Girl, Forsaken

by Graceley Knox

“I was out of my mind with the virus when I did that,” he argues.

  I shrug and point at Arsen. “What’s your excuse? Dick has a mind of its own?”

  “I don’t have an excuse. I never intended to harm you.” Arsen manages to sound at least marginally more contrite than Nikolai, but not enough to make up for the crap he’s put me through.

  “But you still fucked him,” Nikolai points out like a petulant child.

  I refuse to give Arsen the satisfaction of fighting with Nikolai about my moment of weakness in front of him. Not after I’d heard Arsen bragging about how much I desired him after the Provokar. Arsen threw away his chance to stand between me and my maker when he took witch’s blood before the third Provokar challenge and almost killed me in his effort to keep me.

  “You know what? Let’s take this conversation inside.” I glance at Arsen, still watching me with narrowed eyes. “Were you here for something important, or can it wait until I’ve showered, slept, and gotten some work done?”

  “I’m here for you. It’s always been you.” Finally, I hear sincerity in his voice, and it chips away at the ice surrounding my heart.

  “Then the best thing you can do is let me get to work. I’ve been away for hours and I have no idea what my new assistant has been doing in my lab unsupervised.”

  Arsen opens his mouth to argue, but thinks better of it and closes it again, his full lips compressed into a thin, unhappy line.

  “Goodnight, Sasha. Thank you for working so hard on a cure. For Annabelle. The Draugur are indebted to you.”

  His formality stings, but I silently remind myself distance is what I want as he heads away. “Goodnight, Arsen. I’ll let you know when I have the cure.” He doesn’t turn back, but I see the tension in his shoulders and back release a tiny bit. He knows I won’t let Nikolai hide the cure from him when the time comes. I wish I could have the same faith in them that they seem to have in me.

  Nikolai opens the passenger door and I get in, ignoring him as he drives through the gate and parks in front of the main house. “You should have fucking come to me to feed,” he finally hisses at me when we’re standing on the veranda. “I’m your master, whether you like it or not.” He paces and, when he comes back my way, gets in my face. “You are a Baetal, not some fucking Draugur whore.”

  I stride past him, not dignifying his words with a response and head to the lab, but he tails me all the way. I know he’s mad about me not feeding on him, but after what I did with Arsen, I’m glad it wasn’t Nikolai who found me. I’m bound to him because he’s my maker. I don’t need to have any other strings linking us if I drink his blood and strengthen that bond.

  “Is there a reason you’re following me, Niko? Or were you just planning on attaching yourself to my ass like a tail?” I stop outside the lab and fold my arms across my chest.

  His face blanches with anger and I see his jaw working under his almost ashen skin. It strikes me how much more human he and the other vampires look when their emotions are heightened. “This is my compound, my lab, and you do not tell me where I can and can’t be. You told me you’d have results from my blood tests. So, where are they?” He grits out the question between his teeth.

  “Seriously?” I gape at him for a second. “You just walked me into the compound. I haven’t even had a chance to talk to your pet scientist yet. What’s his name? Demetri, right? Well I haven’t had a chance to talk with him about the new samples. I left him instructions on what to do while I was gone. Hopefully he followed them.”

  “You’d better hope he did because you’re running out of time.”

  “The way I see it, you’re the one running out of time. I don’t have the virus, and unless it miraculously mutates and wipes you all out, I’ll have vampires in line for the cure when I find it, one way or another.”

  “You little bitch. If you think—”

  “Let me just stop you there. I’m not a bitch. I’m the scientist you tried to murder, and since you couldn’t manage that, why should I be afraid of you now when you so desperately need me?” His face pales even more until I’m tempted to touch his cheek to see if my finger will go through his ghostly skin.

  “You belong to me, Sasha. You will obey me.”

  “No, I won’t.” He seems surprised by my calm, composed response. “I was an independent person, with freedom and consequences both good and bad depending on my choices. You tried to steal that from me when you tore at my throat.”

  “I also saved you.”

