by Kayce Kyle
An elderly woman comes in wearing navy blue scrubs and a smile much too chipper for me at the moment. “Morning. How are you feeling?” she asks.
I place a finger from my free hand over my lips and shush her while I shift my gaze to Blaine. “I feel like I was hit over the head with a flashlight,” I whisper at her.
“And fancy pants is awake,” I hear Blaine’s raspy voice and turn to him. “I’m learning she can be a real smartass at times. Don’t let her fool ya. She’s a sweet one, sure. But, when provoked, those claws and fangs make an appearance.” I narrow my eyes at him and feel my lips thin.
“I resent that, actually.” I yank my hand from his and quickly learn how sore I really am.
“Whoa, Tara. You’ve just been through a traumatic event. Both mentally and physically. So feisty. Be easy on yourself,” he expresses, pressing his lips to my forehead as he stands.
The nurse takes my vitals before she begins questioning my medical history. “Any allergies to medications? Major surgeries?”
“Nope.”
“Any current medications you take daily such as birth control?” she asks, writing my answers down in her chart.
“Yes.” I nod. “I take the pill.” Dragging my eyes to Blaine, I ask, “My purse? Have you seen it? I haven’t taken it today.” Judging by his expression, I get the impression he doesn’t have a clue. “It’s fine. If I have to I can replace all of my belongings.”
“It was in the truck…I think,” he finally answers. “Everything happened so fast, but I think I remember seeing it in the seat.”
“If you need a new prescription, we can have Doctor Wells write you a new one?” the nurse offers.
“That would be great, thanks,” I tell her. “Any idea how long I’ll be in here?”
“Doctor Wells has signed off on your release. All I have to do now is get him to write your script, and you can be on your way.” She stops writing and glances up, offering me a smile.
So many things to do still and each time another task fills my head, I feel consumed by a sense of being overwhelmed. I need new clothes still. Now I might need to call all of my credit card companies and banks and inform them my information might’ve been breached. Suddenly it dawns on me that I haven’t seen my parents. Fear and anxiety slither their advances into my thoughts. I don’t want any of them here.
“Blaine!” I jolt straight up in the bed causing a sudden rush to my head, leaving me wincing and clutching the back of my hair.
In seconds he’s kneeling at my side. “What’s wrong? What is it, Tara?” He places his hand lovingly on my arm.
“Do my parents know? Please say nobody’s called them,” I beg.
He begins to rub his hand softly up and down my forearm. “No, fancy pants. It was a judgement call, and I made it.”
I place my hands on the sides of his face and pull him closer to me, so I can place a kiss on his forehead. The feel of my lips on his flesh holds me captive longer than it should. “Thank you,” I whisper across his skin.
His eyes slowly raise to meet mine and no words are needed as we stare at one another. His eyes convey a language and emotion all their own, and it’s one I understand. I nod before I feel a grin tug upward on my face.
“Now, let’s get this IV out of you and I’ll go over all of your discharge instructions along with your prescription,” the nurse interrupts. I’m unsure if she left momentarily or has been here this entire time, but it doesn’t matter. Logic tells me that she had to have left to get me a signed prescription, but I was too wrapped up in the moment I was sharing with Blaine to notice or care.
BLAINE
Once we arrive back at the bar, I’m pleased to see her car parked safely here once again. My entire family is waiting to greet Tara the second we enter. It seems like everyone is rushing in on her at once, and I can feel myself becoming more aggravated by the second. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they all care so much for her and her well-being, but she’s tired and still sore. I watch for a fleeting moment as she warmly returns their sincere embraces. I watch the subtle winces and expressions that cross her face. She’s genuinely happy for their care and concern and would let them yap her ear off for days if I allowed. She naturally puts others before herself even if it’s to her own detriment. But I on the other hand, won’t allow her to self-martyr for their benefit. She’s already got a long road ahead of her today alone. I haven’t told her yet, but Sheriff Hall will be here later to take her official statement. He wanted to do it late last night after she’d already fallen back asleep. I pleaded for him to wait and at least allow her to be somewhere more comforting than the cold, and uninviting energy of that hospital that’s surrounded by nothing but sickness and death.
