Hope

by Sydney Lane

  With beer running down his arms, Declan pulls me into his embrace, a look of pride and contentment on his face. We're hot and sweaty and smell like beer, but I wrap my arms around his waist for one terrorizing moment and let go just as quickly.

  There's lots of smack talking going on, the energy of victory buzzing in the air. So many people are talking that I can't hear everything around me. They won the game, but I won so much more. I won back a tiny piece of myself.

  The ultimate prize.

  Declan tugs on my arm, pulling me to the edge of the group, away from the commotion. "Come on, I have a spare shirt in my bag. We can change in the cabin." I look down and realize that the sweat and beer have made my thin workout shirt transparent. The fact that he noticed turns me on.

  I quickly cross my arms over my chest and complain, "You know, I would've had a change of clothes with me if I'd known where we were going."

  "Don't lie." He smirks. "If you'd known where we were going, you wouldn't have come." His crooked grin and dimples cause my heart to flip in my chest.

  "You're lucky I'm not pissed." I smile, gnawing my lip, and wonder what else we can do inside. Because I'm far from mad.

  "I had no idea you could play." His brows draw together, his face serious, as he grabs his bag out of the backseat and throws it over his shoulder."I guess that's a story for another day."

  My heart thunders in my ears. He wants to know. He wants to ask.

  But he's giving me the opportunity to tell him on my own terms.

  Who does that?

  My sexy, dimple-wearing, totally nice but naughty fraternity boy. The preacher's son who tricked me into playing ball. That's who.

  "Another day," I mumble, reaching for his waistband and tucking my finger in it as we walk toward the house.

  The minute we walk in, everything else is forgotten. I look around in awe. This place is unbelievable. Floor to ceiling windows, dark hardwood floors, and gleaming cabinetry. Straight out of Southern Living, not that I ever read it.

  "Wow," I breathe in the rich scent of wood mingled with the beer on my clothes.

  "Awesome, isn't it?"

  "Brody's parents don't care if he brings us out here?" My parents would never trust me with a place like this.

  "No, not really. His dad is an alumni, and he's pretty cool about it. His mom doesn't mind as long as we clean up before we leave. We have a few parties out here every year, camp, fish. I've missed it." His already dark eyes grow darker, a frown on his beautiful lips. A face like his isn't meant to be sad. "Come on, hotshot. I'll take you to our room to change."

  I stop in my tracks. "Our room?"

  "Don't get your panties in a wad." He smiles, taking my hand and guiding me toward a large staircase. "It's just the room I stay in when I come out here."

  There is a long hall of rooms upstairs, and he leads me to a door near the end. He pushes it open and with his hand burning on my lower back, guides me into the room. "You can change in here. I'll change in the bathroom." He digs in his bag and throws me a wrinkled t-shirt. I recognize it as the one I wore the last time I stayed with him, and I smile at the memory.

  Before he can leave, I reach for the hem of my shirt and quickly pull it over my head. My skin heats under his gaze, and I have his undivided attention. Pretending I don't notice, I reach for the clean shirt and pull it over my head.

  He stands utterly still, his eyes following my every move.

  I turn my back to him, reaching for a clean pair of running shorts in his bag. His hands slip around my waist, his arms encircling me from behind. My first instinct is to pull away, but he pulls me to him, capturing me against his chest. The move is brave and bold, not forceful, not threatening. When his lips graze my neck, I sink into him, sighing as sparks of desire spread through me. My head falls back onto his shoulder while his hands work their way under my shorts.

  "Liza." Kiss to my neck. "You were." Nibble on my shoulder. "Amazing." Tongue on my pulse point. "Today."

  His voice is low and seductive, and I momentarily forget why I should be afraid of this.

  Chapter 35

  Declan

  Walking out of that room was the hardest thing I've ever done. I want Liza- God, her body. But it's not enough to have only her body. I want all of her.

  I want the wild and crazy girl in the sexy boots.

  I want the girl who runs from me.

  And I want the girl who throws a 60mph fastball.

