Beyond Control

by Karice Bolton

  Jason opened the front door of the townhome, and Sunny and Tomato came bounding toward me. I guess this was his townhome. However, not seeing a For Sale sign at this place, too, did little to relieve my worries, especially when his eyes locked on mine.

  “Come in,” he motioned for me to step inside.

  “Thanks,” I said, petting both Tomato and Sunny.

  I entered directly into a great room that opened into the kitchen. I heard a few dishes clank and glanced over to the dining room and saw the Betty Paige look-alike. What was she doing here?

  The space didn’t feel like Jason at all. There was a leopard throw over the red leather couch. Yes, red leather. And three huge zebra rugs separated each space. All of the furniture, besides the red leather, was iron and glass.

  Jason caught my look, and I saw a slight tug at his lips.

  “Let’s go to the study,” he said, pointing to the closed double doors. I spotted two suitcases and my heart plummeted.

  We walked over to the room and he opened the door, allowing me inside first. This space was decorated just as ferociously as the other room. And yes, I mean ferociously, like these animals were going to come back from the dead to haunt me. The cheetah wallpaper was cringe worthy, and I had to scratch my nose to hide my smile even though I was in a very serious situation. Not because the situation was funny because it was far from funny, but because I was going to be having one of the most important discussions of my life in a room that was going to leave me with nightmares, more than what we spoke about.

  “It’s a nice place,” I said, glancing at Sunny and Tomato. I didn’t need to be caught in a lie right off the bat.

  “You like it?” he asked.

  “Uh-huh. Great place,” I said, keeping my eyes on the pooches.

  “I never would have figured,” he said, his voice almost edging on playfulness.

  I shook my head and brought my gaze to meet his.

  “You can’t lie for shit,” he said.

  Instead of smiling, I glanced around the room.

  “I’m really sorry about how I left. I guess that kind of shows where my maturity level is,” I confessed.

  “I don’t know that I gave you much choice. I didn’t handle things well, either. I was just in shock. I think it came out as anger,” he replied, taking a seat in front of me on the ottoman. He leaned his elbows on his knees, and it was hard not to notice the definition of his arms. “I didn’t expect you to leave.” He let out a sigh.

  I saw the hurt in his eyes and looked away quickly.

  “I think it’s a family trait. One that I’m really trying to correct,” I muttered, feeling the lump in my throat. Now was not the time. This wasn’t going to turn into the console Gabby hour. “Not that it will help with us.”

  “We’ve all got our things,” he said, his voice kind.

  I looked up at him, his eyes locking on mine.

  “I never expected things to end this way,” I said.

  “I never expected things to end.” His eyes not leaving mine.

  My belly twisted into knots with his confession, and I began feeling sick.

  “There are some things in life that can be overlooked, but this isn’t one of them. When I saw the hurt in your eyes, the confusion…it killed me. I knew I’d be seeing that every time you looked at me, and I didn’t want to do that to you. I didn’t want to cause pain.”

  “And you think by leaving, you didn’t cause pain?” he asked, bewildered, an edge creeping into his voice.

  “Not as much pain. If I stuck around a few more months, and then we finally dealt with it, our emotions would be stronger so we’d be hurt more when we moved on,” I told him, watching his eyes darken.

  “When we moved on?” he asked, his eyes blazing. “You’re certain we would’ve moved on?”

  I watched his jaw tense, his muscles tightening as he stared at me.

  I nodded, feeling the heat of his fury reach from where he was sitting.

  “Incredible,” his voice hoarse. “I forgot at your age how all the answers come so easily.”

  A twinge of hurt dug into me and I dropped my gaze. I saw him move the ottoman closer to me, and my pulse quickened.

  “I wanted to tell you how sorry I was. You deserved better,” I said, pushing aside his last comment. “You deserve better. I was wrong to leave without even talking to you about it.”

  “You were wrong to leave,” he growled. “Period.”

  His eyes coasted down my body and then away from me completely.