“Okay, folks.” I step in and between my family. “I need to get her upstairs and back to resting.”
Murmurs of disapproval echo accompanied by understanding. “Hey, Sharla? You wouldn’t happen to know what happened to my purse would you?” Tara turns and asks her.
Shit. Her purse. I almost forgot. I cast my gaze toward Sharla who shifts her eyes from Tara to me before she nods. “Yes. Sheriff Hall currently has it. Said he’d bring it by later when he stopped by to get your statement,” Sharla turns her eyes back to Tara as she answers her.
Tara swiftly turns to me and I know immediately I probably should’ve discussed that with her on our way back. “I’m gonna call him once you’ve had some more rest and get some proper food in you.”
I watch her gulp and it’s audible, too. I notice the darkness of fear creeping into her eyes before she lowers them to the floor. “I-I don’t know if I’m ready, Blaine. I mean…”
I sharply cut her words off. “You don’t have to say anything right now. Let’s just take this one minute at a time, huh?” She nods, still staring down. Now is the time I need to stay calm for her sake, but my blood feels like it’s turning to lava with each pump of my heart, melting me from the inside out. How dare those two wastes of human space think it was okay to harm someone else for their own selfish reasons. Especially my fancy pants. Staring at her in this moment has me more certain than ever that she was sent to me, for me. She’s changed me dramatically in such a short period of time, and I will protect her at all costs. From this moment forward, my need to both love and protect her is primal and animalistic. I scoop her off her feet, and as if she was instinctively expecting it, she wraps her arms around my neck and buries her head into my chest. “I’m taking her upstairs. Any and everyone from this moment on will go through me first before even speaking to her until I am sure she feels safe and secure again. Don’t take offense from my words. It’s nothing personal. I love you all and you know it. But I love this woman more than I care about anyone’s feelings. Even my own.” They look at me stunned in silence. “You feel strong enough to stand in the shower?” I feel her nod, gesturing she can. “Let’s get you cleaned up. I’ll get you something comfy of mine to wear,” I whisper into her hair and she nods again. Yeah, I said it earlier. I fucking love her. Nobody has ever made me feel things the way she does. So, if this isn’t what love is, then I guess I’ll never know. But I know that I never want to be without her and my heart wants to explode inside my chest at the very thought of her. Or when her name crosses my mind or is spoken.
Chapter Ten
TARA
I’ve never had a man care for me the way that Blaine has. He climbed in the shower behind me and washed my body with a delicacy I’ve never known. The way he gently traced my body like I was expensive irreplaceable fine china. Not a single word was spoken between us. It was one of the most sensual experiences of my life. All I kept thinking of was how he’d just declared his love for me. It didn’t go unnoticed and it took me by surprise.
Blaine gently lays me down on his bed and begins to position pillows around me before he literally tucks blankets around me. I lay here in near disbelief with touches of confusion. I don’t know if this is a normal reaction from a man when he loves a woman…or if this
is just, well, too much.
“Blaine!” I shout, the echo of my own voice has my head ringing again instantly. His eyes quickly meet mine. “I’m fine, please.” I push the covers back over my body and watch as his demeanor shifts. He glares at me as if I’ve upset him. “Just stop. And don’t look at me like that. Everything you’re doing for me I am more than grateful for, but all it’s doing is reminding me of, well, how fragile and weak I really am.”
He steps toward me and begins to try to cover me once again. “Tara, you need rest.”
“No!” I stand abruptly and am again reminded of the nagging ache in my head. I grab my jeans and slide them up my legs, leaving his t-shirt on before slipping into my shoes.
“Tara?” his voice pleads to me. I know he senses that I’ve reached my limit of frustration and confusion and I need to retreat.
