Beyond Control

by Karice Bolton

“That night when I saw you on the bridge, I felt like my world stopped. And I’m not that type of person. I don’t let myself fantasize about a happy ending and prince charming and all that, especially based on someone who was as cocky and arrogant as you were,” I said softly, reaching for my iced tea.

  I saw the earlier tension slowly start to fade as his expression relaxed, and I wondered if it what he was saying was true. Not make-believe, wishful thinking type stuff, but what if what was happening between us was truly beyond our control? Like someone above was stepping in for the two of us.

  “There’s just something about you that seems so familiar and warm,” he continued.

  “Warm?” I asked, thinking back to the many times I attempted to keep him at an arm’s length.

  “Maybe warm’s the wrong word,” he laughed. “I’ll say comfortable.”

  “Now I sound like an old pair of underwear,” I said, half-grinning. “But I know what you mean. I’ve tried to ignore it, actually.”

  “I had given up on the idea of dating or looking for anyone else after her. I didn’t really feel I deserved it,” he sighed.

  “You can’t blame yourself,” I whispered.

  “I spent a solid couple of years doing just that,” he confessed. “But then I threw myself into building up the shop. I think that’s why it’s gotten to where it has.”

  “Well… and you’re talented,” I said, noticing Renee watching us.

  “Does Renee know about things?” I asked quietly.

  He nodded. “Why?”

  “Because I think she’s making sure everything is okay.”

  “Is it?” he asked, his eyes searching mine for clues.

  “More than you know. But I think the bruschetta is going to be more than enough for me tonight.”

  “Right there with ya,” he said, leaning back against the booth. “This was definitely not where I saw the evening going,” he said, wiping his brow.

  I looked up at him, my heart melting as I saw the vulnerability in his eyes that replaced the spark I was used to seeing. “Maybe if we see each other at our worst, it will make our best look even better.”

  “We can hope,” he said, taking a bite of the bruschetta.

  “Are you busy tomorrow?” I asked, feeling a pit in my stomach at the thought of leaving things on this note.

  “I have a customer coming in to pick up a bike, but that’s all I’ve got lined up.”

  “How about tomorrow we go for a ride, and you plan that special dinner you were taunting me with earlier?” I asked, smiling.

  “I’d like that,” he said, grinning.

  “Me too,” I replied, grabbing one of the mini breads that had the tomato mixture piled on top.

  Renee came over and asked if we wanted to place an order, and Jason explained that the bruschetta was gonna be all for the night.

  “You know one thing that could use improving here?” Jason asked.

  “What’s that?”

  “Their desserts. Maybe someday if you get your bakery, you could supply some of the restaurants around here.”

  My cheeks flushed as my eyes darted around the diner. That would be a dream someday…

  “You haven’t even had anything I’ve baked. How do you know if I’m any good?” I asked.

  “Just a hunch,” he replied, a faint smile touching his lips as he dug in his wallet, leaving a twenty on the table.

  “Thanks for this,” I said, climbing out of the booth. “It was nice.”

  “Really?” he asked, his brow furrowing.

  I nodded as he slipped his hand in mine, and we walked outside. The sun had completely given way to the nights sky and I was exhausted.

  “Thanks for being there for me today,” I said, turning to him.

  “Thanks for being there for me tonight,” he answered.

  When we reached the Jeep, he opened the door and helped me in, his hand resting on my knee. “I feel like there’s still more to your story, though,” he said, before closing my door. My heart clenched and I closed my eyes. Now wasn’t the time to tell him. But soon, really soon.

  We drove right onto the ferry and parked in the directed lane.

  Jason leaned his head against the headrest and let out a deep, unsteady breath.

  “Would you like to go up to the deck?” he asked. “It might be kind of private since it doesn’t look like anyone’s leaving their cars.

  “I’d love that,” I said, touching his knee, feeling the warmth run between us. I followed him up the narrow, metal stairwells, finally reaching the upper deck. He was right; there was no one up here.

