The Hidden Girl

by Louise Millar

  ‘Dax, I’m not – really.’ She wished he would shut up. This was a nightmare. She had to get Will out of here. She took his arm. ‘Come on. It’s fine.’

  Dax laughed. ‘Got you under the thumb, in’t she?’

  ‘Dax, please, shut up!’

  Will pulled his arm away from her.

  ‘Ignore him,’ she hissed, trying to take Will’s hand instead. ‘Come on. I’ll explain.’ But Will marched ahead of her back to the gate. ‘Wait,’ she said, running after him. At the peacock window she caught him up and yanked the back of his jumper.

  ‘Stop!’

  He spun round. ‘What the fuck’s going on?’

  ‘Nothing! He’s a wind-up merchant. He thinks everything’s funny. Please. Don’t get upset about it. Not now.’

  Will’s fists clenched.

  ‘Don’t!’ She touched his arm. ‘Look. There is weird stuff going on here, but I don’t want to talk about it till Barbara’s been. I will tell you, but right now it’s too distracting. Please. Can we just concentrate on tomorrow.’

  ‘Whatever.’ Will walked off into the house and she knew she was in for a massive sulk. ‘But I’m telling you, I don’t want to see that wanker round here again.’

  ‘OK. Fine.’

  Seconds later the bedroom door slammed and the drill restarted.

  Hannah sat on the hall stairs.

  One more bloody day.

  CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR

  The next day it was almost as though the sun knew Barbara was coming.

  It drenched the fields in a shimmering gold, as if it had been saving the best for today. The sky was a brilliant blue. A heron flew across the green sea of the marsh.

  Hannah stood with a cup of tea, surveying the garden.

  They’d made it. Not without complications, but they were there.

  The pictures were almost all up.

  Elvie had not appeared during the night.

  Tornley Hall looked almost beautiful.

  Barbara was on her way.

  By the end of today there might even be news.

  Inside, Will was drilling the last few holes. He’d been barely civil last night, using the drill to drown out any conversation. She prayed he’d warm up by eleven.

  Hannah showered, then dressed in a summery dress she’d bought for this occasion, a brand-new white cardigan and sandals. She blow-dried her hair straight and pulled it back into a neat bun, applied make-up for the first time since her last meeting with Barbara, and powdered a sheen of nervous perspiration on her cheeks and forehead. She wondered if Barbara had ever visited the house of a potential adopter who did not dress as if they were about to attend a job interview. Did anyone ever dare to leave dirty dishes in the sink?

  Will packed away the drill and went for his shower. When he returned, he’d pulled his jeans back on with the white shirt that she’d ironed.

  She frowned. ‘Can’t you wear your grey trousers? The smart ones?’

  ‘Why?’

  ‘Er – to humour me?’

  Ignoring his eye-rolling, she remade the bed with the fresh white duvet cover, silk cushions and coffee-coloured cashmere and silk throws that she kept for Barbara’s visits.

  We are a sophisticated, measured, calm couple with time to enjoy life, the bed was designed to say. She hoped it would also distract Barbara’s eye from the shabby wallpaper.

  ‘Where’s Laurie?’ she asked. ‘I want to run through things with her – she was making me nervous the way she was talking at the weekend.’

  Will pulled on his grey trousers. ‘She knows what to say.’

  As if on cue, a car drew up below.

  Hannah glanced out. ‘That’s her.’

  She turned.

  ‘You look nice,’ Will said quietly.

  Hannah twirled. ‘Fragrant, maternal, trustworthy?’

  ‘Nuts, obsessive, loon?’ He dodged the pretend punch she threw at him.

  On impulse, Hannah leant down and kissed him, and saw the surprise on his face. It made her heart sore.

  ‘I can’t believe we’ve done it,’ she said, wiping lipstick off his upper lip. On impulse, she kissed him there again, for a second longer. A tiny jolt of forgotten desire flickered through her. She stood back. ‘Please, can this be it?’

  ‘It’s going to be fine,’ he said. ‘Don’t worry.’

  They held each other’s gaze – allies again.

  ‘Can you let Laurie in, and I’ll open the windows up here and see if I can get rid of more of the paint smell?’ Hannah said.

