Beyond Control

by Karice Bolton

  “Is this your room? I don’t want to—”

  “Definitely not,” he said, laughing. “My room’s down the hall. This was the decorator’s choice.”

  “Thanks,” I said, feeling a slight distance growing between us. Or was it just in my head because things had gone so well, and I was scared. But what was there to be scared of? Spending a dinner with him didn’t mean it had to lead to something. And if it led to something, it didn’t mean it had to mean something.

  “Don’t wear yourself out overanalyzing everything,” he murmured, his eyes revealing his softer side once more.

  I smiled and nodded, realizing how little there was I could hide from him.

  “See ya downstairs,” he said, grinning as he closed the door.

  I put my drink on the dresser, careful to place it on a magazine, and walked to the bathroom. I let out a deep sigh as I looked at my dream bathroom. Now this was simply ridiculous. The claw-foot tub was placed in the far corner, overlooking the shimmering water. The room was soothing, with its soft shades of blues and greys, and the tile floor was warm as I stepped on it. Heated floors. I shook my head, smiling as I thought about the day we spent together. There was something about him that was so endearing. He was full of confidence, knew what he wanted out of life, but didn’t seem to let that jade him. He was willing to listen to others’ dreams and engage in the possibilities, no matter how small.

  “Absolutely beautiful,” I whispered to myself, not sure if I was referring to the view or who Jason was turning out to be.

  I turned on the bath water and found a bottle of bubble bath and a packet of sea salts that I sprinkled in the water. There weren’t any blinds or curtains to draw, but I didn’t really want to block the beautiful view anyway. It wasn’t like he’d be able to see me if he was down there, and it wasn’t like he hadn’t seen me already. Stripping off all my clothes, I stepped into the warm water and slid my body under the bubbles. The view was breathtaking as I watched a pair of ducks circling, finally landing on the water. This was a view I enjoyed far more than our city one. I wondered how angry Brandy would be if I did move to the islands one day.

  I heard the dogs getting excited downstairs, their paws tapping on the floor, and barks echoing through the house, and for a brief moment, I let my mind imagine what it would be like to be here, to live here, with him. I heard what sounded like a garage door below and realized Jason must’ve been opening up the glass wall. I took a deep breath in and leaned my head against the edge of the tub as the barks drifted outside. I propped my head so I could continue to look outside and was surprised when I saw both dogs playing on the grass near the water. I couldn’t see Jason, but I could tell he was throwing something for the dogs to retrieve. Was this what he did on his nights when no one was here? I continued watching the dogs play for several more minutes before I decided I should probably quit spying on Jason and get down there to actually spend time with him.

  I stepped out of the tub, releasing the water and grabbed one of the pale blue towels that hung on the heated towel bar. Boy, he didn’t miss a beat.

  I wrapped the towel around my chest and quickly went to the bag that Brandy had so thoughtfully packed for me to avoid one of my meltdowns. As I unzipped the bag, I gasped at what I saw inside.

  Nothing.

  I mean there was something, but it didn’t resemble clothing. I was going to kill her. Absolutely kill her. I lifted out the two pillows, which she stuffed inside as decoys and found nothing more than the damn lacey black thong and bra. Nothing that resembled clothing at all. I looked over at my pile of clothes, and there was no way I was putting them back on, not after my wonderful bath. I grabbed my phone and sent a quick message to Brandy.

  Going to kick your ass!

  She must’ve been waiting for this moment all day because she texted right back.

  You can kick it tomorrow all you want, but something tells me by tomorrow you’ll forgive me. xx

  I started laughing aloud and tossed my phone in the bag. I wandered over to the bathroom window and looked down, seeing Tomato and Sunny chewing on the same toy. It didn’t look like the game of fetch was going on any longer. I secured my towel around my chest a little tighter, pulling it up to hide the scar as much as possible and took off down the hall.

  I didn’t hear anything in the kitchen as I wandered down the hall but felt the wonderful breeze coming in from the water. The view was beautiful and a table was set for two, but I didn’t see any sign of Jason. Maybe he had gone upstairs to shower.

