by Kayce Kyle
“My sweet girl. What are you daydreaming about now?” Carmen interrupts my thoughts as I look out into the beautiful back yard of my little home that’s blanketed by a small field of Dahlias. She hands me a cup of fresh-brewed coffee and sits down next to me on the plush window seat. “Honey, I know you do love this man. And I can promise you this. If it was meant to be, he will understand your need to go heal and find your way. Because in the end he will realize it brought you back to him.” She places her hand on my knee. “Love is a funny thing, ya know?” She giggles under her breath. “It catches us off-guard and forces us to face our insecurities and vulnerabilities.” I cast my gaze to her. I feel as though she’s speaking from personal experience, but I’ve never once heard her speak of being married. I’ve always wondered but simply figured she chose us over herself. I stare as I listen intently. “I’ve never told you this, but I loved once. His name was Sergio.” She removes her eyes from the window and looks at me. “Sexy name, huh?” I nod as it is indeed a unique name that screams of intensity. “You were three. I was given a paid vacation for two weeks and your mother had to basically pry us from one another. I honestly didn’t want to leave you, but your parents insisted. Anyway, about a week into my vacation I walked to the vegetable market downtown. That’s where I met Sergio.” I watch her eyes light up and a smile form on her face. She turns back to the flowers outside. “He ran a tomato stand. Our eyes locked and I was a goner. It was as if time stood still and everything around us just ceased to exist. Once I composed myself and bought my tomatoes, I walked away while my soul screamed for me to go back and talk with him. My bag ripped open after about, oh, I’d say five steps. He rushed to my side and not only did he replace my now ruined tomatoes, he double bagged the next batch.” She giggles again. God I always loved hearing her sing to me and tell me stories. But I’ve never heard this one. “The rest of the walk home I mentally chastised myself for being a coward and not getting his phone number. Once I began unpacking the vegetables, I found a little note inside the bag with his name and telephone number. I paced the floor for hours and got little to no sleep that night. I thought of all the repercussions if I were to get involved in a relationship. What if I fell madly in love and we decided to move?” She casts her eyes back to me and I notice a pool of water in them. I reach out and place my hand on hers. Dear God, what happened? Did she choose me over this possible love she had? Please let the answer to that be no. “I called the next evening. We talked for hours and it was as if we’d known each other our entire lives. The next evening he took me out for dinner. Honey we spent four glorious days and nights together, and I can say with an honest heart that I loved that man. A week after I’d went back to work and to you, his brother called to tell me that he’d been hit by a car walking to the market for work and didn’t survive.” I watch the crystal clear droplets fall from her lids and onto her jeans. She takes both of my hands into hers and squeezes them tightly. “I never thought for a single second that you were crazy and that it was impossible for two people to fall in love so suddenly. You needed to heal, honey. From all of it. You might not have known it at the time and maybe he didn’t either or still doesn’t. But, my darling girl, it’s time. Let me ask you this. What did it feel like when you looked into his eyes?”
Her question catches me by surprise. My heart is feels like it’s literally bleeding for her right now and she’s wanting to know about me? I let out a heavy sigh because discussing me, or me and Blaine right now just feels downright selfish.
“Tara Elizabeth.” My eyes slowly rise upward and stare back at her. “Answer my question.”
“Safe. Peaceful. Like I’d known him for my entire life.” Frustrated by my own answers, I stand with my back toward her, placing my hands upon my hips. Turning back to face her, I declare, “It felt like where I belonged. There, are you happy?”
She stands with a stern look on her face before she begins to point her finger toward me and says, “Am I happy? Tara this isn’t about me, sweetie. This is about you. Are you happy? Sounds to me like Blaine is where you find happiness. Why would you deny yourself that?” She walks up to me and places her hands on my shoulders. “I’ve watched you for months now. I’ve listened to you and the love, longing, passion, and ache in your voice when you speak of him. I told you my experience for a reason. This, whatever it is, only comes around once. Or at least that’s my experience. Once it finds you, it steals a part of your heart and soul that you’ll never be able to give to another. Now, grab that bull by the horns and don’t you waste another minute. Stop sitting here staring out this window wanting and wishing. Go claim your love. Because tomorrow is not ever promised.”