  As Will went downstairs, she reached up to the window catch as Laurie emerged from her car below. Thank goodness she’d made an effort. Beige linen skirt, white blouse, wedge sandals, subtle make-up. Touched, Hannah noticed that she’d put in rollers to give her hair ‘height’, as if having hair that rose up like a cliff was a guaranteed way to added extra smartness. She looked perfect: like the professional village nursery teacher and respectable mother of three that she was.

  ‘OK,’ Hannah muttered, scanning the bedroom. Laurie was fine. This room was fine. They were nearly there. She headed out to the hall, checking her lipstick.

  A shape loomed out of the shadows to her right.

  Hannah’s hand flew up to stifle a scream.

  Elvie stood at the door to the small bedroom.

  ‘Elvie! What are you doing here?’ she gasped. ‘How did you get in?’

  Outside, the car door slammed. She heard Will and Laurie chatting on the forecourt.

  ‘Elvie, you have to go. You can’t be here,’ Hannah said, sweat breaking out on her forehead. ‘Come on, quickly.’ She motioned the woman downstairs with an urgent hand.

  Elvie lolled clumsily behind her. She wearing the same clothes as yesterday, and the sour smell had returned. Her fringe had parted at an even more extreme angle, and there was a new greasy sheen on her hair.

  Hannah grasped her leathery hand and pulled, hardly able to breathe.

  There was a burst of voices and the front door flew open. Hannah swerved backwards, pushing Elvie behind her. ‘No! Go!’ She couldn’t explain this to Will. Not now. Not with Laurie here.

  She searched for an escape route and saw the attic stairs.

  ‘Come on.’ Hannah pulled Elvie up the old stairs and shut the attic door, muttering, ‘Shit, shit, shit!’

  It was stuffy up here. The spring air had risen and become trapped under the eaves. Hannah opened the skylight, trying not to creak the rafters.

  ‘Elvie, what are you doing here? Are you OK?’

  Elvie’s eyes were fixed above Hannah’s head. Her mouth dropped open and a low bellow started to emerge.

  It was a spider.

  ‘No! Shh!’

  Hannah cupped it in her hands and chucked it out onto the roof tiles. ‘Look. Gone.’

  Elvie stuck out her bottom lip. Hannah watched in despair.

  No. This was a disaster.

  She tried to think.

  ‘Listen, Elvie, you have to stay here. For a little while. You can’t come downstairs. But you’ll be safe up here, I promise you.’

  She took the woman’s coarse hands in hers. ‘And you have to be quiet, or you’ll get me into trouble. Please.’

  Elvie watched her blankly.

  Hannah felt the panic rising in her chest. It was all going wrong. She was clearly never meant to be a mother.

  ‘Are you hungry?’ she asked desperately.

  Elvie nodded.

  ‘OK. Now, stay here. I’ll see if I can find biscuits.’

  Hannah rubbed the sheen of desperation from her upper lip and walked to the door.

  From that angle, with the sun shining in, Elvie’s brown eyes suddenly seemed familiar. But Hannah was too panicked to work out where she’d seen them before.

  Nails digging into her palms, Hannah went to the kitchen, trying to appear normal.

  Laurie carried in two baskets of lurid blue and pink petunias from the car.

  ‘Hi, Hannah. Where do you want these?’ />
  ‘Oh, thanks – just by the door,’ Hannah said, trying to compose herself.

  ‘You look very tense,’ Laurie said, peering through her big glasses. ‘Listen, it’ll be fine. I promise not to tell them about Will getting strip-searched by the police on his way to Glastonbury. Ha!’ She reached up and ruffled Will’s hair. Hannah forced a grin.

  She felt his eyes on her. ‘Lor’s right, Han. You’ve gone white.’

  ‘I’m just nervous.’ In the kitchen she ripped open the posh biscuits they’d bought for Barbara, took three and found a bottle of water in the scullery. She crept back into the hall, terrified of finding Elvie on the stairs.

  What if she just asked her to leave? She could see it now: Elvie shouting, ‘My house!’ just as Barbara turned up, and refusing to go.

  Where the hell were Frank and Tiggy? She looked on the hall table for her phone, to see if there was a message from Dax or Barbara. Confused, she turned. It wasn’t there. Where was it? She looked around, then gave up and ran up the stairs. She had to keep Elvie hidden.