  As I sauntered out onto the open deck, I heard a faint trickle and glanced toward the outdoor shower. The cedar door was closed, but it only covered the middle of him. His eyes were closed as the water sprayed down his back. He was rinsing the shampoo out of his hair, and I suddenly felt like I was watching something far more intimate than it really was. My eyes happily cruised along his body, taking in every ounce of him. I knew he was fit from the way he wore his clothes, but seeing him like this took it to an entirely different level. His body turned slightly and my eyes dropped to his pecs, flexing as he continued rinsing. My breath caught as I began backing up. I felt like I had stumbled upon something that I shouldn’t be watching, because what it was doing to me inside was like a nuclear time bomb about to go off. And that wouldn’t happen if it were only innocent thoughts running through my mind.

  Graceful as usual, I bumped right into the table behind me.

  “Hey,” he said, opening his eyes. “I didn’t hear you come out.” Surprise surged across Jason’s face as my gaze dipped immediately. An inward flush rolled up my cheeks as he caught me admiring every square inch of him. There was no talking my way out of this. And I was in a towel!

  He stroked his hand over his arm, rinsing the last of the soap off.

  “After the whole hot tub incident, I didn’t want to be blamed for anything so I thought I’d come out here to rinse off…” he hesitated. His eyes ran across my bare shoulders. “And then you show up like this?” The expression in his eyes made me feel like the most sexy and adored woman that ever walked the planet, and I couldn’t help but smile.

  “It’s complicated,” I said, laughing.

  “It always is with you,” he grinned, turning off the water.

  After explaining my predicament, he showed me his closet to find something to wear. He found a pair of cargo shorts and a shirt for himself and went downstairs to put on the clothes and continue preparing dinner. The smile never left his lips from the first moment on the deck to him leaving me to stand in his closet wondering what in the world to wear.

  Everything was going to hang on me, but it was only temporary since we had put my other clothes in the washing machine. I didn’t want to go through his things or intrude any more than I already was, but I still opened the drawer closest to me. Bingo! I found a pair of flannel boxers, which I pulled on and twisted at the waist, securing the knot with a hair elastic. I slipped a navy shirt over my head and turned off the light.

  This was turning into the most complicated ‘easy’ date ever. I bounded down the stairs, hearing Jason talking to either Tomato or Sunny as he chopped something on the cutting board.

  “Okay, all settled now,” I said, laughing.

  “I have a lot to thank Brandy for,” he said, winking at me as he grabbed what looked to be a mixture of chopped cucumbers and peppers that he dropped into a bowl.

  I shrugged and slid onto one of the stools at the island, trying to hide my delight.

  “I have never seen boxers look so good,” he said, his eyes washing over me.

  “Thanks.” I glanced at Tomato who was sitting patiently, hoping for something to drop to the floor. “Is there anything I can do?”

  “You’ve done plenty to make my night wonderful already.”

  I started laughing and slid off the stool to walk onto the patio. The wind was picking up, and I saw clouds rolling in off in the distance.

  “So does your other place even compare to this?” I asked, l
ooking over my shoulder. My pulse quickened when I caught him checking me out in baggy boxers, no less. If this was the kind of game we were going to play, I was totally intrigued with the possibilities. After a few serious relationships that made me question the entire point of dating or relationships, it was nice to be entering into one where the guy actually made me feel so needed. And that was just with one look.

  “It’s just a townhouse in the city so I have somewhere to crash if it’s a late night at the shop, and the ferry service is done for the night,” he said. “I prefer it out here.”

  “Interesting,” I said, watching him balance a tray and a pair of salt and pepper shakers as he came outside to the grill.

  “What’s that, babe?” he asked, setting the tray on the grill.

  My heart fluttered when I heard him call me that, and my insides did an insane happy dance. But I wanted to play it cool. It wasn’t like it was the first time a guy had called me that, but it was the first time he had, and I loved it.

  I walked over and stood by him as he placed the salmon on the grill.