  If I've learned anything, it's that you can't make someone feel the way you do. It's meant to be or it isn't. Part of loving somebody is making sure they're ready. Ready for what you want. Ready to receive your love. Ready to love you in return.

  She's just not ready.

  The other part of loving someone is being faithful. You wait for them, give them time. You give them everything, even when they can't offer anything. Something for nothing.

  Shit. I hope I'm not being the gullible church boy again. Please don't let me be waiting for something that's never going to happen. Not again. Not after Quincy.

  When I meet Liza in the hallway, she's wearing my clothes, the shorts hanging low on her hips. I'd love to push her back into the room and do the naughty things she likes, but I want her to trust me, to give herself to me completely. I can wait.

  "You ready, hotshot?" I smile down at her, at her rosy lips. No lipstick. All natural and thoroughly kissed.

  "Not you, too!" She shrugs me off, looking at the ground. "Can't we just pretend that nothing happened?"

  "Sure, we can." I swat her on the ass as she passes by me, her body brushing against me. She giggles, swinging her hips to avoid my hands."But I don't think anyone else will."

  Abruptly, she turns around, stepping into me. I wrap my arms around her shoulders, unsure of what she needs but ready to give it. "I'm okay with it. I really am, but if it gets to be too much-" She leans back, searching my eyes. "If it gets to be too much, can we leave?"

  "Absolutely. We can leave now if you want to."

  "No." She drops her arms to her sides and steps back. "We'll stay. Besides, Seth would never let me live it down if I left now."

  "Brace yourself. He's already drinking," I half-heartedly warn her.

  Seth. I still have to have that talk with him- the one about his destructive behavior- but also what he knows about Liza. He knew she played ball when no one else seemed to.

  Hell, maybe he's psychic on top of everything else. I wouldn't put it past him.

  At the bottom of the stairs, I have the urge to grab her and drag her to the car, to take her far away from here. I've only just begun to know her, and I'm not ready to share her with everyone else.

  "Oh, believe me. I can handle guys like him just fine." A sudden memory of her leaning into the guy at the club while he groped her body sends a sharp bolt of possessiveness through me. It's an image that's seared in my head no matter how hard I try to erase it. I have no doubt she would have gone home with him that night.

  She's a girl who knows what she wants, but she's going about it the wrong way. She'll never find what she's looking for by giving herself away. Sex esteem or whatever it is.

  Fuck Seth for his crazy mumblings that somehow make sense. Permanently stuck in my brain.

  "You can't steal the fuckin' star of the game, Dec." Seth rushes us, throwing an arm around Liza's shoulders. She stiffens against him before relaxing. She really isn't comfortable being touched like this. That's what I don't get about the guys in the club.

  She glances at me over her shoulder as Seth ushers her off the deck and toward a group of the guys. I shrug my shoulders, smiling sheepishly, and she smiles in return.

  It's not until she looks away that I notice a small pair of feet next to mine. Quincy smiles up at me, an unsure and crooked grin, with a question on her lips. Her eyes flick over to Liza and back to me. "I've never seen a girl pitch like that."

  "That's because it's illegal in co-ed softball." I can't believe Liza hustled us. Well, she hustled the ot
her team. Her and Seth.

  "Then, why-" She arches a brow, confused. Cute.

  "The other team underestimated her. Said she didn't have to follow the rules." And that was probably the last time they'll make that mistake.

  "Wow, I think they learned their lesson. It really was amazing."

  "Yeah. Yeah, it was."

  "Are you guys staying for the bonfire tonight?" I look down at her, my eyes roaming over her face. I find only friendliness, tinged with a hint of curiosity. My heart still hurts a little, but not for her. I miss the easy friendship we had.

  She watches me expectantly, and I realize that I haven't answered her question. "It's up to her. I kind of tricked her into coming. I'm not sure she'll forgive me if she has to stay here wearing my clothes." I smile, my eyes finding Liza in the crowd again.

  "I bet Jenna has something she can wear." I almost laugh at the idea of Liza wearing anything of Quincy's. She'd look like she was wearing doll clothes. "You know, just in case."