  In the attic she gave Elvie her snack, and held her finger to her lip.

  ‘You must be quiet. OK?’

  Finally the woman spoke. ‘Yes.’

  ‘Good.’

  It was far from good. It was a disaster.

  Downstairs, Hannah found Laurie banging a nail into the portico. Will was laying out plates.

  ‘Have you seen my phone?’ Hannah asked, checking the worktop.

  ‘No. Han?’

  She turned. ‘What?’

  ‘Seriously,’ he said. ‘You look wired.’

  Suddenly it was all just too much. She bit her lip. ‘I am, a bit.’

  ‘What’s up?’

  She rolled her eyes, knowing she had to tell him. She checked that Laurie was out of earshot, then walked over to him. ‘I’ve done something really stupid.’

  ‘What?’

  ‘I’ve got involved in something that—’

  Laurie walked in. ‘Right, what’s next?’

  Hannah shook her head at Will. ‘I’ll tell you in a minute.’

  Through the door Laurie had left open she saw Laurie’s blue people-carrier.

  ‘Laurie, did you shut the gate on the driveway behind you?’

  ‘Yes, was I not supposed … ?’

  Hannah charged past her and down the driveway, ignoring Laurie’s ‘God, what have I done now?’

  She opened the black, rotten gate and shoved it far out of sight into the bushes, then held it in place with a rock.

  There was no time now.

  Desperate as she was to tell Will about Elvie, it was ten to eleven. Barbara was due.

  ‘What if she can’t find the house?’ Hannah wiped the kitchen worktop for the third time. ‘What if she gets lost, like we did, and gives up? Or tries to ring us and can’t get a signal? Or what if she’s trying to ring and I can’t find my phone?’

  Will read a newspaper, ignoring her.

  Laurie fetched four mugs from the cupboard. As she filled the kettle, Hannah replaced them with matching white ones that she kept for Barbara. Laurie and Will exchanged amused glances. Hannah ignored it. They could fuck off, with their secret cousins’ code.

  ‘Listen, Laurie. Can we just go through it again? It’s possible Barbara might invent a situation – say, I had food poisoning and was throwing up all day when Will was in London – and ask what you would do to help. Or if I had to go to hospital. Or Will was—’

  ‘Han!’ Will banged down his newspaper. ‘She knows. You get it, Lor – right?’

  Laurie took a biscuit, and Hannah had to stop herself from grabbing it and putting it back on the carefully arranged plate.

  ‘Hannah, please, just let me speak. I’m a mum and a nursery teacher. I know the kind of things she’ll want to know.’

  There was the crunch of a car on the gravel outside.

  Hannah gasped. ‘Oh God!’

  Barbara was here.

  Laurie stood up, matter-of-factly. ‘Good. Now, listen, the house looks great. Everything’s fine. Just relax.’

  ‘Will, you sure you haven’t left anything stupid lying around?’ Hannah asked.

  She checked up the stairs, terrified of seeing Elvie at the top.

  ‘Just a bit of porn and coke by the bed.’

  ‘OK,’ she said, distracted.

  Will and Laurie laughed. Will took her shoulders and made her look at him.

  ‘Han, it’s going to be fine.’

  ‘Is it?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘God, this is exciting!’ Laurie said, moving the hall rug an inch to cover a crack in a tile. ‘I can’t believe I’m going to help find my new niece or nephew!’

  Will opened the front door, and Hannah followed.

  Just one hour, that’s all they needed. Then half an hour back at Laurie’s house, and it would be over.

  Will halted abruptly and Hannah nearly walked into his back.

  She peered round, expecting to see Barbara’s white hatchback.

  Instead there was a mud-spattered Land Rover jammed carelessly across the forecourt.

  An angry shout came from behind it.

  ‘Oi. I want a word with you!’

  Madeleine?

  ‘No!’ Hannah said.

  She grabbed at Will.

  ‘How dare you?’ the farmer yelled, her boots hammering gravel in all directions as she strode towards Hannah.

  ‘What’s going on?’ She heard confusion in Will’s voice.

  Madeleine’s eyes flashed like an angry dog’s. Up close, she was an inch taller than Will, and probably two stone heavier.