  “That’s the only reason I have a place in the city. Since Brandy’s starting law school in a few weeks and we both work downtown, it made sense. But if I had my choice, I’d be here in a second,” I told him. “I mean not here here, but you know.”

  “You do have a choice. Downtown’s only a ferry ride away,” he said, shaking the salt and pepper on the fish.

  “True,” I said, contemplating what he said. How had my life turned into the please everybody else show?

  He closed the lid on the grill and turned to face me. We were only a couple feet away, but it felt too far apart. Seeing how he was looking at me stirred a mixture of confusion and desire.

  “Gabby, have you thought more about maybe pursuing what it is that actually makes your heart sing?” his voice rumbled through me, shaking me to my core. As his eyes locked on mine, I couldn’t help but take a step toward him.

  “Gabby?” he murmured, as I looped my finger in his belt loop.

  That was it. I had turned into one of those girls. I loved the way he said my name, loved how it rolled off his lips. And those lips—my God they were soft.

  I stood on my tiptoes and raised my arms, wrapping them around his neck.

  “Say my name one more time,” I whispered, smiling.

  “Gabby,” he said bemused, his arms sliding down my back.

  “Beginning tonight, I’ll always do what makes my heart sing,” I whispered, grinning. “Especially if you’re involved.”

  He flashed me a dangerous grin as he flipped off the grill and pulled me into him. He slowly shook his head, while his eyes dropped to my mouth. His eyes smoldered with understanding once my intent was made clear.

  “I think dinner can wait,” I whispered, my body pressed against his. “But I don’t think I can.”

  He gently cupped my chin in his palm, tilting my head only slightly as his lips hovered so close to mine. “You’re sure about this?” he asked.

  “More than anything,” I murmured, looking into his eyes.

  He leaned into me, his lips barely skimming mine. An accidental moan slipped from my lips as his eyes locked on mine. A slight tug of his lips revealed a smile at this small victory. He softly kissed me kindling the desire deep within me as I melted in his arms.

  As Jason’s kiss deepened, my head spun with wanting him, needing him like I’d never needed anyone before. My hands slid under his shirt, feeling the hardness of his body under my palms as I explored his stomach and chest.

  “Would you like to go upstairs?”

  “I would like that very much,” I whispered, stammering over the last word.

  Jason smiled, taking my hand in his as he walked me through the house and up the stairs to his bedroom. My heart was hammering as I thought about being with him. His kisses had been so powerful that I couldn’t even imagine... A chill ran up my spine as my mind wandered.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  “Yeah,” I said, realizing I was letting myself lose control with him.

  The master was exactly like I pictured it would be. It matched him perfectly. The expansive master suite was covered in wide planked flooring. His king size bed sat in the middle of the room, pushed against the far wall. There was a sitting room that overlooked the water with a pair of light grey linen chairs. My gut twisted when a completely ridiculous thought jumped into my mind, wondering if anyone besides him sat in them.

  I felt his eyes taking me in as I looked around the room. Everything in the room was masculine but refined; the furniture modern and sleek and the duvet a pale gray.

  “I’m not sure how to handle you,” his voice dangerously low.

  “Handle me?” My brow quirked as I turned to face him. “I didn’t know I needed to be handled.”

  “You always like to be in control?” he stated more than asked.

  “I prefer it,” I said, my pulse quickening.

  “In all areas?” he asked, his brow arching as he took a step closer.

  “Yes. In all areas,” I replied, feeling like maybe I could still maintain control.

  “Always?” His eyes darkened a shade as he slid his fingers along the waistband of the boxers.

  “Always,” I said, fighting the sensation that was spreading through me.

  He took another step forward, his fingers pulling the boxers and me toward him at the same time. I looked up into his eyes, noticing the bronze flecks igniting as he narrowed his eyes at me. Leaning down, he lowered his mouth to my ear, his breath sending a shivery delight through me.

  “Then we may have a problem,” he breathed, taking a step back.

  “A problem?” my voice hoarse as desire pulsed through me.

  He nodded, crossing his arms as he studied me.