“Carmen, I…” my words get lodged in my throat. My heart is crushed for her and the love she had…and lost.
“Stop thinking so much, Tara. You’re trying to use logic for something that only makes sense to the heart. Your mind can’t compute nor compete with your heart, although it tricks us into believing so. I didn’t tell you my experience, so I could watch you stand around here and feel sad for me. At the end of it all, I wouldn’t trade those four days for a lifetime with someone else. No, Tara. Love, true love is always forgiving. It’s about loving unconditionally. Through the good and the bad. Are you going to continue to stand here and waste your days away daydreaming, or go find out?” She grabs my purse and shoves it into my arms. “Call or text me once you’ve made it there safely.” She pulls me into her arms and kisses my cheek. “Now go on. Go fly.”
BLAINE
After dinner, I head up to the bar to retrieve an order that was delayed a day due to some heavy storms on the east coast. Emmit offered to help, but I declined. They needed to get Jett home and tucked into bed and I know that Em really enjoys doing that as a family with Sharla. I’m so happy they found their happiness, but at the same time it always reminds me of what that would’ve and could’ve been like with Tara.
I pour myself a drink and slam it back along with my loathing and self-pity, but it does no good. At this point I can’t help but find this shit fucking comical. One day I’m strolling merrily along through life having meaningless sex with whatever woman I choose, and all seemed perfect in my world…or so I led myself to believe. A state championship, a storm, a flat tire later and my world was turned upside down. She brought me to life the moment our eyes connected, and I knew somehow life would never be the same. Maybe not consciously at the time, but it was always underlying, and that became abundantly clear after she walked out. Tara has set and raised the bar so damn high that the only thing I fuck is my damn self. And even when I do that it involves her and the memories I share with her.
“Fuck!” I launch the glass across the bar and it shatters against the wall.
I notice an opened pack of smokes behind the bar probably belonging to Emmit or Sharla. Reaching for one, I place it between my lips and light a match when a knock on the door interrupts me. I remove the cigarette and shake the match until the flame is gone, placing it in a nearby ashtray. Placing my hand behind my back and on my gun, I cautiously approach the door. It’s late and dark outside. With Ray and Gwen’s sentencing date approaching, I can’t be too cautious. Anyone that should be here at this hour has a fucking key. The knock is louder and firmer the second time.
“Bar’s closed!” I say sternly, warning the person on the other side. I patiently wait for a few seconds and get no response. “I don’t think you realize who you’re fucking with here,” I pop off again, ready to take any action necessary.
“Yeah? Well, the sign outside says you’re hiring, and I saw your truck.” Electricity courses through my body bringing every limb and nerve to life once I hear her voice. I rub my eyes and swallow thickly. “It’s kind of chilly outside. You going to leave me out here?”
My heart rate increases and the blood running through my veins feels like I’m gonna spontaneously combust at any moment. This is it. This is what I’ve wished for. I whip open the door and there she is. There she stands, sh
yly gazing into my eyes from under her lashes.
“Can I come in? I mean, I understand if you don’t want me to,” she explains through a shaky voice.
What the fuck do I do? I’m not a religious man, but right now I’m begging God for an answer. Every part of me wants to reach out and grab her up and into my arms, never to let go again. But I don’t wanna rush her or scare her off.
“I am so fucking sorry. This is wrong of me. I can’t just walk out of your life suddenly and then show up unannounced like this.” She turns to walk away, and I reach out and grab her, risking it all with this one motion.
She swings back around, her eyes searching mine begging for forgiveness. I nod. “Come in.” The moment the words leave my lips, I watch a lone tear slide down her cheek and I desperately want to wipe it away.