  I open the lab door but pause and look back at him before entering. “So what? I have zero fucks to give about your archaic vampire politics and traditions. If you don’t like it, then maybe think twice before you turn the next girl, because, Nikolai? I’m not an anomaly, I’m just a regular girl who knows my worth. And it’s more than you can ever afford.”

  Chapter 6

  Angry bees invade my sleep, buzzing next to my ear until I jolt awake, blinking fast to clear my bleary vision. My phone bounces around on the table inches from my face, where I had set it down before taking a power nap to recharge.

  The naps are part of my new self-care routine. It’s easier than leaving the lab unattended with Demetri, my new assistant, to sleep for a full eight hours. Demetri is still proving himself to me, but he answers to Nikolai too readily for my taste. He’s like his loyal little dog, and I don’t trust anyone who’s that far up Niko’s ass. Every time I leave the lab, I get more nervous that I’m going to find the head of the Baetal clan sitting at my desk, shuffling papers and losing my findings.

  The phone starts buzzing again, and this time I pick it up with a grumble. Arsen. His name flashes across the screen, and if this wasn’t my third phone in so little time, I’d throw it into the wall. Instead of feeling refreshed after my nap, I’m just as exhausted if not more than before. And now I’ve got an angsty Draugur demanding my attention. I answer, my finger moving before I acknowledge my own choice. “This had better be important, Arsen.” I growl the words into the phone.

  “I must speak with you, away from Nikolai’s compound. It’s urgent . . . please.”

  My heart sinks. “Is it Annabelle? Is she still holding on?” There’s a long silence and despite not knowing her well, regret for not finding the cure yet brings the sting of tears to my eyes. Despite myself, I can’t help but hurt when Arsen hurts.

  “Thank you for asking,” he finally replies, his voice thick with emotion. “She is still fighting. That you cared enough to think of her first means a lot to me.”

  I’m silent, unsure how to end the conversation, and the silence stretches uncomfortably. “Why are you calling again? What’s going on?” Part of me dreads the answer, hoping he doesn’t think I’m available for a booty call just because he caught me in a weak moment a few days ago. He doesn’t answer, and I glance at the phone to make sure he’s still connected. “Are you there? Hello?”

  “I need to speak with you, alone. And as soon as possible,” he answers. His voice sounds tired. Unhappy even. I should be glad he’s not thinking of sex, but he sounds so troubled it’s got to mean more complications or danger for me. Right now, I’d prefer an unwanted booty call over more vampire politics.

  “I can’t go back to the Draugur compound.”

  He sighs. “Can’t or won’t?”

  “Fine. I won’t come to your compound to meet you.” I grit my teeth in annoyance that he can read me so well. “Be fair. I can’t trust that you’ll let me come back or that your clan will let me survive the visit to begin with.” He starts to argue but I cut him off. My days of being afraid of the master vampires who constantly manipulate my emotions and my life are done. “I’ll meet with you, but on neutral ground, and when I’m done, I’m walking away and you won’t stop me.”

  “Very well. If that is what you need, then that’s what we’ll do.” The tired edge to his voice hardens. “I don’t know how many times I have to prove to you that you are what matters to me, but I won’t stop until you believe me.”
/>
  It’s my turn to wait silently, even though his words make me want to melt into a pile of mushy goo and happiness. I don’t know that I’ll ever be able to trust him again, but I do know I don’t want him to stop trying.

  He finally suggests meeting for coffee near campus, and I agree to meet him within the hour. Ground Up is crazy busy 24/7 but has privacy booths you can close off for meetings or study sessions. If what he’s got to say is that important, I can’t think of a better place for a conversation we don’t want overheard.

  I used to believe him. To be able to take him at his word and not guess at double meanings for every word that he speaks. Until he almost cost me my life and my freedom. I understand his desperation to keep me out of Nikolai’s clutches. Hell, I want to be out of Niko’s grasp, but I don’t have to worry about wanting to jump on his dick whenever he’s around me for more than five seconds. My distrust doesn’t stop me from taking a minute to brush out my hair and change into a button-down blouse in pale pink, just sheer enough to require a bra under it to wear in polite company.

