Hope

by Sydney Lane

  Her blonde hair fans out on the pillow, exposing the long column of her throat, begging to be kissed. Lowering my head, I gently press my lips to her pulse point, where I can feel her blood rushing against my mouth. I caress her with my tongue, savoring the taste of her, taking my time. I push her shirt up, my hand continuing to explore her body.

  Wrapping her arms around me, Liza spreads her legs, locking them around my hips. Her eyes remain closed, her brow drawn taut. My lips graze her ear, causing her hips to rise off the bed, grinding into me. I continue to press kisses to her neck, sucking gently until goosebumps emerge on her skin. My hand finds her breasts, pushing her shirt up to expose her flesh. I lean back and look at her body in the light for the very first time.

  My thumb grazes her nipple, and I kiss my way there, my lips closing in on the peak as I nip her with my teeth. Her hips buck, and her fingernails dig into my back.

  And then, lower still, I go, finding an intricate cross tattooed just over her hip bones with beautiful script trailing along her rib cage. All who wander are not lost. More words that might tell me who she is. And lower still, I run my thumb over a tattoo on her inner thigh. One word. Live.

  When my mouth lands on that one word, I nip the delicate skin with my teeth. Her hands fall helplessly to the bed, clutching the sheets, her thighs quivering around my shoulders.

  Turning my attention to the other side, I find another tattoo, another word. Survive. I kiss it, too. And on the other hip, is a butterfly. Her body is like a map, clues hidden, keys to be discovered. All revealing more of her.

  Liza begins writhing under me, urging me on, her hands suddenly pulling at me, tugging me upwards and roughly digging her nails into my shoulders. I kiss harder, my fingertips gripping her tightly, so tightly I might leave bruises. The more I try to be gentle, the more desperate she becomes, thrashing, grinding her hips into mine. Less like sex, more like fighting.

  I release her, sitting back on my heels. Her eyes pop open, her breathing hard and ragged, as she focuses on me. A horrified look passes over her face, and she tries to sit up, pushing me away. I lean down, caging her in with my arms.

  "What just happened, Liza?"

  "It-" She takes several more gulps of air, continuing, "-hurts." A bead of sweat rolls off my face, landing on her chest, and I watch its path, her words confusing me. I'm horrified.

  "I hurt you?" She nods. I was trying to so hard to be gentle, to worship her body as she deserves, and somehow I hurt her. "Show me," I demand. I have never, would never, hurt a woman intentionally. A wave of nausea rips through my stomach as she reaches for my hand.

  She closes her eyes and presses my hand to her chest. "Right there." My confusion ratchets up a notch. Did I bite her? Grab her too hard? My eyes travel over her, searching for bruises, for evidence of what I've done. I don't see any marks.

  "I'm sorry, Liza. So sorry." I place my hand over her hand where I can still feel the rapid beat of her heart. My broken girl... and I damaged her more.

  "Too gentle." I freeze, her words wounding me.

  "What're you trying to say?"

  "It's too much." Her eyes open, her breathing becoming more even. "I told you I don't do this, Declan. It's my way or no way." She brushes my hand away and scoots backwards into a sitting position.

  "So, let me get this straight. You're saying I didn't hurt you?" I take several deep breaths, waiting for an answer that never comes. "So, what happened?"

  "I just freaked out, okay? Can't we just forget about it?" She turns, throwing her legs over the side of the bed. "I have to go." She doesn't give me time to recover before she stands and begins searching the floor for her clothes.

  "Are we running today?" I ask because I'll do anything to keep her with me right now, to make sure she doesn't leave upset. I don't want to give her the chance to run.

  As if the last few minutes never happened, she smiles brightly at me over her shoulder. "Didn't I tell you? I've been invited to go shopping with the girls." She shrugs, like this is something she does every day.

  I don't have to ask which girls. I already know, and even though that should make me uncomfortable, it doesn't. I know they'll take care of her.

  I sit on the bed as she finishes dressing, throwing my shirt over the back of a chair. With her messy hair and thoroughly kissed lips, she's beautiful.

  She walks to the door, turning to face me with her hand on the knob. "Can you do me a favor?" She grins sheepishly, jerking her chin toward the room next door. "Can you make sure Corrine makes it out alive?"