  "Maybe." What I can't say is that even though we're speaking, and Brody will always be my brother, I still have trouble with this.

  "Declan?"

  "Hmmm?"

  "Be mad at me instead." Her voice is strong, full of conviction, putting herself on the line. It's one of the things I loved about her- her strength- even when she thought she was weak.

  "What? Why?" I know what she's asking, and I know what she wants. She wants me to be the nice guy, and I'm trying so hard to be that guy without losing myself.

  "I'm the one who did it. I messed up everything, and I knew better. I did." Her lip quivers, but there are no tears. "Stop being mad at him and just be mad at me. He misses you."

  "Quincy, I'm not mad." With those words, I feel the anger I've been holding onto slip a little further away, like a bad dream I'm waking from. Until I said it, I didn't even realize it's true. I'm not mad. Just hurt and betrayed.

  "Just tell me you'll try," she pleads. I nod, one tiny movement of my head that unburdens my heart. A knowing smile touches her lips, a faraway look in her eyes. Pensive. "I'm really happy for you, Declan."

  "For what?" Her words, the tone of her voice, they confuse me.

  "For taking a chance." She's watching Liza, but her eyes stray to Brody who's standing a few feet away, a crimson stain spreading across her cheeks. I'm not sure if she's referring to me or herself, but that look tells me everything.

  My eyes are drawn to Liza as she talks ball with the guys. Even though I know I should, I can't stop watching. She seems more relaxed, more comfortable with herself than I've ever seen her. All of these walls she's built around herself... I can't help but believe they are crumbling bit by bit.

  It should be against the law to cage such spirit.

  Chapter 36

  Eliza

  It's hard to concentrate when I know Declan is talking to Quincy. They're right there, so close I could probably hear them if Seth would shut his mouth.

  No, I don't want to hear.

  How quickly I've gone from being afraid to care to being afraid it's not real.

  I feel his eyes on me, and I shift under Seth's arm to see him. His eyes are dark, fierce, as he watches me. His face transforms when he notices me watching, a smile to rival the sun claiming him. And there they are... his dimples. Who knew they could be so sweet yet so hot?

  Quincy lifts her hand to wave, pats Declan on the arm, and slowly walks to Brody. He reaches for her, and she snuggles her tiny, prim and proper self into his strong, tattooed embrace. I suddenly want to hear that story.

  If they could make it work, then maybe...

  Declan moves toward me, renewed determination in his swagger. Stepping between Seth and me, he removes Seth's arm from my shoulders and replaces it with his. I resist the urge to sink into him the way Quincy did with Brody. For right now, I just savor the moment- the loud voices of the guys, the fresh air rolling off the mountains, and the possibility of something more.

  When Seth winks at me, making lewd gestures behind Declan's back, I struggle to hold back the laugh threatening to erupt from my throat. I feel included, like I'm in on an inside joke, but even now, after all these weeks, I still feel like I don't belong here with these people. I don't know if I ever will.

  "Do you want to stay?" Declan whispers close to my ear, drawing me closer to him. He smells of sweat and the outdoors. It's intoxicating.

  "For what?"

  "They're planning a bonfire. It'll be later on tonight." Squeezing my shoulders briefly, his lips brush my ear as he continues, "It'll be fun, but we don't have to stay." My heart flutters, skipping a beat, as his voice washes over me. Goosebumps rise on my skin, and I lean into his warmth, his muscles hard and defined beneath my hands.

  "Maybe we can go and come back later? I have a paper due this afternoon." It's true. What I don't mention is that I'm going to fail my class if I don't turn in that paper. It's not like I have a lot of wiggle room to play with. Unlike probably everybody here, I haven't been a model student up to this point.

  "Sure. I need to shower and change anyway."

  We hang out for a while, slowly making our way toward his car. People call out- asking for him to pick up a keg, drop by the liquor store, and lock up the house. I take it that means the whole damn fraternity will be here later on.

  As soon as we're on the road, my heart begins racing, my mind doing laps around one central thought. I played ball.