She studies the bar briefly as she rubs her arms in an attempt to warm herself. Again, I fight my inner self and the driving need to pull her body into mine. “I’ve got an extra coat in the back I can get for you. I think Emmit might have one he and Sharla keep here. If you want?”
She wipes her cheek and I watch a subtle grin emerge on her face. “I’ll be fine. Thank you, though. You look good, Blaine.” Watching my name leave her lips nearly has me gasping for air. I’ve wanted and yearned for the day I could see and hear her again. “Although a job here would be nice, that’s not the real reason I came here.” Her head falls before she slowly raises it back up, leaving me in utter suspense. “I came here to apologize.” Oh fuck. Here it goes. She’s come to tie up loose ends, so she can move forward with her life. It’s like one of those fucking twelve step programs or some shit. “I don’t know if you can ever forgive me for walking out the way that I did, but Blaine, in that moment I had to. I needed to clear my head. To wrap my head around everything that had transpired between us, me, and my family in those few days.” She tucks a strand of her hair behind her ear. “In my journey of healing and finding myself and what I value most…I found that I value myself most and my happiness.” I wanna scream at her to spit it out. Just tell me that she’s on some soul mission and wrapping up our brief past. “In doing that, I realized that as much as I love myself, that Blaine, I do love you. And if you’re willing, I’d like a clean slate. A fresh start with you. A nice clean slate. That is of course if you still feel that way about me, and I understand completely if you don’t…”
The last of her words barely leave her lips before I grab her and smash my mouth to hers, stealing the breath from her lungs. I’m greedy and I want her, all of her. She reciprocates by swiping her tongue along the entrance to my mouth and I allow her entrance. Our kiss is rough and passionate as our tongues battle for their right to own one another. I want to make up for lost time. Honestly, in this moment, I could be right here with her and never move.
“So, you forgive me? You understand and don’t hate me?” she asks, pulling away.
I cup her soft, beautiful face as my heart pounds inside my chest. “Fancy pants, I forgave you the minute you walked away. I didn’t like it because I’m selfish with you. But after some thinking, and reasoning explained by others, I got it. I realized that in being selfish with you, I wasn’t allowing you to do whatever it was you needed to do for yourself. No, I could never in this lifetime or any other hate you. Because I love you more than I have ever loved anyone or anything. I’ve wished for this moment every single day since you left. I love you, Tara Elizabeth Billings.” I lean down and gently press my lips to her forehead.
She closes her eyes and smiles at my touch. “So, Sharla did accidentally let it slip that you’d moved out. I honestly didn’t figure you’d be here, but I took a chance.”
I feel the giddy grin emerge across my face. “I’m glad you did. So fucking glad.” I firmly pull her into my body and rest my chin on her head as she wraps her arms tightly around my waist.
“We going to catch up here, or at your place?” she asks, against my chest.
I couldn’t rid my face of the grin I feel plastered on it even if I tried right now. “You wanna go to my place?”
I feel her nod, indicating she does. “I’m curious to see it and…reconnect.”
Deeply I exhale accompanied by a low unexpected growl in my throat. We’re moving fast, and I’m more than okay with that, but I know I’m gonna want to dive inside her pussy once we’re there and show her just how much I’ve missed her presence. “Okay,” I mutter. “But, we’re taking my truck. We’re doing this together.”
She pulls her head back and looks up at me. “Blaine Knight. You wouldn’t be trying to make sure I don’t somehow get away again would you?” she teases, with a smile on her face.
Without hesitation, I answer, “You’re damn right. I just got you back. Don’t even worry about your car. I’ll buy you ten more God forbid something happen to that one. You’re riding with me, fancy pants.”
Her eyes grow wide with wonder. “Ten, huh? Not that it matters, but that car is over one-hundred grand. You got some money stashed you never tell anyone about?” she says jokingly, but doesn’t understand just how much truth there is behind her question.