  “I can play make-believe as long as you need,” he told me, his gaze darkened. “But that’s all it is. Make-believe.”

  “What are you talking about?” I snapped, feeling the anger build. “Make-believe?”

  “Acting like the real reason you left was because of Natalie’s heart, but the truth is you’ve been looking for a reason to leave from the moment we met,” he whispered. “She just made it easier.”

  I gasped. “That’s not true.”

  “Prove it,” he said.

  “That’s why I wanted to see you today. To tell you that I was sorry and to ask for forgiveness,” I whispered, pushing back the tears.

  “I forgave you the moment you slammed the door on me,” he said, his gaze piercing.

  The air was silent between us, and for the first time all morning, I felt a seed of hope.

  “I’m asking for a second chance,” I whispered. “I want to make things right.”

  “There is no such thing as right or perfect when matters of the heart are involved,” he said.

  I started giggling at the irony. Oh, the irony.

  “I guess in a literal sense… in this situation,” the corner of his lip quirked up slightly.

  My pulse quickened as I waited for him to continue.

  “I thought you were long gone,” he murmured, studying my reaction.

  “So did I,” I said. “But it’s getting a lot more difficult for me to lie to myself, especially when you’re involved.”

  “That’s a good sign,” he said, reaching over to grab my hands.

  “I miss you so much. I think about you every minute of every day, and my life was so much better with you in it. Even my worst day with you topped my best day without you.” I looked over at Tomato and her knob of a tail wagged back and forth. “And I miss the girls.”

  “That’s what this is all about, isn’t it? The girls,” he laughed softly.

  “Maybe.”

  “Have you ever put love first?” Jason asked, his eyes probing me.

  I shook my head.

  “I’m worried it’s going to be hard on you. Hard on us, knowing…” I touched my chest, unable to find the words.

  “Our love is worth fighting for,” he said, his voice low. He squeezed my hands. “I love you, Gabby. I never stopped loving you. I just prayed everyday that you’d come to your senses.” He smiled and my heart soared.

  “I love you,” I whispered. “I’ll never stop loving you, ever.”

  He leaned forward and pulled me onto his lap, holding me tightly. I belonged in his arms.

  “I don’t think there’ll ever be a straight line for our love to follow, but that doesn’t make it any less possible,” he whispered.

  “Can you cancel your flight?” I murmured.

  His wicked grin flashed across his lips as he softly brought his lips down to mine; our mouths colliding as our worlds slowly stitched themselves back together.

  His lips broke from mine. “My place is upstairs. I think we should make our way there…” he whispered.

  “Thank God because I was reconsidering everything the moment I stepped into this place.” I laughed, before his lips met mine once more.

  Jason had taken his home off the market, much to the disappointment of his realtor. And after meeting her, I can say for certain that she was hoping their relationship would extend beyond the real estate deal.

  Not happening on my watch!

  I had pretty much slid right into
island life. Everything was slowly starting to fall into place again. Our emotions were raw, intense, and still at the surface. But at least we were together to deal with them. Every day I spent with Jason made me feel that much luckier to be alive and to be with him.

  Not waking up to go into an office was absolutely mind-boggling. I had worked in my father’s businesses off and on since I was fifteen, and the idea of waking up to go somewhere I wanted to be was a sensational feeling. It made me work harder—morning-noon-night type of hours—but it brought me joy, and I think it showed. Plus, I don’t think Jason minded being the guinea pig for my baking experiments. We both had to start working out more regularly to avoid the bakery fifteen as I called it. Truthfully, I think I’d already hit that marker because those skinny jeans were folded back in the closet, not able to see the light of day. But this was my healthy weight, not my ‘I lost the love of my life’ weight.

  The leaves were starting to turn and I was outside, digging in the dirt, planting tulip and daffodils bulbs for spring. I still kept the apartment in the city, but I had pretty much invaded every part of Jason’s life, at his insistence. And it was easier to keep watch on the bakery this way.

  I looked up to see Jason walking toward me, his face somber, as he blocked the sun out of his eyes.