  I did it. It doesn't matter that is was only an intramural game. I tossed the ball a few times and survived. I thrived. Like feeding the beast within me. The reality of it hits me full force, making me dream all sorts of crazy things. Things I never thought possible suddenly seem within reach.

  I find myself smiling as I look out the window, the clear blue sky and lush green trees, calming my raw nerves. Kind of like coming down from a high, I'm suddenly exhausted.

  Turning in my seat, I watch Declan drive. It's then that I realize it's not just the scenery soothing me. It's him, too. Well, probably mostly him, but I'm so not going there. There's no need to ruin the day by overanalyzing everything that's happened.

  Yet, here he is. Still in his running clothes and devastatingly attractive, his heart somehow calling out to mine at just the right time. I study the smile lines around his mouth, the ever-present crinkles at the corners of his eyes. Proof of his positive outlook on life.

  In such a short time, he's had an effect on me. Lasting. Indelible.

  It makes me wonder if he were blue and I was red, and I was under a microscope, would there be minute flecks of blue on my skin? Invisible to the naked eye but life-altering just the same? Maybe I'll get a tattoo to remind me of him. Or write it down.

  Something to remind me of him- this feeling- once he's gone.

  "It's rude to stare, Liza." A smile creeps onto his face as he flashes his dimples at me.

  "In case you haven't noticed, I don't follow the rules." Apparently, I don't even follow my own damn rules or else I wouldn't have picked up that ball today. I wouldn't be sitting here, beside this boy, who seems to accept me just the way I am. Flaws and all.

  He openly studies me before his eyes flick to the road ahead.

  "Thank God."

  Chapter 37

  Declan

  I guess you could look at it two ways: Things have changed since the last bonfire at Brody's or I have. Maybe both.

  The last time I was here, Quincy was with me or, at least, I thought she was. Brody was still one of my best friends, and I was blissfully ignorant.

  Now, I'm here with Liza, and I can't take my eyes off her. When I dropped her at her dorm earlier, I fully expected her to blow me off for the night. She looked ready to run, and I was prepared for it. It's a little late in the game, but we finally exchanged numbers. Having those seven digits in my phone makes me smile. It makes me feel like, I don't know, like maybe she's not going to disappear after all.

  I texted her before I got there, and as soon as I pulled up to the curb, she bounc
ed down the steps and jumped in beside me before I even had the chance to park. Although she's not wearing my favorite boots, her tight, form-fitting shorts and slinky tank make up for it. My eyes are drawn to the barely covered tattoo on her shoulder, and I have to fight the urge to reach out and touch it. Kiss it.

  Her hair is pulled away from her face, her lips that shade of red that drives me wild. Her fingernails are painted an electric shade of blue, matching the color of her shirt. And she smells delicious. The kind of delicious that makes me want to do a u-turn and take her back to my room or to her dorm or Alaska even. Just somewhere we don't have to worry about whatever it is that makes her get that faraway look in her eyes and tense up every time I touch her.

  "I've never been to a bonfire." Her giddy words are accompanied by a vibrant smile. She knows I've been staring, and I don't care. If she's going to keep looking like this, she'd better get used to me looking at her.

  "Never?" She shakes her head, and I can't resist teasing her. "A bonfire virgin? I'll try to make it as painless as possible."

  Her mouth falls open, her eyes wide, before she bursts out laughing. "If I were you, I'd keep those corny jokes to myself. It's ruining the whole 'naughty boy' thing you've been working on."

  "Don't worry. There's a lot more where that came from," I say, making a silly face.

  "That's it. You need to stay away from Seth." She laughs again, and I'm drawn to this new Liza, the one who magically appeared today.

  I'm not sure how long it's going to last, but I'll take as much as I can get.

  The drive is mostly silent, with her changing radio stations every other song. She alternates between excited and talkative to thoughtful and quiet. When the radio switches to a really slow, sensual song, I feel her shift in her seat, her eyes studying me.

  "Tell me about her." When she finally speaks, after a long moment of silence, I'm not sure I hear her correctly.