  I touch up my lip gloss and survey my reflection. Yet another vampire myth debunked. And thank God for that, I remind myself. I stick out my tongue at the me in the mirror and flash myself a grin, still startled when my fangs gleam back at me. I’ll have to talk to someone about getting a copy of the handbook for being a vampire. The ones I’ve talked to have all said it takes time to get used to being what we are. Unfortunately, time to process being a vampire is something I just don’t have, because I’m too busy saving everyone’s ass.

  My feet automatically lead me to the lab to check in with Demetri, but I decide to leave him alone, congratulating myself for being magnanimous. Hopefully, I don’t regret the decision later.

  Instead, I head out to the fleet of cars that are parked on the wide gravel courtyard outside the main building and press the button on my key fob to unlock my little convertible. Nikolai thinks I’m an idiot for locking her inside the compound walls, but old habits die hard, and this car is the nicest thing I’ve ever driven, let alone owned.

  Ground Up is even more crowded than I expected, but a cute barista with his lip pierced points me to a booth near the back before I can even look for Arsen. I nod my thanks and he flashes me a wide grin, showing enough fang that I glance around to see if anyone else notices. He catches my surprise and laughs, handing me a large to-go cup full of black iced coffee.

  “It’s on the house.”

  “Thanks!” I scrounge a couple of crumpled bills out of my bag, stuffing them in the tip jar, and amble back to the table he pointed to.

  “He said he’ll join you shortly.”

  I frown at him over my shoulder as I take a seat in the booth and watch the front door. I sip my coffee, stifling a moan as the bitter taste hits my tongue.

  The barista was right. I only wait about a minute before Arsen strides through the front door, slipping off his sunglasses and surveying the room. He’s being examined too, I notice, as several conversations halt while women stare at him. His dark suit makes his skin look even paler, but it accentuates the deep blue of his eyes as he scans the back room and lights on me. I raise my hand like a total dork and wince when a few of the women checking him out giggle at my response to him.

  He strides through the people, not even glancing at the table of supermodel-worthy sorority. People move out of his way, parting before him like he’s royalty, and I wonder if I’ll ever have that kind of ability. I suspect that his grace and charm are mostly just Arsen, only part vampire skill, so probably not.

  Arsen leans in for a kiss, and I give him my cheek. His full lips part against my skin and I shiver at the contact. His touch is like a drug and I’m an addict unwilling to follow any program and lose the rush I get when I’m with him.

  “Okay. I’m here. What’s happening?” He sits across from me, a smile on his face as he gives me his full attention. The disappointment from the ladies is almost palpable, and I wink at one of the girls scowling at me in the corner. Eat your heart out, sorority Barbie.

  “You look lovely today.” Arsen ignores my question, thanking the barista who drops a small ceramic cup with two shots of espresso in front of him by sliding him a fifty-dollar bill.

  “Oh . . . um . . . thank you,” she says, then quickly flees as if worried Arsen may take back the tip.

  I trace the drops of condensation on my cup. “I was thinking the same thing about you . . . sort of.” I fumble at the last, realizing I sound ridiculous. “I’m sorry, but I have a lot of work to do. What do you need to talk about that we couldn’t just discuss over the phone?”

  “I’m not trying to be mysterious. I just wanted to make sure you could speak freely and weren’t being coerced.”

  I sigh and rub my eyes, careful not to smear my mascara. “I’m not a kidnapping victim. I’m working with my own clan, remember?” I get distracted by the sight of his shirt open at the neck, the top three buttons undone. I wonder if he did it on purpose.

  His bare neck is almost enough to make my mouth water, and I envision myself climbing across the table to slide into his lap, drinking as deeply from him as I had before, my legs locked around him as he slides deep inside my pussy, pushing me toward an orgasm or five.

  “We need to talk about the other night,” he says, and for a second, I wonder if he’s reading my mind. “You can’t let yourself get so depleted. I know you’re working hard, but you must take care of yourself.”