  “Maybe we can steer the conversation to something a little less depressing,” Jason said, turning to face me as we stood on the ferry deck.

  The ink blue sky was a beautiful backdrop to the lit up cityscape that our ferry was chugging toward. The shadow of the Space Needle’s silhouette was quite unique as it led the way to the glittering skyscrapers in the south of the city.

  “Well, I’ve wanted to get a puppy,” I offered. “For a long time.”

  “Really?” he asked, his eyes catching the light of the moon.

  “Yep. I had a sheltie when I was a little girl,” I replied. “I loved her to pieces. She was so loyal. But I’ve been thinking about getting an English Bulldog pup. A rescue possibly. Brandy’s into cats though.”

  He started laughing. “So is Aaron.”

  “Seriously?” I asked, chuckling.

  He nodded. “Yeah. He fostered several kittens into their forever homes,” he said laughing as he used the finger quotes.

  “Forever home, huh?” I giggled.

  “Yup. I’m allergic to cats so I thought that was his way of keeping me from crashing on his couch.”

  “That’s quite a ploy,” I replied.

  “I wouldn’t put it past him,” he grinned.

  Staring up at him, I slowly wrapped my arms around his neck and just stayed there, watching him and wondering if my luck had finally turned.

  “So tomorrow morning?” I whispered, my voice barely audible over the wind from the ferry.

  “I’ll call you as soon my client picks up the bike. We can ride over together,” he offered.

  “That’d be wonderful,” I said, feeling him pull me closer to him. We stayed that way, comforted in one another’s arms until the ferry was on the verge of docking.

  “Guess we better get back to the Jeep,” he murmured.

  “Guess so.” I began to release my arms from his neck, when he brushed a kiss along my lips, stirring the feelings I’d been forcing away since dinner. I looked up at him, seeing the same hunger I felt.

  “Tomorrow morning,” he whispered, pulling back.

  The Captain’s voice boomed over the speakers, and we knew we had to get down a few flights of stairs fairly quickly to avoid holding up the line of vehicles behind ours.

  I got home and found a note from Brandy on the counter. She went out to dinner with some friends and planned on being back by ten. I glanced at the clock and saw that I had about twenty minutes to myself. I still felt in a fog from everything Jason told me, and yet I still didn’t want to tell him about my transplant, and I didn’t know why. I walked to the bathroom and turned the water on to fill the tub.

  Pouring twice as many capfuls of bubble bath as I needed into the streaming water, I grabbed my latest paperback and a neck rest. Once the tub was filled, I crawled in and let the warmth wash away all my worries. I didn’t even bother picking up my paperback. This was perfectly relaxing as it was, and I didn’t get out of the tub until the water finally turned chilly, forcing me to drain the tub and put on my pajamas.

  “I’m home,” Brandy sang out as she entered the condo.

  “I’m in my bedroom,” I called out. “Eating ice-cream.”

  “Dinner wasn’t enough?” she asked, puzzled, throwing the keys on the counter.

  “We didn’t really get to dinner,” I told her.

  “Really?” she said, wiggling her brows up a
nd down.

  “Not like that,” I assured her. “Our conversation got pretty intense and food didn’t seem appealing.”

  “My god, woman. What the hell is going on with you?” she asked. “Hasn’t he seen enough drama to last a decade?”

  I threw my hands in the air. “It wasn’t me this time. I swear.”

  “You told him about your transplant?” she questioned

  I shook my head. “Actually, no. I learned he had a fiancé, his high school sweetheart.”

  “And?” Her brow quirked up as she crossed her arms, waiting for me to continue.

  “She died in an accident.”

  “Jesus,” she said, her mouth dropping open.

  “Yeah. That’s kind of the reaction I had.”

  “When was it?”

  “You know, I didn’t ask. It sounded like it was right around the time when they sold the company or somewhere around there.”

  “So how many years was that, I wonder,” she asked, counting backwards on her fingers.

  “Maybe four years?” I shrugged.

  I caught a funny look in her eyes before she dropped her gaze.

  “What?” I asked.