“I said what I said, and I meant it,” I reply seriously. “Now, let’s go.” I lower my hand, tracing it down her arm until our fingers meet and intertwine.
Chapter Eleven
TARA
During the drive to Blaine’s new house, he pulled me close and kept his arm around me. The only light illuminating his house as we pull up the long driveway is provided by the beauty of the moon. I feel my eyes grow wide as I mentally note the mirroring image to my own home. I mean sure, they’re in different places, but it’s quaint, subtle, yet cozy-looking.
I slide out behind him and he reaches out, taking my hand in his before twirling me around until my back is against his chest. His arms snake around my waist and he leans into my ear and whispers, “What do you think? I know it’s not the biggest or fanciest, but for some reason when I designed it, I had you in mind.” I feel him kiss the back of my hair.
My heart swells at his words and I clutch my chest. “It’s utterly perfect, beautiful, and well, it suits you.”
“My thoughts exactly,” he replies. “Now, let’s get you inside.” He rubs my arms as I begin to shudder from the cool night breeze.
Once inside, he walks me through each room. Although they’re all amazing, his walls are bare, and the interior is mostly empty. Aside from the essentials needed for daily living. Down to the layout of his house and everything, ours are so similar it’s nearly surreal. “Blaine?” I turn to him and notice I have his full attention. “I absolutely adore this house and how perfect it is. I mean, you honestly have no idea.” He doesn’t. I’m astonished and awestruck at how we both seemingly ended up living in two extremely similar homes during our time apart. “But, your walls are cold and bare. I know that’s not really any of my business, but I was kind of excited to see how you expressed yourself creatively inside here.” I shrug.
He steps close to me, wrapping his arms around my lower waist where they come to rest just above my ass. “Fancy pants, it’s very much your business. You see, I was wishing and waiting for the other part of me…I guess you could call her my creative half, to come back. Because she does bring out the best in me, and quite literally fills a void.”
My heart flip flops and my heart feels like it’s about to burst out of my chest as it leaps for his. I feel his hands slide lower until they stop on my ass cheeks. My God he’s being so gentle, and his touch is so soft, goosebumps erupt all over my body.
I reach up and run my hands through his hair before I lower my gaze back and into his eyes. Staring back at me is nothing but pure love and gratitude, hinted with an animalistic desire that burns through my existence.
He lifts me up and naturally my legs hug his waist as he continues to stare at me as he walks us into his bedroom. Once we’re in there, he lays me down onto my back. My center feels like it’s melting from the intense fire burning inside me. I need to feel hi
m in every way possible and I watch as he quickly strips himself free from all of his clothing. My eyes shoot straight down to his large cock that indicates we both have the same need.
He smirks menacingly at me and I want to scream for him to take me now. He pulls me forward, removing my pumps first before he wastes no time removing the rest of my clothing. I fall backward and scoot myself more toward the headboard while he climbs over and on top of me, never allowing me to get too far away. Hovering over me, he lowers his face and I feel his tongue make contact with my flesh as he slowly drags his tongue from my clit, all the way to my collarbone. He’s awakened and aroused every nerve in my body and I ache to feel him be inside of me. “Blaine,” I call out breathlessly.
“I’ll get there, Tara,” he replies in a gravelly, animalistic tone which only increases my desire and primal need to be one again with him. He cups my breasts and sucks on each one, never giving one anymore attention than the other. He takes one of my nipples between his teeth and gently tugs until a moan escapes me. He begins the same assault on my other breast as I feel his hand go between our bodies and travel down to my opening. Momentarily he circles and rubs my clit sending sparks and bolts of electricity throughout my body and in response, I arch my back. I feel him insert two fingers inside me and he hooks them as he did before, managing to find that certain spot that sends me soaring. “Let it go, Tara,” he says in a deep, raspy, commanding tone. “Make way for me, baby.” And with that I surrender and release. “Ahh, good girl,” he praises me as I’m still riding out the ecstasy wave he’s gifted me.