I look over at him hesitantly as tears sting the back of my lids. “Blaine, I love you too. Fuck. At least I think I do. I mean is it really possible to love or fall for someone so deeply in such a short period of time? In a few short days I’ve experienced things, emotions that I never thought were possible. I’ve also been kidnapped by two psychotic and twisted individuals for their own personal gain…so they could either have you or someone you’re close to. Is love supposed to be like this? Both times now in my life I thought I loved someone, nothing but sorrow and trauma surrounded it. If loving you, or you loving me means that I will never be safe from all of the past notches on your bedpost…then I need to rethink this.”
“That’s not fair, Tara. You’re hitting below the belt now. What happened to you was out of my control,” he says through a shaky, cracked voice as his eyes begin to water.
I feel my heart cry out inside because I the last thing I ever want to do is hurt this man. Ever. He told me how hard it was for him to admit the way he was beginning to feel for me. And how he wasn’t just handing his heart over to anyone. But, can I live like this? If loving him is going to keep me in constant danger, is it worth it? Am I just being selfish right now? Is this the concussion talking? The only way to know is to put some space between us, at least for now. “I need some time.” Tears fall simultaneously down my cheeks when the words leave my lips. “Tell Sheriff Hall to contact me and he and I can set something up. I guess I can make arrangements to get my purse from him, too. I’m so fucking sorry,” I admit. “I can only hope you’ll understand my need for some time to myself right now.” I place a soft kiss on his cheek and walk past him, grabbing my car keys off his dresser.
“I’m begging you, Tara. Don’t do this, please?” I can feel his heart shatter in his tone and it feels like my own soul is being ripped form my body.
“I don’t expect for you to wait for me Blaine. I won’t ask that of you. But I am asking for some time,” I finish saying, my back toward his as I don’t wait for any further reply from him before I fly down the stairs. Passing everyone, I never stop to answer any of their questions. I’ve got to get out of here before someone tries to stop me.
BLAINE
Three Months Later
It’s been months since I’ve physically seen Tara, but each day has felt like a year. At first, I tried to contact her, but she refused to speak to me. She’s kept in contact with Sharla, but all I get from Sharla is crumbs where Tara’s concerned. About a month ago she started calling again, but every time I answer, she never spoke a word and eventually just hung up. I feel lost, as if I’m motioning through life on autopilot. My bedroom became a prison of memories I shared with her. So, after two weeks of that shit, I had myself a house built. Nothing fancy at all. A small two bedroom cabin on several acres of land. Emmit has moved in with Sharla, so the bar is just that now. I’ve debated handing my half of ownership over to my brother, but honestly, work is the only thing that keeps my mind off the one fucking thing I’ve ever truly loved and lost.
“You gonna go?” Emmit asks me before taking a sip of his coffee. He and Sharla come by regularly to check on me and keep me from permanently slipping into the darkness threatening to devour my consciousness.
“To Gwen and Ray’s sentencing? Is that even a legitimate question?” I trace the rim of my coffee mug with my finger. “Watching those two get a fraction of what I feel they deserve it something I wouldn’t miss. You already know this, brother.”
“She’s undecided, ya know?” Sharla says, immediately catching my attention. “They pled guilty. So, she can go and give a victim impact statement, but I honestly don’t think she is.”
The thought of seeing her again has my heart feeling like it’s about to leap from my chest. Well, that’s before the deep sadness of Sharla’s last sentence hits me. I’ve wanted to throw the towel in on any possible chance we might have on many occasions, but my heart won’t let me. I don’t know if it ever will and it’s not something I can explain to anyone to the point of understanding. Fuck fairytales and love stories. That shit’s for the movies. Or so I thought. Love at first sight? Nah. I never believed in that because I honestly never believed in love. Until Tara. One look in those entrancing eyes of hers and it was as if I was given a peek into heaven. She was so pure, innocent, and well, naïve. It frustrated me instantly because I felt her presence stir up something unimaginable inside of me. I had a sense of just knowing that this one petite woman would have a major impact on my life forever. Although I didn’t realize it at the time, in that moment, she stole a piece of my heart and will own it forever. Maybe this is grief, or a stage of it? I’m not ready to accept that she will never come back to me even though my family are forever advising me to move on. They just can’t understand it’s not as simple as that, but God I wish it were. What would I be moving on from exactly when I know that I will forever compare any other woman and potential connection to the one I shared with Tara. It was brief, fleeting, but so intense that nothing or nobody will ever compare.