  “Jason, what’s wrong?” I asked, touching his arm. “I can tell something’s wrong. Tell me.”

  “Aaron texted me,” he said, avoiding my gaze.

  “What? Is it my dad?” I asked, panic spreading through me.

  “It’s Brandy,” he whispered, texting back to Aaron.

  “What do you mean, Brandy?” I asked, shaking my head. I didn’t understand what he was talking about. Why would Aaron be texting Jason about Brandy?

  “She was in an accident,” he said, clutching my hand, but I pulled it back.

  “Is she okay? What kind of accident? I don’t understand. Why’s Aaron there?”

  He wasn’t answering me. Instead he was reading the texts that were coming across. One after the other. Please let Brandy be okay.

  “Jason, please tell me,” I said, feeling the lump in my throat.

  He let out a big sigh, propping his head in his hands.

  “What’s going on?” I repeated, anger beginning to nip at my words.

  “She was riding,” he began.

  “Riding what?” I interrupted.

  “A motorcycle,” he said, his gaze dropping.

  My heart started pounding. A bike? She hated bikes. Hated that I rode bikes.

  “That’s impossible,” I said, my voice trembling. “It’s not true.”

  “Aaron was teaching her how to ride,” Jason said, grabbing my hand.

  “What do you mean?” I asked, searching Jason’s eyes as I tried to make sense out of what he was telling me.

  “They… She…” he stopped himself.

  “What hospital is she at?” I asked. “Is she going to be okay?”

  Jason started shaking his head. “I don’t know. Aaron doesn’t know.”

  That was it. I broke down into tears. I would give anything to make her all right.

  “We need to get to her,” I cried, pounding my fists into my lap. “I need to be there.”

  “The ferry’s leaving in twenty minutes. If we leave now, we should get there in time for boarding,” he said, his voice gentle.

  I looked up at him, waiting for all the pieces to fall into place. For him to tell me it was a bad dream or an accident, some cruel practical joke, but he didn’t.

  Jason got up and went inside. He was only gone for a few minutes, but he came back out on the porch with my purse, his wallet, and keys. I tried to get up, but my body was in another place, a place with Brandy.

  “It’s gonna be okay, baby,” he whispered, helping me into his arms as we walked toward the Jeep.

  “What if it’s not?” I whispered, unable to voice my words.

  He handed me his phone as he helped me into the Jeep, and I began scanning the dozen or so texts from Aaron.

  They had been somewhere secluded on a stretch of road that would give her plenty of space to practice.

  “Gravel,” I said, as Jason turned the ignition.

  He nodded, backing out of the driveway quickly.

  “It doesn’t sound good, does it?” I asked, the tears drying to my cheeks.

  “We can’t think like that,” he murmured. And I caught a look of darkness in his eyes as if he was flashing back to Natalie. The call he’d gotten…

  Another text came over from Aaron.

  “She’s getting an MRI,” I said, attempting to regain composure. I had to get control of myself.

  Jason turned onto the highway that led straight to the ferry terminal. I knew he was speeding, and I didn’t care. I didn’t want to miss this ferry or we’d have to wait another thirty minutes.

  “Oh no,” I murmured, reading another text. “Her parents are in Ireland.”

  “That’s fine. It’ll be fine,” he repeated. “She’s going to be fine so there’s no reason to think her parents…”

  That was when I realized exactly what was going through Jason’s mind. I slid my hand over to his knee, and softly rubbed it, trying to comfort him as much as he was trying to do for me.

  We started down the hill leading to the ferry terminal and saw the last two lines boarding. Jason gunned it and cut off two cars in order to get to the tollbooth.

  “Just made it,” the woman said, smiling as she took Jason’s ticket.

  “Thanks,” he replied, following her instructions to board the ferry.

  “We made it,” I said, sighing. An ache in the back of my head began throbbing as I looked out toward the water. “I’d like to stay in the Jeep, if that’s okay.”