  I smile, a loud laugh escaping me as I lean back on my elbows. "Sure thing." When she opens the door and steps into the hall, I call her back. "Liza? Can you do me a favor?" I throw her question back at her.

  Her eyes gleam with curiosity as she bites her lip. Her weight shifts nervously from foot to foot. "Maybe."

  "Be at the track on Monday." I want to tell her how I feel, that I'm developing feelings for her, but instinct tells me that would be a bad idea. She's looking for a reason to run, and I'm not going to give it to her. She nods, looking away, and closes the door behind her.

  Long after she's gone, her scent lingers in the air. If I didn't know better, I'd swear the whole night had been a dream. She lay in my arms for the first time ever. She allowed me to pull her close and bury my face in her neck, holding her throughout the night. And she seemed to want it as much as I did.

  No sex. No tears. Just us.

  I get up, gathering my things for a shower. When I walk past the shirt she wore, I pick it up, wondering why women want shirts that smell like their men. Kind of gross to me. Hesitantly, I pick it up and press my nose into it. Ahhh... there she is. I jerk it away from my face, wad it up, and throw it on the floor.

  That shit's dangerous.

  Chapter 30

  Eliza

  So... last night was a night of many firsts.

  I've never needed anyone. I've never slept with a man without having sex with him first. I've never hung out with the "kind of" ex-girlfriend of the guy I'm sleeping with (I won't mention the part about sleeping with him more than once). I've never had someone touch me as if they were worshiping me. And I've never wanted anything so bad in my life.

  I have a confession to make. It's kind of embarrassing, but until Declan, I'd never had an orgasm. I had no idea how good sex could be, and for some reason, it made me feel dirty... for about two seconds. It was unbelievable, completely mind and body consuming. There was a sensation of tension pulling at my insides, and although it felt good, nothing could have prepared me for the real deal. I remember seeing lights behind my eyelids, then suddenly feeling as if I was floating in the darkness as my body betrayed me.

  Sex, for me, has always been about control. Specifically, with me being the one in control. That orgasm, the whole experience, scared the shit out of me. That's why I never intended to go back for more... it's also why I did. For once, it felt good to lose control, to finally let go and just experience.

  And now, here I am, eating lunch with Jenna and Quincy, wondering just what the hell I'm doing here. It's only a matter of time before they take a closer look at my tattoos and chipped black nail polish and decide they made a mistake.

  "Tell her, Quince." Jenna's voice brings me back to reality. Every time I look at her, I'm blinded by her startling blue eyes and genuine smile. This girl is perfect.

  "Jennaaaa....." When I turn to Quincy, her cheeks are a sweet shade of pink, and I wonder what I missed. Her voice is playful but shy, and in that moment, I see why Declan loves her.

  "Oh, come on, Quince. Give it up. That innocent act doesn't work on me." She pleads with her eyes, a pout on her lips. Turning to me, she explains, "She hates Victoria's Secret."

  "Jenna, I don't hate Victoria's Secret. I don't like spending money on things like that." Leaning closer to me, her voice drops to a whisper. "It's just that Brody likes to rip them."

  That's it. I choke on my tea and cough into my hand. That is so not what I e
xpected. Jenna laughs, holding her perfect little stomach, and says, "See? I told you. Priceless."

  "Wha-?" Before I can finish, Quincy's interrupts me.

  "You know, tear them off when we're… you know," she gushes. Now, this is news. Who would've guessed that the tiny girl with the wide, innocent eyes and sweet smile was getting her clothes ripped off by the equally sexy bad boy?

  I study her for a long moment before declaring, "You just got a lot more interesting." Her cheeks flame in response, and she throws a wadded napkin at Jenna.

  "I hate you, Jenna." I laugh at Quincy's vehement declaration two seconds before Jenna turns her gleaming eyes on me. I realize my mistake too late.

  "What about you? You got any secrets, Liza?" I almost swallow my tongue. I have enough secrets for all of us, but I don't plan on telling them. My secrets are the things nightmares are made of.

  "Huh? Me?" I start shaking my head, looking to Quincy for help. She leans in, her arms crossed on the table, as she waits expectantly. No help in that corner. "They wouldn't be secrets if I told you, now, would they?"

