

  “Yes. Totally adult,” she laughed and looked outside the passenger window. The road wound along Lake Washington and, even with the sudden turn in weather, provided a beautiful backdrop between the large estates that were peppered along the drive.

  “Speaking of being completely adult about things, I don’t think I would be showing up if Jason wasn’t going to be there.” I smiled, thinking about what I just admitted. A few weeks ago, I had stayed true to my commitment to ignore the other half of the world.

  And then he appeared.

  “Nothing wrong with that. He’d make me want to show up to just about anything if...you know… I was into his type,” she said, chuckling.

  “What exactly is your type nowadays?” He was definitely her type. He was everyone’s type.

  “I have no idea anymore,” she confessed. “Maybe that’s why I’m in drought mode. I can’t even figure out who to fantasize about.”

  “Ha! Oh, now you’re admitting you’re in drought mode?” I teased.

  She gave me a sideways glance and laughed. “Maybe a house full of cats and…”

  “Speak for yourself.” I said, laughing. “I much prefer puppies.”

  The first raindrop fell on the windshield as we rounded the bend to my parents’ house. Well, I guess house would be an understatement, and they were definitely not understated people. The sprawling mansion sat back from the road and was difficult to see. Plus there was a tall, wrought iron fence with tidily trimmed Laurel bushes that blocked the property from street view.

  I stopped the Jeep in front of the gate and punched in the code.

  “I think I could get used to this,” Brandy mused, watching the double gates fold inward.

  “A few years into your law career and it, too, can be yours,” I said.

  “If only I wasn’t planning on going into public service,” she sighed. “Maybe I should reconsider…” Her smirk said it all. She would never reconsider. She’s always wanted to pursue law and help those who were in need. I really respected her for it.

  “I’m sure there’s a way to work both angles,” I joked. “And if you ever want to find out how, my dad would be the one to ask.”

  “I’ll keep that in mind.” She nodded and her smirk grew into a large grin.

  We drove along the narrow driveway, lined with Horse Chestnut Trees that would soon be taking up the entire drive, and found a place to park in front of the home. I spotted Jason’s Jeep and another car I didn’t recognize. I hoped it was Aaron’s because I didn’t think I could handle any other surprise visits. My parents’ home was a mixture of Northwest style and clean modern lines with lots of windows that took advantage of the view.

  “You ready?” Brandy asked, unfastening her seatbelt.

  “More than ready,” I said hopping out of the Jeep.

  We both ran up the large, flagstone stairs attempting to dodge the fat raindrops that were falling from the sky. I looked down at my white shirt that suddenly felt far thinner than it did when it was dry. I unwrapped the light sweater that was tied around my waist and pulled it on, leaving it unbuttoned, but I pulled it over the vulnerable parts. Brandy pressed the doorbell and took a step back, glancing at me quickly trying to cover up.

  “Probably a good idea,” Brandy said, trying not to laugh as the front door opened.

  I looked up to see Aaron swinging the door open, with Jason standing right behind him. The moment my eyes landed on Jason, a familiar warmth filled my chest. There was something about the way he looked at me that told me he felt it too.

  “Hey, so glad you coul
d make it,” Aaron said softly, interrupting the sensation running between Jason and me.

  “Me, too,” I said, stepping into the large foyer. I sensed Jason’s gaze on me and felt a beat of excitement climb each vertebra. Not wanting to give myself away immediately, I forced myself to look away.

  “Even though dad was going to spring it on you…” Aaron began, grimacing.

  Dad...it was so eerie hearing someone else besides me refer to my father by dad, but apparently I needed to get used to it.

  “Yes. Because he knows how much I love surprises,” I interrupted, smiling.

  “Jason figured as much,” Aaron said, scanning Jason slowly before turning his attention back to me. How much did he know about us? Not that there really was an ‘us’ yet but still…

  “Pretty observant, that guy,” I said, glancing at Jason. “You picked a good friend. Is he your only one?” I raised both brows.

  “Told you she’s something else,” Jason said, shaking his head.