  “I want things to go right with you. Not just tonight, but beyond.”

  “And?” I smiled.

  “And I don’t think what you’ve done before has worked…”

  “Meaning?” I folded my arms to match his stance.

  “Meaning if this is to go any further, you can’t expect to be in control.” The flicker in his eyes ignited a response in me that I knew would make me agree to anything he said, regardless of my past tendencies.

  “Agreed,” I said, grinning. I stood frozen, ensuring I didn’t make the first move. After all, I promised I wouldn’t.

  I sucked in a deep breath. “I’m worried you’re like the others.”

  “The others?” he asked, perplexed.

  “I haven’t had the best track record,” I mumbled.

  He raised a brow, completely amused as he watched me attempt to stand still under the duress he was putting me under.

  “It’s time to change that,” he murmured, his eyes taking hold of mine.

  My heart was pounding as I stood watching him take another step back from me, a smile spreading across his lips.

  “Let me try again,” he said.

  I nodded, looking up at him through my lashes.

  “I’m not holding back with you,” he murmured. “And I expect the same in return.”

  Before I could respond, his mouth was already on mine, the soft touch of his lips reassuring with each kiss. He gently tugged on my boxers, pressing my body next to his. With every kiss, a new beginning was started and the energy between us was exhilarating. Lost in his embrace, I imagined giving myself fully to him emotionally, allowing him to unwrap me wholly.

  He broke his lips away, his eyes searching mine. “You’re so beautiful.”

  A wave of excitement ran through me as I felt his fingers glide up my arms, stopping where the sleeves began. He took a step back. “Undress for me,” he whispered.

  I froze. Undress for him? He narrowed in on my one fear… being undressed fully in front of a man. Granted, he’d seen me, but I don’t think he saw me completely. I began shaking my head. I needed strategic sheet or shirt placement, not this.

  “Gabby, you have nothing to be afraid of,�
�� his voice low. “You are nothing less than perfection in my eyes.”

  “It’s not about that,” I lied.

  “What is it about then?” his voice softening.

  “It’s just a fear thing,” I said, my heart pounding.

  “I want to help you get over your fears. I want you to lose control, give me the control.” His eyes locked on mine. “Do you trust me?” he whispered, giving me a disarming smile as he took a step toward me.

  More than anything.

  “Yes,” I said softly, feeling his hands slide around my waist.

  His hands fell to the hem of my shirt, and he slowly began lifting it over my head. My breath stilled as I felt the air touch my skin, alerting me to where my skin was exposed, when my scar would be visible. He continued pulling the shirt up, and his fingers grazed my flesh, sending a spike of electricity through me.

  “Thank you,” I whispered, closing my eyes as he pulled the shirt over my head.

  I felt his lips touch my collarbone as he began slowly kissing me, as his hands ran down my arms, igniting a wave of desire through my veins. His touch was so tender, so caring. Keeping my eyes shut, I felt his tongue slowly glide down my chest. My stomach clenched slightly, knowing how close he was to my scar.

  “Gabby, you’ve made me the luckiest man in the world,” he whispered, his breath tickling my flesh.

  Opening my eyes, I let out a slow, steady breath and watched him slide his arms around me, admiring every inch of my body. Every touch felt so loving and generous. I wanted to cry out in joy, but instead I remained silent, taking in this man as he made me feel the way I’d always dreamt of feeling. Beautiful.

  He picked me up, carrying me toward the bed. I gripped the nape of his neck as he laid me down on the comforter. His eyes traced along my body, making me feel absolutely wanted. His gaze intensified as I tried hard not to squirm in his presence, his ability.

  I slipped off the borrowed boxers, and reached up for his shirt, tugging it slightly as he removed it. He leaned over me, his tongue trading for his fingers as he traced along my flesh. Jason’s touch was unhurried, exploring every part of my body. Feeling his mouth run down my breasts, left a trail of hunger as I laced my fingers through his hair, bringing him back up to me. I felt like I was going to burst with desire. I needed him. I knew I wasn’t supposed to take control, but I needed him.