  ‘You cheeky fucking cow!’ The farmer poked a finger at Hannah’s chest. ‘How dare you. You come here, and make accusations about me to my neighbours. After what you’ve been doing, you mucky bitch?’

  Hannah stood, stunned, her eyes darting, checking for Barbara.

  ‘What are you talking about?’

  ‘You think you’re going to report me? After what you did?’

  ‘It’s about the donkey,’ Hannah said to Will and Laurie. ‘Please. Can we please discuss this later. We’re waiting for someone important. It involves a child. You need to go.’

  The farmer planted her strong legs on the gravel. Her elbows under the rolled-up shirt-sleeves were red and raw.

  ‘Tough! Now I’m going to tell you this once. You say another word about me to anyone and I’ll report you.’ She turned to Will. ‘You know about this, do you – your wife shagging Dax in his truck down at the beach? Susan and her kids bloody saw you, as well. Kids! And Old Samuel.’

  Hannah stared. ‘What are you talking about?’

  The words flew at her. Shagging. Saw you. Kids.

  The farmer made an unconvinced face.

  ‘I said, what are you talking about?’ Hannah shouted.

  Will wouldn’t meet her eye. She grabbed his arm. ‘Will. Ignore her. She’s only doing this because Dax told her I saw her assaulting the woman next door.’

  ‘I thought you said it was about a donkey,’ Laurie asked, confused.

  ‘Dax, from last night?’ Will cut in, ice in his voice.

  She faltered and realized the implication. ‘No! No. That’s what I was doing, in the garden with Dax. Looking for the daughter. She’s gone missing. He was helping me find her. And I knew if I told you, you’d tell me to butt out and …’

  The distant sound of a second car appeared in the distance. Hannah glanced, terrified, at the gate.

  ‘Will. That’s her. Oh God.’ She looked at Madeleine beseechingly. ‘Please, you’ve got to go!’

  There was disgust on the farmer’s face. ‘I’m telling you. One more word – and I’ll have the police on you. Public indecency, they call it. Bloody cheek!’

  She returned to her truck and reversed at speed down the driveway, gravel spraying everywhere.

  Hannah watched in shock.

  Will put his hands behind his head. She saw Laurie touch his arm, immediately ta
king his side.

  ‘Oh, don’t tell me you believe her, for God’s sake!’ Hannah yelled. ‘Will! Elvie – the daughter – is here, right now, in the house. That’s what I was going to tell you. I’m hiding her because she’s so scared – of that woman.’

  ‘What are you talking about … ?’

  ‘She’s in the house, now?’ Laurie asked.

  ‘Yes! That’s what I was trying to tell you. Will?’

  Will’s eyes flashed. ‘Why didn’t you tell me last night?’

  ‘I don’t know! I thought you’d make me ring the police. And she did run away yesterday. Then she appeared upstairs, literally ten minutes ago. I don’t even know how she gets in.’

  He blew out his cheeks.

  ‘OK. Where is she, Hannah?’ Laurie asked.

  ‘In the attic.’

  ‘Right – you two, stay there. I’ll sort this out.’

  ‘Laurie, be careful, she’s not very …’ Hannah started, but Laurie was gone.

  Hannah put her hands on Will’s shoulders. ‘Will, please, come on – you don’t seriously believe I had sex in a truck with that man, do you? Or with anyone, for that matter?’

  He wouldn’t meet her eye. ‘That was the day, wasn’t it?’

  ‘What day?’

  ‘The day after we had that fight. When you thought I wasn’t coming back. You said you’d been on the beach with him.’

  ‘No!’

  ‘You did. You were upset. You said you thought I’d walked out on you, and on the adoption.’

  ‘No! Don’t be stupid. Even if it was true, I wouldn’t do that, would I?’

  A sound of feet on the stairs. ‘There’s nobody there,’ said Laurie.

  ‘What?’

  Hannah ran past her and took the stairs two at a time.

  Laurie was right. The attic was empty, the skylight still open. Hannah cursed. How was Elvie doing this?

  ‘There are biscuit crumbs on the floor, and her water bottle is still here,’ she shouted, returning downstairs. ‘Elvie! Come out now, please.’

  Will wandered past her to the kitchen and slumped onto a chair.

  ‘Will! Don’t be ridiculous – why would I do that?’

  Another car pulled up outside.