  “Nothing. Nothing at all,” she said, avoiding my stare.

  “There’s a slight chance I might not be home tomorrow night,” I said, grinning, hoping to bring her attention back to the important issues at hand.

  “Which rule of yours are you planning on breaking?” she joked.

  “Ha-ha,” I said, rolling my eyes. “It’s a long ferry commute after a day of riding. I’m just being practical.”

  “Right,” she said, crinkling her nose.

  “So who’d you have dinner with?” I asked.

  “Uh…Ashley and her husband,” she replied, her cheeks turning pink.

  “From work?” I asked.

  “Mmhm,” she said. “They’re a really cute couple. By the end of dinner she wanted to set me up with his brother.”

  “Are you going to?” I asked.

  “Hell no,” she laughed. “Have you heard anything else about your dad?”

  “Just that it sounds like he’ll be able to go home tomorrow afternoon,” I said. “So that’s good.”

  “That is good news. I think I’m headed to bed, girlfriend.”

  I placed my empty bowl on the side table and turned off my lamp.

  “Me too,” I echoed, snuggling under the covers, excited for a possible fresh start with Jason the following day.

  The sound of my phone ringing woke me up from a deep sleep, and I didn’t mind one bit. Grabbing my phone off the table, I was ecstatic to see that it was Jason calling.

  “Hey,” I said, attempting to sound somewhat alert.

  “Did I wake you?” he asked.

  Apparently my idea of shaking off the sleepy failed miserably.

  “Still in bed,” I confessed.

  “Wish I was there with you,” his voice rumbled through the phone.

  Me, too!

  My heart instantly started pounding as I felt his smile through the phone as he waited for a clever response. Only I didn’t have one.

  “I’d probably scare you off,” I teased.

  “If that hasn’t happened by now for either of us, I think we’ve made it past the crucial point,” he laughed, stirring up a wickedly delightful reaction in me for so early in the morning.

  “I take bedhead to a whole other level,” I replied.

  “And that’s something I’d like to see,” he chuckled.

  “I can tell you’re smirking, you know.”

  “Possibly,” he admitted. “I’m just pairing bedhead with another visual of you I was lucky enough to…”

  “Okay, my friend. That’s enough,” I teased.

  “Friend zone now, huh?” he asked, his voice playful.

  I shook my head as if he was in my room to see me. Clever.

  “So the guy’s coming early to pick up his bike, and I thought I’d call to see if you’d be up for me swinging by earlier than I thought,” his voice trailed off.

  Shoot! I wanted to make some apricot bars for our ride. I wonder what time he was planning on coming by? Would I have enough time to get ready, pack a what-if bag, and bake the apricot bars?

  “Hello?” he laughed, sensing he’d lost me.

  “Oops, sorry. I was just trying to figure out if I had enough time to get everything done,” I replied, feeling the flush begin to creep up my neck, even though I was alone in my bedroom.

  “Everything done? What all were you planning on doing before our ride?” he asked. “I thought our goal was simplicity this time. Try it out. See how it works.”

  “It might be overrated.” I told him. “But what I’m up to is a surprise. You have one and so do I. So what time are you thinking?” I asked, glancing at the clock. It was a little after eight o’clock, and I hadn’t planned on him actually getting here until ten or eleven.

  “I can probably get there at nine or nine thirty.”

  Eeep! I shot up in the bed and looked around the room. I think I could get everything ready by then.

  “Okay. I’ll be ready,” I told him.

  “Whether you’re ready or not, I’ll be there,” he replied. “And Gabby?”

  “Yeah?” I asked.

  “Thanks for last night.” He hung up before I had a chance to respond.

  Instead, I stared at my phone for a brief second before I tossed it on the comforter and darted out of bed toward my closet. I had to find something cute to wear. If we were going to be riding, I’d have my gear on. But underneath… What was I going to wear? My eyes landed on a tight pair of jeans, which I hadn’t actually tried getting into for months. Nah. Too uncomfortable. Instead, I opted for the boyfriend cut pair of jeans and an oversized black V-neck t-shirt with a grey tank. That ought to do it! I tossed the clothes on the bed as my eyes rested on the top drawer of my dresser—the lingerie drawer. Better to be prepared.