  "Oh, come on. Just one tiny secret." Jenna holds up her thumb and forefinger, a millimeter apart. Her eyes sparkle, making me want to smack the smug little smile off her face.

  "I'll tell you what... you tell us a secret, and if we decide it's worthy, I'll tell you one." I try to bargain with her, stalling for the right thing to say.

  For a second, she looks stumped, with a finger on her chin as she blinks up at the ceiling, like she's having to dig deep. It's all an act. I bet Jenna is full of secrets, and I also bet that she's bursting at the seams from holding them in. A bright smile lights up her face, and she begins to open her mouth before snapping it shut and narrowing her eyes on me.

  "Who will decide if it's worthy?" Smart girl right there.

  "I'll let Quincy decide." When Jenna's eyes light up, I figure I just screwed myself. Of course, Quincy will side with her.

  "Come on, Quince. Go easy on me," Jenna pleads as she chews on her bottom lip. A few seconds tick by, and she finally sits up. "Okay. I have one. My pretty boy, Eric, has his fraternity shield tattooed on his ass." She looks so damn proud of herself, and I can't wait to rain on her parade.

  "Interesting... but not worthy." I cast my vote and glance at Quincy, who's nodding her head in agreement.

  "Jenna, that's not a secret. Everybody knows about that stupid tattoo." Jenna’s mouth drops open at Quincy's declaration. She expected her to take her side, too.

  "You backstabbing beee-atch." They laugh, Quincy seemingly unaffected by Jenna's name calling. Again, Jenna sits silently for a moment before sitting up with another idea. "Okay, okay. This is it for real." Her eyes narrow on me. "I better get some good shit for this one. So, I haven't even told Quince this, but-" She pauses, a flare for the dramatic, before continuing. "I'm taking pole dancing classes."

  Silence. Quincy and I stare open-mouthed at her. Is this chick for real?

  Quincy recovers first. "You are such a liar." Her cheeks are pink again, and she turns to me, saying, "She's lying."

  "No, Quince. I'm not." Now, I can see the wheels in her head turning. She loves shocking people, and it's obvious that her bombshell just shocked the shit out of her friend. Hell, I'm not sure what to believe anymore. "You remember how I stripped for Eric on our trip to Asheville? Well, he liked it so much, I decided to try classes." She sits back, a satisfied smile settling on her lips.

  "Thank God you're moving out. I couldn't handle a stripper pole in the dorm room." The idea is ludicrous, but with Jenna, nothing would surprise me.

  "Oh, come on. You so want to do it. You can come next week." Jenna challenges Quincy then turns to me. "You, too. We can make a girls' night out of it."

  "Me? No way in hell," I laugh, pretending that the thought of dancing for someone while they touch me doesn't make me ill. Another thing that makes me different.

  "You suck. So, Quince, was that worthy?" Jenna crosses her arms over her chest, a smug smirk on her face. She knows she has me.

  Quincy nods, taking a huge bite of her burger. She turns to me, her mouth full, and mumbles, "Sorry."

  I search my mind for something to satisfy her. I don't want to waste a secret by telling one that doesn't pass. "Does it have to be about a guy?"

  "OMG! You have one about a girl?!" Jenna asks. Quincy chokes on her Coke, her eyes shocked, as she sizes me up.

  "Ummm... no." I want to crawl under the table. I'm hard to intimidate, but Jenna's doing just fine.

  "Just stick to the guys then." Jenna wants guy talk, but the only guy I'm willing to talk about is in love with another girl at the table. We all know which one.

  "So, ummm... I had my first orgasm recently." There. Said it.

  "I knew it!" Jenna throws her hands in the air, her smug smile back in place. "Declan is a beast in the bedroom. It's always the nice ones!"

  Seriously? I say 'orgasm' and she thinks 'Declan'?

  There are no words. I look back and forth between the girls. I'm in over my head here, and I'm sinking fast. I guess this isn't a good time to tell them I've never had sober sex either?

  "Ignore her." Quincy smiles at me, dropping her voice to a whisper. "Ask her when her first was."