  Jason turned to look at me, nodding. “We’re all going to get through this. No matter what.”

  “She barely started start law school,” I muttered.

  “The first thing you need to stop doing is talking about her in the past tense,” he said, his gaze locking on mine until I showed some sort of acknowledgement.

  “I didn’t even realize I did that,” I said, leaning my head against the headrest.

  Another text came over, but I let Jason look at it first.

  “She’s going into surgery,” he said, reaching his hand over to hold mine. And I realized no one was there to hold Aaron’s.

  “Can I have your phone?” I asked.

  “Of course,” he replied, handing it to me.

  Aaron, it’s Gabby. I love you so much and we’ll be there soon. She’s going to be okay. I know her She’s a fighter and she’s doubly as stubborn as I am. xx

  “I don’t know what I’d do if I didn’t have you right now,” I said, turning my head toward him.

  I prayed the rest of the way to the hospital. I prayed for Brandy. I prayed for my brother. I prayed for her parents. I prayed for the doctors. I prayed for Jason, and I prayed for me.

  As Jason parked, I took a deep breath in as I thought about what might be waiting for us on the other side of the hospital doors. The texts from Aaron had been vague, elusive. Maybe there wasn’t much to know, yet. But either way, I felt like Jason and I were going in blind.

  Jason went over to the counter to find out what floor to go to as I headed to the elevator. I needed to be with Aaron. We needed to be with Aaron. Jason jumped on the elevator and pressed floor eight. The same floor my father was on. The elevator quickly carried us up the building, finally opening on the appropriate floor. Instead of turning right, like we did for my father, we turned left.

  I heard Jason’s phone buzz again, but he didn’t even bother looking at it. We were only feet away from Aaron. As we turned the corner into the waiting room, I saw the shadow of my brother, barely the same man I’d come to know, his shoulders sagged, his head hung. When he looked up at me, his eyes were red with tears, and I knew he loved Brandy, and whatever this was between them was a lot deeper than I even imagined minutes ago.

  Jason
gave Aaron a long embrace, patting his shoulder, not saying a word. The embrace was intimate and jarring, knowing that this wasn’t the first time they’d needed to find this type of comfort in each other. The thought of Natalie flooded through me, and I touched my chest, whispering a prayer for help to her or anyone who would listen. I forced back the tears and glanced at a woman who was holding a toddler in her arms, rocking him back and forth, looking nervous as she, too, awaited news on a loved one.

  After several minutes, Jason let go of Aaron and it was my turn. Aaron hugged me tightly. I could tell he glanced over at Jason who was looking out the window. “I’m not ready to only have memories of her,” he whispered for only me to hear. “I couldn’t do it. I’m not as brave as Jason.”

  I hugged my brother tighter than I had hugged anyone before in my life, allowing his words to settle between us both. “The only memory you’re going to have to deal with is the one of me kicking both your asses for not telling me you were seeing each other,” I whispered, patting his back before pulling away.

  I looked over at Jason, his eyes locking on mine as he sensed the seriousness of the situation. Where were the doctors? What were the updates? Then it hit me. How was Aaron getting any of the updates? He wasn’t immediate family.

  “Hey, how are you getting info?” I asked.

  “I was with her when she came in, and I told them we’re engaged,” he muttered.

  My brow arched and he shook his head no.

  “Okay. I’ll stick to the story,” I told him, squeezing his hand.

  I saw Jason tense and followed his gaze to the doctor who came into the waiting room. The doctor’s face was stern as he motioned for Aaron to have a seat. My heart was pounding as I watched the doctor walk over to us. It was like our world was moving in slow motion. I sat next to Aaron and held his hand. I forced the lump down in my throat and blinked away the tears. I needed to be strong for my brother. Something told me there was lot more going on between them than I’d ever stopped to see. Jason slid his hand into my free one and gently squeezed it.

  The doctor looked at me and then at Aaron. He knelt in front of us and took in a deep breath. I noticed Jason stiffen next to me, and I knew he recognized the doctor’s demeanor.