“How you holding up?” I glance up, asking Sharla. “I know it can’t be easy accepting what Jett’s father did and that he’s looking at up to ten years in prison considering his priors.”
She pours creamer into her coffee and looks up at me. “Honestly? Jett’s better off without him. I used to convince myself that no matter how horrible Ray was to me, that I couldn’t just take Jett from him. Now? This has forced me to face the truth.” She rubs Emmit’s back. “Em is a much better role model for Jett and the man we both need in our lives.” After an exchange of googly eyes, they lean in and kiss.
I feel nauseous. Don’t get me wrong, I’m glad they found happiness and in one another, but it only serves to remind me of what’s missing from my own life. “Yeah. You’re one-hundred percent right about that.” I stand and walk toward my kitchen sink to wash out my mug. “I’m gonna go shower. Oh, has anyone called or applied for the new waitress position yet before I forget to ask later? I haven’t received any calls.”
They both look at me and shake their heads. “Finally got you to agree and now we can’t even fucking pay to get some help in there. We need it bad too, Blaine. With the new chain of stores and subdivision being built, business is picking up.”
I nod. “Yeah. I know. Y’all gonna stay or are you all going to Ma’s?”
“We’re gonna head over early,” Emmit stands, replying to me as he stretches.
“I’ll see ya both later. I’ve got a few invoices to pay and another order to place before I head over.”
“See ya later, Blaine,” I hear Sharla tell me after I walk away toward my bedroom.
TARA
Leaving Blaine might not have been the right thing to do at the time, but it was the right thing for me. I hired a moving crew to go and personally retrieve all of my belongings at my penthouse and leased a quaint little house about an hour from my parents and sister. After everything that happened, I was considered the town pariah. Typical. Honestly, I expected nothing less, so my parents disowning me was no shocker either. My sister on the other hand made several attempts to contact me and wanted reconciliation. Silly little
twit that she is. She didn’t truly want a fresh start or new relationship with me. Hell, she wasn’t sorry even though she said it multiple times on messages. The bitch was only sorry she got caught as her recent actions have proven. I’ll admit that the engagement announcement of my sister and Preston momentarily shook the ground beneath me, but I quickly found my footing.
My therapist has continually helped me find ways to manage my anger, betrayal, resentment, and fear. Not just from the situation with Preston and then what happened to me with Blaine. No. She helped me realize that years of conditioning and lack of self-worth were all combinations of situations I had been subject to. I’ve taken back my life and have a sense of empowerment. I’m only a victim of these things if I allow them to define me. I choose not to. Which is exactly why I have zero desire to give a victim impact statement at Gwen and Ray’s sentencing hearing. Sure, I hope they get the punishment they deserve so they never have the chance to harm another individual. However, I feel no need to stand before them and give them any more power over me. They know what they did and that they’re guilty, but I refuse to stand before them and let them watch me tell the tale of how deeply they changed my life that night. I think as sick and twisted as they are that would only feed into their sickness.
Carmen left my parents and has come to stay with me. When lines were seemingly drawn in the sand, she chose to stand by my side and has been one of my rocks through this entire ordeal. Sharla has been the other. I’ve cut off every one of my old friends. Or, they began to slowly cut me out, so I made the decision easier for all of us and let them go.
I asked Sharla not to tell Blaine anything too specific about me and what I was doing. In turn, she gave me the same treatment I’d asked her to give Blaine concerning me. I suppose that was fair enough. I never wanted to hurt him, ever. I genuinely felt something special between us and I still do. From the beginning, the way we met almost seemed fated or serendipitous. It all began with me having an utter meltdown and running from one situation, to me leaving him in a similar fashion. Almost as if in a few short days whatever foundation we were building on came full circle and crumbled. I may never be forgiven by him for the abrupt way I ended things, but I am healed and better now. So, even though I haven’t quite figured out how yet, I do plan on making an attempt to see him. I have both mentally and emotionally prepared myself for his rejection.