  I opened it up and shuffled through all the floral, cotton underwear I had recently collected and landed on a vibrant red, lace thong and matching bra. If that didn’t say sexy, I didn’t know what would. Crumpling the tiny bits of lace in my hand, I walked to the bathroom and turned on the shower, tossing the bra and thong on the counter. I showered, shaved, and lathered my body in raspberry lotion before finally stepping out of the tub.

  Quickly fastening my bra on and sliding the thong up, I glanced at the time, impressed with my mad shower skills. I had plenty of time. I would be able to get everything done. My eyes landed on the dresser again, and I thought about it long and hard before I went back over there again. Sliding the drawer open I grabbed another set of lacey lingerie, just in case, and tossed it on the bed.

  Feeling almost giddy about what I was mentally preparing myself for later in the evening, I tried to calm myself down. It might not even happen. If we did happen to ride all day, there was a pretty big chance we’d be too tired.

  Great! Now I’m sounding like I’m ninety. And to top it all off, by the time I got to the kitchen, the thong was doing its damnedest to remind me why I switched over to cotton hip huggers. Doing my best to wiggle just the right way, I grabbed my recipe book and began poring over the recipes, trying to find the one for apricot bars. Finding it finally in the appetizer section instead of the cookie section, I scanned it quickly and it looked like I had all the ingredients.

  I turned on the oven and mixed the cookie crust together and greased the glass pan before pressing the dough into the bottom. Once the oven dinged, signaling it was ready, I slid the pan in and vowed that I was done with the lace. I put the timer on and took off for my bedroom. I had to find something more suitable, especially if I was going to be on a bike all day.

  Opening the drawer again, I scanned through all of the choices, trying to avoid anything that was on the verge of granny panties, and grabbed a pair of red hip huggers. They were cute. Maybe not sexy like lace, but at least I’d arrive in one piece. I traded my thong for the hip huggers
and the lace bra for a matching cotton one and dressed for a second time this morning.

  “I smell something delicious, again,” Brandy said, peeking around the corner.

  I spun around holding two more pairs of underwear and shook my head. “It’s apricot bars and I’m a mess.”

  She started laughing as she spotted the rumpled pile of lace. I followed her stare to the floor. “I just couldn’t. I tried, but after not wearing them for awhile…”

  She rolled her eyes and pulled me from the room. “I’m going to pack a little bag for you.”

  “Oh, God. Please don’t,” I said, trembling at the thought.

  “It’ll be fine,” she assured me. “I promise. Nothing weird.”

  “I don’t have anything weird.”

  “You know what I mean,” she said, shoving me to the kitchen in time for the crust to be done.

  “Be kind,” I hollered after her.

  Pulling the crust out of the oven, I placed it on a rack and grabbed the apricot jam out of the fridge.

  “You got a text from Jason,” Brandy yelled from my room.

  “What does it say?”

  “He’ll be here in thirty.”

  “What? I should have another hour, at least.” I whined, plopping the jam and spreading it over the crust.

  Brandy came into the kitchen and raised a brow. “Seriously? I have you all packed, your bars are almost done, and all you have to do is run a brush through your hair.”

  “I know. I’m panicking and I have no idea why.” I crumbled the last of the cookie topping on top of the apricot mixture and shoved it back in the oven.

  “See? Everything’s working like magic. And you’re nervous because you know there might be something more with him,” she said, pulling her hair into a ponytail.

  I shrugged. “We’ll see.”

  “Yeah right.” She rolled her eyes. “Just leave me a few bars. I’m gonna go back into my room to try to get some reading done before the semester starts.”

  I gave her a quick hug and was about to unzip the bag she packed for me, but she smacked my hand away before she took off down the hall.

  It was hard for me to believe how excited—like, truly excited—I was to see Jason this morning. It was like all my worries fell away as I thought about getting to spend some time with him.