  “Did you really bring me here just to tell me what I already know?” I won’t admit to him that I’m disappointed he didn’t want to see me just to see me and be around me like I do.

  “I would take care of you if you would let me. You know that.” I do know that, and the memory of his powerful blood pouring down my throat ignites a fire low in my belly. I’m already ready and willing from just the memory of drinking from him . . . and the impromptu hot sex that followed.

  “I have a life to live. I don’t have the time or energy to keep reminding you that I don’t belong to you or anyone else.” It comes out angrier than I mean it to, but my chest aches from his nearness and I feel my carefully constructed walls crumbling.

  “Fine. You don’t belong to me and I can’t protect you. But if you’re going to rebel against good sense and tradition, you must be responsible for yourself. Feed. Properly and regularly. Don’t wait until you’re so ravenous you pass out on the sidewalk again. Think about what would have happened if a human had checked on you.”

  I fight the tension in my shoulders and lean back in my seat. “I hadn’t thought of that on my own,” I retort sarcastically.

  He scowls and I curse silently. This isn’t what I want. None of it is working out the way I wanted. A fresh ache squeezes down on my chest. Arsen is the reason we’re meeting in a public space. He’s the one who screwed things up, not me. But looking at him now, I wish I could go back to the Provokar and change his mind. Stop him before he forced me to choose the Baetal and Nikolai over him.

  “Please be careful who you trust, who you let yourself depend on.”

  I sit up, leaning toward him across the table with my shaking hands hidden in my lap. “Good advice. I wish you’d given it to me the day we’d met.”

  “There are things in play that you are still too new to understand. Please be careful who you confide in. I don’t want you to get hurt.”

  “You mean, hurt like getting my ass kicked in the Provokar or like being betrayed by the guy I’m sleeping with and being used like a mattress?” I scoff at him, ignoring his warning for the moment. “You have got to be kidding me. Aside from being turned into a vampire, no one has hurt me as much as you have.”

  “That fact has not escaped me,” he sighs, reaching a hand across the table. “Driving you away is possibly the worst mistake I’ve ever made, and I’ve had time to make a few.” He leaves his hand there, offering it to me, waiting for me to give him an olive branch. “I can’t take it back, but I hope you know I would if I could,
and I’ll happily spend the rest of my eternity making it up to you.”

  “I believe you.” I put my hand on the table, close to his without touching him, and he smiles weakly at me.

  “I need to warn you about someone . . .”

  “Sasha!” Jackson calls my name from the front door before I can ask Arsen who the hell he’s talking about, and I wave back at him.

  Arsen stands and steps between us, almost blocking my view, and I touch his back. “Hey.”

  He glances back at me without speaking, then gives Jackson a dirty look.

  “What are you doing?” Jackson asks him.

  He sighs and shakes his head, his shoulders relaxing under my touch. “I have to go. I’ll call you later. Please be safe. And remember what I said.”

  “You know you couldn’t be any more obtuse if you tried, right?”

  His expression softens and he smiles down at me. Arsen cares about me for me, even as he cares about what I can do for him at the same time. I’m not sure that I’ll ever be okay with knowing that, but it’s hard to resist the guy who I can’t stop fantasizing about.

  “Be careful,” Arsen reminds me in a low voice, as Jackson approaches.

  “You again.” Jackson snorts and leans against the nearest column. “Why is it that every time I see you with Sasha, you’re bothering her?”

  Arsen’s muscles tighten, and it’s sexy as hell, but frightening to think of what he could do to poor Jackson if he’s pushed too far.

  “I’ll call you when I get back to the lab, okay?” I blurt out, dividing my attention between the two men as they square off, the other on the innocent bystanders about to become collateral damage. “I understand what you’re saying, and I’ll keep my eyes peeled.”

  He angles sideways, not quite putting his back to Jackson, but facing me. “That’s all I can ask, beautiful.” He kisses my cheek, a brush of his lips that makes my thighs tingle and my heart pause, then he’s gone, and Jackson fills my view.

  He grins down at me and slides into the seat across the table from me. “I take it this seat isn’t taken?”