  Twilight Zone. I even hear the little tune in my head.

  "I'll tell her!" Jenna must've heard. "It was with Eric. I was just waiting for Mr. Perfect. It's always better when you love the one you're with." Her satisfied smile and perceptive look make me squirm in my seat.

  Jenna reminds me of my little sister, Taylor. So annoying yet too damn cute to stay mad at. She reminds me of why I don't have friends snooping around... and also why I miss them.

  Chapter 31

  Declan

  "Change of plans." Liza jogs over to me, bouncing from foot to foot, while I warm up. God, it feels so good to see her.

  "The deal was that I get to take you somewhere new every day." I remind her of our original agreement, but I have to admit, I'm curious. She's never suggested anything different.

  "Today, we do it my way." She smiles while continuing to jog in place. "I have somethin' to show you."

  I was afraid she wouldn't show up today. I crossed a line I didn't know existed. Sure, she warned me, but I thought she was just being defensive. The female body was made to be worshipped, all soft and curvy and delicate in the right places. While I appreciate a wild romp in the sack, there's something to be said for gentle touches, whispered words of passion, and the anticipation of prolonged pleasure. They each serve a purpose.

  My eyes run up her long legs from where I'm stretching on the ground, finding her just as beautiful as always. I blink, momentarily speechless, wondering how I was so lucky to find her.

  "You're so weird." I laugh at her blunt observation. Seeing her like this is so refreshing, so hopeful. Maybe there's a chance for us after all.

  "Look who's talkin'." I tear my eyes away from her, unfolding my body and slowly standing, curious about her so-called change of plans. Not once, in the last few weeks, has she asked to choose the place we go.

  "And here I thought you were so mature." She smirks.

  "I know you are, but what am I?" I call over my shoulder as I take off running. Even with my head start, she catches up easily, falling into step beside me.

  For the first time, I follow her, allowing her to guide me around campus toward Neyland Stadium. I'm anxious to see where she's taking me but confused when we stop at the fence near the gates. It's around back, behind the stadium and just outside of public view.

  "Liza? What are we doing?" My heart flips in my chest when she peels back a corner of the fence and winks at me. "No. Seriously. What are we doing?"

  "Oh, come on, Declan. Live a little." She bends down and shimmies through the narrow opening. When she's on the other side, she pushes the fencing back and holds it open for me. I stare at her through the chain link, beginning to think she's more than a little crazy. "Hurry, we don't have a lot of time."


  "Liza, there's a reason there's a lock on the gate." I nervously look around, expecting campus security to zap me with a stun gun at any moment.

  "Yeah, well, there's a hole in the fence. There's a reason for that." She watches me, looking not the least bit anxious, as if this is something she does every day. When I hesitate, she shrugs, flashing her stunning green eyes at me, and begins to run the opposite direction.

  "Liza!" I whisper-yell, not wanting to attract attention. Looking to my left, then to my right, I make a decision. There's no way I can make it through the opening, so I grab the top of the fence and heft myself up and over. Adrenaline spikes through my body as my feet hit the ground.

  "My friends- they're all trying to get me arrested," I mutter under my breath. First, Seth, and now, Liza. My dad will kill me if he has to bail me out of jail.

  I hear a door open and close somewhere, and I take off at a full sprint, running in the direction Liza ran. It's dark and cool in the tunnel, and I wait for my eyes to focus. For all I know, there's an alarm system and someone already knows we're here.

  Near the end of the tunnel, there are three doors, and I have no idea which one she took. I reach for one, finding it locked, and just when I reach for another, it swings open. I jump back and find myself staring back into the eyes of a frightened Liza.

  "You scared the shit out of me!" She yells, not even bothering to lower her voice.

  "Me? You damn near gave me a heart attack." I look around as she motions for me to follow her. Once again, I express my doubts. "Liza, I don't think we should be doing this-"

  "We're almost there. Come on, chickenshit." Her voice is playful, her eyes mischievous, and I don't know if I should drag her out of here or kiss her lips off.

  "If we get caught, I'm blaming you," I warn as I follow her up a set of stairs to another door.

  "You wouldn't dare." She looks over her shoulder before gently pushing the door open and looking into what appears to be a dark hall.