  Carla and my father came down the hall dressed as if there was something more than a family dinner about to take place. My father was wearing a suit, and my stepmother wore white linen pants, a pink silk blouse and her pearls. Carla pressed her hands together as she glided toward me and gave me a quick hug and an air kiss before moving onto Brandy.

  “Can you believe this weather?” she asked, still unforgiving of the Northwest’s latest surprise. “It’s just good I had a backup plan.”

  I couldn’t help but laugh at the seriousness of Carla’s disaster recovery plan for our family dinner and caught a glimpse of a smile spreading across Aaron’s lips as well. At least there was no hostility between my brother and her since he’d missed the whole stepmom introduction thing. Or did he?

  “You redecorated the foyer?” I asked, looking around the now pastel-colored room. It had been a stark combination of black and white with splashes of red. I had to admit that this was far more soothing. There was a large, white center table that held a clear vase of seashells. I noticed the pillows on all the benches had also been traded out to a more nautical, Nantucket, sort of motif. Never mind that we lived across the country.

  “Not just the foyer,” she said, wrapping her arm through mine. “I’ll show you the main gathering room.”

  “You changed that one too?” I asked. It had only been a couple years since she last got the remodel bug.

  “Of course she did.” My father rolled his eyes, lovingly. Carla was a good fit for my father. Loyal, loving, and young-at-heart and always ready to put up a fight for what she wanted. That wasn’t something I ever remembered my mom doing. Granted, I was only twelve, but I had memories of my mom implying things never had gone her way. What way that was, I never knew, but it always bothered me. Maybe that was another reason I had a tendency to be so vocal.

  We walked into the main gathering room, and Brandy sucked in a breath behind me. The room was beautiful. There was no denying it. But it was the view that was breathtaking, even on a dreary day. The far wall, which overlooked the gardens and Lake Washington, was covered in floor to ceiling windows. A new addition to the room was the large antique chandelier, along with aged, wooden beams radiating from the center of the ceiling in a sunburst design. Changing the paint was never enough in my stepmom’s world. The fireplace mantle had also been exchanged for a very large piece of driftwood. It was definitely Carla’s quirky sense of style and I liked it.

  “Very nice,” I told her, walking toward the slate-colored chenille couch. It was new too.

  “I love it,” Brandy cooed, following me to the sitting area.

  “I think this will last for a long time,” Carla said, sitting across from Brandy and me.

  “Doubt that,” my dad said under his breath. I flashed him a smile and he nodded. “Would anyone like a drink before dinner?”

  “I’d love a glass of wine,” Brandy said.

  “I’m fine,” I replied, glancing at Aaron. He was in the far corner of the room, discussing something in a hushed voice with Jason. His back was to me, but I could tell by the tension in his shoulders something was bothering him. Hmm. Maybe the fact that he didn’t know what to say to his little sister after a decade of hiding?

  “Nice. Make me feel like the lush,” Brandy giggled, catching my gaze.

  “We’ll be lushes together then,” Carla teased. “I’d like a glass of Pinot Grigio, dear. White okay for you?” She looked at Brandy.

  “Sounds perfect,” Brandy replied.

  Jason glanced at me, and the corner of his mouth twitched up slightly before turning his attention back to Aaron.

  “You two want anything?” my dad called across the room.

  “My water’s fine,” Jason said, holding his water bottle up.

  “I’m fine,” Aaron said, finally turning around to us.

  “Everything okay over there?” I asked.

  Aaron was dressed in a pair of khakis and a navy polo. He looked like he could’ve been in one of the endless meetings I was stuck in today, but it seemed natural on him. It was still hard for me to admit to myself that the guy that was in front of me wasn’t my eighteen-year-old brother anymore. He seemed mature, more so than maybe he should be, even.

  Jason, on the other hand, wore jeans and a casual button down, sleeves rolled up and jeans fitting just right. He caught me taking him in and flashed a smile for only me to see, stirring up my insides like crazy.

  The room was filling with awkward tension the longer we all sat, or stood around, staring at one another. Someone needed to break the ice, and I didn’t really want it to be me because I was at a loss.

  “How are you enjoying your gift?” my dad asked me, as he brought Carla and Brandy each their glass of wine.

  “I’m in love with it,” I told him, thinking back to not only the bike but my time with Jason. “It’s perfection, actually.”

  “Don’t go getting any crazy ideas,” Carla piped up. “I see that look in your eyes, Gabby.”

  “I don’t know what you’re talking about.” I blushed, realizing Jason saw through it as he winked at me. He understood what or who I was really thinking about. My heart warmed as our eyes locked, and it felt like only the two of us were in the room.

  Until my dad broke in.

  Clearing his throat, he sat next to Carla and watched me shift uncomfortably once I realized how transparent I must’ve been.

  “How did you get into bikes, Gabby?” Jason asked, coming to my rescue. He leaned against the wall and waited for my reply.

  I looked nervously at my brother and then to my father.

  “Actually, Aaron got me into them. Only he didn’t know it,” I said, looking outside before landing my gaze on Aaron.

  “How so?” Carla asked. Intrigue filled her voice since she roughly knew the timing of things.

  “When I was younger, I’d always follow Aaron around when he was dirt biking.”

  “That’s right,” Aaron said, slapping his forehead. A smile broke on his lips as he remembered how his little sister used to beg to be driven around the pits of mud and mini-hills.

  “I was pretty persistent. Sometimes he’d give me a ride. Sometimes he wouldn’t. But whenever I got to ride, I felt like a superhero. The wind whipping through my hair, and the freedom I felt, even at that age, was incredible. By the time I got into high school, pretty much the only boyfriend qualifier was if he rode or not,” I said, laughing. “I’ve raised my standards a tad.”

  “A tad?” Jason murmured.

  “I can’t believe I forgot about that,” Aaron said, shaking his head, looking at Jason. “I totally should’ve known.”

  I felt like I had been punched in the gut. Jason shrugged and shook his head as if he could feel the hurt inside of me. My heart sank with the realization that the very memories I held close to my heart were nowhere near my brother’s. Some part of me foolishly thought that we would’ve shared the same ones since we grew up together. There were times after he’d left, where I’d stare up into th
e night sky and pick out the perfect star, positive that my brother was doing the very same thing at the very same moment, and that we were trading memories and passing on new ones.

  But I guess I was wrong.

  Brandy slid her hand to mine, and I glanced at her, feeling in a fog. I wanted to be better than this, bigger than this, but somehow it was crushing. Ridiculously crushing. I felt like I was twelve all over again. I could feel Jason’s eyes on me as if he wanted to offer support, but I didn’t dare look at him. I knew the tears would erupt if I allowed any sort of eye contact.

  “Is this a Muskrat situation?” Brandy whispered, bringing a smile to my lips

  I shook my head and glanced at my dad who seemed to finally have an inkling that I wasn’t expecting my brother’s admission.

  “Anywho,” I continued, forcing the lump down. “I pretty much went wild and crazy in high school and even did some street racing. I got pretty good.”

  Jason flashed me a wicked grin, and I couldn’t help but feel a little bit of my control returning.

  “Yes, she did,” my dad confirmed. “Nothing like being in Hong Kong and getting a call from your new wife that your daughter’s been picked up by the police.”

  “That wasn’t my fault,” I protested, grinning. “My idiot boyfriend plastered flyers all over the place so he could place bets. Obviously, the police came to us.”

  “Right,” my dad countered, laughing. “It wasn’t the fact that you were doing something illegal that was the problem.”

  I shrugged my shoulders, laughing. “And boy then things changed, didn’t they?” I caught my father’s expression and realized by the look of it, he hadn’t told Aaron about me. How could he have not told Aaron?

  “You grounded her until she graduated from college?” Aaron joked.

  “Something like that,” I muttered. A familiar ache filled my abdomen as I took a deep breath in. I guess we all had our secrets and sharing mine never got easier either. “So what delicious meal do we get to look forward to?” I asked Carla. She gave me a slight wink and smiled.